Chapter 26
Ace
I run my hand through my hair as I lean my elbows on my knees and drop my head, my mind running wild like it has been the past few days since finding out I’m going to be a dad, something I swore I’d never be.
I always said I’d be the fun uncle, that kids wouldn’t be in my future, and yet, I went bare with my girl.
I’m so fucking conflicted that I can’t breathe.
I’m scared shitless, scared I’m going to ruin this kids life like my mother did with me.
I’m scared I’m not going to be enough for it or my girl, I mean, fuck, I distanced myself from her because I felt like I couldn’t breathe through the fear and the urge for a line only to switch the CCTV on when I got into my office with Trigger to find Abby attacking my pregnant fucking girl while AJ stood back and laughed.
I failed her, and no, I didn’t miss the concern in her beautiful eyes when I didn’t ask if the baby was alright because a part of me, a fucking big part, thinks she should terminate, yet I keep listening to the tiny voice telling me a little Pidge running around would complete us.
“Fuck’s sake,” I groan as I grip my hair tightly before I eye the white powder already lined on the coffee table, the dollar bill sitting next to it ready to be rolled so I can snort the shit up my nose, and shame hits me.
My girl, my fucking heart is upstairs asleep in our bed, and here I am, contemplating doing a line of coke.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
The shame builds, and I go to move, to clear the shit up, instantly regretting pulling out my emergency stash instead of speaking to Pidge about my fears, something we promised each other we’d do, but instead I still hearing the stairs creak.
Fuck no…
I don’t move even as I hear footsteps getting closer; instead, I hold my breath and fucking pray she doesn’t notice the line on the table.
Small, smooth hands gently grip my bare shoulders before I’m pushed back, and it’s only then that I finally brace myself to lock eyes with my girl.
There’s no judgment, only worry and fear.
I fucking hate that look on her.
I allow my eyes to roam her body, unable to keep eye contact, her feelings are too much for me to cope with right now, especially knowing I’ve let her down.
I may not have done the line, but I still got it out.
I take in my shirt that swallows her as she gently straddles my lap and my hands go to her thighs out of instinct, and I slowly rub them up and down, her skin underneath instantly soothing me, the worry disappearing, and fuck do I relax.
“Hi, Pidge,” I whisper before we finally lock eyes again, and she gives me a slight smile and admits, “The bed was cold, and I didn’t hear you come back from when you dropped me off earlier.”
I hum and admit, “I only got back half an hour ago, I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Did AJ and Abby go on the run like Rylan and Gabby?” she asks with a hint of sass, and I chuckle lightly.
Now, why am I not shocked she knew what I did to those two fuckers, and she’s still here?
Maybe because she loves you, the little voice in my head reminds me, and I smile slightly because yeah, she does love me, she’s proven that several times over.
“Did you know Abby was obsessed with Rylan, so obsessed, he got scared and stole from May’s bar, trying to do a runner, but she killed him and then his lover?”
Pidge blinks, then blinks again and asks, “How in the hell did Dirty manage to pull that off? I mean, I knew he was good with computers after he got my mother's hospital records, but not that good.”
“I have no fucking idea, but the man is a genius,” I chuckle before I admit, “He also managed, with the help of Doc, to get AJ committed for insanity. She’ll be doped up for the rest of her life for punishment in helping that bitch hurt you.”
Pidge just blinks again before she says, “Huh…”
“Just huh?” I ask with a raised brow, and she shrugs one shoulder and says, “They’re crazy,” and I hum before agreeing, “Yeah, they are.”
I swore I’d never let anyone hurt this amazing woman, and I fucking meant it.
She’s my life.
I sigh as I gently wrap my arm around her waist, enjoying having her this close, and the guilt builds as I know what is on that table behind her.
I go to move, to carry her back upstairs so she can’t see what I nearly did, but I freeze when she asks, “Did you take any of it?”
I look at her but don’t see any judgment, and I swear my heart fucking pounds.
I shake my head, and she physically relaxes, and fuck, my eyes tear up like a pussy.
“Do you need to see someone?” she asks quietly, “To help you overcome these urges?”
“No,” I choke back as I grip her hair, “I just need you.”
“But what if one day I’m not enough?” she asks, and my eyes soften at her fear shining through.
