CHAPTER 9 Jake
Jake
She’s on another date.
It’s been a week since my virtual escape room date with Amelia and we’ve spoken every day. And as feared, it’s been wonderful. Being around this woman, even if it’s just over the phone, is as natural as breathing, and it’s why I stayed far, far away from her when she was dating my brother.
“You alright, Jake?”
That’s Steven. He’s dragged me out of my house—literally came to my door and pulled me off the couch in the middle of the penultimate episode of Alone—claiming it’s his duty as my best friend to ensure I don’t end up as a sad, lonely guy. Not that I care about having that title. It’s been well-earned and well-deserved. Especially considering the tiny but impactful bombshell Amelia dropped into our last call. That despite vowing to end this crusade to find her perfect match, she’d been convinced by her friends (damn them) to give Dr. Dave a chance. She’s out with him right now. Hence the need for me to be out of the house, drinking with my mates, despite it only being two weeks since my last enforced social engagement.
“I’m fine,” I sigh, hoping that if I say it often enough, it will eventually be true.
“Good, because tonight we are getting you out of your self-imposed life as a monk. It’s time for you to start dating again.”
I snort. The word again implies that the dating ever began. And given it’s been at least a year since I last looked at a woman in that way, I’m guessing I’m probably more than a little rusty in this department.
“Come on man, the Eeyore mood is killing our vibe.” This is from Aaron, a friend from law school whom Steven had convinced to join us. An effort to make it more festive, perhaps.
“Shut up,” I grunt at him, not in the mood for any crap. “I’m here under duress and refuse to be happy about it.”
My friends both grin at me. “A few more drinks and you’ll be fine.”
Aaron disappears towards the bar, intent on finding the magic cure for my anhedonia. I want to tell him that his efforts will be in vain, that with Amelia out there on another date, with a doctor this time, there will be no cheering me up.
“Snap out of this,” Steven slaps me on the back. “She’s not worth it.”
My blood bubbles at this. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I grit this out between my clenched teeth, wondering if this will be the time. The first time I punch my best friend in over twenty-five years of friendship.
“I just mean,” he backtracks, his hands up in surrender, “that she’s clearly looking for something and she’s not seeing it in you.”
The truth in his words hit me like a bullet train. Amelia, for all her friendly chats and flirty messages, is persisting with this quest to find Mr. Right, while I’m sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring. There’s definitely something wrong with this picture.
“You’re right,” I say. “Why am I being like this?”
He gives me a look, sympathy plastered all over his face. “Because you really like her? And you think maybe she could like you back?”
We sit in silence, his words heavy between us.
“Why don’t you just try to forget about her for one night?” he finally speaks up, continuing his mission to cheer me up, not knowing he’s asking for the impossible. I haven’t been able to forget about Amelia since I sat next to her at that bar all those months ago.
“Hey, isn’t that Amelia?” Aaron says as he puts the three precariously balanced bottles of beer he’s holding on the table between us and points to the door. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
I turn at such a speed that I’ll later require a massage to fix my neck, and my eyes land on her. She’s with her friend Bella and she looks…spectacular.
“That’s her.”
Amelia struts into the bar, wearing a dress made to torture all of mankind, a little black number that hugs her slight curves and stops mid-thigh, combined with sky-high heels that make her legs look miles long. Her hair is dead straight, parted in the middle and hanging down her back. The honey colour has been lightened, and the ends have a lavender haze. She’s gorgeous and so out of my league.
“I thought you said she’s on a date tonight?” Steven’s voice sounds like it’s coming from far away, only just cutting through the loud ringing noise that started in my head the minute Amelia entered the room.
“I thought she was,” I mutter into my beer bottle, my mind whirring with possibilities. What happened to Dr. Dave?
“Are you going to talk to her?”
I’d have to stand in line. I watch through the lens of the green-eyed monster as hordes of men surround Amelia and Bella as they approach the bar, each vying for the attention of the beautiful women.
“At least say hello,” Aaron urges me.
My feet move in her direction without my brain giving them permission, and I go with it. By some stroke of luck, not only is Amelia not on a date with a doctor looking like that, but she’s also here in this room with me. It has to be a sign or something?
“Hey.”
I touch her elbow to get her attention and feel the customary buzz of electricity that happens whenever her skin makes contact with mine.
“Jake!”
