36. Chapter 32
Zoe
Mixed feelings flood through me as we drive to the location.
My hands tremble as I press them between my thighs and the car seat. Eli shouldn’t see them shaking. Controlling my racing heart and breath seems hard enough.
This is my first time leaving the apartment since I returned from the yacht, aside from that one time we went to the clinic for a check-up. For me, it’s a big deal. A huge one.
I was almost certain that the moment I stepped outside the apartment, I would panic. The first step, then the second… But nothing happened. It’s safe. Turns out I’m stronger than my worries suggest. Fear has a nasty habit of rearing its head the moment you show even a shred of courage.
Eli’s hand drops onto my knee. Does he understand what I’m going through? My focus shifts to that spot, to the warmth of his hand. And my heart slows down, my breathing steadies.
I gaze at him as he drives. He’s concentrated, face impassive. If he knows what that touch does for me, he doesn’t let on.
Eli is with me all the time. He’s here despite everything and against all logic. Calmness and renewed strength rush through me.
“You’re my rock, a support I never expected. Thank you. I haven’t said it yet, but I’m saying it now. For everything you’ve done for me. Your presence is helping me heal my deepest wound.”
Eli gives me a quick glance. “You don’t have to thank me.
God knows I doubted myself every day, wondering if what I was doing helped.
But Raven, to be clear, my loyalty lies deeply with you.
You’re the priority of my life. And I realize we’re not only creating something beautiful together but also something strong. ”
I love you, Eli Montgomery.
Pulling my hand from under my thigh, I place it on his and intertwine our fingers. This simple gesture speaks louder than a thousand words.
Soon, we reach an abandoned warehouse. At least, that’s what it looks like.
Even in the dark, Eli guides me with ease through the grounds, then through the warehouse itself, to the basement.
I can easily ignore the dirty, cobweb-filled corridors, the musty air with its strange odor, and the dampness settling on my face. All my attention is on the hand guiding me.
We step down from the last stair, and Eli stops.
“Are you sure you’re ready? If not, that’s fine. We can turn back; we don’t have to do this,” he says, looking deep into my eyes.
His need to make sure I’m okay makes me fall in love with him a little bit more. How is that even possible?
The last hint of hesitation vanishes from my thoughts. “I’m ready.”
Eli opens the door for me, and we cross the threshold side by side. Two steps farther in, I stop.
Chains stretch Damien’s arms upward and pulls them to the ceiling.
His head hangs limply, bloodied with many cuts.
Two of his fingers have been severed. The open knee fracture and twisted foot are definitely Theo’s handiwork.
From what I’ve heard, he has a healthy—or unhealthy—penchant for breaking bones.
And judging by the missing body parts and stab wounds, Ryker was also artistically inclined.
Boxer shorts are the only thing he’s wearing. He’s dirty, cut up, and bruised in more than a few places. I can smell him from a distance. He’s more like a homeless person than the Damien I remember.
It’s a beautiful disaster, revealing the darkest sides of humanity.
“What’s been going on here all this time?” I whisper to Eli.
“As far as I’m aware, he was a feeding ground for my brothers’ demons. They could do whatever they wanted to him as long as they kept him alive. He didn’t say a word about Veirix or Aisling. They tortured him, starved him, reduced his humanity to an absolute minimum.”
“You didn’t want to be here with them? Didn’t you want revenge?” I ask, growing more and more curious.
Eli’s eyes bore into mine as he answers. “Of course I wanted revenge. But you’re more important.”
Being with me was more important than revenge… That’s what he’s trying to tell me. I see it clearly.
“Do they know? Ryker and Theo?”
“Of course not. If they had questions, neither of them asked, and I wouldn’t have answered. We trust each other. When one of us says that man is going to end up in the morgue, we act as one.”
I look back at that spot, and then I notice Theo standing a little farther away. He’s breathing heavily. A few drops of blood show on his face, probably not his own.
Seeing us, he approaches, but he doesn’t stop in front of Eli. He stops right in front of me.
In Theo’s eyes, I see a shocking excitement. There’s a demon inside him that sometimes reveals itself, one that feeds on elaborate tortures. I see it. And what’s even stranger is that it doesn’t scare me at all.
“Zoe,” he mutters. I don’t understand what he’s searching for in my eyes, but he stares deeply into them.
From what I already know, Theo’s good at reading the dark side of people.
He sees it in me. He doesn’t know the details, but he recognizes it.
Perhaps even much more, because after a moment he nods like we’re communicating without words and says aloud again, “He’s all yours, little one. Our fun here’s over.”
