Chapter 37 Plans for the Future
thirty-seven
Plans for the Future
*GWENDOLYN*
The next two days, I try to follow Felix’s advice.
I spend my days living my life. I care for my pets and read up on the different species and what they need.
Fortunately, I have the support of Elden for getting everything I need.
Understanding their needs and caring for them seems to come naturally to me – maybe part of my gift – but it’s still good to educate myself further.
I also try to meet my new family regularly, I try to see as much of the pack as possible to get to know everyone, and learn about the pack grounds.
During the last couple of days, I have also met the future ranked members and Aurelia’s mate.
I meet with Aurelia often, to learn about my new job as her assistant.
We decided to postpone it a little since Marina is so sick right now and I need my attention elsewhere, but I still make sure I start to learn and understand what Aurelia will need from me.
I spend time with Felix, and I hang out with Faye, when we manage to tear her away from Marina’s sickbed, and I even start making plans for the future.
I’ve talked to both Elden and Aurelia about them.
Aurelia wants me to consider whether I’d like to expand my zoo and add horses to it, giving classes to the younger pack members.
Just hearing about horses sends me into a downward spiral of guilt, like I am betraying Tulip with a life and future he is unable to have, but at the same time, I feel like I really want to do this. This could be something.
My rational mind is in constant battle with my emotions, much more than ever before. Maybe it’s because I am finally at peace somewhere, maybe my mind waited for me to be safe before unleashing all the anxiety and trauma onto me.
That’s when I follow through with Felix’s advice and get in touch with a therapist. Arden is helping me with it, as he is taking over more luna tasks by now.
His nonjudgmental, quiet way of handling things is really soothing.
It’s like he is a safe space, especially because he barely comments or judges on anything.
“So, you and Aurelia are thinking about setting up a real zoo, huh?” Felix asks, his hand squeezing mine and swinging it around playfully.
As usual, his mere presence makes me feel so much lighter. “More like a wildlife park,” I say. “But I think… it would be fun, you know? I didn’t even consider this as an option before.”
“But you have always wanted to have an animal shelter, right?”
I can’t believe he remembers this. I only mentioned it briefly, once. Almost like a fleeting comment. “Yes, this would make it possible.”
“Then even more reason to do it,” Felix says.
“It’s going to be a lot of work,” I admit. “Not just for me, but to get things started, it will take some funds.”
“If it was Aurelia’s idea, she has plans to fund it,” he confides. “You want to do it, don’t you? If you put all the other factors aside, you would love to give it a shot.”
“Yes,” I admit.
“Then do it,” he says. “You have the opportunity now. Grasp it.”
“Grasp it,” I repeat.
“Yes,” he grins. “If life throws you a chance, it’s on you to take it!”
Sometimes he says things that leave me stunned. He says it so easily with so much optimism and joy, and while it sounds simple, it’s truly not. It’s beyond me that anyone could think Felix isn’t deep; he is.
“Alright.” My heart makes a leap of joy.
I can finally do something I will really enjoy.
Somehow, the thought makes me feel guilty and anxious.
I am scared of failure and disappointing everyone, but at the same time, there is this urge in me that I really want to give it a shot.
“What about you? Did you come to a decision?” He has been thinking about his future as well, wondering if he should learn a trade or maybe do something IT-related.
However, it seems like he came to a whole different conclusion.
“Partly. I will definitely take a first-aid class so I can have something that sets me aside from the other warriors in the pack. Then I am going to take an environmental management class. The local college offers one. It just doesn’t end with a degree.
So, the thing is, it will give me the practical tools to maintain and monitor our forest wildlife here.
I think together with being a warrior, this could take me on the road to being a sentinel later on. ”
I look at him. “That is totally you,” I exclaim.
“Right?” He looks happy. “I could do it without a class, but I want to have some sort of qualification, just in case. Dad already approved. And it would also mean I could work more for the pack. I am so pumped!”
“And it’s mostly outside work,” I note.
“Yes! Exactly what I wanted.”
I look at him, then I laugh. “We two truly are a match, aren’t we? You with the forest, me with the animals.”
He nods earnestly before showing me a crooked smile. “Like the goddess knew what she was doing?”
I bump against his shoulder. “She did.”
Felix takes my hand into his again. Every time he does that, it makes me feel so safe and secure, although it’s such a small thing. “Lunch?” Felix asks me hopefully. “I am starving.”
“Then let’s go. I think I saw spaghetti aglio e olio on the menu! It’s honestly so amazing that you provide new veggie dishes regularly. I love spaghetti!”
“I will remember that,” he beams.
Making our way to lunch, we meet Dario and Aurelia.
We all grab something to eat from the buffet before sitting down together.
Tori and Lion, two of Aurelia’s best friends and her future gamma and delta, join us too.
I have met them briefly, but wasn’t able to interact a lot with them.
This is a good chance to get to know some more of the pack members.
Dario seems a little distracted, checking something on his phone while frowning, but the others are happy to chat.
“Where is Arden?” Lion asks. “It’s rare to see you without him.”
