About Last Night

Chapter 10

10

Tristan stared out of the window as his plane flew over the rolling hills of Northern England on its way to Edinburgh, and reflected on the insight that had struck him hard in the middle of the night: that what he needed was to get some sort of closure there so he could move forwards again.

If he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life messed up and alone, he needed to get past the anger and frustration that had been dogging him for months – no, truthfully, years – now.

Standing on the doorstep to his brother’s and Marcy’s house a couple of hours later was both nerve-racking and bolstering. Before this point, even the thought of seeing either of them had been untenable, so this was definitely a positive step forward.

The look on Marcy’s face when she opened the door to him was a picture. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. ‘Tristan!’

He waited for the thud of bitter resentment to hit him, but it didn’t come. Strangely, looking at her now, she seemed kind of ordinary, like the sparkle she used to project had gone. ‘Hi, Marcy, can I come in? ’

She glanced behind her into the house as if checking for backup. ‘Jon isn’t here. He’ll be back in a few minutes though.’

‘That’s okay, I’ll wait. I need to talk to you both.’

After hesitating for a couple of seconds she nodded and opened the door wider so he could walk inside.

She led him into the living room and stood there awkwardly while he looked around at the ultra-modern interior. ‘Nice place.’

‘Thanks.’

She clasped her hands together and stared out of the window.

‘Why didn’t you ever tell me you were unhappy, Marcy,’ he said.

She gave him such a look of disbelief he wondered for a second whether he’d accidentally sworn at her or something. ‘I tried, Tristan, but you were always too busy to take my concerns seriously.’

He stared at her in confusion. ‘There were plenty of opportunities to talk to me and you know it.’

‘Were there?’ She sighed and glared down at the ground. ‘Look, I’m sorry things happened the way they did. I didn’t handle the situation well, I know that.’

His blood pressure rose at her blatant understatement. Clearly, he still felt some resentment towards them then, although nothing like the anger he’d been experiencing for the last few months. His shoulders slumped as he took in her drawn expression. ‘Yeah, well. What’s done is done. I was the idiot that didn’t notice what was happening right under my nose.’

She took a step forwards with her hands outstretched. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, Tristan. I seriously thought you wouldn’t care about us splitting up.’

He pinched his brows together so hard it hurt. ‘You thought I wouldn’t care ? ’

She threw her hands up. ‘You shut down on me, kept me at arm’s length. You made me believe there wasn’t a future for us when you refused to even discuss getting married.’

‘But you knew how I felt about that when we first got together. I was always straight with you, Marcy.’

‘I know and I thought it would be enough for me, but then I realised it wasn’t and we kept drifting further and further apart as I got angrier about it.’ She looked at him fiercely now. ‘Jon made me feel wanted.’

Her obvious contempt for Tristan’s lack of skill in that department stung, leaving an uncomfortable pressure in his chest. ‘Yeah, he was always good at giving people what they want.’

Marcy frowned. ‘Look, he feels awful about all this too.’

Tristan closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Now he was here with Marcy he was surprised by how little he felt for her, especially when he compared it to how he felt about Lula. While he’d always found Marcy attractive and smart and good company, she hadn’t excited him the way Lula excited him.

After being so caught up in the humiliation of being rejected and lied to, he’d lost sight of the fact he hadn’t actually missed Marcy at all, and by coming here he was finally able come to terms with that part of his life being over now. He was moving on from anger to acceptance.

Lula’s face flashed into his mind as he thought about what Marcy had said about him refusing to even talk about getting married. Her expression had been pretty similar when he’d told her the same thing.

The pressure in his chest increased as he remembered how she’d walked out on him.

She thought he was a lost cause too.

No wonder she was keeping him at arm’s length .

He focussed back on Marcy, willing the tightness in his chest to recede. ‘Look, Jon’s not exactly my favourite person right now, but I’m not going to snub him forever. We’re family and we need to stick together.’ He ran a hand over his hair. ‘I’ve thought of a way he can make things right between us and hopefully set himself up well for the future too.’

