59. Colson
FIFTY-NINE
COLSON
She’s back.
Violet is back in my arms. Well, not literally but she’s within reach, sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed where she was last night and is again this morning. Her notebook is out on her lap, and she’s scribbling something from the textbook that’s propped up on my good leg. I can’t help but stare at her every minute I can.
So much has happened, and once again, I can’t believe I thought it’d be better for me to push her away than bring her in close and tuck her under my side. Last night when I told her how I felt, I half expected her to give me the middle finger and leave after what I put her through.
Some might say I’m downright undeserving of her, and normally I’d agree, but I can’t live in that mindset when it nearly took her from me for good.
I need her, and I’ll do every damn thing I can to hold onto her every single day of my life. I hope I proved that to her last night when I told her about my nurse coming in yesterday with anxiety meds to calm my ass down. Between that and a nap, it was enough to short-circuit the panic that loomed low in my gut.
All because of Tommy and Clyde.
Those fucking Lincolns. I’m convinced they’ll always be at my neck, trying to take something from me. I’m hoping that fades with time. Violet is convinced that Finn means well. I don’t know how she can believe that after telling her what he did to me. He hasn’t been a topic of conversation since yesterday, and I’d like to keep it that way, but my luck gets cut short when he waltzes into the room.
With a duffel bag hanging from his shoulder, he pulls me away from gazing at my girl. “Morning, stud,” he jests, though I don’t want to hear it. He’s back again after I told him to stay away. The voice of that Russian materializes as he stands at the foot of my bed, reminding me of those three men barging into my room yesterday.
With it comes the startling truth of Tommy putting a hit out on me. All because of my biological father’s keen interest in running his mouth in efforts to come out on top.
I could sit here and beat myself up over knowing better than to trust a man like him, but the truth is, I was weak. I was in a bad place, and I wanted to hold onto Mom’s memory by having something of hers.
I’ve come to realize that I don’t need it to keep her close. Not when she’s all I’ve ever known. She’ll live on in my memories. Only the good ones, I’ve decided. All the others I’ve doused in gasoline and set fire to while I’ve laid in this bed. I only want to know her as the version that came to me in my dream. The version of her from the picture Aunt Bess gave me.
“Again?” I grit out. “Did they fail to check your ears as a kid?”
Finn’s gaze cuts to the girl next to me. “Violet,” he says, a too cheeky smile on his lips in greeting.
She lowers her pencil and gives him a smile I want for myself. “Hi, Finn.”
“See, now, why can’t you smile at me like that when I enter the room?”
Ah, so he’s in that kind of mood today. He was barking up an entirely different tree yesterday. I’m not sure which annoys me more. Him, today or yesterday.
I decide I dislike both and cut to the chase. “Do I need to plaster a picture of you in the wing so the nurses know not to let you enter?”
“Can try,” he comments, pulling the bag off his shoulder and unzipping it. “But you might want me to stick around.” He tilts the bag in my direction. I have to squint to see it’s filled with cash.
My gaze jerks back to his face. “What the hell is that for?”
A wary sickness clusters in my stomach, and I think, not again. I will not get swept into another deal with Finn Lincoln. I’d rather take my chances with Tommy, which says a fuckton.
“Oh, I don’t know, how about the beefy motherfuckers who had guns pointed at us yesterday. Remember those?” He zips the pocket closed and hoists it onto his shoulder.
“No.” I shake my head, my attention dropping to the tray propped in front of me. I reach for my ginger ale to soothe the nauseous fit that’s starting. I say it again. “No. Absolutely not.”
“That the only word you know these days?” He tips his chin at Vi. “Talk some sense into him before they come back and paint the wall with his goddamn brains.”
“Colson—”
“No, Violet. I’m not taking money from him.”
“He wants to help you,” she tells me. I don’t know what he did to manipulate her into thinking he’s one of the good guys when, in reality, he’s only a step down from Tommy.