That’s excitement I’m hearing in her voice? Right?
“Hey.”
Come on, man. Find some more words.
“What are you doing here?” she asks, going up on her tippy toes to speak into my ear.
I point to where Steven and Aaron are grinning at us. “They forced me out of the house.”
She laughs, a light sound that I imagine pixie dust would sound like. “You sound so thrilled about it.”
“I’m here under duress.”
“I thought there were at least a few more weeks until you were due to leave your house.”
A thrill courses through me. She’s been paying attention and keeping track. I love this more than I should.
“Hey, Jake.”
My gaze reluctantly leaves Amelia and I turn to see her friend looking at me, big question marks written all over her expression.
“Hi, Bella. What are you guys doing here?”
Her face drops. “Amelia called me….” She trails off, biting her lip, giving her friend a querying look.
“I called her because my date didn’t show up tonight and I needed to be rescued. And then I needed a drink.”
My hands clench into a fist. Amelia’s cheeks are tinged in pink and her eyes are watering and I can feel the hurt rolling off her. She was stood up? What is wrong with these men?
“Here, Millie. The drink I promised you.”
She takes the elaborate-looking cocktail from her friend, her pink tongue peeking out to lap at the cream on the top.
“Hmmm, so good.”
My gut tightened and I lose what’s left of my breath. She’s so effortlessly sexy, it’s a pure miracle that she’s ever spent a minute single.
“So, what happened tonight?” I ask Bella. Amelia looks too happy slurping at her frothy drink. I don’t want to disturb her.
“I’m not sure,” Bella shrugs. “She called me about an hour after her date was supposed to start and said he hadn’t turned up. What a jerk.”
“I thought you said no more dates,” I growl at Amelia, my anger at the unknown doctor boiling to the surface. Sure, he probably saves lives for a living, but at this moment I’m just about ready to end his.
“I did. And I was done,” she says, taking the cherry from the bottom of her glass and sucking on it briefly. God, she’s killing me. “But then Amy said she’s got this perfect guy from the hospital who she’s dying for me to meet. She begged me to go out with him. And now she’s dead to me.”
Bella takes her empty cocktail glass from her hand and replaces it with another one. A pink concoction this time.
“I’m sure he’s a good guy. He’s a doctor who’s probably on call and something must have come up,” Bella offers with a weak smile.
“Nope.”
I say this so loudly that several people around us stop their conversation to give me a side glance. To be fair, I do sound pretty angry.
“No,” I repeat, keeping my voice softer this time. “Do not excuse this behaviour. Amelia deserves more than this. She deserves better.”
Amelia’s already pink cheeks shine brighter and Bella’s smile grows more knowing.
Gulp.
“You’re right, Jake. Amelia deserves the best. Dr. Dave is a jerk, and he’s best forgotten.”
The two women cheers, vigorously and somewhat drunkenly. Maybe I need to get them some water?
“I’m done with men,” Amelia yells, garnering protests from the men behind her. Like they ever had a chance with her. “I’m going to get a cat. Maybe two cats!”
Bella’s face visibly pales. “Let’s not go crazy, Millie. Remember all the plants you killed? Cats need even more care.”
Her friend pouts back at her and I refrain from reaching out and tucking her under my arm, while promising to buy her all the cats.
“Well, I need something. Clearly, men aren’t for me…” she trails off, her unfocused eyes shadowed with sadness.
“You don’t need to decide right now.” I stroke her arm, feeling goose-pimples bloom on her skin under my hand. “Maybe you just need to stop with the dating plan. Let a relationship happen naturally?”
She taps her finger on her bottom lip, thinking. “Nah, I’m done.”
She slumps into the barstool next to her and Bella gives her a hug. “Let’s wait until we have clearer heads in the morning before deciding.”
Amelia gives a stubborn shake of her head. “Bella, I’ll never have what you have with Daniel. There’s something wrong with me…I mean, even my dad didn’t love me enough to stay.”
I freeze, my heart pounding at this sad confession.
“Oh honey,” Bella’s face is filled with pain as she looks at me over her friend’s shoulder. “That’s not true.”
A trail of tears makes their way down Amelia’s cheeks and I flounder, my own eyes watering as I watch her. When was the last time I cried? I ponder this, feeling helpless in the face of her hurt.
“I’m tired.”
