Chapter 22
Hank
“I have a problem,”I tell my brothers.
We’re out on the front porch at my parents’ house after everyone else has gone home. We have drinks and cigars to celebrate the arrival of Cash’s son, Nelson, who just made his entrance into the world about twenty minutes ago. He’s sent us a dozen pictures of a red-faced, wrinkly baby, and I’m amazed at how much I already love my nephew. Cash’s step kids were older when he and Sera got together, so this is the first newborn in the Young family and I’m in awe. Haven’t even met the kid, but I look at those images and feel like I’d move mountains for him.
If I feel this way over my nephew, I can’t even imagine how I’ll feel having my own baby. Which has circled me back around to a certain single mom who makes me understand why I”ve been dragging my feet all these years with every other woman I’ve dated.
None of them were her.
“Yeah, what’s up?” George asks.
“I like Chastity. I do.”
“But you need to know how to dump her?” George asks. “Don’t do it in text. I’ve seen that so many times at work. Angry or sobbing women because some guy pussied out and broke up over text.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. Chastity and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends. But I think I want more. No. I know I want more. But I’m trying to be a good friend to her and not want more. Does that make sense?”
“I don’t understand,” Toby says to me. “You’re not actually dating Chastity? Then why does it look like y’all are dating?”
“Everyone has seeing you two all around town hanging out,” George says.
“That doesn’t mean we’re together. We’re friends.” No one is getting it. I can’t say I blame them. At this point, I don’t really get it either.
“How exactly did you wind up besties with Chastity DuBois, but you’re not dating her?” George asks. “Fill me in on this. I can’t wait to hear it.”
“Well. She wanted to practice dating because she’s never had a chance to do all that, what with being a single mom and all. So she asked me to show her the ropes.”
“But then why are y’all acting like it’s real?” Toby asks slowly. “I heard you tell Ricky earlier today that if he looks at Chastity’s chest one more time, you’ll lay him out.”
The memory makes me hot. “Because Ricky is a weasel. He’s aiming way too high with Chastity. She’s totally out of his league. We’re not acting like it”s real, so much as we’re not telling people anything one way or the other. We’re not outright lying. We like spending time together. I guess people can reach their own conclusions.”
“I think everyone here today concluded y’all are a couple,” Conway says.
That makes me stupid happy.
“I still don’t get any of it,” Toby says.
Toby obviously isn’t grasping the concept, and repeating it out loud, it’s easy to see why. It’s a brain-teaser on the daily for myself. “I guess people would think it was strange to fake date.”
“It is,” George says.
I ignore that. “If folks think we’re dating, other men will figure she’s a good catch. I’m not exactly known around here for settling down, so if it appears like she’s settling me, she must have a whole lot of something. Which she does. But now I hate that other men want to date her.”
Conway shakes his head. “I told you this was going to get messy. You’re monopolizing her time. When is she possibly going to date other men?”
My brothers are all eyeing me like I’ve lost my mind. “But…” Toby trails off, trying to gather his thoughts. “You’re not settling down, though, so what does she have? Besides a waste of her time?”
That shocks me into silence. “I don’t want that.” Nor do I want her to actually move on from me.
“Are you all fooling around?” George asks.
“No, of course not.” Much to my increasing frustration. “Because it’s not dating. We’re just friends.”
“Let me get this straight,” George says. “You have to act like her boyfriend, taking her all around town, you’re cutting her grass, cooking for her, but you don’t get to touch her?”
When you put it that way…
“I don’t have to do anything. Like I’ve said multiple times—we’re friends. I want to do all of those things for her. She’s had a really hard time, and I like helping her out.”
My brothers start laughing.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” George says, pointing his cigar at me.
I have to agree, it isn’t the smartest thing ever, but I have certainly heard stupider shit. Probably. “Hey. Like I said, I want to do this. I like spending time with her.”
They’re not helping me at all. I want advice, not three guys harassing me.
“If you think you can fight it, you’re a damn fool,” Conway says.
“Fight what?”
Toby’s shaking his head and grinning. “I’ll give her credit, she’s obviously brilliant. She’s got you snowed.”
That makes me angry. “Don’t talk about her like that. She’s not conning me. She’s the sweetest, most selfless woman I’ve ever met. She’s done everything by herself for years, and it’s about damn time someone helped her. She has a heart of gold, and everyone around here has treated her poorly, and it’s bullshit. Straight-up bullshit.”
I want to crack their heads together for even suggesting Chastity has some kind of ulterior motive.
“Oh, man,” Toby says, and he eyes me like he feels sorry for me.
“What?” I’m annoyed. I sip my whiskey.
