Chapter 9
9
Lula woke in the dark to the sound of running water.
As the fug of sleep lifted, memories from the night before flooded back and adrenalin spiked her blood as she realised she was still at Tristan’s place.
Heart in her throat, she turned to stare at the brightly lit digits of the alarm clock on the bedside table and relief poured through her when she saw there was still time to go back to her flat and change before getting into work for the Breakfast Show.
Flopping back onto the pillows she ran a hand over her tired eyes.
What had she been thinking?
She never should have done this – allowed her yearning for him to cloud her judgement – surely it could only lead to pain and heartache. He wanted different things to her – had a different life somewhere else. One that he clearly still hadn’t come to terms with changing on him. She was just a distraction.
But she wanted to be more. So much more.
And she couldn’t give him up now .
Sitting up in bed and flicking on the side light, she saw that Tristan had left the door to the ensuite bathroom open and she could make out the blurred shape of him through the semi-opaque glass of the shower screen.
Her skin immediately heated as she remembered how his body had been wrapped around her the night before, driving her wild.
Too wild.
She was going to have to find a way to keep her sexual and emotional needs separate if she was going to survive this.
The water shut off and she pulled the sheet tighter around her as he came back into the bedroom, a towel slung low on his lean hips and his amazingly honed body sleek with moisture.
‘Morning,’ he said, giving her one of those killer smiles that made her heart beat faster and heat rush straight between her legs.
She should leave before she lost her cool.
‘I really should get going or we’ll both be late for work and that would really set tongues wagging,’ she said, focussing on getting out of bed with the sheet still wrapped around her so as not to tempt him with her nakedness.
Tristan walked round to her side and pulled the sheet away from her, then gently, but firmly pushed her back onto the bed.
Leaning his strong body forwards, he pinned her down onto the mattress.
‘No you don’t, I’m not ready to let you go yet.’ He smiled into her eyes.
‘But we’ll be late,’ she squeaked, just before he brought his mouth down hard onto hers, sending her senses into overload.
‘Nah, we’ve got plenty of time yet,’ he mumbled against her lips, sliding his hand down her body to find the needy heat waiting between her thighs. ‘Anyway, I’m in with the boss. I’ll make sure you don’t get fired for being a couple of minutes late.’
Before she could open her mouth to protest about the dubious morals of that sentence, he kissed her again and all rational thought flew right out of her head.
She was very nearly late for work, but managed to sneak in with a couple of minutes to spare.
Luckily, Claire, had got the studio ready and had a cup of tea waiting for her. Claire didn’t say anything as she handed it over, but Lula could tell from her smile that she suspected something interesting had happened last night for her to turn up looking so flushed and flustered.
She somehow got through the show without sounding too flaky, even though every time her thoughts skittered back to Tristan – which was about once every twenty seconds – her body felt like it had burst into flames.
He was waiting outside the studio for her when she came out, leaning against the wall with one leg crossed over the other as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
‘Lula, can I have a word in my office please?’ he said, his expression business-like, but she caught the gleam of mischief in his eyes which made her insides tingle with excitement.
Once inside his office, he locked the door and pushed her against it, kissing her passionately, as if they hadn’t been allowed to touch each other for weeks rather than a couple of hours.
His enthusiastic attention made her weak at the knees. She’d never felt desired like this before and it overrode any hesitancy she had about messing around with him at work .
He was driving her crazy and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
Tristan couldn’t seem to get enough of her.
Even though he knew she was reluctant to get up to anything in the workplace he couldn’t stop himself pushing for it anyway. He enjoyed the excitement of dragging her off into a quiet room and driving her wild with lust until she dropped her weak defences against him.
They made it a whole week, snatching moments at work and seeing each other every evening, either at his place or hers, until it all came crashing down around them.
And it was all his fault.
They’d interviewed another candidate, for what he now thought of as his job, the following Monday afternoon.
He hadn’t warmed to this woman either, his gut telling him she wasn’t quite right for pushing the station forwards and he assumed Lula felt the same way until the excited look on her face registered in his brain.
