2. Sage
Sage
The maid behind me tightened my corset, probably too much, but I barely noticed anymore. A new day, a new dress, same absence of expectations.
“Anything else I can do princess?”
“That’s all Martha, thank you.”
She looked surprised for a moment, but nodded, turned and walked away. They always looked surprised when I knew their names, especially when they were new. I didn’t blame them, though. In their eyes I was just a snobby princess.
They weren’t fully wrong. Not only was I a princess, but I was also the youngest.
Sybil, my oldest sister, was destined for the crown, and she was meant for it.
My second older sister, Sorcha, had always caused a bit more trouble, but she had been determined to be a knight.
She had a purpose, something to work towards.
Though I always believed in her and knew she would get there, it took a ridiculous stunt with Zarios, the King of Valcor, to do it.
It all seemed to work out in the end. She got the man and the job she always desired, and while I was happy for her, having her gone felt like something was missing.
Then there was me. I had no ambition to run a kingdom or join the ranks of knighthood.
But how was I meant to have any ambition?
I could stand there and breathe and I would be rewarded for it.
Though some people might find that pleasant, it made it hard to want to work for anything, much less do anything.
So I spent my days the way any other spoiled royal did: strolling around court, talking about the latest drama, and attending balls at night, and the after parties.
I’d gained quite a reputation for the afterparties, but at least when I was scolded for whatever damage I’d done, I wasn’t being praised simply for existing. It made me feel something, albeit after being scolded so often it had lost a bit of its sting.
When I finished braiding my long blonde hair behind me and putting on a dash of rouge and some kohl on my eyes, I went over to my balcony to check on my garden.
I called it a garden, but there were only a few planters around the landing of the terrace. They had lots of things in them, from colorful yaisys to voluminous ordelias whose vines wound around the railings, the white and green spotted leaves covering it completely.
I checked on them all each day, trimming the leaves that were dying and ensuring they all had water. One basket of turmalyns looked a bit droopy. I inspected it. They were directly in the morning light and had delicate pink petals that looked to be frying in the sun.
I lifted the large pot, careful not to spill any dirt on my dress, and moved it to the other side where it was more shaded.
“That should help,” I said out loud to no one.
The plants, I supposed. This was my safe space.
Taking care of the plants made me feel some kind of purpose.
And they seemed to appreciate me, flourishing under my care, even though they couldn’t tell me.
I liked to think they might. While it was a silly thought, it was one I had often.
“There you are,” a voice said from behind me, making me jump. Paige stood there, her brown hair perfectly styled and her maroon silk dress looking wrinkle free and perfect. “I couldn’t find you in the dining hall this morning.”
I plastered a smile on my face. “Sorry, I got a bit distracted.”
“I see,” she said, her nose scrunched in distaste. Paige was my closest friend in the palace. We’d taken lessons together when we were teens and had been stuck together ever since.
“You know there’s no need to be playing in the dirt. There’s plenty of staff who can look after your plants.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I didn’t just care about how pretty they looked, I cared about them and enjoyed caring for them, but Paige wouldn’t understand that, so I didn’t bother. “What are you doing here?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I can’t come visit a friend?” Her face looked perfectly innocent.
While we were friends, no she couldn’t. Paige never talked to me unless she needed something, or had nothing else to do. “Of course,” I placated. “Would you like some tea?”
“I can’t stay that long,” she said. “I did want to see if you got an invite to the ball in Stonevale in a few days.”
I bit my tongue so hard I thought I may make myself bleed. I get an invite to everything. Having the reputation I did along with being a princess got me an invite to almost every occasion. I had to be selective or else I would never get a break.
“I did.”
“Excellent!” she said, clapping a bit. “I heard it will be the ball of the year! Everyone is going to be there. Can I get a ride with you?”
I heard the true query hiding beneath her words. She had not received an invite and wanted me to bring her. A part of me wanted to say no, but Paige was my closest friend, no matter how transactional that friendship was at times.
“I don’t think I’m going,” I said, turning back to my plant pot. “I’m busy.”
“With what?”
“Things.” The answer was nothing. There was never anything for me to do, but that was none of her business.
