18. Hattie
EIGHTEEN
Hattie
Istorm into work with wet scrubs and cold coffee.
My morning has been one of those from hell, and I am not looking forward to the rest of my twelve-hour day.
I tried talking to Emmy this morning about what happened between us last night, and she might as well have ghosted me.
She said we’re good and that we can pretend it didn’t happen, which is the opposite of what I was going to say.
I thought I was going to give Ollie a goodnight kiss, or hear about a bad dream, but instead I ended up falling asleep in his tiny twin bed.
I woke up at three in the morning with his blanket on me and handprints of pumpkin guts all over me.
When I went downstairs to talk to Emmy, she was already in bed, everything cleaned up.
I thought I’d have a chance to explain myself this morning, but no.
Apparently, it didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me.
I guess Tilly was right; it wasn’t a good idea to let her live with me. Now I have to spend the day knowing I will have to see her at home. It isn’t like I can somehow avoid her or escape her. She is in my house, and I am the idiot who invited her in.
Maybe my morning wouldn’t be so bad if it ended there, but after Emmy left, I drove right into a rainstorm that didn’t let up.
I couldn’t park in my usual space because a delivery van was blocking it, so I had to run three blocks in my scrubs, and now I’m soaked down to my underwear.
And not in a good way. Plus, my coffee has gotten cold, and I don’t have a microwave here at work. I’ve never needed one before.
Sighing, I dump my cold coffee down the sink and look for the backup scrubs I keep at work.
They are a little big, but they are better than nothing.
In my line of work, I have to have backup clothes.
Hopefully there won’t be any other instances that would require me to change again.
I guess I could always call Tilly to bring me a pair of scrubs if needed, but then I’d have to tell her she was right, and I’d like to avoid that smugness if I can.
Not everyone can have a one-night stand and have it lead to their dreams coming true.
As I finish getting dressed, my phone starts to ring, and I groan as I see Christopher’s name flash across the screen. Well, that’s not true; I have him in my phone as “sperm donor” because for the last five years, that’s what he was.
“What?” I answer.
“That’s a wonderful greeting, really great way to start things,” he says sarcastically.
“What do you want, Christopher? I’m at work.” I sigh. I don’t have time for his nonsense or his sarcasm today, nor am I in the mood to deal with it.
“I just wanted you to know we’re all moved in and I have an interview with the town sheriff tomorrow for a permanent position.”
“Great.” I can’t hide my disdain, not with the morning I’m having.
“I know you’re not thrilled, but I thought you might be happy. You said you wanted to see that I was taking this seriously. That I wasn’t just handing you cash and presents to Oliver and leaving again. I’m trying to do the right thing.” He scoffs.
“While I’m glad you finally grew up and realized what you lost. I don’t have to jump for joy every time you do the bare minimum.
I’ve been doing more than what you’ve been doing, alone, for the last five years.
The only reason I’m entertaining this idea of you being a dad is because Ollie wants you around,” I say angrily.
I am so pissed at how he thought I should be praising him for acting like a parent when he has only ever done the bare fucking minimum.
I am tired of the bar being in hell for dads.
“Jesus fucking Christ. Do you have to make everything such a big fucking issue? I’m doing what you wanted.
I got a house, I’m getting a job, and I want my son to be able to spend more time with me.
I want to be able to see him without the nanny watching over me like it’s a prison visit.
I want to be treated like I’m his dad and not some fucking stranger,” he says equally as angry.
“When you earn the right to be his dad, you will be treated as such. Spending a few days in a month getting to know someone you abandoned for five fucking years doesn’t give you that right.
Now I’m glad you’ve matured, and I’m happy you’re making steps, but it’s going to take a lot more time before you have him alone or unsupervised,” I yell.
Before he can respond, I hang up. Tossing the phone on my desk, I let out a loud “Ugh.”
“Hattie? You okay?” Kelly calls quietly, creaking the door of my office open.
“Shit, Kelly. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here yet. I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” I sigh, then take a deep breath.
“It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I wasn’t eavesdropping but…”
“Yeah, I was being kind of loud.” I sit at my desk and put my head in my hands.
“I get it; my ex gets me riled up too. If it helps, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing,” Kelly says.
“Really?” I glance up at her through my fingers. That isn’t something I’ve heard too often. If Benny were around, she would’ve known what to say or at least told Christopher to hit the road.
“Yeah. He hasn’t been around; you’re making him earn the right to be a dad.
It might be hard now, but Ollie is going to respect that you didn’t just hand him to some stranger.