He walks past me and leaves without another word. Whatever occurred here, my gut tells me I have more support from these guys than I thought. All three of them—Eli, Ryker, and Theo—form a tight circle. A circle that has accepted me as one of their own.
Damien’s groan snaps me out of my thoughts. He raises his head with difficulty, and when he sees me, his eyes widen. He doesn’t seem to believe we would ever meet again.
It’s the two of us.
“Zoe,” he rasps my name. A dry throat makes it sound that way.
Neither of us makes a move, nor takes a step.
For a timeless moment, I stare at him. At the man who has caused me so much pain, inflicted so many wounds. And thoughts swirl in my head.
Killing a person for the first time opens a certain cycle. I’ve experienced it myself. I destroyed Nathaniel. Though that wasn’t the plan, my actions led to Jeremiah’s death. Finally, in self-defense, I took Owen’s life.
And now… Now I was living for the thought of Damien’s death. The dream of his last breath.
Will I close this circle again after killing Damien? Am I capable of stopping?
Who am I? Who will I be then?
When my thoughts finally settle, each finding its proper place, I look at Eli. I know he would love to have his fingers buried in Damien’s guts right now, but he’s giving me time. He’s handing control over to me while remaining a spectator.
I slowly approach Damien. He hangs there like a rag doll. A broken toy. A meaningless piece of the puzzle.
Our eyes meet, and he wants to say something. He opens his mouth, but he can’t. Doesn’t apologize. Doesn’t threaten. And doesn’t beg.
I already know what I should do.
His gaze is simply sad when I speak.
“For years, I lived in hatred for the four of you. For years, I clung to the hope that one day I’d see every one of you dead.
And I came here precisely to finish what I started.
What you did on the yacht is unforgivable.
What you deprived me of—looking at you now, I think you understand.
You deprived yourself of it. To some extent, I understand your revenge.
But why did you hurt me so much as a child?
What did that child ever do to you? I tried to be polite and nice. I wanted—”
I pause for a moment to swallow the lump growing in my throat. “I wanted you to be my older brothers. The kind who defend the younger and weaker ones, not the kind who make them wish for their own death. Why, Damien?”
Silence.
It lasts so long that I think he won’t answer.
There’s movement behind me. Eli takes a step, but stops. He wants to comfort me right now, but I have to do this alone.
Damien struggles to swallow the dryness in his throat. I doubt for a moment that he’ll be able to say anything.
“You had something… that… we were missing. All of us.”
I don’t understand what he’s talking about. “We were all in the same situation. None of us had parents; we were alone. I had nothing else.”
“That’s not true. You weren’t… alone. You had Ash. Support. Family. Someone… loved you.”
A trembling breath leaves my lungs.
Without warning, a thin stream of tears flows from Damien’s eyes. His gaze still doesn’t apologize, doesn’t ask for forgiveness. But…
It shows his pain. It shows his loneliness.
I know exactly what it means to have other people around you and yet drown in loneliness. As he drowned in loneliness among his foster brothers.
That is the real reason I went through all that hell.
Someone loved me. And that was more than anyone could ever give those boys. Each of us was lost, but not everyone was loved.
“I’m sorry, Damien. I’m sorry you saw it that way back then. Maybe I had a small heart as a child, but I had love in it for every person. If only you’d let me be a sister to you back then, I would have loved you just like I love my sister. And just like she loves me.”
Damien nods slightly. His tears keep flowing.
Now I think I understand why he was nice and charming when we saw each other. When I was feeling sad, he made an effort to look after me. He texted me “good morning” and “good night.” He used his own body to protect me from the gunfire.
I understand his bitterness when he found out the truth about the others.
He was a cartel operative; he killed people. He said himself that he’d done a lot of bad things in his life. But I didn’t want to see him that way.
Now I know that somewhere deep inside this grown man is a child who just wants to be loved. Just as I would have wanted to love him in his adult life.
“Back then… After it was all over, you said that every time I looked in the mirror, I’d see a woman who was her archenemy.
You were wrong. I see a woman in the mirror who is strong.
Who isn’t a victim but a survivor. I came here intending to kill you.
I won’t do it. You’ll live out the rest of your days with the knowledge of your bad choices, the knowledge that everything could have been different.
Now I’m finally free from the revenge that has held me captive all these years.
I’ll erase you from my memory. You aren’t worth me ever thinking about you again. Goodbye, Damien.”
I turn to Eli, who has an inscrutable expression on his face.
“I’d like to leave now,” I whisper to him.
Eli nods. “Whatever you wish. I just want to have a quick word with Damien.”
“Okay. I’ll wait upstairs. I need some fresh air anyway.”
A quick peck on his cheek, and I head outside.
Freedom.