‘She’s perfect!’ Lula said once the candidate had gone, her eyes shining with glee.
‘Seriously?’ He frowned, niggled that she would think this woman could do a better job than him.
Not that it was his job, he reminded himself. A dull ache throbbed in his chest as he thought about leaving the station in someone else’s hands and going back to his business in Scotland. The idea held absolutely no appeal any more. He felt needed here and he’d finally begun to win the staff’s respect, which meant a lot to him.
‘Look, it’s my duty to make sure only the very best person takes over from me. The place is in enough of a mess after Jez’s mishandling of it, it doesn’t need someone inexperienced setting it back even further.’
Her look of surprise quickly turned into a frown of annoyance. ‘What, like you, you mean?’
‘Okay,’ he held up a placating hand, ‘Fair enough, I don’t have experience in the radio industry, but I know how to run a business and I’m not convinced that this woman does yet. She’s only run one small station before and I don’t think we can afford to take a leap of faith on her.’
‘One small, very successful station that’s now winning awards.’
Her face had shut down of emotion and he felt her resistance, like he’d walked into a wall of ice. It only made him want to melt her more.
Getting up from his chair he moved to where she was sitting and knelt down between her legs, pushing them apart to make room for his body and running his hands up the insides of her thighs.
‘Are you challenging the boss, Lula?’ he growled in his most down and dirty tone, hoping to raise a smile from her. Things had got all too serious here suddenly and he wanted to bring back the levity they’d enjoyed between them for the last week. Even though he’d been aware occasionally that she was struggling with their affair, he’d brushed his concerns to one side, congratulating himself on the fact she couldn’t bring herself to stop it.
Just as he couldn’t. Despite the voice in his head warning him she needed more from this fling than he was able to give her, he couldn’t stop it now. She was like a drug. A very sexy, life-altering drug.
The look in her eyes flickered between annoyance and lust and he took this as a cue and leant forwards, pressing his lips against hers and lifting one hand to cup the back of her head and stop her from pulling away, until he felt her give in to him.
He didn’t register that someone had come into the office until he heard a high, female voice behind him.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you were busy in here.’
Breaking away from Lula, he looked round to see Darla looking at them with an expression of pure disgust on her face.
Something hard and heavy fell in his chest.
He backed away from Lula quickly, standing up and running a hand through his hair, as if neatening himself up would take away the image Darla had just seen.
Idiot .
‘What can I do for you, Darla?’ he said, trying to force authority into his voice, but she clearly wasn’t impressed.
‘There’s a salary issue I need to discuss with you,’ she said coldly, her harsh gaze flicking between him and Lula.
‘Okay.’ He nodded stiffly. ‘I’m just discussing something with Lula, I’ll come and find you when we’re finished here.’
Darla snorted and inclined her head a fraction, her eyebrows shooting up, suggesting she knew exactly what they were going to finish . ‘Fine.’ She turned on her heel and stomped out, banging the door closed behind her.
He turned to find Lula had stood up and was clutching her hands together in front of her, her eyes wild.
‘Dammit!’ she said quietly, not meeting his eye.
‘Lula, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that without checking the door was locked first.’
She shook her head. ‘We shouldn’t have done it at all. So unprofessional.’ Her voice was low with self-disgust.
‘It was my fault. I’ll smooth things over with Darla. Offer her a wage hike or something. ’
Lula gave him an incredulous look. ‘You think you can buy your way out of this?’
He tensed in annoyance. ‘I don’t know, maybe?’
She looked so offended he had to fold his arms against the power of her glare.
‘I’m such an idiot. This is never going to work between us. Not if you think money is going to solve everything and certainly not if you think it’s okay to try and get your own way by seducing me into retracting my professional opinion.’
He took a deep, sudden breath in response, the force of it burning his throat. ‘That’s not what I was trying to do.’
‘Isn’t it? Really? You weren’t trying to shut me up by kissing me?’
He didn’t reply.