“You’re in love with her,” George says. He sounds in awe of the fact.
The words startle me. In love with Chastity? That feels suspiciously correct. In fact, I know I am, I’m just shocked to hear someone else say it. “How do you figure?”
“Because you’re willing to pretend to date her just to be around her,” George says. “You’re bending over backward to help her out.”
“And you just about bit Toby’s head off defending her,” Conway says. “Threatened Ricky.”
Threaten seems like a strong word.
“You’re celibate,” Toby says. “Right? Or do you have some side piece that’s taking care of your business?”
“No! Of course not. I would never do that to Chastity.” The very idea offends me. I have zero interest in any other woman. Any or all women. Women in general. Not while I’m hanging out with Chastity.
They all stare at me and wait.
“What?”
“Play what you just said back in your own thick skull and tell me what you think,” George says.
I do. Damn, I hear it. I’m well and truly gone. They’re definitely onto something.
“But…I mean, we’re friends. Friends do shit for each other.” Apparently, I feel the need to go down fighting on this, even though I started the conversation with the intention of getting their advice on how to make Chastity see that I’m the man for her.
“You don’t mow my grass,” Conway points out.
“You’re a grown man. Why the fuck would I mow your grass?”
“I just got struck by lightning! I was fried like an overdone hush puppy.”
“So? You and Toby live together. There’s two of you to split the chore.”
“You see my point. You don’t cut the grass for just anyone. It proves you’re in love with her.”
In love. With Chastity. It is one hundred percent absolutely without a doubt or question what is happening here. I’m head over ass in love. But I need to process the concept. I can’t say that I’ve ever been in love before, and I don’t know what it feels like, and I don’t want to screw this up.
The odds are pretty high that I could screw this up.
“You know, I had sex with her once before.” I don’t know why I’m sharing that now. Maybe I’m trying to convince them, and myself, that Chastity is interested in me beyond friendship.
“Wait, what?” George says. “Then why the hell can’t you now?”
“Because they’re fake dating, not real dating. Keep up, bro,” Toby says.
George is just shaking his head. “I…hell, I don’t even know what to say.”
“It was right after Faith’s graduation,” Conway tells them. “I saw her coming out of Hank’s room one morning. Then Faith stopped hanging around with Chastity.”
“Yep.” I study my whiskey. As if there were ever any answers in the bottom of a glass of liquor, though many men have tried to find them. “No one really thinks we’re actually dating, do they?”
“We already told you, everyone thinks you’re dating,” Toby says. “Y’all look at each other like you want to go behind the barn and rip each other’s clothes off.”
Accurate.
“I can’t speak for her, but that is definitely true for me. Say I’m in love with her. For argument’s sake. What am I supposed to do?” That’s what I really want and need to know.
“You need to just ease into it being real. You start blurring some lines. You start cuddling. And then suddenly, it’s real.” Toby nods his head at me like he’s giving me solid gold advice.
“Or you could just talk to her about it, tell her how you feel,” George says.
“That’s dumb,” Conway says.
“You’re going to listen to these two single guys? I’m married. Trust me. Just talk to her.”
I spread my legs apart and settle deeper into my chair, pondering life and love, babies and the future. “What do I say? I think she has feelings for me too, but she’s running scared.”
The screen door bangs as my father comes onto the porch.
“Dave!” my mother yells. “Stop banging that screen door!”
This is their nightly ritual.
I am convinced my father does it on purpose now, just to rile my mother up. It’s his way of getting her attention.
“Sorry, Jenny!” he yells back, then looks behind him like the devil himself is following him.
Then I realize why when he gestures silently to George to give him a cigar.
In a minute, he’s happily puffing away, sipping a bourbon, looking contentedly drunk.
“What are we all talking about?”
“The baby,” I say.
“Hank’s love life,” George says.
“That Chastity seems nice,” he says. “A little young for you, though, don’t you think?”
That has never once crossed my mind.
“She has a four-year-old son, Dad,” Conway says. “I don’t think that matters. If anything, she’s more mature than he is.”
I frown at my brother. “Thanks, jackass.”
“Shit, your mother’s coming,” Dad says, shoving his cigar into my hand.
“Dad, now I have two,” I say, amused. “That’s a little obvious. No one double fists cigars.”
“Just be cool.” He’s waving the air in front of him. He slumps down in his chair and crosses his foot over his opposite knee.
My mother’s head pops out the door. “You’re not smoking a cigar, are you, Dave?”
“Hmm?” he asks, in a way that is neither a yes nor a no.
It’s a brilliant, noncommittal response.
“Cash just had a baby, Mama. That’s what you do when a man’s wife has a baby. You smoke a cigar,” I tell her, trying to take the heat off of my father.