‘Really? You’re finally going to give him the opportunity to help you run the family business? Because he’s always felt like a spare part there.’

Tristan sighed. It was a good point, he’d never let Jon take the reins at any point – he’d been too stubborn to delegate any of the responsibility, and that probably went some way to explaining why his brother hadn’t bothered coming in to work much. Tristan hadn’t allowed him to have any of the control.

‘Look, I know I’ve not handled things well either. I should have talked to both of you more and asked for help instead of pretending everything was okay. And I’m sorry for leaving it so long before re-establishing contact, but I needed a bit of time to hate the both of you before I got on with my life.’

Marcy nodded and gave him a watery smile. ‘I understand.’

‘Yeah,’ Tristan said, his mind suddenly clearer than it had been in years. ‘I think I do too.’

He’d been an idiot, assuming everything would work out fine with Lula too if he just ignored the fact that she was dead set on getting married and having her happy ever after. Something he hadn’t thought he was capable of giving her when they first met.

But she’d made the effort to stand up to him, unlike Marcy who had just given up on their relationship without letting him know why.

Lula wasn’t a coward. She was the bravest woman he’d ever met. He knew he could be formidable when he put his mind to it but she hadn’t put up with his crap .

He’d spent so much of his life hardening himself against caring too deeply about other people, in case they left him too, that he’d become a hollow shell of his former self.

Money had become his first and only love and look how that had left him – lonely and bitter.

Now he thought about it, the thing he’d found hardest about Marcy leaving him had been how unprepared he’d been when she’d wrenched away his control. He’d spent his entire life keeping things on track, determined not to live his life in the kamikaze fashion his father did, but he realised he’d missed out on so much by not taking risks. Marcy had left him and he’d survived and now he was on the cusp of losing Lula because of his inability to let go of the stranglehold he had on his life.

He wasn’t prepared to let that happen.

He was sure about Lula.

He loved her.

Nothing was guaranteed in this life – the perfect relationship didn’t exist – but he wanted to believe he was strong enough in character to stick by his choices and work through any hiccoughs. His father might not be able to do it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t.

‘Uurgh! Em, what have I done? I’ve made a royal mess of everything!’ Lula moaned into her sofa cushion, as Emily rubbed soothing circles on her back.

They’d spent the morning together and Lula had become increasingly depressed about the hot mess her life had become.

‘Whatever possessed me to talk to a man I’ve barely even been dating for a few weeks about getting married . No wonder he’s kept a low profile since then, I probably scared the bejeezus out of him. ’

‘Clearly it needed to be said though, Lu. You couldn’t have gone on hoping things would just work out all fine and dandy without letting him know what you needed out of the relationship. Although, point taken about coming off as a little bit needy.’

‘A little bit!’ Lula grimaced. ‘No wonder I don’t seem to be able to hold onto a man.’

Emily batted a hand at her. ‘Nah, you just have very high expectations.’

Lula buried her head in the sofa again. ‘But I really liked him, Em.’ She looked up at her friend, unable to stop the tears from welling in her eyes. ‘ Really liked him.’ She picked a bit of lint off the cushion. ‘In fact, I think I’m in love with him.’

Emily gave her a weak smile and gently rubbed her arm in sympathy. ‘Yeah, I know, babe, that’s pretty obvious.’

The loud rasp of the buzzer made them both jump.

‘You expecting someone?’ Emily asked, already levering herself off the sofa.

‘No.’

‘I’ll get rid of them,’ Emily said, striding purposefully towards the door. Sometimes Lula was extraordinarily glad of her friend’s no-nonsense approach to life. It made her feel safe and protected; something she’d never had a sense of in her youth.

She sank back into the cushions, listening to the low rumble of voices at the door, wondering who it could be. She didn’t have to wonder for long as Emily strode back in with tense shoulders and a guess who? expression on her face with Tristan following closely behind her.

All Lula could think in those moments was he’s here, and her heart soared with hope.