And his father should realize that too, if he could get his head out of his ass long enough to think about his son’s best interests. ” Kelly walks farther into the office.
“I just don’t want Ollie to get hurt. He might not remember it, but I do. I remember all the times he asked for his dad, and I didn’t know what to tell him; he was only a baby.” The tears well up in the corners of my eyes.
“My ex tried to move our kids three states away when he married someone else. I told him to get real. He was pissed, but instead, he and his wife moved two towns over, and they visit all the time. Sometimes dads just need to realize we aren’t the bad guys; we’re just seeing a bigger picture,” Kelly explains.
I reach for a tissue and nod. “I thought he’d be scared off again and I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.”
“It’s almost worse when they do the right thing because then you feel like you can’t be angry.
But it’s okay to be upset with someone who hurt you and your son.
Even if it was just emotionally.” She offers a half smile.
“I’m going to grab you some coffee from the bakery, and maybe a muffin too?
You look like you could use it. You don’t have anyone coming in for a bit, so just take a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“But it’s raining,” is all I think of to say, but Kelly smiles.
“I have an umbrella.” She winks.
The rest of the day turned around—not that it was great, but at least no pets peed on me. I think even they could sense that it was not the day for it. Christopher hasn’t called again, only texted that he made it to see Ollie and he’ll be back next week too.
Kelly brought me an apple cinnamon muffin that wasn’t as good as Lina’s but wasn’t bad, and the coffee was steaming, which was all I wanted.
By the time I walk into the house, it’s nighttime. I don’t even remember the morning until I see Emmy and Ollie with pretend eye patches on, running around the living room.
“Mommy!” Ollie runs over and hugs my legs.
“Hi, Love Bug, what are you doing up?”
“Sorry, that’s my fault. Christopher left late, so bedtime is running behind; we were pretending to be pirates on the way to bedtime island,” Emmy explains.
“Oh, well don’t mind me then.” I smile.
“Do you want to play?” Ollie asks excitedly. I want to say no, but the joy in his voice makes that impossible.
“What if your mom waits for us at bedtime island with a super special book?” Emmy suggests.
“Yeah! You can go wait in my bed, Mama,” Ollie tells me.
Emmy winks as I realize she’s giving me an out.
So I head upstairs, changing my clothes while I hear Ollie and Emmy playing.
It warms my heart being able to hear how happy they both are.
Emmy is doing her job, but you can’t fake the joy I hear coming from both of them.
I know she could’ve put Ollie to bed without this game; she just wanted a little more time with him.
I understand it; I’m always bummed when the day ends.
It feels like I somehow never have enough time with him.
I get in Ollie’s bed, grab a random book, and wait for him to come upstairs. A few minutes later, Emmy and Ollie join me, sans eye patches, and Ollie climbs into bed. He’s in his pajamas, and I can tell by the minty breath that he’s also brushed his teeth.
“Aren’t you staying, Emmy?” Ollie looks at Emmy standing in the doorway.
“I think you should have book time with Mama tonight, but I’ll take a goodnight hug if you’re giving them out.” She grins.
“Always!” Ollie jumps up and hugs Emmy. “You’re the best,” he says quietly.
“You’re the best too,” Emmy whispers back.
I can see how close they’re becoming, and it warms my heart.
It’s reassuring to know that Ollie is benefiting from this situation as much as I am.
My workdays are much less stressful without him hanging out at the office; the house is actually clean, and I am not always behind on every chore.
I know that after I put Ollie to bed tonight, there will be some kind of dinner waiting for me—a dinner I don’t have to cook myself and that will be delicious.
Emmy heads downstairs, and I cuddle up with Ollie, reading him the book until his eyes flutter closed.
I lie with him for a little while longer and then tuck him in and shut the light.
He likes to sleep with the door open, so I leave it ajar and head downstairs.
Emmy is cleaning up toys in the living room but stops when she sees me.
“I wanted to apologize,” Emmy says.
“It’s okay; he can stay up a little late every now and then. It was nice you played with him,” I say.
“Not about that.” Emmy sighs.
“Oh, then what?” I raise an eyebrow.
“I sort of thought you blew me off last night. That maybe it wasn’t really anything to you, but Ollie mentioned you fell asleep in his bed. So I just wanted to say sorry for not letting you explain this morning.” Emmy offers a half smile.
“It’s okay.” I relax. “I’m sorry you thought I blew you off. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I thought maybe…I don’t know. Maybe you thought it was a bad idea and just didn’t want to come back,” Emmy says.
“Oh, it’s a terrible idea. But I would never regret being with you like that,” I say.