Because she was right.
She gave him one last, hard look before straightening her clothes and leaving the room.
He stared after her, feeling like the lowest of all lowlifes.
She was absolutely correct, of course; he did have a problem with relinquishing his control over things – over everything. He was so used to stepping in and taking over, like he had with his family’s business – using money or charm to get his way – that he’d acted that way towards Lula without thinking.
And he’d screwed everything up.
What the hell was she thinking?
She could never work for Tristan when he had the power to overrule anything she said or did just by touching her. To silence her. She’d been a fool to think otherwise.
And now Darla was bound to tell everyone at the station what she’d seen and once again she’d be the centre of whispered gossip and speculation. She shuddered at the thought.
She appeared to have got herself caught in a vicious circle.
That night, she ignored Tristan’s calls and pretended to be out when he knocked on her door for ten minutes straight, her chest tight with sorrow. It was never going to work between them. He seemed reluctant to give up his job managing the station, which he appeared to value more than his relationship with her, and she couldn’t keep working for him when that was the case.
Not that she hadn’t known from the beginning that this was doomed to fail.
After spending her teenage years being passed from parent to parent like a troublesome pet that nobody wanted any more, she needed to feel part of something solid. To be with someone who was willing to make gestures that made her feel safe and wanted and cared for. Not someone who was happy to ride roughshod over her opinions and integrity to get his own way.
And he’d made it perfectly clear he wasn’t the type to get married. Considering the way her heart had plummeted when she’d heard him say that, she knew a relationship with him would never survive.
She couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t prepared to put themselves on the line for her. It mattered too much. Even if Emily thought it was a mad whim and told her repeatedly that she was living in the dark ages to expect a piece of paper to keep a relationship together. Lula still wanted it. She wanted the promise of it. The romance.
To be loved so much by the person that she was in love with, who was prepared to take the leap of faith with her.
The show the next day was a tough one to get through. It felt as though her head was full of rocks and her mojo was hiding somewhere in the depths of her soul.
‘Hey, what’s with all the dirgey music?’ Claire asked when she brought Lula her fourth cup of coffee into the studio while a track was playing.
‘It’s a minor key kind of day, Claire. I’m expressing my melancholy.’
Claire paused and gave her a discerning look. ‘Does this have something to do with Tristan, by any chance?’
Lula glanced round sharply, blood rushing to her face. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, Darla’s been shooting her mouth off about finding you and Tristan—’ she gave an uncomfortable cough. ‘Being friendly with each other in his office.’
Lula’s brow pinched uncomfortably under her frown. ‘You know about that?’
Apparently, Tristan hadn’t been able to buy Darla off.
‘Yeah.’ She held up a hand. ‘Not that I blame you, he’s a total honey.’
Lula sighed and dropped her head into her hands. ‘I guess everyone thinks I’m a terrible tart who gets what she wants by sleeping with her bosses?’ She screwed up her face as she looked back at Claire, not really wanting to hear the answer, but unable to stop herself from asking the question.
Claire wrinkled her nose in surprise. ‘What? Don’t be ridiculous! Everyone here loves you. They want to see you happy and if that means having a hot fling with Tristan then fine, do it. We know you’d never screw us over, Lula, you’re too much of a professional for that.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. Of course. ’
‘I don’t know if I can do it any more though, Claire. I don’t feel like I have any control or power in this relationship.’
Claire shrugged. ‘Well, maybe when he’s found someone to take over the running of the station that won’t be a problem any more?’
‘Maybe. But there’s also the small matter of an ex-girlfriend that I don’t think he’s over yet.’
‘Really? You’d never have guessed. He doesn’t take his eyes off you for one second when you’re in the same room together. If you ask me, he’s one smitten kitten.’
Lula stared at her in surprise. ‘You think so?’
‘Absolutely. I say, go for it.’ She gave Lula a wink. ‘I would.’ Flashing her one last smile, she waltzed out of the studio, letting the heavy soundproof door close with a swish behind her.