Her voice is so sad, I act without thinking. Moving Bella out of the way, I pull Amelia to me. “Amelia, you listen to me.” I whisper the words directly into her ear, needing her to hear me. “You do not need a man to tell you how amazing you are, but I’m here now and I want you to know it. I want you to feel it from me. You are incredible. You are wonderful. You are enough.”
She gapes up at me and I know I’ve probably said too much. But stuff it, I’m not guarding my heart at the expense of hers. If saying these words to Amelia right now, in this moment, exposes me and my own hidden feelings, then I can live with that. As long as it takes away some of her pain.
“Thank you, Jake,” she breathes into my ear and I pull her closer to me. Holding her to my chest, breathing her in, wishing I could have more than just this moment with her.
“I mean it.”
She squeezes me tight in response and rests her head on my shoulder.
“Maybe we should get her home?”
Bella’s voice startles me. I’d forgotten she was there. I’d forgotten anyone else existed.
“Yes,” I agree. “Can I take you both home?”
She nods. “I think she’d like that.”
Amelia’s head remains on my shoulder and I gently lift it up, using a finger to raise her lovely face to mine. “I’m going to say goodbye to my friends and then I’ll take you home. Is that alright?”
“Yes,” she hiccups. “I’d like that.”
I hand her over to where Bella is hovering, looking worried. This night had definitely taken a turn for the worse, exposing a lot of unspoken pain that’s been bubbling in her friend.
“I’ll be right back.” I jog to where my friends are finishing another round of beer, matching bemused looks on their faces.
“What’s up?” Steven asks, tilting his head to the bar where I’d just come from.
“I’m taking them home.” I don’t go into any details. “They’ve had enough of being here. And so have I.”
They grin at me. “Aren’t you happy we dragged you here tonight?”
I look back to where Amelia is leaning against her friend, the two of them with their heads pressed together, a united front of sadness.
“I’m forever grateful.” I thump them both on the back to say goodbye. I’m so glad I was here to be with Amelia tonight. It feels like she really needs me.
“Call me!” Steven yells after me with a cheeky smile. It’s like having a thirteen-year-old girlfriend with him sometimes.
I wave him off and lengthen my stride to get back to Amelia. She needs to be home, somewhere warm and safe. Somewhere she can lick her wounds, so that she can come back stronger, so that she can understand just how incredible she truly is.
“Ready to go?”
Amelia looks at me, her brown eyes sad but also filled with trust, holding me captive, like they always have.
“Take me home, Jake.”
The words I’ve always wanted to hear. Only not in quite these circumstances.
*****
“Do you want to stay at my place tonight?” Bella asks her friend once we’re buckled in my car, ready to get on our way. “We can have a sleepover.”
Amelia shakes her head where it’s resting against the window of the passenger seat. “I just want to go home. I want to be alone. Is that OK?”
Bella and I exchange a look. Do we want her to be alone tonight?
“If that’s what you want? Are you sure you’ll be OK?”
She responds with a limp nod, closing her eyes. A picture of weariness.
“Right,” Bella decides. “Well, Jake, it makes sense for you to drop me off first. Is that OK?”
“Of course, just point me in the right direction.”
She gives me her address and we fall into silence, the two of us throwing worried glances in Amelia’s direction.
“You’ll make sure she gets up to her apartment safely?” Bella asks when we’re stopped in front of the house she shares with her husband. Her face is creased with concern and I hasten to reassure her. She needs to know I’d never let anything happen to Amelia.
“Of course. She’s safe with me.”
Bella flashes me a smile, a grateful smile that makes me feel ten feet tall. “Thank you. Make sure you pop into the café tomorrow. You’ve earned yourself a brownie on the house.”
My mouth instantly fills with saliva at the thought of this. The Love, Lilly brownie is legendary around Melbourne and I’m already looking forward to biting into my promised free one.
“Done.”
Bella reaches into the front seat to kiss her friend on the cheek, rousing her briefly from her slumber. “Millie, I’m leaving you with Jake now. Is that OK?”
Amelia’s lips tip up, her eyes stay closed. “Of course. Jake’s the best.”
My chest puffs up and Bella lets out an amused-sounding snort.
“Great. I’ll call you tomorrow to check up on you. Drink lots of water before bed. Clearly those two cocktails were a lethal combination.”
Amelia waves her hand in the direction of Bella’s voice. “Bye Bella! Thanks for rescuing me.”