Unfortunately, I just shift it right to myself. Her gaze pins me. She stares at me so long, I move uncomfortably in my chair, sitting up straighter.
“Hank, I need to see you in the kitchen.” She disappears back into the house.
“Ooh, you’re in trouble,” George says with a grin.
“Shut up,” I tell him as I peel myself off of the rocker, not even considering disobeying her command. “You’re just lucky Cash doesn’t know how birth control works, or Mama would still be all over your ass about not giving her a grandbaby.”
He knows I’m right, so he just shakes his head.
“Why don’t you have kids?” Toby asks. “Do you have low sperm count or something?”
“Fuck off,” George says.
“Hey, now, lay off your brother,” my dad says. “He can’t help it if his boys don’t swim.”
“My boys swim fine,” George says, exasperated. “We just don’t want to have a baby until we’ve built a house. Alison has her heart set on building here on this property so we can be near all of you assholes, though God knows why.”
“Hank! Get in here!”
It occurs to me I might actually be in trouble, but I have no idea what I did. I hand the two cigars over to Dad.
“Coming.” I go into the house, making sure to bang the screen door behind me.
She’s standing in the kitchen, hands on her hips.
“What?” I ask. “Do you need help cleaning up?”
“No. I want to talk to you about Chastity.”
Here it is. That has me going straight for the bar. I forgot my drink outside.
“What about her?” I ask, striving for casual. I pour myself a whiskey and take a sip.
“Can you quit screwing around and just put a baby in that girl already?”
I spray whiskey all over the bar cabinet. I’m choking on it, thumping my chest. “What the hell, Mama?”
“What? It’s not like you’re fooling anyone.” She rips off a paper towel and hands it to me. “We can all see you’re in love with her. Back when she was right out of school, I didn’t think it was anything other than you two exploring sex together. When I saw her creeping out of your bedroom at six in the morning, I figured you were just learning what amazing things your bodies can do.”
I’m horrified. “Can you not say things like ‘exploring sex’ and everything that came after that? It sounds really damn weird. I was twenty-four, not in the ninth grade.”
She ignores that. “But then you saw her in New Orleans, and after that, it was pretty obvious to me she’s the one for you.”
It takes me a second to process all of that. Besides, my throat is still burning from choking on whiskey. “How do you know I saw Chastity in New Orleans?” I manage to say, half-heartedly wiping off the bar cabinet.
“You told me. It was like you couldn’t contain yourself. You had to tell me. You were all, ‘Hey, guess who I ran into, Mama?’ And I knew everything when you said her name because your face lit up. I just knew she’s the one who could get you to settle down. I was a little surprised it didn’t seem to go anywhere back then.”
I don’t even remember telling her I saw Chastity. I’m a little embarrassed that I did. And that, apparently, my face lit up, whatever the fuck that means. “But now you want me to get her pregnant? You’re joking, right?”
Though I don’t know why I’m asking. Of course she’s not joking. She doesn’t joke about babies.
“No. Not at all. Just cut to the chase and have a baby. She’s obviously an amazing mother, and I’m so impressed with how she’s raised that little boy all by herself without any help from her parents. Who don’t seem like very nice people, by the way. I’d like to give them a piece of my mind.”
The whole time we’ve been talking, my mother has been sanitizing the crap out of her kitchen countertops. She’s very liberal with the spray bottle. She’s wiping the island down with aggressive sweeps.
“Can I help you?” I repeat, balling up the paper towel I’m holding and tossing it in the trash.
“No. Cleaning helps me think. You can make a baby with that girl if you really want to do something for me.”
“Mama.” I’m a little exasperated. A lot exasperated. “Isn’t that skipping a few steps? What about dating, an engagement, marriage?” I wasn’t lying to my brothers. My mother has never been on my ass about any of that. I always assumed she thought I wasn’t ready for marriage and a family.
“She already has an almost-five-year-old, what difference does all that other stuff make? Did you see the way she looked at Cash and Sera’s baby? She was in tears. Chastity is in love with you, too, in case you’re wondering. I see the way she looks at you.”
Did I say I was in love with Chastity? I’m starting to worry I blacked out and sent a family group text at some point that said I’m in love with Chastity.
“I am actually speechless,” I tell her. “You’re nuts.”
“No, I’m thinking with total clarity. Now get. I have things to do.” She shoos me away. “I have to pack to fly up to Nashville.”
I throw my hands up. “Fine. Goodnight. Have a great trip. Tell Cash and Sera congratulations. I’ll try to get up there in a few weeks.”