Lula stared into space, thinking about what she’d just heard. Could that be right?
She had no idea. She appeared to have lost all sense of reality.
Tristan was in his office trying to take his mind off Lula’s wall of silence when Flora, the receptionist, poked her head round the door.
‘Tristan, there’s a phone call for you on line one. He said he’s your father.’
He stared at her for a moment before coming to his senses. His father? He must have cut his isolated honeymoon short and picked up the message he’d left about firing Jez.
Picking up the handset, he cleared his throat then pressed the button to connect him to line one. ‘Dad?’
‘Tristan. I’m surprised to find you still there. I thought you’d be back in Edinburgh by now. ’
‘No, no, still here, firefighting for your business.’ He couldn’t keep the scathing tone out of his voice.
His father let out a long, disgruntled sigh. ‘Why the hell did you fire Jez? I wanted the female DJ to be moved on, not him.’
Tristan’s skin prickled with annoyance. ‘Well, I’ve saved you a lot of money and pain by getting rid of him. I’m sorry to land it on you like this, but Jez has been embezzling from the radio station for quite some time.’
There was a tense silence in which Tristan tapped a pen against the desk, waiting for his father to explode with indignation.
‘Yeah, I know about that.’
Tristan stared at the pen in his hand, stunned, thinking he must have misheard. ‘You knew?’
‘Yes.’ His father let out another long sigh. ‘I set him up there as a favour to his father. When your mother died I did rather a bad job of keeping the business going and Jack, his father, bailed me out. I owe him. He asked me to offer Jez this job to get the lazy sod out of his world of philandering and debauchery and give him a purpose – he wouldn’t have taken any help from his own father. I’ve known for some time that he’s been stealing from the company, but it was my way of paying Jack back so I let it slide.’
‘Right.’ Tristan had no idea how to respond to this. ‘So, what happens to the station now?’
‘I don’t suppose Jez will want to return after being so roundly outed by you so I’ll shut it down.’ From the sound of his voice he was clearly fed up with the whole mess.
Tristan’s heart thumped hard against his chest as he realised what this meant for the staff that he’d taken under his wing for the last month.
And for Lula and her dream show.
‘Can’t you sell it?’ He knew, even as he asked this, that it wasn’t an option. There was no value in the station; it was saddled with too much debt.
His father seemed to be thinking along the same lines. ‘No point. I’m still stuck in Bangkok but I’ll be back in two days and I’ll close it down then. Give everyone a redundancy payoff. You’ll be able to get back to Scotland by the weekend.’
‘Will you sell it to me?’ Tristan asked before his father could ring off.
His father snorted in surprise. ‘You really want to take it on?’
‘Yes.’
There was a silence. ‘Okay. Sure. If you want.’
‘I do.’
‘Okay then. Consider it yours. We’ll work out the details when I’m back.’
‘Thank you.’
His father laughed quietly. ‘I don’t know what you’re thanking me for, but okay.’
‘How was your honeymoon?’ Tristan said, realising in his anxiety about the station that he hadn’t even asked about it.
‘Oh fine. A bit boring being out in the middle of nowhere, but we made our own fun.’
Tristan tried to wipe the icky mental images his father had just implanted from his mind.
‘Great, well love to…?’
‘Susie.’
‘Susie, yeah. Have a good trip back.’
‘Will do.’
His father rang off and Tristan put the phone down and stared at the wall.
What had he done? Something crazy and very unbusiness-like. But it felt good. It felt like the right thing to do .
Getting up, he strolled to the door, feeling invigorated with a new sense of purpose.
He needed to find Lula and tell her what was happening.
He found her in one of the small offices, taking some quiet time after her show and she looked at him with a wary expression on her face as he entered the room. His heart turned over as he wondered what sort of reaction he was going to get when he told her the news.
He hoped a positive one, but it was hard to tell with Lula. She always managed to surprise him.
That was one of the things he liked most about her.
Lula’s heart rate picked up as Tristan strolled into the room. She sat up straight, attempting to compose herself for whatever was about to play out.
