35. Chapter 31
Eli
Zoe’s scream jolts me awake. In a split second, I sit up in bed and assess the danger that might lurk in the darkness. The instinct to fight and protect what is most precious to me seems like an unconditional reflex.
At first, I don’t know what the hell is going on. In the bedroom, only the shadows of night creep across the walls and ceiling. Nothing disturbing catches my eye.
Then Zoe’s rapid breathing and whimpering reach my ears. My body naturally gravitates toward her side of the mattress.
“No, no…” she mumbles incoherently, the words laced with suffering, fear, and the need to regain control.
Her body lurches first to the right, then to the left, like a puppet hanging on strings. Zoe's hands are clenched tightly into fists. I’m sure I’ll find crescent-shaped nail marks on the inside of them in the morning. Even in the gray of the night, the sweat on her skin is visible.
But that moan… it comes again. And it tears my heart apart.
Dear God, let me take this pain away from her. I beg you, send upon me whatever is tormenting her in her dreams.
I’m not sure if He can hear my thoughts. Hopefully, that will be the case.
And more muffled words…
Her ragged breathing becomes mine as well. I have to help her!
Lying down next to Zoe, I pull her nightmare-trapped body close to me. Her head lands on my chest, and I hold her tight.
“Shhh… I’m here, sweetheart. Listen to my heart. It beats for you. You’re safe when you hear it. You’re in no danger,” I whisper, hoping the words reach her soul. Stroking her hair, I keep talking.
“Feel my touch; let it soothe you. Smell my scent. It’s familiar.
It’s safe. Just like you. Sleep peacefully, my little one.
I’ll watch over you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.
And I love you so, so much. It’s in every cell of my body, in every inch of my veins.
How is it possible that you entered me as if into your own home?
You made yourself at home in a man who didn’t believe in love.
And now… Now he can’t and won’t live without you.
I have no idea, but I thank you for it every minute.
Let me be your home too, a peaceful and safe haven.
I’ll be your support. I’ll be whatever you need.
You’re safe in my arms. Sleep, my Raven. ”
Somewhere in the middle of my words, Zoe’s body stops fighting the demons and she calms down.
The first three days after that incident are the hardest. On the surface, Zoe seems calm, composed, even cold. The truth creeps out at night when her deepest fears come to the surface. That’s when she needs me most, when that facade of composure crumbles.
And I don’t leave her side for a second.
Locked in her apartment like in a bubble, I try to help her. To heal her.
Every single day, I suffer because I can’t erase those events from her memory. Every scream of hers is like a dagger. Every sob twists my heart. And yet, I would rather suffer a thousand times more just so she could find relief.
And even though I know it will take time, even though I’m not entirely sure if it’s working, I try to be there for her.
“Eli, I think I need to get some tests done,” Zoe says on the fourth day after I finally persuade her to eat at least a croissant for breakfast.
“Have you decided to press charges?”
Zoe shakes her head. Her face is pale, and she has dark circles under the eyes from hard nights. I’m so damn worried about her.
“No, that’s not it. It’s about STDs.” She bites her lower lip, afraid to say it out loud. My hand closes around her small one, and I stroke her knuckles. Finally, she takes a deep breath. “He didn’t use protection. I need to make sure I’m not…”
She doesn’t have to finish; I know what she means.
“Sure, of course,” I say. “Do you want me to make an appointment for us today? Or would you rather wait a day or two?”
“I don’t want to wait. This is the right time, just like any other.”
Zoe’s eyes are slightly misty; her gaze isn’t as open as it used to be. It’s understandable.
Safety and love. That’s what I promise myself I’ll give her every day for the rest of my life.
“No problem, sweetheart. Leave it to me. I’ll take care of everything and we’ll go.”
“Will you go there with me?” she asks, surprised.
“If you didn’t want to go with me, I’d go after you. I want to be there for you.”
At my words, a smile blooms on her face. It’s really small, shy, but that’s enough for me right now.
When we receive the test results, our hearts feel lighter.
“That’s good. That’s very good,” she comments, seeing in black and white that she’s clean.
More days pass.
Ryker and Theo are worried, but they try not to push. I give all the instructions over the phone. They don’t comment on my strange behavior or the orders I’m issuing from my position as the Pact’s highest-ranking general.
“Don’t you have to go back to work?” Zoe asks one day. “You know, you don’t have to babysit me. I’ll be fine if you go for a few hours to do what you need to do.”
I study her face, every detail, and analyze it. Is she sick of me already? Maybe she doesn’t know how to tell me that? Or maybe I’m doing something wrong? Is what I’m doing actually helping her?
“Don’t look at me like that,” she adds with a slight smile.
“I’m not babysitting you, Zoe. I’m taking care of you. I’m right where I should be—by your side. And that’s the difference. Besides, I’m here because I want to be, not because I have to be.”
“You know…” She starts uncertainly and drops her gaze. “I’ve been thinking about it. I think it’s time. The nightmares are getting milder, and some nights they don’t happen at all. Thanks to you, and I thank you for that. But I feel like I’m slowly standing on my own two feet again.”
What she says makes me happier than anything else. “Time for what, sweetheart?” I rub my forehead with my hand.
“Damn, how long has it been? A month? You gave up everything for me…” She clenches her fingers on the sweatshirt. “I don’t want to be the reason you’ve stopped. You gave up everything for me, and I think it’s time to slowly get things back on track.”
I blink, not believing what I’m hearing.
So, I walk up to her, grab her by the waist, and gently pull her close to me.
Our physical contact is always like this—delicate. I can imply that I want to hug her, kiss her, but at the same time, she knows she’s in complete control. I gave it to her because she needs to feel it in her fingertips. That she’s in control. At every moment.
Zoe takes a small step, and for the first time since that day, our bodies consciously touch fully. It’s a huge step for her, but for me as well.
My girlfriend wraps her arms around my neck and lets me hold her tighter.
I’m over the moon.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I mean it’s time for us to get our lives back, Eli. And time for Damien Estrada to get what he deserves.”
My eyes widen in surprise. I’m not sure if I misheard her. Am I understanding her correctly?
“First, we haven’t lost our lives. This is our life. And as for Damien—”
“I’m not a victim!” she bursts out, then repeats the same thing more calmly. “I’m not a victim. Back when we were sitting there crying, you promised me he’d pay for this. You promised it. And I think that time has come.”
I’ve been waiting for this day. I won’t deny that I’ve been waiting patiently.
“Are you sure about this? Are you ready?”
“I’m sure. I don’t feel ready. But I feel like I have to do this.” As she says this, her eyes sparkle and a sinister smile spreads across my face.
“Get dressed, Raven.”
“What?”
“I have a surprise for you. Come on, get dressed.”
Zoe lets go of me and takes two steps back to look at me again. “What kind of surprise is it?”
I sigh because I can’t keep secrets from her. Keeping this from her for so long has cost me a hell of a lot. “What you want to do with him is up to you. You’ve wanted to take revenge on him for years, not just now. His fate is in your hands. He’s waiting for you.”
Zoe narrows her eyes and immediately guesses the truth. “You have him... How long have you had him?”
I shrug. “We’ve had him…” Silence. “From the third day. We’ve been holding him in one of our special places ever since. The only reason he’s still alive is that he’s waiting. Waiting until you’re ready.”
The smile that appears on Zoe’s face is just as sinister as mine.
“Thank you, Eli.”
And finally, ever since that night… I don’t see fear in her.
A moment later, she’s gone.
We've got it. The worst is now behind us.
Thank you, God.