63. Chapter 62
Final grades were trickling in by the time the last day on campus arrived for most students.
Most returned home, taking the summer as a break from academic surroundings for sandy beaches, small-town lakes, or ritzy vineyards if their families were rich enough.
Some applied to stay on campus in their apartment over the summer for extra tuition.
Ivy intended to apply for that option, but missed the deadline while she was unconscious.
Even if she hadn’t missed the deadline, she probably wouldn’t have applied after what happened. She could use a break from this campus.
She couldn’t stay at her parents’ house the entire summer either.
It would disrupt their schedule too much and could hinder their health.
She’d visit, of course. Though a part of her was terrified if she went home, Gabriel would follow.
She hadn’t heard or seen anything that could point to his whereabouts. Or what his next move would be.
Ivy tagged along with Maeve, Rhea, and Liam to the Wayfarer’s Courtyard.
Unlike her, they were all going back home for the summer.
She hugged each of them tightly, promising she’d write to them when she figured out where she was staying.
Maeve tried to convince her to stay with her for the summer, but she said no every time it was brought up.
She couldn’t be around that many people right now.
Once she said goodbye to everyone, she drifted through campus, hoping that soaking in the warm spring sunshine and listening to the birds chirp would heal something inside her.
The world continued spinning, while her own stopped back in February.
When she entered Arcania Yard, she came to a halt.
Her heart thudded heavily and her throat seized.
It was Ezra. He was ahead on the path and headed in her direction. His head was down, the hood of his Arcania sweatshirt was over his messy curls, and one hand clung to a backpack slung over his shoulder. He was leaving. But where was he going? He couldn’t go home.
What he did shouldn’t matter to her anymore. She shouldn’t care about what he did anymore. She took a step back, trying to force herself to turn around and leave. But she was frozen. When he finally lifted his head, he came to an abrupt stop.
Both of them stood still, staring as if they were waiting for the other to make the first move.
He looked different. His confident posture sagged. His once clean-shaven face was covered in a dark brown beard, and his curls were more of a tangled mess than her own hair.
Ezra’s shoulders straightened, and he took the first step toward her. The closer he got to her, the more her resolve weakened. Tears slid down her cheeks by the time he came to a stop in front of her. His eyes were ringed with red and dark circles, the beautiful blue bright from his own tears.
“Ivy.” His voice was soft. But broken.
Even though it was the first time hearing him in nearly three months, every variation of his voice played in her head every day.
She’d hear his laugh around every corner, the playful nickname he gave her, his whispers of sweet nothings, his moans, his cries, and his screams echoing in the chamber below.
She had no memories of him saving her, but the energy of that night lingered in her.
In her bones. Her blood. Pain, anguish, love. It was all there, all the time.
“Ezra, I don’t want to talk to you,” she said, her voice shaking.
“Please, Ivy, let me explain.”
“I’ve given you time,” she spat, more tears stinging her cheeks. His hand instinctively reached to brush them away, but she reared her head back. “You said nothing.”
His jaw clenched, and he let his hand drop. “I should’ve told you, I know that. And if I could go back, I would. If I’d known how much you would mean to me, I nev—”
“Never would’ve covered up your father’s crimes? This is more than just your father.” She crossed her arms and chewed her bottom lip. “I understand you felt like you had no choice. But you had at least one. You could’ve told me and you chose not to. You kept it a secret from me.”
He exhaled shakily as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“If I didn’t allow myself to get close to you, if we didn’t…” Her voice drifted off as she pushed the word love away. “Care about each other, when I went missing…would you have erased me too?”
“Ivy,” he murmured, shaking his head. “I would never—”
“Even if you didn’t care about me?” She needed to know if he would’ve erased her from this world too. She hoped he would say yes, so it would be easier to leave him behind. So it would be easier to stop loving him. “If I were only some printed ink on a page for you to steal?”
“Never,” he said thickly, his sob catching in his throat.
She wished she could believe him as easily as she used to. “How can I trust you?”
“You can’t.” His chin wobbled as his stare bore into her.
“But that won’t stop me from proving to you that you’ll be able to again one day.
I’ll do everything to make this right, to make up for all the destruction I’ve caused.
Even if I don’t have my m—” He stopped himself short, his eyes dropping to the ground.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “You don’t have your what?”
He shook his head. “It’s not for you to worry about. It’s mine.”
“Fine,” she said, her voice like a knife. “Keep another secret to yourself. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Ivy, please,” he begged, glancing back at her. “I’m sorry.”
She clenched her jaw so hard her teeth might crack.
All she wanted was to break down and run to him and let his magic wash over hers.
But crawling into his arms became an instinct she would no longer allow herself to follow.
She tore her gaze away from him. She couldn’t watch his ocean-blue eyes plead or his beautiful face redden from his anguish.
She forced herself to step around him, the cardamom scent begging her to stay.
Once she had left the yard, her cries burst out of her like a broken dam.
A part of her expected him to chase her.
Maybe a part of her wanted him to so she could hold on to the sound of his voice, or his warmth a little longer.
But he didn’t. And it only made her sob harder.
She ambled through the campus blindly until she found herself twisting through the hedge maze. When she peered ahead, the swaying snapdragons peeked over the tops of the hedges.
“Goddamit.” She sank to the gravel path. Of course, her mind would guide her here of all places. She curled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she let the tears flow.
The gravel on the path next to her crunched beneath footsteps, and Professor Thorne turned the corner in her gardening gear and holding her pail of tools. “Oh dear, I thought that was you I saw come in here.”
“Sorry, I know it’s the last day an—”
“Oh, nonsense,” she dismissed, coming to sit on the ground next to her. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you getting ready to go home?”
“I was going to stay here for the summer, but…I missed the deadline, and I can’t go home. It’s too…”
“Dangerous?” Thorne asked.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I…I just realized I never thanked you, Professor. I’m s—”
“Don’t you pay mind to that,” Thorne hushed, patting Ivy’s shoulder. “You needed time…probably still need time after what happened.”
Ivy nodded.
“I was surprised when your friend found me, but when she told me what happened…well, I cursed myself because I should’ve said something earlier.”
Ivy’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean?”
“I was in my fourth year of teaching when your brother came to Arcania,” Thorne said, shifting to stare directly at Ivy.
“He was in a few of my classes and seemed to be a promising, albeit strange, student. When he was in his second year, students were turning up dead. The school hid it to avoid national headlines, but some of us wouldn’t look the other way.
Between myself, Frank—sorry, Professor Murray, and Walsh.
We discovered Gabriel was behind the murders in order to open the door to the Nether.
“Before it could go too far, your parents chose to sacrifice their magic to seal him inside and enchant the door to only open with the blood of their children. We thought it would be impossible since your mother couldn’t have more.
And based on everything we knew about the Nether, we didn’t think he would survive. ”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Ivy asked.
“I assumed this wasn’t possible.” She sighed. “Clearly I was wrong.”
“If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that the impossible is actually possible.” Ivy pushed herself off the ground, swaying slightly as she stood. “I should go pack my things to visit home and find a place to stay. Have a nice break, Professor.”
“Ivy?” Thorne said, pushing herself to standing with a little more effort.
“I have a small apothecary shop in town that I open during the tourist season. There’s a furnished studio above it I rent out, but I haven’t found a tenant yet.
If you’d like, you could stay there, and I could show you around the shop?
I could also tell you the rest of the story about what happened twenty-five years ago. ”
“Really?”
“Yes,” Thorne said, smiling gently. “There’ll be no more secrets from me.”
A laugh, the first one in months, bubbled in her chest as a few more tears pricked at her eyes. “I would like that.”