Chapter 55
TRAVIS
Not only have I been going through withdrawals the last few days, I’ve been nursing the worst case of blue balls to ever exist. I’ve been hard since I left Ellie in the bathtub a few nights ago. I didn’t know I could do that. Not just leave her naked and wet, but run a bath.
She’d been working all day, taking care of things, and I wanted to return the favor. This entire time, she’s been taking care of us. Of me. Who’s been there for her? No one.
Well, that’s going to change.
But what the fuck was I thinking? Honor the promise we made. Bleh. Who the hell am I? That coke must have altered my brain or something.
I know that damn contract Tanner made her sign weighs on her. She takes her job seriously, and I want to do right by her, but she’d never get fired. If he tried, I would throw a reverse card down and fire his ass.
Sure, it sounds like a good idea. It’s probably the right thing to do—waiting for the tour to end—but it’s no fucking fun.
I could be balls deep inside her sweet pussy right now.
Instead, I’m lying in my bed, itching from head to toe.
Even my hair follicles are tingling. I want to crawl out of my skin.
I need a joint to take the edge off.
I want to scream. Hit something. Fuck Ellie into another dimension.
The only bonus of doing none of those things is my voice is fully healed. No one’s been bothering me or forcing me to talk. They know I’m irritable and to stay away from me.
The other bonus is Ellie has let me have temporary parental custody of Cinnamon.
I need emotional support. From the cat, though.
I asked Ellie to give me some space. I don’t want to be an ass.
I’m not fully in control of my emotions right now, and I don’t want to snap and say something I don’t mean when we’ve just started… something.
Fuck, what am I doing?
My heart starts to race, and a sheen of sweat breaks out across my forehead. I can’t tell if I’m having a panic attack or if it’s another withdrawal symptom.
Breathe.
In and out. In and out.
“Hey.”
“Ah! Jesus fuck!” I jump, smashing my head off the ceiling. Damn, how many times am I going to do that?
“Sorry!” Ellie shrieks.
I let out a breath, trying not to act like a little bitch. “Hey, ’sup?”
“I wanted to remind you about your hearing. Now that Calvin’s gone, I went ahead and found you another lawyer.”
Shit. I’d completely forgotten about that.
“Uh, you didn’t have to do that.”
She gives me a look that tells me she knows me too well and that she absolutely did have to. “It was no trouble. My dad made a call.” I nod along, panic continuing to rise. She’s getting me favors from her dad now? “It’s in two days.”
“Huh? What is?”
“The hearing.”
“What the fuck?” How could I not know that?
“Relax, the lawyer will be there. You probably won’t even need to talk.”
“Ok.”
She smiles and starts to turn away.
“Thank you,” I tell her sincerely.
“It’s part of my job.” My brow furrows in confusion. “Now that Calvin’s gone.”
Right. Ok. Cool. So she’s not telling her dad about me?
“Need anything else?” she asks.
“I’m good.”
Another smile, this one less convincing, then she disappears. I frown watching her go, even though I told her I needed space. Even though the thought of all this happening so fast is making me sweat bullets.
But when she’s near, a sense of ease washes over me. Before, I wouldn’t let myself get close enough to test the theory that she might be perfect for me. Probably because deep down I knew the answer was yes. And that’s scary as fuck.
I inhale a deep breath, my heart settling back to its normal speed. Despite the fear racing through my bones, it feels right. I think that’s why it’s terrifying. Knowing you have it all means you can lose it all.
Somehow, I don’t think I’d recover from losing Ellie. Especially a second time. I might not have had her fully before, but she was right there in my fingertips, and I let her slip through my grasp.
Cinnamon is lying by my feet, so I snatch her up and force her to snuggle me. She accepts it easily, purring and rubbing her nose on my face. I close my eyes, summoning sleep.
It’s after 6 p.m. when I finally crawl out of my hole.
We’ve stopped halfway to our next stop in Jersey to get food.
Now that the toxic mole, Calvin, has been fired and kicked off the bus, it puts a lot more on Tanner and Ellie’s plates to pick up the slack until we can hire a new manager, which won’t happen until after the tour.