After giving him the cold shoulder since the incident in his office the day before, she wasn’t sure what state their relationship was in any more. Or whether she’d still have a job by the end of the day. After all, the last time she’d stood up to her boss, she’d found herself unemployed.
The thought of him firing her now, after all they’d been through, made her feel sick. But more than that, the idea that he might give up on what they had and waltz back off to Scotland drained all the spirit out of her.
She’d had to draw the line with him though, otherwise she was just some sap he’d used and left behind and she wasn’t prepared to be that girl. Not any more.
He perched on the edge of the sofa she’d been lying on and blew out a low breath before speaking. ‘I just spoke to my father. He wants to shut the station down now that Jez has gone. ’
Her heart nearly stopped at the unexpectedly awful news and she sat up so quickly her neck clicked. ‘What! Why?’
‘It’s a long story which involves my father being useless and na?ve, but before you panic,’ he held up a palm, ‘there’s a solution.’
Her heart rate slowed a little. ‘He’s going to put it on the market? Or whatever you do with a company.’
He shook his head and frowned, fixing her with a steady stare. ‘No one’s going to want to buy it in its current state, the debts are too large and it doesn’t make enough profit for it to be a going concern.’
He paused and a cold chill ran down her spine.
‘So, what does that mean?’
His face was devoid of any expression. This was pure business. ‘The best thing for the station is for me to buy it and keep it until it breaks even, then look at finding another investor or buyer for it.’
‘Will you hand over the day to day managing to someone else?’ she asked hopefully. Perhaps she could deal with that, if he was going to be more hands-off.
But she could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t want to do that. He loved running the station. She’d seen first-hand how he thrived on the buzz of the place and how much better it was running now he was in charge.
It was good for him and he was good for it.
‘It’s probably best if I keep managing it too.’
She took a deep breath. ‘How long will it take for it to break even?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll have to look at streamlining the staff and there may need to be lay-offs, but based on the initial sums I’ve done, maybe years.’
‘Years.’ She put a hand up to her face and rubbed her temple as another horrible thought struck her. ‘I’m the most expensive person here,’ she muttered, recalling how her salary had skyrocketed when she took on the Breakfast Show. Flash could probably retain the rest of the staff if she was off the payroll.
She stood up, and turned for the door, not wanting him to see her face. ‘Actually, this has all come at an opportune time. I’ve been offered a job in Australia, a really good job, and I’ve decided to take it.’ She couldn’t look at him in case he saw the pain in her eyes. ‘You’ll be able to keep everyone else on here if you’re not having to pay me.’
‘What the hell? Where did this come from?’ He advanced on her and she backed against the wall, her blood pounding in her head, making her feel lightheaded.
She held up a hand. ‘Truth is, I can’t do this any more – pretend I don’t want things to work out with you – because I do, and it’s going to drive me crazy to never be able to have what I want.’
‘What do you want, Lula?’ His voice was deep and low and fierce.
She raised her gaze to look him dead in the eye. ‘The hope that you might want to get married to me one day,’ she blurted. ‘To have an equal partnership and a strong unit for my children that I never felt I had. For you to put a relationship with me before everything else. Even your commercial empire.’
He looked as though she’d slapped him round the face. ‘This is about me not wanting to get married .’
‘Ultimately, yes.’
Rubbing a hand over his face, he huffed out a dry laugh. ‘I think my head might be about to explode.’
Tears welled in her eyes at the flippant way he was dealing with something that meant so much to her.
‘If you couldn’t bring yourself to marry the woman who was “ perfect for you” then Lord knows I don’t stand a chance,’ she whispered, her chin trembling as she tried to hold it together.
He frowned. ‘Hang on, are you talking about Marcy?’
‘I can’t be your rebound woman, Tristan. I care about you too much for that.’
He didn’t respond, just stared at her open mouthed for a few beats longer.
She nodded once, knowing he couldn’t – or wouldn’t – give her the reassurance she longed to hear, before pushing past him and walking away.