“Sage,” she chided. She was one of the only people outside of my family who used my name without the title. “We can’t miss this. It’s supposed to be the event of the year! Octavio Kalfin is only going to have a going away party once. We can’t miss it.”
“We’ve been to plenty of parties,” I said. Nothing beat the ones in Quvill. The fae really knew how to throw a party, complete with magical shows and wine that got you tipsy in just a few sips, void of any hard taste. “This one will be no different.”
I was satisfied with the plant now moved to the shade, and everything else seemed fine. After a poor night of sleep, the coming summer heat felt extra harsh. I retreated inside, Paige close on my heels.
“It will,” she insisted. “People are traveling continents to go! And I heard Octavio is quite the catch.”
Ah. She wanted a greeting with him for herself. “You can go without me,” I said. I sat on the edge of my bed, my corset pressing against my waist, the feeling grounding me.
“I can’t. I… it just wouldn’t be as fun without you.”
Before I could continue my argument, she sat next to me. “I’m… worried about you.”
“Worried?”
She nodded. “You seem like you’ve been on edge, like something’s been bothering you these last couple months.”
My teeth sunk into my lip. It was true; since Sorcha left, there’d been a lot more eyes on me it seemed, my family asking many more questions than they normally did.
Where are you going so late? Are you just getting home?
What do you do all day? It felt like there was a sudden microscope on me that I’d never had, and it only made my anxiety rise, forcing me to leave events early or stay home all together. I was surprised Paige even noticed.
“I do?”
She nodded, sincerity in her eyes. “I think some time away could be good.”
My fingers spun in my lap, never able to stay still. “I’ll think about it,” I said finally.
“Good,” she said. “I’m only thinking about you, you know.”
I wasn’t sure I believed that, but the sentiment was nice to hear anyway. “I do.”
She stood, ensuring there wasn’t a wrinkle in her skirt before continuing on. “I really need to run, but let me know.”
I nodded, watching her go.
After Paige left, I went into the washroom, pulled the door closed, and regarded myself in the mirror.
For as often as I gazed at myself, it felt like I didn’t often look.
Were the bags under my eyes slightly heavier?
Maybe, but it was nothing makeup couldn’t cover.
My skin was still as soft as ever, my eyes bright and shining.
Many liked to compare them to the ocean.
I hated that.
I then gazed at the necklace, snug against my neck.
My dress was low cut today, letting it show.
When I was younger, I never wore anything that let anyone see it.
I was convinced if I hid it, it didn’t exist. But it was always there, the weight on my neck that never left.
Objectively, it was pretty. And it never seemed to do anything.
But if I stared long enough, or thought too long, I’d spiral, and I didn’t want that.
Though I didn’t have any real responsibility, I found ways to fill my time.
Today was one of those days I decided to do some needlework with some of the other noble women in the drawing room.
It was nice on occasion to sit quietly with thread.
It gave me time to think, and most of those women didn’t want to talk, so it gave me a moment of peace.
I’d been working on a floral border to one of my simpler dresses. I had tons of frames with different designs inside. A lot of them hung on the walls of my bedroom, but even more sat in a drawer, collecting dust. Another reminder that even when I busied myself, there was no real reason for it.
My fingers moved until the sun started to dip in the sky, and I shook out the feeling of the needle indents in my fingertips.
I’d finished the bottom of the dress, happy with the small details I’d been able to get in the center of the flowers.
What felt like hundreds of French knots had paid off to the perfect look.
I decided to change into it for dinner. The linen was a bit simpler than I normally preferred, but it was quite warm, perfect weather for it.
Once dressed, I went downstairs. Things like this easily slipped my mind at times. Sybil said I always had my head in the clouds. Mama Elsbeth said I was just a dreamer, whatever that meant.
The table was fully set, almost everyone already in attendance.
Sybil was talking with one of her advisors.
Mama Elsbeth was chatting with Holland, who had one of his elusive smiles on his face, his cheek dimpling with the unusual motion.
Mother was noticeably absent, but sometimes she was late with work things.
When Mama’s eyes caught mine, she reeled me in. “My baby,” she said, standing and coming towards me to hug me.