Chapter 18
JACQUELINE
Jesse pulled back like he’d touched a live wire. One second, we’d been in it, caught up in a kiss that had been hot, reckless, and completely consuming, but the next, he was staring at me, his face draining of all color.
“Oh, shit.”
That was all he said.
Not wow or that was a mistake. Just oh, shit.
Still a little dazed myself, all I could do was stare back at him, still feeling the ghost of him on my lips and the warmth of his hands at my waist. It had been a great kiss and yet, right now, he looked horrified.
Completely pale now, the color had drained from his cheeks so fast that I felt my stomach bottom out in response.
“Did you hit your head when you fell in?” I asked immediately, because that had to be it. There was no other explanation that wasn’t utterly insulting to me.
He shook his head, but it happened too fast to be of any comfort. “No. No, I didn’t.”
“Are you sure?” I pressed, pushing wet hair out of my face as I treaded water. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost, and unless there’s another giant bug lurking around here somewhere, I’m going to assume it’s concussion related.”
“I’m fine,” he ground out, but he was already moving away from me, putting distance between us at an astonishing pace.
As soon as he reached the edge of the pool, he climbed out of the water and turned to offer me his hand. I took it, letting him pull me up, but the second my feet hit the deck, he let go.
Like contact itself is the problem.
“What—”
“Goodnight,” he said, not even looking at me as he cut off the question I hadn’t gotten around to asking.
With that, he spun on his heels, dripping water all over the floor as he hurried inside. Disappearing into the house like I’d just told him I was contagious, he was gone before my head had even stopped spinning.
I glanced down at myself, at the water still clinging to my skin and sliding down my arms. My heart was still beating just a little too fast and he was already gone.
Personally, I’d liked that kiss. A lot. So much that I would have kept kissing him.
I would have happily stayed right there in that pool until we’d both forgotten how to form coherent sentences, but he was acting like I’d made him sick to his stomach.
As soon as that thought hit, I felt the blood drain from my own face in turn. There were towels hanging on hooks near the door and I marched over, grabbing one and drying off before following Jesse into the house.
He was nowhere to be seen, though. Probably in his room. Maybe that was for the best.
Confusion raced through me, so thick that it made me feel like I was moving in a daze. I finally made it to my room, showered, and changed into dry clothes, but even as I tugged on an oversized shirt and shorts, my brain kept replaying the last ten minutes whether I wanted it to or not.
The way he’d kissed me and then just… stopped.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a second, tilting my head as I took note of my flushed cheeks and slightly swollen lips. What the hell was wrong with me? Jesse was known for being impulsive and chasing women, but I never let myself lose control like that.
This was Jesse Westwood, for heaven’s sake. The guy didn’t date. He grazed, moving from woman to woman whenever he got bored. It should have been no surprise he made a move on me. The surprise was how I had reacted to his kiss. I had leaned into it, wanting more. So much more.
But that was totally out of character for me, kissing him in a pool like I’d lost all sense of reason. I had no interest in a casual fling with Jesse. My heart didn’t do casual. But when it came to Jesse, casual was all he did.
The way he’d kissed me certainly felt like there was more behind it than his desire for a quick roll in bed with me.
God, the man had devoured me like it was the only thing he’d ever wanted to do, but he’d always had a way of making me special.
It was probably just a by-product of his apparent addiction to flirting.
“Brilliant,” I muttered, spinning and heading out of my room to go give him a piece of my mind.
One didn’t just kiss another person like that and then suddenly act like you were allergic to them. It was rude, to say the least, but it was also offensive. I might not be a model or a socialite, but I wasn’t bad looking. I knew that for a fact.
Objectively, I was perfectly attractive enough, and hell, I’d seen him checking me out on occasion. He certainly hadn’t been put off by me then.
I only made it halfway down the hall before stopping, however.
A very loud, very bold part of me wanted to knock on his door and demand an explanation.
I deserved to know what the hell that had been, but the part that had been quietly collecting rejections, almosts, and what-ifs for years stopped me from going through with it.
Don’t. You don’t need another man playing with your emotions.
