Chapter 23
Chastity
Exploring each other’s bodies.
Mrs. Young’s words have been ringing in my ears nonstop for three days.
It’s all I can think about. She seemed to think it was totally natural for me to have sex with Hank, and it’s so far off from my own mother’s reaction to anything sexual that I have been turning it around and around in my head.
I told Nevaeh about it, and her comment was, “Jenny Young knows what’s what.”
I think she’s right.
So I need to explore sexuality a little more thoroughly, give into my curiosity.
I’m actually watching a video on how to give a quality blowjob on my front porch because no one can sneak up behind me here, my back right up against the house. It also means that no one else can see the screen of my phone, which is necessary, because there is a woman deep-throating what seems to me like a substantial dick.
I say “seems to me” because how the hell would I know? I’ve only had sex twice, and the first time, I never even saw his dick. Actually, I didn’t really see Hank’s either. The room was filled with shadows.
Wow. That’s a sad little fact to consider. I’m puzzled about penis size.
At any rate, this one looks like a lot to swallow, because I know how I feel about anything touching my uvula. I also know that I struggle with taking more than the tip of a popsicle, so the verdict is that I’m probably in serious trouble.
Adjusting my earbud, I concentrate on what she’s saying. Maybe if I focus on the instructions instead of all that skin, I won’t freak out.
Except that I am. Freaking out. I’m also getting turned on, and I don’t know why. That isn’t part of the plan. This is supposed to be an educational outing on the internet, nothing more. This isn’t the time or place to slip into the shower and get some relief. Hank is coming over in twenty minutes to give me a cooking lesson.
Nevaeh took Josiah to Baton Rouge to visit Miss Loretta. He absolutely loves his surrogate great-grandmother, and he misses her. Until her stroke, she lived with us.
It’s just me, so I can’t really say who the hell would be sneaking up behind me, but if anyone comes up the driveway, I can close this video instantly. Initially, I tried to watch the video with the sound down, but that felt a bit like watching someone crochet and expecting to know how to do it. You need instructions.
But while the narrator is interjecting here and there, and at one point an arrow pops up and the video freezes so we can see the woman’s hands cupping his balls, mostly it’s a lot of moaning and groaning for the first minute or two.
Which is hot. Or is to someone like me, who sometimes gets aroused by a warm breeze in winter. Anytime the wind whistles through the tundra of my frozen sex life, I get a little hot and bothered.
I consider it a great editing job because they’re full-on having fun, which draws you in (no pun intended) and then she starts at the beginning. Enter penis. Enter woman’s mouth. Begin blowjob.
“What makes a blowjob so exciting is that a man can’t give it to himself,” the woman says. Her voice is cheerful and enthusiastic. The woman in the video identifies herself as Katrina.“He can attempt to replicate the warm sensation of skin with his hand and some lube, but his penis disappearing between a woman’s lips is a sensual and stunning work of art.”
The camera lifts to the man’s face, and he’s watching this stunning work of art closely, I have to admit.
“Your mouth provides the wetness. Your hands, the tightness. And you, the enthusiasm!” Katrina informs us.
I will never have her level of enthusiasm. My voice isn’t that high and chipper, and I’m not on cocaine. But I get her point. My biggest hangup is probably my grandmother’s voice in my head, which might require an exorcism to get rid of, but I’m working damn hard on banishing it. I do want to add this to my “pleasure arsenal,” as Katrina deems it.
This isn’t helping me, though. This all falls under the category of Obvious. What am I supposed to do with my hands and mouth?
I’m an excellent student, but I like detailed instructions. After she refers to it as a “blowie,” which makes me think of dolphins for some reason, I ditch Katrina and her perkiness and find a video from Dr. Something-or-Other, a licensed sex therapist. Bingo.
This is a blow-by-blow (dang, the puns come everywhere with blowjobs. Come. I can’t even handle it.) of how to take the penis into the mouth, which is exactly what I need.
Grab it at the base of the shaft with my index finger and thumb until they form a circle around his penis. Then slide my mouth over the tip, down the shaft, until my lips reach my fingers, being sure to generously leave saliva along the way. That doesn’t sound so difficult.
There are tips and tricks about moisture levels, gauging his response, and making sure you have a clear nasal airway. She also liberates me from the deep throat by deeming it an advanced technique to ease into if you want, but to remember that no dick is worth choking over.
Now that Dr. Licensed-Sex-Therapist has made me feel like less of an oral outcast, I return to Katrina’s video, which has better visual aids, less actual information. I’m ready to add the PowerPoint to the presentation, in practical terms.
If the opportunity ever presents itself, I will just jump in and go for it.
Which might be somewhere in the next decade.
I do not factor in the fact that, with my headphones in my ears, I can’t hear anyone approaching. I’m so immersed in watching a thick cock disappear between Katrina’s shiny and moist lips, all while picturing doing this to Hank, that I don’t hear a car pull up.
