Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Was it possible to die from an overload of desire? Julian never would’ve thought so before right now, when she looked up at him with those bottomless brown eyes and said her thoughts were wildly inappropriate.
He recognized he was in big trouble with this woman because he would’ve given everything he owned and every dime he had to hear those wildly inappropriate thoughts.
“Julian.”
“Hmm?”
“Are you all right? You’re, um, staring at me.”
He blinked. “Sorry, it’s just the words ‘wildly inappropriate’ have my imagination doing handsprings.”
A giggle exploded out of her, and the joyful sound only made everything worse—and better at the same time. How was that even possible?
She covered her mouth to contain the laughter that soon led to more tears. “It feels so wrong to be laughing and joking when Gabriel is going to die. He’s actually going to die. It’s unbelievable.”
Julian used a napkin to dry her eyes.
Her gaze connected with his like a punch to the chest.
“I, um…” He intended to back away. The last thing he’d ever do was take advantage of her when she was hurting.
But she reached for him, fisted his dress shirt in both hands and pulled him back to her with a force that couldn’t be resisted.
Not that he tried very hard to resist as his lips connected with hers, sending lightning streaking down his spine in a blast of desire that made anything he’d felt before seem trivial and insignificant.
Holy. Shit.
She curled her arms around his neck and rubbed her tongue against his, making him delirious with the need for more of her incredible sweetness.
He put his arms around her and lifted her right off the barstool to carry her into the living room to the sofa.
As he came down on top of her without breaking the hottest kiss of his entire life, a brief moment of sanity had him thinking he should put a stop to this while he still could.
But then she put her hand on his face and moaned as she arched into him, and all thoughts of stopping were lost in a frenzy of need.
The heat of her body against his was the sexiest thing he’d ever experienced, and they were only kissing, albeit like two people who feared kissing would be outlawed the next day.
He came up for air only out of absolute necessity and stared down at her, noting her closed eyes, flushed cheeks and damp, swollen lips. A surge of tenderness took him by surprise as it became clear he’d do anything for her, anything at all, even break his own rules to have her in his life.
Her eyes fluttered open. “Why’d you stop?”
“I needed to breathe.”
She smiled, and he was lost to her, captivated, spellbound.
He brushed a soft, sweet kiss over her lips and rested his forehead on hers as she ran her fingers through the hair that curled at the ends against his neck, sending a shiver down his back.
“Julian…”
“Hmm?”
“It’s okay if you want to keep kissing me.”
“There’s nothing I want more than that, but…”
“No buts. It’s what I want.”
He’d never felt so torn between what he wanted just as much as she did and what he knew to be right. “Can we talk about this for a minute?”
“Only a minute.”
“I can’t talk to you when you’re pressed against me like this.”
She curled her legs around his, trapping him, and he whimpered. “Don’t go. Not yet.”
“Isla…”
“Yes, Julian?”
He huffed out a laugh at the prim way she said that. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“And I’m begging you not to.”
As his head dropped to her shoulder, he released a groan that came out sounding like a tortured moan.
His lips found the warm skin of her neck, and he forgot all about why he’d thought it was a good idea to put a stop to this or slow things down or do anything other than what every cell in his body wanted to do.
He’d been taken over by some sort of invisible force that was leading him to something so much bigger than he could comprehend, with her sweet scent filling his senses and her hands under his shirt, searing his back with her heat. He was falling off a cliff, and a fall had never been so exciting.
“Take me to bed, Julian. Please.”
Her words were like gas on an already out-of-control fire. He was on the verge of complying when her phone rang, and she froze.
“I have to get that.”
They disentangled themselves, and she got up to return to the kitchen, while he sat back on the sofa and tried to catch his breath. He could hear her talking on the phone but couldn’t make out what she was saying over the loud drumbeat of desire that had overtaken him.
When she came back into the room, the first thing he noticed was the bare shoulder peeking out from under her sweater, the kiss-swollen lips and the hair he’d messed up with his hands.
“My magic coach has just turned into a pumpkin. Mila is throwing up and screaming for Mommy. I have to go home.”
“I’ll take you.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
He got up and went to her, stopping when she placed her hands on his chest.
“To be continued?”
Nodding, he kissed her quickly. “Let me get my keys.”
In the kitchen, Julian took two seconds to breathe and get his head straight before he followed her to the garage and into the G-Wagon. They were quiet on the short ride down Laurel Canyon Boulevard to the store. He pulled up next to her car, which was the only one left in the lot.
“Let me know how Mila is feeling,” he told her, desperate to ensure he’d hear from her again soon.
“I will.” She released her seat belt and leaned over the center console to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for tonight. You were just what I needed.”
She got out of the car before he could formulate a response.
He watched her until her car was started and her lights were on. Then he waved and drove back up the hill toward home, changed forever by the past two hours.
Isla ended up with two kids who were sick all weekend.
Thank God for Mrs. V, who was by her side through it all, until they fell into bed, completely exhausted at the end of each day.