When I reach the porch again, I take my seat as my brothers look expectantly at me. My father looks like he mixed some edibles with his whiskey. He’s just staring out across the yard and doesn’t look my way.
“Watch out, boys, she’s lost her mind to baby fever.”
“Why? What did she say?” Toby asks.
“She said, and I fucking quote, ‘can you quit screwing around and just put a baby in that girl already?’”
“What girl?” Conway asks.
“Who have we just been talking about?” Toby asks in astonishment.
That snaps my dad out of his fog.
“Okay, that lightning didn’t do you any favors, son,” our father says. “I think it fried your brain. Chastity. Who else would she be talking about?”
The irony is my father is notorious for never paying attention to what’s going on, and he’s clearly drunk, so I don’t know where he gets off calling Conway out. But he’s not wrong. She was definitely talking about Chastity.
“How should I know what that woman is thinking?” Conway grumbles. “I’m fine. The lightning didn’t do anything to me.”
“Yes, Chastity. She told me to put a baby in her.” And that we’d explored each other’s bodies, but I keep that part to myself. My brothers would have a fucking field day with that. If they ever catch wind of it, they’ll find a way to torment me with it indefinitely. A fantasy football T-shirt with that phrase on it, a birthday cake, my future bachelor party invitation. A sandwich board outside my restaurant.
“If she said that to you, Hank, I’m in real trouble,” George says.
“Uh, yeah. Y’all are married, so good luck.”
“George!” my mother screams. “I need to speak to you.”
George looks like a deer in the headlights. “What do I say?”
“I told her she was nuts. I don’t think that will work with you, though, because your excuses are stupid.”
“Shut up.”
I laugh, because as I pick up my cigar, I study it. How would I feel if we were sitting here celebrating the birth of my baby? I take a puff.
The feeling that washes over me surprises me.
I want a life with Chastity. I want a family with her and Josiah.
A baby.
It hits me like that bolt of lightning that knocked Conway on his ass. I feel knocked on my ass.
Holy shit. I am way in love with Chastity. I’m completely and totally in love with her. She’s the woman I want to marry. That’s what all this means.
My family is one hundred percent right. I’m mowing her grass and getting immense satisfaction from doing so. I love helping her out and taking care of her whenever I can. I think she is arguably the most awe-inspiring creature I’ve ever met, and even when I wasn’t thinking about her, I was thinking about her, because I haven’t dated at all in the past two years.
I’m in love with Chastity DuBois.
“You know, I only wanted two kids,” Dad says, his tone thoughtful.
It completely catches me off guard, ripping me out of astonished and heartfelt musings. I laugh and then choke on the cigar smoke in my mouth.
Conway sprays his bourbon out of his mouth and straight across the porch.
This is a whiskey-spraying kind of night.
Toby is shaking his head in amusement. “Dad, I swear to God, you can’t just say whatever the hell you want.”
I’m coughing and sputtering and thinking I might die from laughter.
“What? It’s true. I only wanted two kids. Your mother is very persuasive, if you know what I mean.” He raises his eyebrows up and down.
“Oh, Dad, please,” Toby protests, making faces. “Stop. This is the wrong audience for that. That’s what fishing buddies are for, not your sons.” He shudders and makes a gagging face.
I can’t stop laughing enough to speak. My lungs are burning.
Conway raises his glass. “Here’s to those of us Dad didn’t want.”
“Cheers to that.” Toby raises his glass too.
I manage to quiet my laughter and take a deep breath, raising my own glass. “To the kids Dad got talked into having.”
“Y’all know I love you though, right?” Dad says, suddenly looking worried and sounding more than a little drunk.
“Of course we do. So what made you finally stop at Faith?” I ask, amused.
“Don’t ask that!” Toby protests. “There’s no telling what will come out of that man’s mouth.”
“We went through a butt-stuff phase, and by the time that was over, your mama was in menopause.” Dad frowns at his glass. “Damn, I think I’m drunk.”
“You think?” Conway demands, looking horrified. “Holy hell, Dad.”
Toby has jumped up off his chair and is stomping his cigar out. “My fucking ears are bleeding! I need a shot of Jack. I need Jesus. I need therapy.”
I actually fall off my chair onto the porch floor boards. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. “Can’t. Breathe.”
“This is all your damn fault,” Toby says, pointing a finger at me. “Egging him on.”
I don’t even care. It’s fucking hilarious.
George and my mother come outside.
“Why on earth are you on the floor?” Mama asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. Which maybe I have.
Because between wheezes of laughter, I’m wondering if I can talk Chastity into a butt-stuff phase since she’s worried about getting pregnant.
If it worked for my fertile parents, it has to be a solid strategy.
At least until I can convince her we should be together. Forever.