When Hank is suddenly standing in front of me, I almost jump out of my skin. I do actually drop my phone and let out a panicked scream.
He bends down to pick the phone up, and I lunge forward to get to it before him, positive the video is still playing. He’s saying something, but I can’t hear him. Now somehow I’m on my knees on the concrete porch, which hurts like a son of a bitch, and I don’t even have my phone. He has my phone.
I pop one of the headphones out of my ear.
“What are you doing?” Hank asks, sounding bewildered. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just, uh, was watching, uh, checking my bank account balance.”
“With your headphones on?”
“I was listening to music.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” Hank lifts my phone to hand it back to me, but then he sees it out of the corner of his eye. “What the hell?” He moves it straight to eye level. “This is porn.”
I don’t even know what to say. But I shrug and feign shock. “Is it? Those darn porn pop-ups. They really need to get that under control. And I have parental controls on my phone.”
Hank grins. He pulls the earbud out of my hand and puts it in his ear. I’m still just chilling on my knees because I’d rather not be face-to-face when he figures this out. Not that he hasn’t already.
He hits the play button on the video.
“When in doubt, cup and gently squeeze the balls!” Katrina says in my left ear.
Everything she says seems to end in an exclamation point.
Hank gives me a stern look. “Chastity, what is this?”
I just give it up. I crack under the nonexistent pressure and roll. I’d be the world’s worst criminal. “I’m watching a video on how to give a blowjob.”
We stare at each other.
Him, down at me. Me, up at him over the length of his firm, muscular thighs, past his rock-solid abs, and to his beautiful blue eyes that are filled with censure and lust. It seems like he’s mad at me. His nostrils are flaring.
Why is he mad at me?
The moment goes on so long, I get a little concerned. I flick my tongue over my dry bottom lip. His cock jerks beneath his jeans. I actually see it move. Which is intriguing. It’s growing right before my eyes into a thick, long length of hot Hank cock. My mouth drifts open.
What would it be like to cup his balls and gently squeeze?
He holds his hand out for me. “Please get off the concrete, or you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of a personal lesson.”
Oh, my word.
“Just remember to have an open mind and approach it with curiosity,” Katrina is saying as I accept Hank’s hand and let him haul me to my feet. “Every penis is different!”
I swallow hard as I come to my full height, all five-feet-two of it, in front of his chest. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What would you like me to say?” he asks, hitting pause on the video.
His tone has goosebumps appearing on my skin, spilling down my arms like dominoes. He sounds sly, dirty. Demanding.
“I…I want you to say that it’s easy, and I’ll be fine.”
“I’ve never given a blowjob. How the fuck do I know if it’s easy or not?”
Huh. “I’ve never thought about that. That obviously makes sense.”
“I think there’s only one way to approach it.”
“With curiosity?” I parrot Katrina.
The corner of Hank’s mouth turns up. “With practice.”
He lifts my phone and hits the play button. He has the screen out from his side, between us, so that we can both see what I can now only assume is the deep-throating part of the demonstration. I gape at it.
“That’s just so…much,” I say. I clear my throat. The throat that is supposed to be taking in a dick. I grab my throat instinctively.
Hank makes a sound that might be considered a growl. I glance up at him, and he looks like he’s been eating nails.
“Is this something you want to know how to do?” he asks.
I nod. I do want to know how to do this. To him. Only to him. The thought of doing this to anyone but him just feels completely and utterly wrong.
“Why not me?” he asks.
My brain is frozen. There is moaning in my ear from the video, but just on the left, because Hank has the right earbud in his ear. I can’t see the screen because I’m transfixed by Hank. I want him to kiss me. His mouth is right there.
“I don’t understand,” I murmur.
“Why don’t you want to practice with me?”
“Because…” I don’t want it to be practice. I want it to be real. “I can’t ask you to do that. That’s a lot to ask of you.”
Something about that doesn’t sound quite right, but I have tight nipples and damp panties and I’m very, very aroused and confused.
“Josiah is in Baton Rouge? With Nevaeh?”
I nod.
“Then get in the house, because you definitely don’t understand how this works if you think I’ll be doing you some kind of fucking favor by letting you suck my dick.”
He actually points toward the door, like it’s an order.
I shiver, my pussy aching and wet.
There is no way I’m saying no to that. It’s a command.
It shifts the air between us, which feels charged with sexual chemistry. It changes the vibe. I feel more confident, flirty. Excited. I’m giving in, letting go, receiving a lesson from Hank. Could anything be hotter? He’s teaching me a lesson.
My body nearly combusts.
“You don’t mind?” I ask, over my shoulder, flirtatiously. It’s easy to be with him. It always has been, once I make the decision to allow it to happen.
“I really don’t mind.” His jaw is locked, his shoulders tense.
His hand is on the small of my back, and he’s pushing me forward, propelling me into the house faster. I try to go to the couch, but he guides me toward my bedroom. Alarm bells go off because it will be harder to stop if we’re on my bed, but I’m too turned on to put up a protest.