Bella gives her one last kiss on the cheek before doing the same to me. “I like you,” she whispers into my ear, shocking me, “so much better than your brother.”
And with that bombshell, she opens the car door, skipping down the front path and into the house. Where her husband is no doubt waiting with open arms. I’ve only seen them interact when Daniel has come in to visit his wife at the cafe, but the two are the very epitome of two people deeply in love with each other. Watching them together makes me ache for something I didn’t know I wanted.
“Home time?” Amelia’s sleepy voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Yes, let’s get you home.”
I put some music on to fill what is suddenly a different sort of silence. With Bella out of the car, the buffer she afforded me between me and my big feelings for the woman sitting in my passenger seat is now gone.
“You like Taylor Swift?” I turn to see Amelia now awake, watching me with her brown eyes wide in her pale face.
“Eh.” I make a so-so gesture with my hand as we sit at a red light. “But I know you do.”
It is one of the many things I know about Amelia that I probably shouldn’t.
“I love her,” she admits, her tone filled with reverence. “She writes songs like she’s been reading my diary.”
“You keep a diary?” There’s a smile in my voice as I think about this.
“Shhh.” She turns up the music and leans her head back, her eyes closing again as she mouths the words to ‘All Too Well’. I can’t believe I know the name of this song.
I listen intently as she sings along, identifying completely with the idea of being OK, but not fine at all, and there’s a twinge in my chest as I hear the truth in the words she’s singing. What sort of pain is Amelia hiding behind her bright smile and her quick wit? It feels like there’s a lot there to unpack.
“This is the best song she’s ever written,” she says when the ten-minute Taylor’s version ends. We’ve been sitting in the car outside her apartment waiting for it to finish, both wrapped in the haunting melody of what I can now hear is a deeply sad song. But there’s something so strong and confident in the way she sings the lyrics. I wonder if that’s why Amelia connects with it so much. She’s been through so much and has come out stronger than she’s realised.
“I like it.” My simple praise for her favourite song earns me a smile and I gesture out her window with my head. “Ready to go up?”
“I guess.” She’s back to sounding sad and I want to make it better but have nothing to offer her. Except a shoulder to cry on.
“I’ll walk you up.”
She doesn’t argue, letting herself out of the car and waiting for me to walk around to reach her. I pick up her hand and guide her to her front door, matching the meandering pace she’s setting, happy to draw out our time together.
“Thanks for driving me home tonight.”
I look down at her slightly dishevelled state and squeeze her hand. “Any time.” I mean this more than she will ever know.
“And for what you said earlier at the bar?”
We’re stopped outside her apartment, merely inches apart. She’s looking up at me with a vulnerable expression, thanking me for just telling her the truth. That she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.
“Any time,” I repeat, watching the smile grow on her face.
“Seriously.” Her expression is earnest now. “I know I shouldn’t let these disastrous dates get to me, but it’s all been a bit too much. You know?”
I do know. Mainly because I know she shouldn’t be going out with these clowns at all.
“You deserve better.” I say this again because I really, really need her to believe it. If she can’t be with me, she should be with someone better than Dr. Dave (the jerk!)
“I know,” she says, but her voice is small and unconvincing. “Anyway, thanks again.”
She looks between me and the door and bites her bottom lip. Looking uncertain.
I lean all the way over—she’s still tiny even in those sexy heels—and let my lips brush across her cheek, tracing the constellation of freckles that intrigue me so much. I do it once, twice, three times. It’s the first and last time my lips will ever touch her skin and I take a moment to savour it. To drink it in. To drink her in.
“Good night, Millie.” My voice is gruff and I make myself take a step away from her, my fingernails biting into my palms to stop from reaching for her.
“Good night, Jake.” Her eyes search mine and I close my own to hide what I’m feeling. “I’ll see you soon?”
I leave her question hanging as I back away, needing some space from her velvety chocolate eyes, her plump pink lips, her sweet coconut smell. I’ve reached my Amelia overload limit for the day and it’s time to get out.
Her door closes behind me and I take it as my signal to sprint down the stairs, away from this woman who should have been mine but was with my brother instead. And once I’m in the safety of my car, I put Taylor Swift on Spotify and sing out loud all the way home. Hearing the pain in her lyrics, which now so completely mimics my own…all too well.