Chapter 24
Cora
With every step I take, as I exit the conference room, I feel a sort of numbness settling inside of me. I don't know if it's my body's way of trying to protect me, but as soon as I take a seat across from Rebecca in another, smaller room, I feel as if I'm a stranger watching rather than a present person participating. I think this is a better way to handle what's going on. However, I imagine a therapist would have a different viewpoint on things.
Sadie being gone is something I know to be true, but there's a part deep down inside of me that just can't accept it. How can there be a world where my little sister doesn't exist? It doesn't seem possible, and as heartbroken as I was losing both of my parents, this is somehow worse. In the circle of life, we're supposed to lose our parents. Our lives are meant to extend past theirs, so there's some sense of reason in that. It makes sense. But losing a sibling, and in such a tragic way, is difficult to wrap my head around.
"Mike explained what we'd like to see happen?" Rebecca asks as she takes a seat across from me.
"He did," I say with a dip of my head, my voice sounding distant and disconnected.
"Would you like something to drink before we get started? "
I shake my head. My throat feels parched, but I know the second something hits my stomach, I'll get sick. It's already turning and aching after seeing that picture of Sadie.
"I'm not going to go into detail about what happened to Sadie," she begins. "So beware the story we're going to tell will be much different from what occurred. I suggest creating some mental distance between the two. It might make it easier to handle until this is over and you're able to grieve."
Her voice is comforting, but the words leaving her lips are like razor blades on my skin.
Until you're able to grieve.
I can't picture a single minute for the rest of my life when I won't be grieving for her and wishing I'd done things differently.
"Can you tell me about your sister?"
I blink at her, wondering why any details about her life would be relevant at this point.
I open my mouth to argue that, but it isn't Rebecca's fault that I sent my sister away to die.
I clamp my lips closed, pulling in a deep breath before I begin.
As much as I'd like to only speak about the good things, it isn't Sadie's good behavior and compassion for others that got us to this point. If they really think William is responsible for her death, then the things that she did that might've made him want her gone are pertinent.
I don't want to believe my brother would be capable of such a heinous act, but I wouldn't protect him if he was.
"I told Agent Yarrow about her," I explain.
Rebecca flips pages in her folder before looking back up at me. "I have no notes from Agent Yarrow."
I don't know if those things said in confidence are being kept that way or if he just hasn't had the chance to update the file.
"From an early age, Sadie was a troubled child," I begin.
The limited energy I walked into this building with drains over the next several hours as I go through Sadie's life, realizing that after she left home a handful of years ago, I didn't have much information on her other than how she looked and acted when she would pop up sporadically.
"So we'll just need you to confirm that the house is clear for our guys to come in and place the cameras," Rebecca explains.
"How long will that take?" I ask, now numb to all of it, despite fresh tears threatening behind my eyes.
"Less than an hour. They're fairly quick."
"I'll have to get Faye out of the house," I say absently.
"Faye?" Rebecca asks as she flips through her folder once again, something she has done repeatedly since we began talking.
"Our—" I don't even know how to describe her.
Technically, she's our housekeeper, or at least she was several decades ago, but she's transitioned into so much of a grandmother figure for the family, it feels like I'm lessening her value to us.
"She lives with me," I say simply. "I don't want her to know what's going on."
Shame washes over me at the disappointment I know I'd see in her eyes if she knew what I was participating in.
"We'll let you know in advance when we can come, but we'll work around your schedule. The team won't just show up on your doorstep."
I dip my head once again.
"Now, about the actual event."
Event.
As if it's no big deal to schedule telling a family that they've lost someone they love.
"It'll be several days or the better part of a week before I could even possibly get them to come to the house at the same time," I explain. "Chris is in school so it'll have to be on the weekend, and that complicates things for Will because he schedules a lot of events on the weekend. It's an election year, so he's very busy."
"We understand. Like I said, the Agency will work around your schedule."
"What happens with Sadie while we're waiting?"
"It was suggested that she stay where she is while all of this plays out."
My chin trembles as I think of her being all alone and so far from home, but what other choice do I have?
I've heard people talk about closure, but I don't know that even having her back in South Carolina would provide that for me.
"Okay," I whisper, pulling a tissue from the box sitting in front of me on the table.
"I think that about wraps everything up," she says. "Do you have any questions?"
I shake my head. "None that I can think of."
"Here is my card, and I've written Mike's number on the back. Feel free to call either one of us if you think of anything."
I take the card, looking down at it. "What about Agent Yarrow?"
"Eddie isn't working this case," she says without a hint of emotion in her voice. She seems indifferent to him all the way around, and I wonder how that would make him feel.
Does he want to be a part of this case?
As she stands and holds out her hand for me to shake, I realize that Eddie's job is over. He was working with Mr. Anderson on this one case, to find Sadie. And although this is the absolute worst possible outcome of that, she has been located.
His job is done, and there's no reason for him to be around any longer.
When the door to the conference room opens, I feel my heart shatter a little more when it's Mike who walks through. Would Eddie pass me off to someone else and leave without even saying goodbye?
But then he's there, shouldering past Mike, his eyes sweeping the length of me, as if he was worried about me this entire time. I take some undeserved comfort in his worry about me.
"Ready to go?" he asks as he steps in front of me.
"Yes."
I don't say a word as we leave the room. I feel like I've talked and cried more today than I ever have in my life, andI'm weary right down to the center of me.
"You need to eat," Eddie says once I'm in the passenger seat and he's behind the wheel.
"I can't," I say, my words barely above a whisper. "I just want to rest."
We don't have a flight back until tomorrow because we didn't know how long today was going to take when the round-trip tickets were booked.
Instead of arguing, he points the car back in the direction of the hotel we stayed in last night.
Time seems to somehow stand still and move at warp speeds, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep any train of thought. My head is a nest of emotions, regret and remorse taking the lead above all others.
I can't count how many times I open my mouth to ask him to come back to South Carolina with me. I can't shove down the possibility that I'll lose my mind between now and when that phone call comes in about Sadie's death.
But I can't seem to get the question out, fearful of yet another rejection.
I somehow manage to keep it together on the drive but make a flimsy excuse about needing to wash my face before arrowing straight to my area of the small hotel suite.
The closing of the door at my back feels like the final straw that takes my emotions from just being bent to finally breaking once again. I manage to run across the room and close myself into the en suite before my body is racked by the first sob, but then I'm overcome with a torrent of sorrow and anguish.