Tanner’s been dealing with all the contracts and venues, and Ellie’s been doing everything else.
I’ve tried to help, but they refuse to let me.
“What’s everyone want, and I’ll order it?” Tanner asks, pushing his glasses up his nose as he stares at his phone.
“Why don’t we sit somewhere and eat? Like, not on this bus?” Everyone turns to look at me, their eyes wide. “What?” I snap. I’m tired of being on this bus all the time.
“As in a restaurant?” Tanner’s face couldn’t be more surprised.
“No, a dumpster. Yes, a restaurant!” I shake my head, already annoyed that I mentioned it.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” Penn says.
“Forget it, it was stupid. Just order a pizza.”
“No, I want to,” Penn argues, shooting me a glare. I give him one right back.
“Me too,” Liam tosses in.
I cross my arms over my chest and huff. “Whatever. I don’t care.” I do care, but the tiniest shit is pissing me off right now. They’re trying to be understanding, but that only bothers me more.
After a debate, we settled on a casual bar and grill because it was the closest. Ellie’s here, too. I really want to drink a beer to take the edge off, but I ordered water instead. Yay me.
They gave us a booth in the back. We’ve gotten several glances, and a few girls came up to us for autographs when we first walked in. Now everyone’s letting us eat in peace, thank fuck. It wouldn’t look good if I snapped and threw someone over a table.
“How’s your voice?” Tanner asks.
“Fine.” I’ve already told him this. My voice is perfect again, but after watching them play as a bystander, I came to a conclusion that was hard for me to admit to myself.
“Watching you guys play without me was hard as fuck, not gonna lie.” I shift in my seat as all their gazes lock on me. Shit, this was a dumb idea.
“I learned something about our sound.” My eyes flick to Penn, who’s watching me intently.
“Penn’s voice is more suited for certain songs.
Especially ‘Barbie Girl.’” His brows dip low, and he starts to shake his head.
“I’m serious, that song was made for your voice.
Well, it was made for your girl. You do it justice in a way I can’t. ”
“I don’t want to sing.”
“But you should.”
“I agree,” Tanner says.
I knew he would. I expect it to sting hearing him say it, but it doesn’t.
“Nah, not for me.” Penn takes a drink of his water, still eyeing me, worry evident.
I understand. I acted like such a bitch about everything. Behaving as if I’m the chosen one, but this is a team effort. I wanted to be needed, but we’re all needed. I see that now.
“Well, just think about it. We can be one of those bands that have two lead singers, like Less Than Jake or Blink-182,” I tell him, staring into his eyes.
His lip twitches, and he nods.
The rest of the dinner is uneventful, but good. Despite being up each other’s asses all day, we haven’t really spent any time together just chilling. With everything that’s happened, we needed a night like this.
Everyone else files on the bus. Before Tanner steps on, I grab his arm, forcing him around to face me. “Uh, I wanted to say sorry for punching you in the face.”
His brows raise, and a cheesy smirk hits his lips. I regret this already.
“Are you?”
“Yes,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Huh. Ok, thanks.”
He moves to step on the bus, and I flick the back of his head. “Don’t you have something you wanna say to me?”
His lips purse as if he’s considering it, then he shrugs. “No, I don’t think so.”
My eyes widen. “You slapped me in the face!”
He chuckles. What a weird sound. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him chuckle. “I did, and I’m not sorry. You deserved it.”
My mouth gapes open. “Ass!” Here I was trying to make amends, and he isn’t sorry at all for the part he played. Sure, I started it—I was the one arrested—but damn, he could’ve pretended to feel bad. “I take it back then. I’m not sorry either.”
Stepping around him, I board the bus, and he chases after me.
“Oh, no. You can’t take it back now. You meant that with your whole chest. Let’s take a picture and commemorate it.”
“Fuck off.”
Since when does he have a sense of humor? He laughs as I hustle past him to my bed, but I can still hear him shouting bullshit after me.
Dick.