‘Sorry, Lu, I told him you didn’t want to see him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.’ She turned back to scowl at Tristan, but he totally ignored her .

‘Lula, I need to speak to you,’ Tristan said, taking a step past Emily towards where she sat on the sofa, his dominating presence seeming to take over the whole room.

‘I hope you’re here to persuade her to stay, because you’d be an idiot to let someone as amazing as Lula walk away,’ Emily said behind him, folding her arms and glaring at the back of Tristan’s head.

He turned to meet Emily’s gaze and held it, the air crackling with angry tension between them.

It was like watching two stags vying for supremacy.

Lula put up a calming hand to her friend. ‘Thanks, Em, but I can handle this on my own.’

Emily narrowed her eyes at Tristan. ‘Okay, but you’d better not let her just skip off to Oz or you’ll have me to answer to,’ she said, finally breaking eye contact with him and walking over to Lula to give her a hug.

‘I’m only a phone call away if you need me,’ she murmured into her ear, before pulling away and shooting Tristan one last warning frown.

Tristan dipped his head and raised a brow. ‘Nice seeing you again,’ he said, his voice laden with sarcasm, as Emily spun on her heel and walked out of the room, slamming the front door behind her.

He turned his dark gaze on Lula and she had to fight back her surge of nerves so as not to turn into a complete gibbering wreck.

‘God help any man trying to get close to her, that’s all I can say,’ he muttered, shaking his head in apparent amusement.

Lula twisted her fingers together. ‘Em’s had a pretty tough life so she’s a bit defensive, but she’s a really caring, lovely person when you get to know her.’

He flashed a smile. ‘I guess she must be okay if you like her.’

‘ Are you here to persuade me not to leave?’ she managed to say past the lump in her throat, ‘Because I don’t see any presents or cryptic notes.’

He huffed out a laugh. ‘It’s just me this time. I was hoping that would be enough.’

She broke eye contact and stared at her lap. ‘I can’t work for you any more, Tristan.’

He paced across the room, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the peg by her door before returning to her sofa and sitting down next to her.

So, he wasn’t accepting her resignation then.

Leaning his elbow against the back of the sofa, he propped his head against his hand and studied her for a moment.

Her blood pounded in her throat as she waited for him to say his bit and she picked at a thread on the cushion so she didn’t have to look at him.

‘I’ve been thinking about how empty my life would be if you moved to Australia,’ he said finally.

Her gaze snapped to his and she pinched her brows together. ‘Well, you should be kept pretty busy here in London at the radio station.’

He sighed. ‘Lula, I’m not going to move to London if you’re not here.’

She could actually hear the blood pulsing through her head. ‘Really?’

‘No, of course not. It’s a Lula-sized hole in my life that I’m concerned about, not a London-sized one.’

She was actually trembling with hope now. ‘So, what are you saying?’

‘Flash can’t afford to lose you, Lula. Our audiences love you – the ratings for your show prove that – and we need you to stay to bring in the advertisers. I’ll have a monetary stake in the station but be hands-off in the running of it. I’ll get someone in to manage it so you won’t have to deal with me being your boss any more.’

He was giving up managing the station? ‘But you love working at Flash.’

The fierce expression in his eyes made her heart flip. ‘Actually, it’s more that I’ve enjoyed doing something that isn’t working for the family business. Thing is, I’ve been so focused on working there over the years I’ve let it take priority over everything else in my life.’

He leant his back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. ‘It was originally my mum’s family’s business – she met my dad when he started working for them – but when she died my dad lost interest in running it because of his obsession with finding a replacement for her and it got into financial trouble. Apparently, Jez’s father helped him out of a hole by loaning him money, which is why he was so keen to keep Jez on at Flash – as a way to pay his friend back for the gesture.’

‘So that’s how he managed to get away with so much.’

Tristan raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah. Anyway, I took up the reins at the family business once I’d graduated from uni because my dad had let it get into trouble again and I couldn’t bear to see it fail. My mum would have been devastated. Her father worked so hard to build it up from the ground and I’ve been trying to keep it alive in memory of her. I felt like it was the only thing I had left of her.’