“He is in a meeting,” Aurelia explains. “Mom dragged him to a luna meeting.”
“So, he is really taking over most luna tasks?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Where is your beta?” Dario asks. “Nox?”
“He and his mate went on a weekend trip,” she explains. “Around this time…” her voice trails off. “This is not her preferred time of the year,” she finally says. “They usually try to get away around this date.”
“I see.”
Her words piqued my interest. What’s the story behind that? I link Felix.
Meg was a trafficking victim, he tells me. I don’t know many details, but I think she was kidnapped around this time of the year.
Oh no! I had no idea!
Thank Goddess he told me, so I can be sensitive when talking to Meg. I haven’t seen her a lot. She is more introverted and keeps to herself, but she sometimes joins Tori and Aurelia when they are alone.
“Gwen, how is Faye coping?” Aurelia asks me.
“So-so,” I admit. “She is clinging to her mom a lot, which was to be expected.”
“Arden told me that Marius will visit later,” Aurelia says. “He is coming early to spend a bit of time with Faye.”
“That’s awesome,” I exclaim. “It will be so good for her, and she really seems to like Celine and Marius.”
“Right?” Aurelia also looks happy. “Marius sometimes comes off as a sarcastic person, but he truly is so helpful and sensitive.”
Felix looks at me. “This means we could try… You know?”
I instantly know what he is talking about. “Yes!” When the others look at us curiously, I hurry to explain. “Felix is going to try using his gift on Marina.”
“Oh!” Aurelia nods. “Not a bad idea. Her mind might just be more at ease that way.”
She could feel safe in her last living days. That’s the goal.
“Man,” Lion mutters. “Whoever fucked her up needs to have his ass kicked, and I am not talking about the slap-on-the-wrist type of ass kicking.”
“Absolutely,” Aurelia agrees.
For a moment, silence hangs heavy around us. “It’s beyond me how someone can treat another person that way,” Tori says into the silence. She looks sad.
Lion immediately reaches out his arm to put it around her shoulders. He doesn’t say anything, but the wordless gesture shows how much he cares.
“Are you ready?” Felix asks. Right after lunch, we decided to seek out Marina and check on her.
“Yes, I am.” To my surprise, I really am. It seems like voicing my darkest thoughts to Felix has helped me come to terms with them. I feel I am strong enough now.
Faye, fortunately, isn’t here as Marius has picked her up. It gives us some time to be with Marina and focus on her without scaring Faye.
Felix and I both sit down on a chair next to Marina’s bed. She hasn’t been awake for twenty-four hours now. While I take her hand into mine, worried at how cold her skin feels, Felix doesn’t touch her at all. “You need to tell me when I am doing too much,” he says.
“How do I know?”
“When you get a little too... ecstatic,” he says. “Or when you feel like you are on a drug trip.” When I blink at him, he blushes. “I almost started an orgy once because I didn’t have it under control.”
I let him do his thing, trying not to interrupt with questions. The air around me seems to get lighter, my skin warms up like the sun is shining onto it, and for a while, I find myself daydreaming, imagining myself riding a horse over a meadow, feeling the wind in my hair.
Then, a moment later, I am sitting on my terrace, cuddled up against Felix. It’s snowing, but we aren’t cold because he has a blanket wrapped tightly around us.
Maybe this will be us in the future.
I blink my eyes, trying to wake up from my daydreaming. Marina’s hand doesn’t feel as cold anymore, and the expression on her face is calm. It looks like she is sleeping, but instead of being caught in a nightmare, she looks peaceful.
“It worked,” I whisper. “I think it worked.”
Felix looks exhausted, but his eyes light up. “I did not overdo it, did I?”
“Not at all!” I soothe him. I gently put Marina’s hand to rest beside her body before pulling the blanket over her arm. “She looks...“ I hesitate. “Better is the wrong word, but a bit more at peace. At least that’s what I want to believe.”
“Let’s hope she can sleep a little more peacefully tonight,” Felix says.
“Thank you for doing this.”
“It was nothing!” he says. “I was happy to do something, even if it only helped a little.”
“Still, thank you.” I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. He smells like home to me.
Felix rubs my back. “Are you okay?” he asks softly.
I nod. “I am. Sad, but okay.”
“Let’s go home,” Felix offers.
I agree, letting him lead me out of the infirmary. To my surprise, the sun has already set. “Wow, how long were we with Marina?”
“Pretty long,” Felix says with a smile.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t notice. You probably had better things to do than spend the whole afternoon in a hospital room.”
“Not really,” he says simply. “I actually think this was a great way to spend my time. Oh, and I think it’s also the first time I managed to use my gift for so long and do so well! You didn’t feel anything weird, did you?”
“No, I felt relaxed and happy. I was in a daydream, a great one. Almost like I was meditating and imagining my future, you know?”
Felix beams. “I finally did it! And it’s probably thanks to you.”
“Why me? I did nothing aside from existing.”
Felix pulls me closer and puts an arm around my shoulders. “Yes, exactly. You existing helps me with my gift.”
I chuckle. “You sap!”