Chapter 27
ELLIE
“What’s his deal?” Tanner says, aggravation clear in his tone.
“He’s drinking a lot, then swears he’s not drunk,” Liam adds, sounding worried.
Penn stays quiet, but I can see his wheels turning.
Nervousness takes flight in my chest as I listen to the guys go back and forth on Travis’s strange behavior the last few nights.
No one has seen him sleep longer than a few minutes, and we’ve actually been watching, taking turns trying to sneak and keep an eye on him.
I think he’s catching on because his eyes are all shifty when everyone is on the bus.
We’re parked in the lot behind the venue for tomorrow’s show, and Calvin and Travis stepped out to get dinner. It feels wrong to talk about him like this when he’s not around. It’s like I’m betraying him somehow.
“What about you, Ellie? Notice anything weird?” Tanner asks.
“Not really.” I shrug. I have noticed things, but I assumed they were tour side effects or something.
The dark circles under his eyes, not sleeping, and barely eating.
And I have noticed the drinking. I’m pretty sure he had three shots before he went on stage a couple nights ago.
I’ve never seen him do that before. No one else saw, and I didn’t say anything because he still went out and killed it.
Another concerning thing is his hair. He stopped fixing it like he normally does for a show. The ‘hawk’ has taken on a life of its own at this point, but the last two shows, he left it flat. No product. Nothing.
There was his behavior on stage last night, too.
He’d forgotten the lyrics of more than one song.
He mumbled through them, trying to play it off, but the guys weren’t oblivious like the crowd might have been.
I’ve never seen him forget lyrics before.
He’s normally flawless on stage. A presence.
A force of rock-n-roll nature. It’s so natural for him to be good, like he was born just for this.
“You need to tell us if you do,” he presses.
“Dude, lay off,” Penn snaps at him.
The bus door opens and everyone goes quiet. Calvin and Travis step on with pizza. I was starving when they left but now my stomach is too jumbled with nerves, so I excuse myself to my bunk and lie down. I should go back to my hotel, it’s only two blocks away, but I’m suddenly too exhausted.
A few minutes later, Travis pushes back the blue curtain hiding me and holds out a slice of pepperoni pizza. “Why you hiding?”
I sit up and grab the paper plate. “I’m not. I’m just tired.”
He sits beside me and hunches forward so his head doesn’t hit the top of the bunk.
He doesn’t say anything for a minute, just stares straight ahead while I nibble on my pizza.
I study him, he doesn’t act tired, but he looks it.
His eyes are sunken in, and the dark circles underneath have been a constant presence.
It also appears he’s lost a bit of weight.
I rarely see him eat. In fact, we had tacos for dinner last night and I only saw him eat one. Normally, he can pack them away.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re trying to solve a puzzle.”
I pop a shoulder. “You seem different.”
“How?” He laughs. “Is it because I’m famous now?”
My eyes roll. “Your head has grown a lot the last few months,” I tease.
“I’m surprised it fits on the bus.” He scoffs, dropping back on the bed and closing his eyes.
I finish chewing the last bite of my pizza before asking, “Are you sleeping ok? The sleeping pills helping?” I know he doesn’t take them every night, and he promised he wouldn’t at all when he was drinking, but I assume he takes them when he needs them.
His brows pinch, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “Yep.”
I chew on my cheek, steeling my nerve to keep pushing even though I know it’s going to piss him off. “You sure? You look tired, and I can’t remember the last time I saw you nap.”
His eyes jerk open, his face twisting into a scowl. “What the fuck? I look tired? Rude. What are you, the nap police? When I’m tired I sleep,” he bites out defensively.
“Don’t get mad. I was just asking. We’re all worried about you.”
He climbs off the bed, staring down at me, scowl still firmly intact. “You’re all worried about me, huh? Is everyone talking shit behind my back or something?”
I shake my head, reaching for his arm. “No,” I rush out, but he shakes me off.
“Fuck this.” He spins on his heel and heads for the front of the bus.
My shoulders sag. Shit.
“You fuckers have something to say to me?” he yells.
“What are you talking about?” Tanner asks.
“Anyone else worried about my goddamn sleep schedule?”
I step quietly into the main area of the bus. Calvin and Tanner are at the table, and Liam and Penn are on the couch, watching everything unfold. Penn glances at me. I send him a silent apology. I thought maybe if I talked to Travis alone, he’d open up to me. Silly girl.
“Ellie says you’re worried about me. What has you so concerned?
Hm? The fact that I go out on stage every night and fuckin’ kill it?
Because I don’t see a problem here.” No one mentions his slip last night.
Immediately after the show, Tanner approached him, and he brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I say. “I just knew you were having trouble sleeping before and wanted to make sure that wasn’t happening again. No one ever sees you sleep.”
“No one sees you sleep, either, Ellie. Does that mean you have a problem? Are you watching me 24/7?”
“No, I—”
“Fuck, why are you so obsessed with me?” he asks, turning to face me.
My muscles tense, and he lets out a sarcastic laugh. My face grows hot. Obsessed? Fuck him.
“I was worried. But hey, I’ll stop giving a shit. Sleep or don’t.”
“Maybe Ellie should learn to mind her business. There you go, shooting off your big mouth again,” Calvin butts in. “Maybe you should ride with the crew from now on.”
My fingers twitch. I’ve never punched anyone before, but I have phenomenal aim and hidden strength underneath this small frame. I bet I could knock him on his ass.
“No, that’s—” Penn starts, but Travis cuts him off.
“Great fucking idea.”
I suck in a breath, tears threatening to surface.
“Guys…” Liam attempts to chime in.
“We’re not making any decisions right now. Trav, chill. Let’s talk about this,” Penn says, but Travis shakes his head.
“I don’t have anything to say! You guys are the ones shit talking. Well, here I am. Let’s hear it.”
“I’m going to go to my hotel.” I start toward the front of the bus.
“I think that’s best,” Calvin says.
I snarl at him, unable to help myself, and he grins.
“I mean it about the crew bus, Ellie,” Travis says to my back.
My eyes sting and I clench my jaw hard, trying to keep my lip from trembling.
“Travis,” Penn growls.
“Sure thing,” I say with as much pep as I can muster, then I exit the bus with my head held high.
He wants to be a jerk? Fine. From now on, I will give zero fucks about his mental and physical health.
As long as I’m stuck on this tour, I’ll be the ultimate professional.
I thought I could be his friend, maybe even more, but no.
I won’t say a single word to him unless it’s about my job.
If he falls over from exhaustion, don’t ask me to call an ambulance.
Well, I might actually have to do that, but that’s all. I won’t ride in it with him.
The five-minute walk back to my hotel gives me time to fight off angry tears that threaten to fall. Fuck him, I cry over no man.