Chapter 48
Chapter forty-eight
The warmth of the wistful feeling expanding in my chest contrasts against the cold glass pane of the window.
Despite the chill, I press my forehead against it, staring down at the grounds of the Lunaedon.
The palace has always had an air of emptiness about it—the expansive green grass, and my small, makeshift family, the only living things inside the magically enforced borders.
I became accustomed to the quiet haunting of its dark beauty over the centuries, but today, as I press my fingers into the towering glass of my throne room to watch both pixies and humans milling about, I’m acutely aware of how alive everything feels.
Like the years before were wraithlike and hollow, and only now, with resilient laughter rolling through the air, has my castle become what it was meant to be: a home. A monument not only to death, but to life.
I’d had it built at my worst moment, imbued it with my terrible magic and expected no one to ever dare come near. And then Willa came blazing through the wards of my palace and the wards of my heart, and brought vitality to all of it.
Marina flickers into view beside me, and I nearly come out of my own skin as my death flares out around me in surprise.
“By the star, Rina!” I admonish, gripping my chest dramatically. “A warning would be nice.”
She doesn’t smile, merely motions to the windows behind me. Everyone is settled in. Carpenters from Caelum have helped erect temporary shelters for those who prefer to sleep closer to nature, and the kitchens have fed all those who need it for the night.
“Wonderful,” I reply distantly, far more concerned about the pixie standing before me than the ones outside.
Marina’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, her hair having slipped from its normally neat bun to hang around her face in bedraggled tendrils. She disappeared after learning of Chrys’ terrible fate, and every time after if Willa or I try to speak of it.
But over the years, Rina had come back to me every time I’d snapped at her in a rage of pain, so despite her resistance, I try again. Even though it’s likely to send her running once more. “Is there…is there, perhaps, another reason you’ve come?”
To scare the shit out of you, she deadpans. Obviously.
I roll my eyes. “You’ve accomplished your goal admirably and nearly gotten yourself rotted in the process. Well done.”
Marina doesn’t smile. Instead, she sinks to the floor with her back bucked up to the glass.
I study her for a long moment—the way she curls her knees to her chest, settling her face into the crook of her arms. And though it isn’t much, it feels like something of a victory that she hasn’t fluttered away.
“You should be down there with them, Rina. Star knows, I am miserable company on the best of days, but on a day like this one…you should grieve with your people. With those who loved Chrys as truly as you do.”
Marina doesn’t look up, her signs sharp slashes in the air. They would not allow it. And besides… Her fingers pause as she gathers her thoughts. I am not accustomed to their noise. It is overwhelming after having spent so long alone.
I nod in understanding, having felt the same way when Willa first came to the Lunaedon. Her laugh, her breathing, her movements—after living in silence, all of it had seemed so loud.
Marina lifts her head with a scowl. They are pulling books out of all the libraries, and bringing them all over the castle. They’re bringing them outside, Niko. I’ll never get them all reshelved again.
I let out a huff of a laugh. “Stories are meant to be read, Rina. We’ll worry when the pixies start wagering on fights with the crystal.”
All they do is talk and gossip and chase after each other, she says with equal disdain. I hate it.
“You hate it? Or you envy it?”
Marina’s eyes narrow dangerously. They have lost their sacred home forever. They have lost their hope of the future in the morphellia vines. And they have lost—
Her fingers stall in midair, but I don’t need her to continue to know the greatest loss. The one that has torn a hole through her, a wound that will never heal.
She inhales sharply. You’d think they’d have more important things to do, but instead, they’re out there chattering about the king and queen wrestling each other on the front lawn.
“Who are they saying won?” I reply with interest, sinking to the floor beside her. My death wraps around my wrists, and I wince at the lick of pain.
There’s been great debate about that. I’ve heard Willa gave you a good run for your money, though the winter wind seems to believe you’re the one victorious.
A grin pulls at my lips unbidden. My queen yields to no one—least of all me—and it’s one of my favorite things about her.
