Chapter 6 Arden
ARDEN
PRESENT DAY
Do you have what it takes?
By Arden James
Something special is happening at the Greene Farm and they’re asking for your help! A box with three little kittens was dropped on the Greenes’ front porch early this week. The kittens are pictured below and need names! Prizes are listed on the form below…
“Arden James?” The sound of my name makes me jump, the nurse in purple scrubs offering me a sympathetic smile as she holds open the door into the inner sanctum of the office.
Closing out of the newspaper’s website, I toss my phone into my purse.
Standing slowly, I wipe my palms on my pants and take a steadying breath.
This is fine.
Everything is fine.
After following her through the door, I dutifully pee into the cup I’m provided and then we’re off again through the maze of hallways to the exam room.
I’m already exhausted by the time I’m seated on the crunchy paper, my heart hammering as I try to recount my medical history.
“I think I’m about eight weeks,” I hear myself say.
“How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you?” Her voice is gentle and I realize I’m wringing my hands in my lap, my face flushed hot.
“No, I’m…” Swallowing down the nausea, I continue, “I’m just nervous and I…I just want to hear the heartbeat before I tell anyone. We can do that, right?”
Her expression softens. “Yes, we can do that.”
I want to answer all her unasked questions. Yes, I know who the father is. No, I didn’t realize I missed my period. Yes, I’ve always been regular with my birth control…
But I don’t.
I can’t.
Because I’m hanging on by a thread when she finally leaves the room, telling me to undress from the waist down and that the doctor will be in shortly.
I wish my phone wasn’t sitting across the room because nothing about the generic posters in this room is helping my anxiety—not even a little.
The only thing stopping me from getting up and grabbing it is the fact that there’s no way in hell I’m flashing my backside seconds before they have a front-row view from the front.
Knock. Knock.
“Arden? Hi, I’m Dr. Joyce,” the petite woman says as she walks into the room and takes the stool in front of me. Her red hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and her green eyes are kind as they lock with mine.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I tell her even though it’s too soon to know if that’s actually true. Also, is she old enough to be doing this? I can’t tell if I’m getting older or if everyone around me is just getting younger.
“It’s nice to meet you too. I usually ask questions first, but based on the notes I have, I think you’d be more comfortable if we did the ultrasound before all that.”
“Please.”
“No problem.”
I want to weep because her kindness means everything in this moment. I lie back on the table and do my best to breathe through her instructions, through the sounds in the room and the you’re going to feel a little pressure warning.
Fingers fisting my shirt, I gasp at the intrusion, my eyes squeezing shut as blood roars in my ears. But it’s not blood.
It’s a heartbeat.
“Here we are,” Dr. Joyce says brightly as she clicks on the keyboard. “I’m taking some pictures for you if you’re not ready to look, but everything looks great. Nice strong heartbeat.”
I can do this.
Willing myself to move, I turn my head toward the sound and let my eyelids flutter open. The tears are immediate, the relief and terror and love welling in my chest making it hard to breathe.
But I don’t care because there’s a baby growing inside me, and right now, that’s the only thing I can focus on—the only thing that matters.
JUDE
UNKNOWN: It’s Arden. Can we talk?
I stare at the message—again—my finger hovering over the keys as if I’m going to type out a reply.
I have no idea how she got my number. Maybe I gave it to her when she came here to do the piece on the bar.
We’d gotten an uptick in customers after it ran, Arden citing us as an absolute must eat destination for tourists and locals alike.
That feels like a lifetime ago as I drag my hand down my face.
“What’s the matter?” Deacon asks, pulling the fridge door open and grabbing a beer. He holds it out to me but I just shake my head. The last thing I need is to get drunk and text Arden when I’ve gone from annoyed to hurt to pissed over one message.
“Nothing.”
He snorts and takes a sip of his drink, thumbing through his phone before a song by Descending North starts playing through the speakers.
“Listen—”
“No. You want to do this? Fine. I hooked up with a woman a couple of months ago and I thought there was something between us. There wasn’t. She’s been avoiding me and now,”—I wave my phone at him—“now she wants to talk and I got nothin’ to say.”
His expression gives nothing away, like he knew and he was just waiting for me to admit it.
“That sucks, man. I’m sorry.”
“It’s life,” I tell him, spreading my arms wide, the feeling of defeat settling over me again. I thought Arden was different; I thought she was someone I could really have a chance with.
And maybe I could have tried harder, tracked down her number or her, but I’ve been there and I’ve done my fair share of chasing women. I’m fucking tired. I’m tired and I just want someone to try.
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck,” Deacon says, rinsing out the empty can and setting it on the counter.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“How do you go out and fuck around and be okay with it?”
“I like casual and I like the game. I’m always upfront about it because I’m not in it for the feelings.”
“And what if there are feelings?”
“Then it’s something we need to discuss. I’m not some kid, Jude. I can decide I want something different or change how I’m feeling. It’s not hard to be honest; you just have to be honest with yourself first.”
I’m practically gaping at him by the time he finishes, my barely younger brother schooling me not only on relationships with other people but the one with myself.
What a dick.
“That’s way more involved than I gave you credit for.”
He lifts a shoulder and lets it drop. “Do I want a relationship? Sure. But I’m gettin’ close to forty and I’m not going to invest time and energy in someone who doesn’t want the same things.”
“I can’t fuck around.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know why I did with her. It just felt…different.”
“You don’t need to make excuses for it, man. You should text her. If nothing else, you need the closure and I can only take you bein’ a moody bastard for so much longer.”
“Fuck off.” My lips twitch and he grins.
“You first, big brother, you first.”