Chapter 35 #2
“I’m not acting,” I say calmly. “I mean, okay, the relationship was…staged,” I admit only because he saw the contract in my email and I can’t exactly deny it. “But the engagement was real.”
“Of course it was. You couldn’t access the trust without real papers.”
I chew on my own words for a moment. I could fight with him all day. Go around all day. But that would only drive us in vicious circles. It wouldn’t get us anywhere we haven’t been before. And right now I’m too tired for that.
“I wouldn’t keep the money for myself,” I tell him. “I’ve never cared about money. Or status or any of that. What I cared about…still care about…is his legacy. Keeping alive what he built. Care for people who can’t afford it otherwise.”
“I know you have a soft spot for your patients,” he says.
“They’re not patients, Josh. They’re people.
People who didn’t grow up with what we had.
People who have to bust their asses just for the bare minimum in health care.
It’s bad enough that health care is seen as a luxury.
It’s worse that people…sick, hurt, broken people… are turned away. It’s criminal.”
Josh finally stops pacing and sits down next to me with a grunt. “Yeah, well, most people in the top tier don’t see it that way. Hospitals are businesses too, you know.”
“Business,” I mutter. “Right. Gotta make a profit.”
“You do realize that I don’t give a shit if you wanna keep the clinic open right?” he asks.
“You’ve been trying to shut it down since he died,” I argue.
“I’ve been trying to cut costs. Dad was a good man,”
“He was a philanthropist.”
“Right,” he half heartedly agrees. “But his heart was bigger than our wallet. The hospital has been in danger of shutting down for years. The only reason it hasn’t is because that kind of thing takes time.
That and I’ve been moving money around the accounts like a goddamn game of chess.
Believe it or not, I don’t want to see it fail either.
But at this point, it’s not about profit.
It’s about survival. My name is on that sign too, you know. ”
Josh readjusts himself on the floor (we’re not young but there’s also no chairs in here either so it is what it is) and he unbuttons the top two buttons of his shirt with a heavy sigh.
It’s weird, being like this with him. Josh and I are so used to sparing that we are always in perfect form.
Neither of us ever puts our sword down. Not gonna lie. It’s exhausting.
“You know I care right?” he goes on once he’s semi-comfortable.
I don’t want to see the hospital fail. That would feel like failing him.
But I’m not a doctor. I’m not chief surgeon, following in the footsteps of one of the greatest men who ever lived.
I’m just the number cruncher. And you might not believe it but that’s a hair graying job too. ”
“I have more gray hair than you do,” I mumble.
“That’s because you’re older. And grumpier,” he jabs and it earns a small gritty laugh from me. In return, I get half a grin. I get up and walk over to the fridge and he tosses me a questioning nod.
“What?” I ask, pulling out two long-neck bottles. “If we have to endure our little sister’s mandatory intervention, I think we at least deserve a couple beers, don’t you?” I walk back to him and hand him a beer.
“She is bossy, isn’t she?” he asks.
We both take a long pull from our drinks and I sit back down, facing him this time. “With two older brothers like us, I think it’s her job.”
“I gotta be honest…” he starts in. I think the bottle of wine he drank at the dinner table and the half a beer he’s already downed is loosening his screws a little.
“The fact that he left the money to you to handle alone always kind of got under my skin. It should have been split three ways. With no mandatory marital clause, you know?”
I let out a small laugh, my lips tugging into half a smirk.
“Yeah. I never really understood that part. I’ve been married before.
It’s not like he didn’t know that. And we all know how well that went.
I swore I’d never fall in love again seeing as how I can’t—” I stop.
I’m not finishing that sentence, at least not until I finish my beer.
“Maybe that’s why then,” he says, his words slurring a little.
“Maybe that’s why what?” I ask, my eyes narrowing curiously.
“Maybe he knew you were sworn to the bachelor life because of your medical test results. And he didn’t want that for you.”
I shake my head with a humph. “That would be ridiculous,” I say as I take another sip.
“That would be dad,” he chuckles and he’s not wrong. Our dad wasn’t just a savior of the people, he was a romantic, even though he lost our mom years ago. “You know…I’ve done a lot of research on other hospitals,” he says.
“You mean to compare how rich they are compared to us?” I jab.
“No. Not the successful ones. The ones that have gone under,” he answers and I look up at him.
“You mean bankruptcy?”
“Yep. Nearly twenty across the US this year alone.”
“Damn,” I shake my head.
“That’s all I’m trying to prevent. I don’t do the work you do. But I’d like to think that keeping our doors open honors him too,” Josh says, setting his empty bottle aside.
I take in a breath and let it out.
“You’ve done well, Josh,” I admit. And I mean it. After all, we are still open, clinic and all.
“Not well enough,” he says. “We’re running out. We’re going to have to figure something out. Even if that something is you tying the knot with your fiery little fiancée.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work out,” I tell him and he looks at me.
“Did you fuck it up?” he asks and I just take another sip. “No offense, Cam, but how could you fuck it up? It wasn’t real.”
“It wasn’t…until it was.”
“So you had feelings for her?”
“Her. The kid. All of it,” I say.
“The kid too? Damn, brother. You were in deep. So what’s the catch? I mean other than her being a perfect stranger and you having to convince James and the board that she wasn’t,” he half jokes and I guess I deserve it.
“That’s the thing. She wasn’t a stranger…not entirely.”
“Go on…” he tips his chin up at me.
“I may or may not have gotten drunkenly tangled up with her about five or so years ago,” I say.
“When?” he asks, sitting up straighter.
“At the hospital charity party…”
“You mean the one where you dressed up like Santa?” he laughs. Then A connects to B and he stops. “Wait. On the rooftop?”
I nod.
“Riley was the girl from the rooftop that I caught you with?”
I nod again.
“Riley was Mrs. Clause?” he asks.
“Ms… but yes.”
“Jesus,” he laughs.
“You know what else happened five years ago?” I ask.
“I was going to say maybe sure there’s always an exit door to every room you’re in but clearly that’s not the case,” he jokes.
“Riley got pregnant,” I state and his smile fades.
“With Noah,” he says.
“With Noah,” I echo.
“But you can’t…”
I shake my head. “Not according to the battery of tests I’ve subjected myself to, no,” I answer.
“So who’s the dad then?” he asks.
“She claims there was nowhere else.”
“Hmm,” he says. “And how would you feel about it if that’s true?”
I just stare at him. So far he’s done pretty well keeping up but apparently I’ve lost him to the booze. “It can’t be,” I say.
“Look, I’m no doctor. But it wouldn’t be the first time a man was told he was sterile only to find out he’s gonna be a dad. You know that.”
“It’s rare.”
His cocky grin is back. “But possible.”
I finish my beer and he studies me for a moment. Then he goes on. “So…that said…same question as before? How would you feel if you were his dad?”
“I’d be…fucking…elated,” I say angrily, only so I can mask the emotion I’m actually feeling.
“And if you’re not?” he asks the obvious next question.
“I don’t want to think about that,” I admit.
But then it hits me. My biggest fear isn’t the test being negative. My fear is that I’ve fucked up enough…hurt them enough…that regardless of the test results neither of them are ever going to want to have anything to do with me.
Either way…I need to do that test.