Chapter 27 #2
“I get that. I’ll never get over some of the things that happened in my marriage, such as him going missing for weeks at a time and then swearing to me that everything would be different if we had kids, and for a while, it was better.
We had Theo, and he was great with him. Being a father seemed to change everything for him.
But, of course, it didn’t last. When I was pregnant with Mila, he started disappearing again, and then when she was born, he was nowhere to be found.
He didn’t meet her until she was a month old. ”
“God, Isla. I’m so sorry you had to bring her into the world on your own.”
“It was rough. I had some postpartum depression after she was born that really rocked me, and having to take care of two little ones in the midst of wondering where the hell my husband was and what he was doing and where all the money had gone…”
He held her as tightly as he dared, wishing he could take away all the hurt she’d experienced.
“That was when the marriage truly ended for me. After that, I was all about trying to save enough money to leave, but I could never seem to get ahead of the day-to-day needs of two kids, rent, car payments, insurance and all the things. People like to say, ‘Why don’t women just leave?’ Well, that’s why we don’t leave.
Because we can’t. And I was too ashamed to go to Denny, especially since he’d told me not to marry him in the first place.
He had a bad feeling about him from the beginning.
I think maybe he saw the future with Gabriel from the start. ”
“Not much gets by him.”
“He didn’t know the truth of what was going on with us. When he came to meet Mila, I told him Gabriel had been called into work on an emergency job. I’m not sure if he believed me, but he didn’t ask any questions.”
“He probably knew something was off but didn’t want to add to your stress at an already tough time.”
“I have no doubt he sensed trouble, but I was stubborn and proud and stupid, as it turns out. I wish I’d gone to him when it got really bad.”
“You’re far from stupid. That hiding place in the apartment is one of the baddest-ass things I’ve ever heard of in more than thirteen years of family law practice. Seriously impressive.”
“Desperate times and all that.”
“Incredible ingenuity. From the second I heard about that, I was eager to meet the person who’d figured out a plan like that. And then you strolled—”
She kissed him hard. “I never want to hear that word again.”
“Aw, don’t say that. It’s part of our story.”
“We have a story?”
“I’m starting to think you might be the story of my life.”
“But you’d never marry me, no matter what, right?”
“No, I wouldn’t, but if we decide to be together, I’d have your back in every other way.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that. This is already seeming kinda…”
“Serious?”
She nodded. “I should probably get out while I still can.”
He hugged her closer. “I’m not letting you go.”
“When I got married, I really believed it would be forever. He was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I was devastated by the way it turned out, but that wouldn’t stop me from taking that chance again with the right person.”
“Do you still trust your judgment after what happened with Gabriel?”
“That’s a good question, and I can understand why you might ask that since I was so wrong about him and jumped right into this with you when my life was in turmoil.”
“I haven’t had either of those thoughts about you, if that matters. Gabriel’s illness changed him profoundly, and when you met me, things with him had been over for quite some time, or so you said.”
“Both those things are true, and I don’t know if it counts as trusting my judgment, but everything in me wanted to trust you from the second I first met you.
I felt like I could exhale because you were there, and everything was going to be all right as long as I trusted you.
I’ve never experienced such certainty toward a stranger before. ”
“I haven’t either, and it’s got me questioning a lot of things I thought I knew to be true about myself.”
“Like what?”
“Well, to start with, hearing you say you should get out while you still can has me wanting to promise you whatever it takes to keep you here with me, because I’m honestly not sure I’d survive if you walked away and never looked back.”
“I didn’t say I’d never look back.”
He caressed her cheek. “Everything has changed in the span of one week. Before this, before you, I would’ve said that would never happen to me.”
“And now that it has?”
“You’ve got me reconsidering my lines in the sand.”
She leaned over to kiss his chest. “I should probably make sure you know what you’d be getting if you cross all these lines of yours.”
“Um, getting?”
“You know, the full package.” She looked up at him, smiling as she moved so she was on top of him, positioning his cock between her breasts. “No pun intended.”
Julian gasped. “What is happening?”
“It’s your turn to close your eyes, quiet your busy mind, relax and let me love you.”
“Wait, but…”
She slid down to take his cock into her mouth, and the words died on his lips as she applied tongue and suction at the same time.
“Isla…”
“Hmmm?” She made sure her lips vibrated against the head as she said that.
He moaned. “Sweetheart, wait…”
“I don’t want to wait.”
Over the next ten minutes, she made him swear, sweat, beg and plead.
