39| Appreciated
We woke up the next morning, me a little before him. I'm still a little in shock. I'm still not totally convinced that last night even happened. I didn't go to sleep angry at him but I'm definitely waking up that way. Let me give you guys a quick recap.
He called me Chloe. Multiple times in his sleep.
He started saying I hate him and was going to leave him and refused to believe me when I told him otherwise.
He called me Chloe. He fucking called me Chloe!
He's called me Chloe only once before. In the cafe that one time we all went on a study date.
And it hurt but I wasn't too offended because there was nothing going on between, it was just a slip of tongue. But now?
I'm his girlfriend. And he's calling me by the name of his dead ex-girlfriend.
In what world is that okay and not offensive?
Am I not enough for him? Does he miss Chloe, is that why he keeps calling me that?
It makes me believe that if she was alive, he'd still be with her, not me.
And knowing that feels like someone is twisting a knife in my heart.
And it makes me feel like I'm not worth as much to him. Like I'm not being appreciated.
I pushed myself so hard to get to know him, break down his walls, to let him let me in.
And it's all for nothing if he's still hung up on Chloe.
I understand it was hard for him to go through her passing but there's no connection between me and Chloe.
Nothing in common apart from the fact that he dated us both. That doesn't make me anything like her.
Normally, when one of us wakes up before the other, we wake up the other person with kisses.
I didn't do that today. I just got out of bed and went to shower.
I turned the water on, leaving it to heat up while taking my clothes off and putting my hair up in a bun.
I stepped into the shower, letting the water fall down my back, drenching me within seconds.
I turned around, cupping the water in my hands, and then splashing it onto my face.
I'm just so fucking lucky, aren't I? The guy I love is still hung up on his dead ex-girlfriend.
I know I should be a little more sensitive, and I will be when it comes to him. But I'm allowed to hate this situation and act like it in my mind. Because I do hate this.
Once I was clean, I turned the water off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my body before stepping out. I brushed my teeth and then opened the door to get my clothes. I pulled on the handle and froze as it opened and Nathan stood right there. "Morning," I mumbled.
"You didn't wake me up."
"I thought I'd let you sleep in a little longer, you had a rough night," I said, slipping past him and heading to my closet.
He grabbed my wrist, yanking me back, and pressed me against the wall. "You did too."
"Yeah, but... whatever, I'll wake you up next time," I said, trying to push by him but he wasn't having it.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me, Nathan. I'm just in a pissy mood, can I get dressed?"
"No, I prefer you naked," he said, just to pick a fight with me.
"Yeah, well we don't always get what we want. We'll be late for school, let me get dressed."
"Fine," he said, letting go of my wrist and going into the bathroom, locking it behind him.
I grabbed one of his shirts from my closet because it was the first one I saw and paired it with a pair of jeans, tying the front in a knot.
I let my hair down and threw it up in a bun again, not bothered enough to brush it.
I was tying up my laces when he came back out with nothing but a towel around his waist.
We're such a tit for tat couple.
"Is that my shirt?" he asked, looking at my clothes.
"Yeah," I shrugged, standing up. "Why? What's wrong with that?"
"Take it off."
"What?" I scoffed.
"I'm not letting you wear my shirt when you're fighting with me for no reason, take it off."
"Nathan, are you serious?" I asked, gritting my teeth.
"I'm serious. Take it off," he nodded, taking a step closer to me.
I glared at him, feeling my nostrils flare and I undid the knot at the end and grabbed the hem of the shirt.
I lifted it up, exposing my stomach first, then my bra before I pulled it over my head and threw it at his chest when I noticed him checking me out.
I walked over to my closet and grabbed another t-shirt and a cardigan to pull on top before turning to him.
"There you go," I said. I grabbed my bag and pulled it over my shoulder, ready to leave his ass here.
I stopped in front of him, looking him dead in the eyes. And just because I'm that fucking petty, I grabbed the towel that hung around his waist and yanked it off. I turned around before he could react and left, closing the door behind me as I jogged downstairs.
I grabbed an orange sitting in the fruit basket on the counter and then my keys. "Honey, you're leaving? What about Nathan?" my mom asked.
"He can drive himself."
I drove myself to school and parked the car, climbing out and heading straight to my locker.
I got there and was looking for my creative writing folder when my locker was slammed shut.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He spun me around and backed me up against my own locker, his body pressed against mine.
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You literally made me take my shirt off because it was yours and we're arguing, that's how petty you're being right now."
"I'm being petty because you're fighting with me for no reason," he groaned.
"I'm fighting with you because you've been calling me Chloe in your sleep since last fucking night," I hissed, pushing him off. I grabbed my folder and then closed my locker, strutting off to class, not bothering to wait for him.
Halfway there, I realized I left the extract we needed for today's class.
"Shit," I mumbled, turning back around, walking back to my locker.
The first bell rang and I started jogging so I wouldn't be late.
When I was walking past the janitor's closet, the door opened and a hand came out, grabbing my shirt and dragging me inside. "Ow, what the-"
"Shh!" he hissed.
I sighed, closing my eyes. This is gonna take a while, isn't it? I can forget about class today. "What the hell do you want?"
"Emma-"
"I thought it was Chloe."
"Emma, you-"
"It's not Chloe anymore?"
"Chloe-" he groaned, "Emma, listen to me."
I scoffed, shaking my head, grabbing the string attached to the light and tugging at it, a faint bulb illuminating the room. "What?" I asked.
"You're being unfair right now."
"I'm being unfair? You're calling me by her name but I'm the one being unfair?"
"I may have done it last night because of the dream but..." he sighed, "That doesn't mean I think you're her. You're not Chloe, you don't think I know that?"
"Nathan, I've been keeping my patience with you, okay?
I've never wanted to know and have a person more than you and that's why I kept pushing to get closer to you.
But when you call me by her name, that makes me feel like absolute shit, okay?
You did it when you were dreaming, you also did it before that, you did it when you woke up, and you also did it when you went back to sleep. I can't take it. I'm sorry," I rambled.
I noticed him staring at my lips. I know he heard what I said but he's staring at my lips rather than responding.
"We can't kiss and make up on this one. You're in trouble. Fix it."
"How am I-"
"Or I'm gone." He stopped and stared at me in disbelief. "I'm not one for giving chances, you should know that. Call me Chloe one more time. I dare you."
"Emma, it's not like I'm doing it intentionally. It's just an accident!"
"Well, it hurts! If you can't already tell, I'll clarify it for you- what you're doing is hurting me.
" He pulled back and stared at the ground.
The guilt struck me but I know I'm not wrong.
"Nathan," I sighed. "You have no idea how hard it was to get you to open up to me.
I'm so glad I made you do it. But you're calling me by her name.
That makes me feel like I don't even exist to you.
I know you're not doing it intentionally, but you're doing it.
And it's like a stab to the heart every time.
You think I slapped you and got mad just because you weren't listening to me and thought I'm leaving?
No! I got that angry because I was listening to you calling me Chloe for the past couple of hours! "
"I didn't call you Chloe for that long," he argued meekly.
"You did," I scoffed, "If you didn't then I wouldn't be this upset. And before you tell me I'm overreacting, tell me how you'd feel when I call you by my ex-boyfriend's name." His eyes snapped to me. "Yeah, think about that."
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