“Well…at least the entire kingdom doesn’t think I got my ass kicked.”
I do, Marina replies with a cheeky grin.
“Hmm…” I hum in amusement. “You wouldn’t be far off. But she didn’t suck me into the ground or throw me through the wards, so I’m calling it a draw.”
Where is she?
I release a heavy breath through my teeth. “She went on a walk with Tiernan. I think she needed to clear her head.”
She should be here, Marina signs. She should hear how the people sing her name.
Sorrow winds through me because Willa’s heart is mine—the rhythm of its beat, the vines of self-hatred that squeeze until it feels dead. I can no more pull them from her chest than she can rid me of mine. I can only love her through the darkness.
“It is a difficult thing—” I meet Marina’s gaze. “—to see beyond what we’ve ruined to what we’ve changed for the better. A learned habit, maybe, that becomes easier with practice.”
She raises a brow pointedly, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Point taken, Rina.” I blow a breath through my teeth. “Though I can’t say I’ve learned much at all. Or perhaps, as you rightly said, I’ve learned all the wrong things. As I will send us all to hell with no hesitation before I let Willa give up the rest of her humanity to this island.”
My death sidles up my forearms to slide into the air around my head, as I lean back into the glass. My body is wasted from the exertion of the last few days, my nerves like cut wires, erratically sparking.
Marina watches me for a long moment. You didn’t know the extent of the consequences when you banished Wendy and killed the Everlasting. You know now. Do you truly think you’ll have no regrets?
“None.” The word slips from my lips without thought.
But there is no thought, no temperance, that would change the truth of what I feel: the universe does not deserve to exist if Willa is not in it.
“I would allow the kingdom to be devoured by the sea if it meant Willa was alive and happy. I’d watch the mainland crumble to dust beneath hopelessness.
I would bring ruin, and go to my own death with a smile on my face. ”
My jaw tightens. “But it is not what she would want, so I can do none of it.”
To my surprise, Marina doesn’t admonish me. She smiles. It appears you’ve learned after all, Your Majesty.
I open my mouth to argue, but Marina quiets me with a stern look.
You lived your life in regret for two centuries.
You have hated the magic that runs through you, resented the death imbuing your heart.
You have punished yourself for your ruthlessness and your cruelty and your pain.
But now, Niko…you are embracing your strengths for those you love without regret, because you’ve learned some things are worth it.
A lump forms in my throat as I stare back at Marina.
My enemy and then my friend. A pain in my ass, and my most treasured advisor.
She has seen me since I was a boy cowering at the Aeternalis’ feet; She has seen me as a man hating myself for my mercy; She has seen me as an unwilling king who learned to love his people fiercely.
And she has seen me simply as Niko, learning to love myself through loving Willa.
There are so many things that happen to us—so many things that slice through our skin, and take pieces of our souls until we no longer recognize who we are. Until we hate the pieces that are left, simply because they are different than they began.
Marina is right. I spent so long hating myself for the decisions I made, but loving Willa has made them easier to see in a new light. Because how can I hate anything that brought me to her?
The pain, the loneliness, the selfishness. I claim all of it now.
I can only hope that Willa is able to say the same. To see herself through my eyes—to love her fractures and her jagged edges.
“And you, Rina? When will you learn to see yourself as Chrysanthemum saw you?”
The little pixie’s gaze flickers. A long moment passes before she makes a forward motion with her hand that means future.
“She wouldn’t want you to be alone. Someday, you must allow the rest of your kind the chance to know your heart as she did.”
She hesitates, her face twisting. Someday, maybe I will.
“I will be here every day to remind you until someday comes.”
Marina gives me a small smile, and it’s enough.
Rising to my feet, I extend a gloved hand to help her up.
“Shall we join the party?” I laugh at the sudden fury of her expression.
“Now, now, Rina…which is worse? A reputation of violence? Or a reputation of being dull?” I frown, crinkling my nose.