Every time she brought him close to release, she backed off and started over.
His legs were trembling, and his hands were wrapped up in her hair as she started the whole thing again, this time taking him all the way to the finish line.
He bit back the urge to shout from the power of his release.
She stayed with him until he sagged into the bed, his muscles going slack.
The only sound in the room was his labored breathing.
Isla kissed the rippling muscles on his abdomen, then moved up to his chest and lips.
His eyes opened, and the heated look he gave her seared her soul. “How soon do you want to get married?”
She laughed as he wrapped his arms around her. “Does that mean you enjoyed the full package?”
“My full package enjoyed it very much.”
His chest was like a bellows until he finally caught his breath and relaxed somewhat.
“Do something for me,” she said tentatively.
“Anything.”
“Don’t make jokes about getting married if it’s never going to be in the cards for us.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong… Getting married is the last thing on my mind after these last few years. But…”
He couldn’t seem to stop playing with her hair when he was with her. It was so soft and slid through his fingers like spun silk. “What, honey?”
“It’s just that since I lost my parents so suddenly, I think I’ve been kind of chasing the sense of family and belonging to something that was lost with them.
Denny did his best, but it wasn’t the same, and then Gabriel came along, and I thought maybe he’d be the one to fill that gaping hole inside me.
For a while, I thought I was healed, you know? ”
“Yeah, I get what you’re saying.”
“But it didn’t last, and now here I am having to rebuild again from scratch, and here you are when the last thing I was looking for was something like this.
I certainly don’t think that marriage is the be-all and end-all, but I do think it’s something I want again someday, when the time is right and the person is right.
” She sighed. “I feel like I’m making no sense. ”
“You’re making perfect sense, and you deserve to have everything you want in life.”
“My kids are everything to me, and they fill a big part of that hole my parents left, but it’s not the same as having a partner who belongs only to me, who commits to me for a lifetime and is there for all the ups and downs that come our way.
I’m in no way actively looking for that right now, but I don’t think I can get into a situation where it’s never going to be a possibility. ”
Julian’s heart sank deeper with every word she said.
He totally understood where she was coming from, but the thought of never seeing her again was physically painful, as was the thought of legally binding himself to another person after swearing he never would.
Picturing himself taking those vows and signing that marriage license made him feel physically ill, but the idea of losing her forever made him ache like nothing else ever had.
“I want to reassure you, to tell you I might be able to give you all the things you want in this life, but I can’t do that and be truthful with you, too. It’s important to me that I always tell you the truth, because I’d never want to hurt you or your kids.”
“I appreciate that, even if I wish things were different.”
Julian had never wished more that he’d been raised differently, that he’d seen less of the many, many ways that people could hurt the ones they’d once loved so much they’d pledged to love and honor them for the rest of their lives.
If there was one thing he knew for certain, it was that nothing lasted forever.
Though it was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, he sat up, got out of bed, found his clothes and got dressed.
Isla was the most amazing woman he’d ever met, and there was no way he would add to the hell and heartache she’d been through in her life by stringing her along on a path to nowhere.
When he was ready to go, he sat on the edge of the bed, feeling as heartbroken as he ever had. Leaning in, he kissed her bare shoulder and then her lips.
The tears that slid down her cheeks broke something in him that could never be put back together the way it’d been before he’d known her.
“I want to take you to Santa Barbara on Thursday, and I want you to come to the premiere, okay?”
She nodded as she caressed his face. “No matter what happens next, you restored my faith in people and showed me what I need to aim for next time.”
Julian’s heart ached like it never had before, even after he’d lost Aimee. “I can’t bear to picture you with someone else.”
“Same.”
She reached for him, and he held her close, possibly for the last time ever, breathing in the distinctive scent that was now etched upon his heart and soul. He never wanted to forget a single detail of her or their time together.
“I’ll text you about Thursday.”
“Okay. Thank you for going with me.”
“Of course.”
“Do you think, maybe, we could stay friends?”
“I’m not sure I can be just friends with you. I’ll want to hold you and kiss you, among other things, and friends think you’re weird when you do things like that.”
She smiled and reached up to place her hand on his face. “I hope you’ll find a way to be happy in your life. You deserve all the good things.”
“So do you.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere but with you.”
They held each other tightly for a long time before he forced himself to let her go, to stand up and to leave the best thing to ever happen to him. And yes, he was certain of that despite the short time he’d known her.
He was also certain he’d miss her for all the days that remained in his life.