I exhaled slowly, instantly knowing that part was right.
Thomas’s betrayal had left a serious mark.
After years of being too busy to plan our wedding.
Years of me sitting in our flat alone for months at a time, wondering why he’d ever popped the question if he so obviously didn’t want to commit to me.
All of which crashed together and made me ignore that bold voice deep in my subconscious that was still trying to urge me on. I turned away instead, heading back to my room and climbing into bed.
Even now though, I could still feel the ghost of him against me, and it kept me up for hours before sleep finally dragged me under.
When I woke up, sunlight was streaming through the windows, but the house was quiet. I knew before I’d even opened my eyes that Jesse wasn’t here. I didn’t know how, but I just… became conscious with that knowledge fully settled in my mind.
Pushing myself up slowly on my elbows, I blinked a few times to adjust to the light, then spotted a note on the nightstand when I turned to reach for my phone. My extremities turned to ice. I reached for the folded piece of paper, but I already suspected what it might say.
And I wasn’t wrong.
Written in an unfamiliar but elegant script was yet another short note bearing yet another bit of unwelcome news.
Good morning.
I was forced to go golfing with the client. We’re signing the contract today, so it’ll be our last day here.
See you later.
J.
That was it. There was no apology for the way he’d left me or any mention of last night at all, and I stared at it for a second before letting out a soft, humorless laugh. What is it with the men in my life leaving shitty notes?
After the last one, I could have gone the rest of my days without receiving another one of these, but that was even more true now. Our last day in Hawaii and he hadn’t even bothered to wake me up, let alone take me with him.
Not that I wanted to go golfing. Honestly, I’d rather wrestle another millipede. While I knew how to play, I wasn’t much of a golfer, but still. It stung that he’d left me here.
Ever since we’d arrived, he’d been dragging me with him from pillar to post. Then he’d kissed me like the ship was going down and now he was gone.
Figures.
I sighed and stretched my arms out above my head, resolving to make the best of my last bit of time on the island. I didn’t need Jesse by my side to do that. As devastatingly handsome and incredibly fun as he was, the man clearly had some issues to work through.
He could have been an adult and just told me the kiss had been a mistake, that our agreement was clear that we were just faking it.
And from a purely logical perspective, it would be better if we kept up our charade without getting physical.
I would have understood, but instead, he was choosing to ghost me.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Climbing out of bed in a huff, I changed into my bikini, brushed my teeth, lathered on the sunscreen, and made my way down to our private beach. It was beautiful, the type of scenery that would make a great wallpaper on my computer. I hadn’t spent nearly enough time here yet.
Crystal clear, bright blue water lapped at perfectly white sand while actual palm trees swayed in a slight breeze. Unfortunately, none of that kept me from being bored just over twenty minutes later. I’d already gone for a swim and scrolled through my phone, but it just wasn’t the same without him.
I wanted to tear my own hair out just for having the thought, but that didn’t make it any less true. Even picture-perfect paradise wasn’t enough to distract me from thinking about last night.
Horsing around with Jesse on this very same beach had been far more entertaining than lounging around here by myself, so I got up, dusted sand off my butt, and went back to the house.
After finally taking a shower and changing into shorts and a T-shirt, I drifted over to the shed attached to the pool house. There were beach chairs and old umbrellas, random bits and bobs, a tent I doubted would stand anymore, but there, at the back, was a bicycle.
Bingo.
It looked functional enough. I picked my way through the clutter and lifted the bike over some old tools before pushing it out into the street. The ride to town was surprisingly pleasant, with the breeze in my hair and the air warm but not suffocating.
It even managed to clear my head a bit, my thoughts finally quieting as I immersed myself in the scenery. Hawaii truly was everything the movies promised and more. The sky was bluer than blue, puffs of pure white clouds drifting overhead.
Lush greenery stretched out on both sides of the road, the ocean a glistening constant in the distance. I could so easily get lost here, just spending days exploring on this bicycle, but apparently, I’d wasted the opportunity to do just that by tagging along to all of Jesse’s work commitments.