She had to fight against the tears she wanted to spill for him. ‘I bet she would have been proud of you.’

The sadness in his smile nearly broke her heart.

There was an uncomfortable pause where he seemed to be thinking about what she’d said.

He snapped the growing tension by swiping a hand in the air, as if trying to swat away the melancholy. ‘Anyway, I put myself under a lot of pressure to keep the business thriving and everything else in my life took a back seat. Like my relationship with Marcy. I never wanted to commit to her because that would have meant putting something other than the business first. That’s when my brother stepped in and offered her what she wanted.’ He frowned hard.

‘Do you think you’ll ever make up with him?’ she asked gently.

He turned to look at her, dropping the frown. ‘Actually, I already have. He’s going to take over managing the family business from now on.’ His smile was rueful this time. ‘It’ll do him good to take responsibility for something instead of letting everyone else carry him.’

Lula took a breath, steeling herself to ask the question that played heavily on her mind. ‘Are you still in love with Marcy?’

Tristan seemed to consider her question for a few moments, in which her heart hammered so hard against her chest she felt sure he’d be able to hear it.

‘I thought it was a good relationship at the time because we never seemed to argue, but the truth was, we weren’t around each other enough to have anything real to argue about. And if we did, I bought her things I thought she wanted – material possessions – to smooth things over. I gave her everything she ever asked for. Except my undivided attention and love.’

He huffed out a laugh. ‘She said I didn’t see her as a person, only a commodity. I didn’t understand what she meant until I met you. Until you forced me to think about you as an individual, instead of something to be bought off and placated. You made getting to know someone real for me, by making me care about you.’

The irrefutable look of hope on Lula’s face made him want to pull her against him and never let her go, but he needed to say more – to explain himself – before he got distracted by the urge to haul her off to bed and show her how much he cared.

He laid his hand on her leg, asking for a chance to say what he needed to without interruption and she nodded, encouraging him on.

His heart beat like a jackhammer against his chest as he gathered his courage.

‘When my dad got married again and I let myself love my new stepmother I felt as though I was being disloyal to my mum.’

He glanced at her and she nodded again, the empathy in her eyes telling him she understood.

‘Then my stepmother left and I felt stupid for being so quick to let myself care about her. I missed my mum so much, and I’d wanted someone to fill the gaping hole she’d left, so I threw myself into caring for the first person that came along to bridge it. After it happened again, I started disengaging my emotions from my stepmothers altogether.’

‘I can understand why you’d react like that.’

He squeezed her leg, knowing she really did get where he was coming from and loving her for it. ‘The worst thing, I realise now, was that I started to do it with my girlfriends too. It was a bad habit that I didn’t realise I had until you came along and pointed it out to me. Marcy hadn’t been able to penetrate my wall of emotional iron and gave up on me, but you made me think about how things were affecting you , first of all by forcing me to work hard to get you to take your job back. Then as soon as I’d begun to think about you as a real person, instead of just a faceless employee, you worked your way under my skin. As I got to know and like you, I fell for you more and more and it scared the crap out of me. ’

‘I can’t imagine you being afraid of anything. You’re so self-possessed.’

He raised a brow. ‘Not so much. Hence all the controlling behaviour recently. I was trying to find a way to get on top of this fear you’d triggered.’

Her eyes were wide. ‘I never meant to make you feel like that. I know I can be a bit challenging.’

‘I needed you to challenge me. Thing is, I’ve always cushioned my life with money, which gave me a sense of protection and safety, but it never made me happy. In fact, it only made me more protective and less open to taking risks, especially with my relationships. I’ve spent most of my life using money to smooth my way through things, but you’re the one thing I couldn’t buy and that totally messed with my head. In a good way.’

She snorted and looked down at where his hand still lay hot and heavy on her leg. ‘I thought I’d scared you off for good by practically demanding we get married.’