By Sunday, the delightful interlude with Julian might never have happened, even though he’d texted to check on her and the kids a couple of times and offered to bring them anything they needed, which she appreciated.
As she settled into bed and closed her eyes on Sunday night, she relived every dreamy, perfect moment with him, recalling his heated kisses and the way he obviously wanted her as badly as she wanted him.
It'd been so, so long since she’d felt wanted like that.
She actually couldn’t remember the last time.
No, wait, it was once about two years ago, and from that, she’d gotten her precious Mila.
But jeez… two years? No wonder she’d been so shameless with the incredibly sexy Julian Remington.
Not that she regretted it, because she didn’t.
It had felt so good to be held and kissed and desired.
She fell asleep, smiling as she relived every minute of the two hours she’d spent with him, from their near collision in the store to making out on his sofa. He showed up in her dreams, handsome, smiling, listening to her as if everything she said was the most important thing he’d ever heard.
He was reaching for her, and she was melting into his warm embrace when her ringing phone woke her out of a sound sleep.
As she reached for it on her bedside table, she felt her heart beat hard with the kind of fear that came from crack-of-dawn phone calls. “Hello?”
“Isla… This is Maggie Santana, Gabriel’s mother. I’m so sorry to call you at this hour, but I thought you’d want to know that he passed away at four o’clock this morning.”
She sat up in bed. “What? Already?”
“Yes, it was very sudden. He was still in the hospital. The tumor… It possibly caused a hemorrhage. They said it happened fast, and he didn’t suffer.”
“I… I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry for you, too. And the children.”
God, she’d have to tell Theo…
“We’d very much like to meet them…”
“We’ll make that happen soon. I promise.”
“Gabriel told us you were a wonderful wife and mother and that he hoped you’d find a way to be happy. He also said again how sorry he was for what he put you through.”
“Thank you for telling me that.” She wiped away the tears that streamed down her face. “Is there anything I can do?”
“We’ll need your help to settle his estate, but we don’t need to worry about that today.”
“Whatever I can do. I’m glad you were with him.”
“We’ll be thankful for these last days with him for the rest of our lives. We’d missed him terribly.”
“It may sound strange to say, but I’d missed him, too. Who he used to be.”
“I understand.”
“I know you do.”
“Let’s stay in touch, okay?”
“Yes, please. I’d like that. It’ll help the kids to hear your memories of him.”
“We’ve got plenty to share.”
They ended the call after promising to talk again soon.
Isla fell back against the pillows, sobbing for him, for her, for their kids, for his parents… for all the people who’d loved Gabriel once upon a time but lost him to an illness that might’ve been prevented if he’d done something about it when the symptoms first appeared.
It would be a challenge, she realized, to properly grieve the man she’d married without letting him off the hook for all the chaos and despair he’d caused.
Her heart hurt for all of them and mostly for Theo, who was old enough to understand his daddy being gone forever but too young to hold on to his memories of him.
Would he only remember that long night hiding in the closet, or would he also remember the daddy who’d held him over his head, making him shriek with delight?
She hoped there were some of the good times left for him, not that there’d been many of them in the few years Theo and Gabriel had had together.
Mila would have no memories of her father, except for the ones Isla and Gabriel’s parents were able to give her.
Isla was on her second cup of coffee when Mrs. V came out of the third bedroom at around eight, looking as tired as Isla felt. She was so cute in a purple zip-up bathrobe. “Are they sleeping in?”
“Yes, thank goodness.”
“Why aren’t you?”
“Get some coffee, and I’ll tell you.”
“Uh-oh.” She sat next to Isla a few minutes later. “What’s going on?”
“Gabriel died early this morning.”
She gasped. “Oh, Isla…”
“His mother called. She said it was sudden, and he didn’t suffer. It was probably a hemorrhage.”
“That’s so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss, honey.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Whatever’s on your mind.”
“It doesn’t feel like my loss. I hadn’t felt like his wife or partner in a very long time.”
“I get it. The marriage was over long before it officially ended.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly. I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel about him dying.
I mean, of course I’m sad that his life was cut short, but I’m sad for him and the kids, not for me.
I’m sad for the version of me who loved him and married him and had children with him, but I haven’t seen that guy in a long, long time.
Well, except for at the hospital. He was more like himself because he was finally on medication. ”
“The one thing I don’t want you to feel is guilty. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Isla said with a small smile. “I’m going to work really hard to not feel guilty.”
“Do that. You stood by him much longer than most people would’ve.”
“Only because I couldn’t afford to leave, and I was too ashamed of what my life had become to tell my brother I needed help. I wish now I’d involved him sooner.”
“No guilt. No regrets. None of this was your fault, honey.”
“It wasn’t his either.”
“To be fair, not seeking medical attention for an obvious issue was entirely his fault, as were the consequences of that failure.”
Isla leaned on Mrs. V’s shoulder and reached for her hand. “Thank you for being here with us.”
“You’re the daughter and grandchildren I never had. I’m here for the long haul.”
“That makes me feel so much better.”