Why I’d done it, God only knew. We hadn’t needed to be together every second of every day for people to take pictures of us and for investors to see Jesse looking respectable. We could’ve just made a single, photo-op appearance once a day and it would’ve been enough.
But no, I’d followed him around like a lost bloody puppy. Well, no more.
When I reached the town, I kept pedaling lazily until I found a small cafe that seemed promising. It looked like it catered to the kind of crowd that wore linen on purpose, but the little blackboard outside promised the best lattes in town and that was good enough for me.
After ordering a latte, I sat down outside, watching people drift past and finally starting to feel less like I was unraveling.
That kiss had been so deep that I’d felt like it touched my soul, but Jesse wasn’t the sort to care about that.
That was okay because true love and affection were off-limits anyway.
All I had to do now was make peace with it.
When the latte arrived, I sipped it slowly and smiled.
The sign hadn’t been lying. I hadn’t tried every latte in town yet, obviously, but this one was pretty good.
Eventually, when people-watching grew tedious, I pulled out my phone to avoid having my mind wander back to Jesse, deciding to check in with my sister, Jessica, instead.
She’s the better Jessie anyway.
Unsurprisingly, however, I got her voicemail.
For just a second, I considered making another call, but the truth was that there simply wasn’t really anyone else to call.
Being with Thomas for so long had meant shared friends, and by the end of it, my life had been so thoroughly tangled with his that when he’d left, those connections had mostly gone with him.
I’d been a package deal and then I was nothing. Some of the girls, of course, had had lunch with me before I’d left London, but no one had made contact since. Calling them out of the blue would probably just seem desperate.
Opening my messages instead, I pulled up Miranda’s contact and typed out a quick text.
Me: Is it normal to miss work while on vacation? Asking for a friend.
Her reply came almost instantly and I chuckled when I read it.
Miranda: You’re on PTO. Go enjoy your vacation. There’s plenty of work waiting for you when you get back.
Me: I am enjoying it. I think.
Miranda: You think?
That wasn’t a bad question, actually. As I stared at the screen, it dawned on me that in fact, that was the problem. Here I was, in Hawaii, and I honestly didn’t know if I was enjoying it anymore.
The way Jesse had looked at me before the kiss compared to how he’d looked at me after, like I’d done something wrong, made it feel like perhaps something had broken between us.
I didn’t know if it was me, him, or the both of us, but that easy camaraderie I’d felt with him since that night at the bar certainly seemed to be gone.
It was a bit sad, really. I genuinely had enjoyed the strangely natural connection we’d had.
Me: I’ll tell you when I’m back.
Miranda: Good. Stay out of trouble.
I snorted. Well, it might just be too late for that.
Stowing my phone back in my purse, I finally got up, left some cash for my drink, and wandered around the quirky town with what remained of my latte in hand.
Drifting in and out of little shops, I made a few purchases for my apartment back in Chicago.
Nothing big since I had to take it back to the house on the bicycle, but just a few small mementos of a trip that was ending far less pleasantly than it’d begun.
Once I’d looked around at everything that had captured my attention, I headed back to the bike and slowly rode home. Well, home for a little while longer.
I parked the bike back where I’d found it when I arrived. Brushing my hands off, I ventured back inside the house, knowing immediately that he was back. I didn’t even have to see him. There was just something different in the air, a presence I couldn’t explain.
As soon as I walked into the main living space, my suspicion was confirmed.
Jesse stood near the window with his phone pressed to his ear, dressed in slacks and a button-up shirt like he hadn’t spent the last few days mostly barefoot and borderline feral with me on the beach.
He cast a quick glance in my direction, then looked away again without so much as a nod.
“I’ll be in Chicago by tonight,” he said into the phone. “I’ll swing by the office and we can discuss it then.”
My heart sank. Tonight? Wow. That’s faster than I thought.
Sighing, I turned and walked to my bedroom to start packing. I already knew that the talk I’d been hoping we would have when he returned wouldn’t be happening. We were simply leaving. Just like that, and whatever might’ve been brewing between us was done. Over long before it had ever even begun.
I had to keep reminding myself it was for the best.