“The hell he does.” I look back at him when she stands and comes to my side, swinging her leg up onto the mattress. Like yesterday, my hand finds her thigh, and I knead my fingers into her, my frustrations slowly easing just from the touch. “He wants to rope me into another deal with the Lincolns, and I’m not doing it. I told him I was done with him.” I turn my words on him. “Remember that? When I said I was finished doing business with you.”
“I’m not sparking up a deal with you, idiot,” Finn insults. “I’m getting those burly fucks off your back.”
“Exactly, and then I’ll owe you. Fuck that.”
I’m not doing it.
Violet’s hand comes up to my neck. She gently runs her fingers across the portion of my collarbone that isn’t fucked. Her skin on mine calms the fiery tips burning a path through my body. It’s soothing. Tranquilizing.
“I never said a word about you owing me shit. In case you haven’t seen yourself lately, you’re tied to that goddamn bed. There’s no way you’re going to get up and get them what they need by, let’s see, today .”
Yeah, well that’s a given considering I can’t walk without assistance. But he’s the last person I want in my corner helping me.
“Let him do this for you,” Violet murmurs, trying to get me to look into her eyes.
“Violet, I know you might think you know who Finn is, but I’m telling you, you don’t. He’s no better than Tommy and these guys.” I pause for effect, slicing my eyes to Finn. “He broke my finger without blinking twice about it.”
“How long is it going to take you to move on from the past?” Finn huffs out.
“An entire goddamn lifetime.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Finn asserts. “Consider it a peace offering. A different way of saying sorry for all the shit you won’t let go.”
“I’m not taking a cent from you.”
Finn growls, twisting the bag down his arm and flinging it into the wall on the opposite side of the room. “They’re going to come back, Colson. Those fucking guys, did they seem like they were just chitchatting yesterday for the hell of wasting their breath?” He lifts his index finger to his temple. “They had a fucking gun pressed to my head just because I was in the same room as you. You screwed Tommy over, and they want blood , but they’re giving you the chance to settle it with money. When are you going to learn to read between the words people say?”
“I did listen, but there’s nothing for me to do about it. The money I do have is stuck in a house your father took from me. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s long gone by now. I’m not a fucking idiot. Well aware that I’m a sitting duck, but I have no other option than to take my chances and hope Tommy steps off his high horse and forgets about it.”
Finn spits out an obnoxious laugh. “You think he’s going to forget ?” He grasps his jaw and spins around, eyes right back on me in the next second. “Real shame for you, Violet. You’re in love with a goddamn dumbass.”
“We don’t want to see you hurting more than you already are,” my girl says, her brown eyes full of worry.
“He doesn’t want me hurt so he can manipulate me into paying him back, and who the hell knows what else.”
“This isn’t then,” Violet tries to assure me. I can’t stop wondering if her care for me travels deeper than her sitting on the edge of my hospital bed looking at me like she is. She said before that she loves me, but would she be utterly wrecked if Tommy came back around and took more of me?
I try to think about what I’d do if I were her and she was me. If she made a series of bad choices that led to her being confined to a hospital bed with an underground fighting lord up her ass, would I tell her to take Finn’s money?
My jaw clenches, and I look over at the man who’s desperately trying to push his way into my life. “What do you want from me?”
“Fucking nothing,” Finn says straightaway, conviction behind every word. “Not a penny. You want me to write that down and get it notarized?”
What’s his angle? He has to have one.
But as I watch him, hands on his hips with a look of resignation on his face and like he might actually care, I wonder, for the first time, if maybe there isn’t an underlying scheme planned.
What if Finn is being real with me?
What if Violet is right to trust him on this?
What if he wants to pay back Tommy for the simple notion of keeping me whole?
“If I go along with this…”
“I won’t ask a fucking thing of you,” Finn claims.
A knock sounds at the door and unlike yesterday, our hackles raise. I sit taller in my bed and silently motion for Violet to get into the attached bathroom. I don’t want her near Tommy’s guys if that’s who’s walking in.