It’s the reason I don’t object when he brushes my hair back and leans down to take my mouth in a hot, angry kiss. I’ve never seen this side of Hank. This frustrated, demanding man. It’s confusing, but also hot as hell.
I’ve barely recovered before he’s pulling my shirt off over my head.
“What are you doing?” I ask in the world’s most rhetorical question. It’s obvious what he’s doing. He’s taking off his own shirt and his shoes. He unbuttons his jeans and shoves them down.
“Getting undressed.” Without hesitation, he skims his hand around my back and undoes my bra.
“I thought this was just a blowjob.”
“Getting a blowjob while fully dressed is for the car, a public restroom, the park. Stolen moments. It’s way better when I feel your skin and see your gorgeous body. The view is important.”
“Right. Katrina said that.”
Hank reaches out and hooks his finger in the front of my bra between my breasts and drags it forward, off my shoulders, freeing my breasts. He stares at them and rubs his jaw. “Who the hell is Katrina?”
I shiver. My nipples bead under his scrutiny. “The woman in the video.”
My bra drops off of his fingers onto the floor. “Wise woman. Though I have to say, I’m not thrilled you’ve spent the afternoon looking at some other guy’s dick.”
“It wasn’t like it was hours. It was ninety seconds.”
He shoves his boxer briefs off. “I only want you looking at my dick.”
This whole new side of Hank has me practically panting. “I’m looking.” I am. I’m staring, gaze sweeping head to toe over the muscular plane of his naked body, and back up again to rest on his hard cock. He’s fully erect, at least I think he is. It doesn’t look like he can get even bigger than that.
I’ve forgotten that I’m standing there in just my joggers, topless. “What do I do?” I whisper. “Is this a bad idea?”
Hank grabs a pillow and drops it onto the floor. “We’re way past debating if something is good or bad. We gave up on that five years ago. On your knees would be a good start.”
“Right. That makes sense.” I’m transfixed by all that firm male flesh jutting toward me as I drop softly down onto the pillow. I swallow hard and try to remember what I’ve just learned.
It doesn’t seem overly complicated, according to both Katrina and Dr. Whoever. Nothing fancy. Just grip the base of his cock.
But Hank’s hand slides across my cheek, cupping it. He tilts my head back so I’m blinking up at him.
“Just do what feels right to you, and listen to my reaction,” he says. “You know me. You’ll know what I like.”
He’s right. I do know him. I nod. “Okay. I’m going to do something. I’m going to start.” I stare at the tip of his penis, paralyzed. I open my mouth and nothing happens. I close my eyes, trying to shake the visual of that smooth skin and firm head hovering in front of me, waiting for my skill and attention and porn star adeptness.
Which I don’t have.
All I have is a serious lack of saliva from anxiety and a certainty that I’m going to gag and embarrass myself.
Holy shit. I have penis paralysis. I’ve waited too long. It’s become a phobia. A fellatio phobia. I definitely have it because I’m just staring and staring. “I…” I make a strangled sound in the back of my closed throat and brace my sweaty palms on his bare thighs. Then realize they’re sweaty and rip them back away.
Hank is still resting his hands on my cheeks. He guides me forward and slips his cock between my open lips. It’s not as horrible as I’m expecting. He just tastes like skin. Immediately, he gives a sigh of approval, and his grip on me tightens.
“Yeah, baby.”
I’m not even doing anything, and he seems to like it. It gives me confidence. I remember the video instructions, and I slip my hand into place, two fingers forming an O around him. I squeeze.
Hank moans.
That bolsters my confidence even more. Making sure I don’t swallow the little spit I have, I ease my mouth down until it makes contact with my hand, then I draw them both back up. He exhales sharply through his nose, and I can feel his thighs tense.
Maybe I turned this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It might not be the best he’s ever had, but it’s clear some tongue and mouth action is better than none. It still gets the job done. I’m actually starting to get into it. I like the challenge of seeing how much of him I can take and listening for his heightened approval when I find something he really likes.
I cup and gently squeeze his balls. He moans, a deep throaty sound that makes me wet with desire.
Exploring each other’s bodies…
Such a good idea. I want to explore more and more, every single inch of Hank.
“That’s it, Chas, it’s so good. So fucking good. You’re doing a fantastic job.”
I ease off of him and study him again, but without fear. Now it’s just curiosity. He’s shiny from my spit, and I glide my hand up and down, squeezing with a gentle pressure. “Do you like a lot of saliva or a little?”
“I like exactly what you’re doing. You’re perfect.”
Something about his tone sounds like he absolutely means it. It fills me with a raw, sexual energy I didn’t even know I possess, and all I want to do is give him pleasure. I take Hank into my mouth enthusiastically, closing my eyes and opening my throat.
Katrina would be so proud of me right now. I do bring the enthusiasm.