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, I’m not the only one with commitment issues.
“That’s the thing, Pidge, you are enough, you always have been, it’s why I haven’t fucked anyone else to get out of my head, it’s why I haven’t touched that line. As soon as I thought about it, I felt shame, like I was letting you down, our baby down. You are enough!”
She sniffles and places her face into the crook of my neck, and I run my fingers through her hair, holding her to me, enjoying her warmth spreading through mine.
“I thought about terminating today,” Pidge admits after a few minutes of silence of us just holding each other, and I look at her with pure fucking fear.
Shit, didn’t I just think she should terminate?
So why in the fuck did my heart just stop at her not having my baby?
“Please don’t,” I rasp without even thinking, and her mouth parts in shock.
I tighten my grip in her hair, and I croak, “I’m scared, Pidge, I’m so fucking scared I’m going to ruin this kid, ruin us, that I’ll do something stupid because I have my mother's blood running in my veins, but fuck, please don’t get rid of our baby. ”
“Luca,” she whispers, and I shake my head before pressing my lips against hers. Then I murmur, “I want a little girl that looks just like you, even if we just have the one child that we can spoil, please Pidge, don’t take that sudden dream from me.”
“What if it’s a boy?” she chokes as she grips my jaw, and I smile softly.
“Then we keep going until we get our girl,” I say without hesitation, and even though the fear is still there, I relax, knowing that with this woman, I can do anything.
“Even though you’re scared? That I’m petrified?” she whispers, and I nod, pulling her closer to me as I slowly move my arm from her hair and place it between us, and I touch her stomach for the first time since finding out she’s carrying my baby.
“Together, we can conquer anything, Pidge, whether the sun is shining bright or the darkness takes hold, I’ll be holding you, and you’ll be holding me, we can do this, together,” I rasp full of emotion, and her tears fall.
Her eyes race between mine before she admits, “I had the thought of termination before Abby tackled me, and when I landed on my back, I panicked, and fear took hold that I may lose the baby.”
I relax as I close my eyes with the relief her words give me.
“We’re doing this, huh?” she chokes, and I look at her as she confirms, “We’re having a baby?”
“We are,” I whisper, “and I’m not sure if you’re aware, Pidge, but you’ll also be my wife, my old lady, even if it is something I refused to have, even if it does scare me shitless, because I won’t live without you.”
“That is one crappy proposal,” she snorts, and I grin and ask, “You going to punish me for it?”
A glint shines in her eyes as she admits, “I haven’t tried chocolate sauce yet,” and I chuckle as I bring her mouth down to mine and just before I take her in a bruising kiss, I murmur, “Chocolate sauce all over your body so I can lick it off sounds a lot better Pidge,” and I slam my lips against hers.
Pidge moans as she moves her hips for friction, just as she opens her mouth and our tongues touch, her taste of vanilla and raspberry from whatever she was making before that shit in the kitchen happened, filling my taste buds, making me hungry for her.
I move on instinct. My hand comes between us, and I groan as I grip her soaking panties. I pull hard, tearing the material from her body, and instead of getting pissed, Pidge moans into my mouth.
I throw her panties on the floor just as Pidge quickly undoes my jeans, then cups my rock-hard cock, her fingers gently rubbing against the piercings, and precum weeps from the tip with need.
Fuck, I need her.
I knock her hand away before gripping her hips and guiding her juicy pussy over my tip, and in one motion, she takes me whole, and I moan as she throws her head back, breaking the kiss.
“Why does it always feel like the first time?” she gasps, and I latch onto her neck, a smirk tilting my lips and say cockily, “Because I’m big,” and she snorts as she runs her fingers through my hair and pulls it tightly, making me look at her.
Our eyes connect, and the fucking fireworks that flash between us…Fuck, it’s terrifying and electrifying all at once.
“Ride me, Pidge,” I command as I grip her hip with one hand, helping her move her hips up and down while my hand in her hair tightens and I slam my lips against hers, swallowing her moans as her pussy flutters around my cock, her juices spreading between us.
We may be scared, but as I make love to my woman, who will become my wife because whether she’s aware of it or not, that was my proposal which she didn’t decline, I know we’ll be alright because together.
We’re fucking tougher than we think and honestly, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this woman.