‘It wasn’t the marriage thing that scared me – that was an excuse; it was the sentiment behind it – the act of giving myself completely to someone else that I struggled with. Because when I promise something, I don’t go back on my word. It’s forever, and forever is a long time to be with someone if you’re not sure about them, especially if you have children relying on you to get it right. I don’t want my kids to go through the hell of losing parent after parent like I did. It’s not fair.’

‘My thoughts exactly.’ She was nodding hard, her eyes lit up with hope.

He knew he had to be with her, even if it meant giving up his tight control on life. In fact, he wanted to let go for her. To experience new things that both scared and excited him – as long as she was along for the ride. He wanted to do it all with her.

He’d never been able to picture himself with Marcy long-term, but he realised he couldn’t imagine himself without Lula now. Just the thought of it made his chest contract painfully.

‘To answer your question, I’m not in love with Marcy. But I am in love with you.’

Her gaze slid away from his and he could feel her trembling under his touch.

He balked as he realised she wasn’t giving him the joyful response he was hoping for.

‘Lula? What’s wrong?’

Her eyes were full of fear when she looked back at him. ‘I’m scared that you don’t really know me, Tristan. You only know the Tallulah I’ve been showing you and when you get to know the real me, you’ll be disappointed.’

He frowned hard and moved closer to her, to reassure her that wasn’t the case. Couldn’t be. ‘What you’ve shown me is you, Lula. I know you think you’ve been pretending to be something you think everyone wants, but you couldn’t have been that person if it wasn’t in you to begin with – the sparky, funny, quirky you that you keep hidden until you trust someone.’

He put a hand on her cheek and tipped her face so she had to keep looking him in the eye. ‘That’s one of the things I love about you – that you have a secret side that you only let certain people see. I think, without you realising, you’ve already let me be one of those people. When we first met, Louise was the mask that let you be yourself. You showed me the truth when you were pretending to be her because you could blame any shortcoming on her. You could hide behind her faults, rather than your own. It’s a classic deflection technique. I’ve seen every side of you, Lula, and I love them all. I’m not going anywhere.’

‘Really?’ she said, clearly trying not to cry.

‘Yes, really.’ He smiled and brushed a rogue tear away from under her eye. ‘You know, I think I’m finally beginning to understand my father’s addiction to falling in love. The first flush is like the most intense happiness drug. But, unlike my father, it’s not the be-all and end-all for me. I want to grow to love you in all the ways possible, even when we’re angry with each other. I can’t imagine ever wanting to be without you.’

She took a deep shaky breath. ‘Me neither, because I love you too.’ She was telling the truth; he could see the certainty in her eyes.

The great weight of fear lifted as he heard her say those words.

‘Then don’t go to Australia. Stay here and marry me. Flash will be our station. I’ll make you a shareholder. We’ll hire the candidate you liked to manage it day to day but we’ll both have an equal say in how it’s run.’

She stared at him in shock. ‘You’re asking me to marry you?’

‘Yes.’

She frowned. ‘But we’ve only known each other for a month.’

‘Doesn’t matter. It’s what I want. You’re what I want.’

‘I can’t believe you’d do that for me,’ her voice wobbled with emotion.

‘For us.’

She shook her head and moved away from where his hand rested on her cheek, drawing herself up straight. ‘We don’t have to get married. Just the fact you’ve asked me to, because you think it would make me happy is enough. I know being married doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll be together forever, but I needed to know you were prepared to make a promise that cost you something to say. I believe you love me. And I love you. That’s enough for me.’

‘Well, let’s keep it as an open discussion. We don’t have to decide anything right now. I just want to be with you, Lula. And I want you to always feel that you can talk to me, even when we’re angry with each other.’

He cupped her face again and stroked his thumb across her soft, full lips. ‘Please don’t think you have to withdraw into your own head again, it would kill me to think I’d made you do that.’

This time she gave him a genuine smile and he knew it was going to be okay. They’d make it work, because it was what they both wanted.

‘Okay. I promise,’ she said, leaning forward to kiss him gently. ‘No more silence.’