Chapter 4
JUDE
There’s no amount of deep breathing that’s going to save the glass in my hand from being crushed. Rage and frustration course through my veins as I watch Arden practically run out of my bar.
The glass in my hand squeaks and the regular sitting across from me suddenly gets real interested in the T-shirts pinned to the ceiling.
Swallowing hard, I switch the glass to my other hand, clenching and unclenching my fist before pouring the drinks for the table behind Arden’s friends. If I thought she was avoiding me before, there’s no question now.
“No, I have not been having sex.”
Her response had been so adamant.
At first, I’d wanted to puff out my chest and bask in the declaration that she hadn’t been with anyone since me. The desire to claim her in front of everyone was so potent I could almost taste it—just like I’d tasted her.
But then I’d let the words settle in, her denial feeling a whole lot like rejection not just of anyone but of me.
Deacon and I had gone to Vetted Paws last week, and while the dogs had been great, I hadn’t found one that I really connected with. Sorren, the co-owner and Marine Corps vet, had been confident that he could find me a match with a little time.
Begrudgingly, I filled out the application, but now it seems pretty fortuitous.
Since I most definitely won’t be getting the girl.
Do I want the girl?
I hadn’t stopped thinking about that question since the night she came for whiskey and then came for an entirely different reason. On the one hand, my track record for dating was pretty barren and Arden James had become a fixture in Blackstone Falls.
Her professional work with the newspaper made her feel like a part of everyone’s family, her words uniting the town and sparking the kind of pride you can only find in places like this.
Wholesome.
Welcome.
With more than our fair share of quirkiness and more fanfare than you could ever imagine.
And then there are her family and friends. Arden’s connections to Blackstone Falls are like an intricately spun web, while I only have my bar and Deacon.
It’s incomparable.
Intimidating.
But I still can’t ignore the way my whole body seems to relax when she’s near—today the only exception, but that just feels like my equilibrium is off.
Like things between us are off.
And I guess they are.
Because I do want the girl. I want her more than I could have ever imagined. I barely know her, but none of that seems to matter when she makes me feel.
Too bad this isn’t what she wants.
I’m not what she wants.
Pulling out my phone, I tap a text out to my brother.
JUDE: Sorren give us a timeframe?
DEACON: Few weeks
JUDE: Keep me posted
DEACON: What happened?
JUDE: Nothing
DEACON: Don’t fuck with me
JUDE: I’m not—just realizing you were right
DEACON: Yeah, I don’t buy that for a second
JUDE: You wanted me to get a dog now I want a dog—take the win and move the hell on
DEACON: (gif of man knocking his head against a table)
Yeah, same.
ARDEN
The last time I bought a pregnancy test was before I moved to Blackstone Falls. It’d come in a package of two and when the one came back negative, I packed the other away.
It went back into a box of miscellaneous things I didn’t want to deal with, like travel shampoo and those little packages of tissues that I never want to buy but always appreciate when I find them in my purse. Taking a breath, I pull the box from the back of the linen closet and open the lid.
The pink plastic wrapper is bright and easy to spot, but that doesn’t make me reach for it any faster, because in my gut I already know what the test will tell me. The fact that it never occurred to me until Lana said something is irrelevant.
I know.
“You can do this. It’s going to be okay.” Whispering the words aloud as I snatch the test from the box isn’t much, but I swear it helps as I rip open the wrapper, uncap the test, and dunk it into the cup I peed into a couple of minutes ago.
I’ve seen plenty of videos on social media where the woman takes a test and then has to wait the entire couple of minutes listed on the box before they get a result.
But not me.
No, that sucker lit up fast and furious with two pink lines.
Pregnant.
I’m not surprised, and for the moment I’m not scared, but I just can’t seem to pull my eyes away from the test.
Just frozen in time as I stare at the lines, my hand still steady as I hold the test.
One breath.
Two.
Holy shit.
“Holy shit.” My voice is mingled with the sound of plastic bouncing around the sink, my hands now grasping the edge of the counter as I gasp for air.
A baby.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to have a house and a husband— a boyfriend at least. Someone who loves me and has made a commitment to me and only me.
I wasn’t supposed to end up like my mother.
Twin reactions course through me at the thought—guilt for saying it, thinking it, and the bone-deep sadness that I did the one thing I promised myself I’d never do.
I grew up watching my mother sacrifice so much to raise me, and even though she never complained, I know it wasn’t easy. They say you want to give your kids the things you never had, and God, I just wanted mine to have a dad. Someone to throw the ball with and teach them to ride a bike.
Do a cannonball into the pool.
Change the oil on the car.
All the things I wish my father would have taught me.
You don’t know that Jude won’t want to be a part of the baby’s life. You don’t know anything. You just found out. It’s going to be okay.
And deep down, I know it will because if Jude doesn’t want to be this baby’s father, I know that Montana, Archer, Jensen, Mason, Cal, and Bodhi will go above and beyond to make sure we’re taken care of.
Loved.
This baby will only know love.
“You will only know love.” The words are a whisper as my hand goes to my belly, an affirmation.
A promise.
To both of us.