Chapter 22
Shannon
We stay up late, drinking champagne and talking with Chris and Aubrey. They finally go up to bed around two, and Ace looks at me questioningly.
“You ready to go?” he asks quietly.
“Sure.” I don’t know what else to do. I hate being so out of sorts with him, but my heart is wrapped in a lot of confusing and conflicting emotions. Love, lust, duplicity, and more than anything else, betrayal.
I trust Ace not to let anything happen to me, but I’m suddenly very protective of my heart. I’ve wanted nothing but to be with him for so long, and now that it’s happening, I’m not sure it’s the right thing.
Of course, my intelligent mind knows there are a lot of reasons for how I’m feeling.
Like the fact that we truly don’t know each other that well, or that this is a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to everything that’s happened the last few weeks.
Before Ace arrived in Cologne, I thought I was going nuts.
Then he showed up like a double-oh-seven in shining armor and I was smitten, completely wrapped up in the idea of us being together.
That Sandra and my mother were somehow involved in my stalker situation makes me second-guess myself about every choice I’ve ever made, from my ex-husband to the move to Cologne to my growing feelings for Ace.
I won’t say it out loud, but I’m already in love with him, or at least well on my way, so my insecurity is hitting like a blast of ice water in a sauna.
“I’m going to make some calls to the U.S.,” Ace says when we get to the door of our room. “It’s still early on the West Coast, so I’ll be in shortly, okay?”
“Okay.”
He kisses my cheek, unlocks the door for me, and after a cursory look around, he’s gone.
Leaving me to my melancholy thoughts and internal struggles.
* * *
Ace didn’t come back to the room until after four, probably not long after I dozed off, but I’m awake at six thirty, stress and imminent loneliness keeping me from getting much rest. The fact that we didn’t make love on our last night of the cruise hurts, more so because it’s my own fault.
I pushed him away, and he let me, so now I don’t know how I feel about that.
Passive-aggressive much?
I shower and pack up my toiletries, putting my hair in a braid because I don’t have the energy for anything else today. When I come out of the bathroom Ace is packing, and he glances up with a soft smile.
“Good morning.”
“Did you get any sleep?” I ask him.
“A catnap is all I need,” he responds. “I’m going to jump in the shower. Are you going to breakfast?”
“Yes, but I’ll wait for you since I have to finish packing anyway.”
“Okay.” He disappears into the bathroom, and I pack the last of my things. I put a few swipes of mascara on my lashes to detract from the dark circles under my eyes, and then close my suitcase.
This is it.
Our special time together is over, and it ended on a sour note.
I want to scream at my mother, but I figure there will be time for that when we get home.
It will take about five hours to drive from Basel to Cologne, depending on traffic, but Ace took care of everything so we’re going to have a taxi take us from the port to the car rental place.
I have no idea what we’ll do once we get to Cologne.
“You ready to eat?” Ace asks as he comes out of the bathroom. He’s wearing jeans and no shirt, the muscles beneath his glistening skin flexing slightly as he swipes at a few drops of water he missed with the towel.
“Sure.” I nod, reaching for my purse. My phone rings, my mother again, and I grit my teeth as I hit decline.
One more meal.
One last hour before I have to face reality.
He puts on a shirt, and the Henley pulls tight across his chest, reminding me what it felt like to be in his arms. I bite my lower lip, wanting desperately to throw myself at him and let him make everything better, but I can’t.
Not yet.
I don’t know how to explain it, but somehow, I need to face this on my own. Well, mostly on my own. I have to take back the control it feels like others have taken from me over the years. It has nothing to do with him but is tied instead to my own feelings of helplessness.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” I whisper out of nowhere, blinking back tears.
“Or that my feelings have changed. I just have to figure things out. Please don’t give up on me.
On us. Just let me handle this the way I have to for my sanity.
Please.” Tears drip down my cheeks and he doesn’t hesitate to pull me close.
He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, stroking my back and letting me cry on his shoulder.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not for long anyway. You do what you have to do and let me know when you’re ready to let me back in.”
“Okay.” I pull away reluctantly and blow my nose.
My mascara is smeared, so I have to dig out my makeup remover, take it off and start over.
I add some foundation this time because I’m a little red from crying, and then a dab of lipstick because I’m pale as hell.
I still look rough, and my eyes are red, but it’s better.
“You’re beautiful,” he says softly.
“You’re a good liar.”
“I am, but I’m not lying.” He reaches for my hand. “Ready for your last cappuccino and Belgian waffle?”
“Sure.”
* * *
We say goodbye to Chris and Aubrey after breakfast, hugging them both and promising to keep in touch.
“You can come visit,” Aubrey whispers as she hugs me. “Or I’ll come to Cologne and we can take a shopping trip to Paris, okay? Promise you’ll keep in touch?”
“You promise first,” I whisper, blinking away tears.
“Promise.” We laugh and hug tighter.
“Safe travels,” I whisper.
“You too.”
Ace got our luggage and the four of us walk across the gangway onto the shore.
And standing beside a Mercedes with a driver is my mother.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mutter.
“What’s wrong?” Ace looks around in alarm, his gaze settling on my mother with a scowl.
“Is that your mom?” Chris stage whispered.
“We’re so going to miss our flight,” Aubrey adds.
“Fuck.” Ace looks at me. “What do you want to do?”
“Well, I guess it’s now or never, huh? Let’s get this over with.” Dragging my suitcase behind me, I stride over to my mother and put my hands on my hips. “Hello, Mother. What are you doing here?”
“We have to talk,” she says quietly.
“Oh, yes, we certainly do.” I feel Ace’s presence though he came up behind me quietly.
“There’s room in the car for both of you and your luggage,” Mom says. “So, we can—”
“Sorry, there’s four of us,” I say with a shrug. “We have Chris and Aubrey too.” That’s a lie, of course, but I’m not going to make this easy on her.
“Shannon, please.” She actually looks like she’s about to cry, which is so unlike my mother it gives me pause.
“Mom, you’ve really hurt me,” I say in a rigid voice that I hope sounds at least a little controlled since my emotions are all over the damn place. “I don’t know exactly what you did, but the fact that you and Sandra were up to something behind my back is beyond me. Why?”
“If you come with me, I can explain. Please. There’s a hotel not far from here. We can eat in the restaurant and talk. It will just take a little while, and once you know the whole story, if you’re still angry, I’ll understand.”
I don’t know what to do. I owe her the chance to explain, but my heart is suddenly beating wildly right now.
So hard, in fact, I’m a little afraid I’m having a heart attack or something.
My reasonable brain warns me this might be a panic attack, but I’ve never had one before, so I can’t be sure, and I turn, reaching for Ace blindly.
“Ace…” My voice shakes a little but he’s right there, closing his arms around me as a wave of nausea so strong my knees start to buckle washes over me.
“Shannon!” I hear Aubrey’s squeak of fear and my mother’s startled cry.
I’m not sure what’s happening. All I know is that Ace’s arms are around me and he’s whispering softly, telling me everything is going to be okay, reminding me to breathe… Why aren’t I breathing? I feel hot and then sweaty and then everything gets a little fuzzy.