“On second thought, don’t answer that. Just come with me.
You deserve to celebrate Chrys’ life as much as anyone. ”
Marina glares up at me like she’s considering slitting my throat, but before she can decide, the Lunaedon rocks on its foundation.
The windows rattle in their panes, the walls eliciting a deep groan as they bow and shudder.
It is over as quickly as it began, the following silence somehow as unsettling as the noise.
I lurch toward the windows, my death crawling up my chest and throat like morbid armor. Its chill sinks into my bones, mingling furiously with the dread already pooling in my stomach. I stare out at my kingdom—only to see it burn.
Flames rise into the sky, racing over the forest canopy. Dark smoke wreathes the sun in odd streaks of gray and red, painting it into an ominous omen of the ruin to come. Alarms ring from Caelum’s harbor, but there is no escape, as it isn’t only the forest that burns, but the sea.
“By the second star,” Marina whispers in horror, taking in the destruction ravaging through every inch of the island. “He’s returned.”
My death flares in fury, spearing through the window before us. Shattered glass rains down onto the lawn below. Rot crawls from my heart, spreading decay through my veins until I cannot see nothing but vengeance.
The Aeternalis has returned and brought the Strayed with him. I thwarted my brother’s attempt to goad Willa into giving the last of herself over to the shadow, but this—how am I to stop this?
We could give all of ourselves, and it will never be enough so long as the Eternal Boy lives.
The doors to the throne room burst open so hard, they ricochet off the walls with a loud crack.
“Niko!” Willa shouts, tearing across the floor toward me. Her hair is wild around her panicked face, her soft blue skirts tangling around her bare feet. Tiernan races in after her, his sword already drawn like he’s ready to slice through flame itself.
“What the fuck happened?” I bellow, my own panic surging up my throat at the sight of her. “Are you okay?”
I take heart in the way Willa meets my gaze.
There is no fear written in the splashes of gold and green—only pure determination.
“We were on our way back from the lagoon when we saw him return.” She swallows.
“He’s brought at least a thousand new Strayed, Niko.
They’ve surrounded the only parts of Caelum that do not burn. ”
I haven’t even begun to formulate a response when a pixie tears into the room, his sky-blue hair sticking up wildly, his delicate features pulled tight in fear.
“Your Majesty,” he says to Willa, bowing quickly.
“A distress signal has been sent from the Grove. The Strayed you buried there last year…they’ve been reanimated. ”
Rage pulses through me in a rush so violent, it nearly sweeps me from my feet. Then Willa places her hand in mine, interlacing our fingers, and I am steadied. She squeezes my hand, her hair alight with the glow of distant flame as she whispers, “Do you trust me?”
Regret. Anger. Vengeance. Those have always been my language. And though Marina is right—I no longer hate the way they’ve honed my heart and soul—it is different now. Love lies beneath them, a fortifying foundation, so I know that even as the world crumbles, we do not.
There is no hesitation—no bone in my body that rebels against my answer, no matter what it may mean. “With everything I have.”
“Then I need you to come with me to the Crocodile.”
She gazes at me steadily, the unspoken trust in her eyes slicing through my heart. Willa has been hurt by everyone who was supposed to love her, and now, we stand on a precipice, one that will save or ruin both us and the kingdom.
She is asking me to choose her over everything else.
I have lived my life in the land of dreams, but I have never truly believed in them. She asks me to believe in the dream of our love—a dream I never imagined could exist beside the darkness of my death.
And I do.
I believe.
Enough to forsake all other things on the chance our hearts are strong enough to defeat whatever we face. So even as chaos reigns, as our kingdom goes up in smoke, I choose Willa.
Because she is the most tangible thing in the universe. She is my deepest desire, my most desperate hope. She is everything a dream is—all the terrible and beautiful.
I lower my head in deference. In love. In the hope of something better. “I’ll come with you anywhere, Darling.”