I swallow the boulder at the back of my throat when I see the three of them, tall as fucking skyscrapers, walk into the small room. This time, they don’t pull their guns out. Guess they got their point across yesterday.
The leader of the pack steps forward, eyeballing me. “You have Tommy’s money, yes?”
His Russian accent would be cool if he weren’t working for a total fucking asshole. I hope Eli knows what he’s doing when it comes to his boss. He hasn’t been in to see me once, not that I expected it, but I wonder if he even knows what happened.
“If I don’t?” I question, toeing the line. I want to see if the same deal is on the table as yesterday because I really don’t want to take Finn’s money. I’m beginning to realize I might have to.
The Russian brings his thumb up to his neck and slices across it. “Just like we discussed.”
“I’m in a fucking hospital bed that Tommy put me in. How does he expect me to get anything for him?”
The Russian shrugs. “Your problem. Not Tommy’s.”
Finn whips his duffel bag at the guy, but my stomach sinks for an entirely different reason—relief. It whooshes through my veins like the meds I’ve had every day since my accident.
“There’s all of Tommy’s goddamn money. This ends his ties with Colson.”
“Funny man,” Russian smirks as he unzips the bag. “Thinking you set rules.” He pushes the cash around, indicating to the two men behind him to count it. They set up shop beside me, using my hovering table as a surface to put stacks of cash on.
I count a couple thousand before my eyes cut to Finn. There’s a dark expression on his face, a look of disdain as he regards the Russians. Is that what he looks like when he’s doing deals for Clyde? Emotionless and raw? I don’t need the answer. I remember what his face looked like the day he broke my finger. He didn’t have a warm drop of blood in his body that day.
Perhaps having Finn on my side isn’t all bad.
The two cash counters nod at their leader.
“They assure all money is there,” the man says.
“Just like I said it was,” Finn snaps.
My eyes skit to the bathroom door where Violet hides. What would they do if they knew she was inside? Thankfully, I don’t find out because they gather at the door, keeping Finn’s bag and the cash inside.
The leader speaks, his broken English coming through tenfold. “You no longer step foot in Battleground. Tommy finds you disobey, and he will retaliate with no other option than sending me to break bony little legs.”
“Fine,” I chirp. Fighting is the last thing I need with Violet back at my side. I was foolish once before, but I’m not willing to risk losing her again over something I need less than her. “He won’t see me around.”
Just get the fuck out and stay gone.
“Not just yours,” The Russian adds, turning to Finn. “I will find you also and wipe that scumbag look off face by breaking you into four. And if you’re wondering how possible, trust I’ve done to many others on Tommy’s behalf and will do again. To both of you if you do not understand message loud and clear, yes?” He makes a snapping sound with his mouth. “You will break like twig.”
Finn tongues his cheek, glaring at the man threatening dismemberment. “We fucking understand.”
“Wonderful,” The Russian says and then he’s out the door with his guys, leaving my body in a similar flurry of panic. Only this time it’s mixed with so much alleviation that I could jump out of this bed and dance like Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory .
Violet peeks her head out of the bathroom. “All clear?”
“Yeah, baby,” I breathe out. “I think we’re finally goddamn solid.”
Finn stands at the foot of my bed, expelling a tight breath. He scrubs his hand over his face then holds his arms wide. “Looks like we’re both on the chopping block if you decide to take your dumbass back to the fighting scene.” I glare at him because I have no plans on doing so. That was a lapse in judgment, a mistake I’ll never make again now that I have Violet back in close quarters. “Still think I don’t give a fuck about you?”
I just scowl at him, ignoring his presence when he sits in the corner and switches his attention to his phone. I don’t tell him to leave, but I don’t necessarily want him here, either. Then again, he did just spot me thousands of dollars to save my ass from Tommy Lescaro.
So, I let him stay.