Chapter 49
Chapter forty-nine
The small amount of magic needed to transport Niko and I to the heart of the island leaves me drained and gasping on all fours.
The shadow curls around my heart, presses against my tear ducts, lashes against my ribs.
More, more, more. The pressure of its hunger is unbearable, but I no longer fear losing myself to its thrall.
I have spent my life trusting my instincts to keep me safe. I lost it in the haze of self-doubt, but never again.
Niko helps me to my feet, his own weariness evident in the dark circles beneath his eyes and the snow-white color of his skin.
A muscle feathers in his jaw as his death winds tightly over his abdomen, and I watch his pain with sorrow, knowing what I must ask of him.
Knowing my request will only bring more.
Outside the cave, the world rages. Acrid smoke fills the air and the earth shakes, but in the mouth of the Crocodile, the only sound is the soft tick of the rising tide and our own labored breathing.
“Willa,” Niko says slowly, gazing up at my father’s barn with subtle interest. His hand is splayed over the small of my back, and his fingers tighten imperceptibly, like he’s resisting the urge to drag me out of here.
“It is entirely possible we will miss the entire battle being here. There may be nothing left to save by the time we emerge.”
I bite my lip, knowing he’s right. With the odd way time passes in the Crocodile, it is impossible to tell how long we’ll be here; it could be a few minutes or it could be a few days. “I know. But it’s important.”
Niko only nods, interlacing his fingers with mine as we duck inside the barn.
His eyes rake over the stained concrete where my sister once lay bleeding, before lifting to the rope where my father took his own life.
He doesn’t speak, only squeezes my hand gently, and for a brief moment, I wonder what he sees.
Does he see the wreckage of my heart? Or the resilience of what it survived?
When he murmurs, “I love you,” I know he sees both.
Together, we begin down the stone steps, the air growing thicker and more humid the lower we descend.
When we reach the bottom, we find only darkness.
There are no lights shimmering across the ceiling, nor any will-o-wisps lighting the skull rock at the center of the lake.
The heart of the island feels like it’s been suffocated by the same shadow I have—like its light and magic have been snuffed out.
I paint a lantern into my hand, the small blue flame flickering cheerfully inside the glass as I raise it. It reflects over the dark expanse of the water, the surface so still, it appears solid enough to walk across.
“Well,” Niko drawls, glancing around warily. “It seems you were not the only thing being drained.”
I nod in agreement, sorrow filling my chest at the state of the heart. I’ve mourned what’s been stolen from me as a result of my anchoring without considering why it was taken. This whole time, the island has just been trying to survive, the same as any of us.
The thought renews the vigor in my chest, and I turn to Niko. Suddenly nervous, I smooth my clammy palms over the fabric of my chest. “I brought you here because…well, because I need to ask you something.”
Niko tilts his head curiously. “Now?” He runs his onyx gaze over me in assessment, before it skips to the cavern around us.
“You’ve certainly set the stage in dramatic fashion.
I’m not sure whether to expect a proposal or an assassination attempt.
” He grins, arching a suggestive brow. “Though assuredly, both are welcome.”
My cheeks flush, and I hit him half-heartedly in the shoulder. “I need you to be serious.”
His smile widens. “I am deathly serious, Darling.”
“Niko,” I admonish with a laugh. “I—” The words stall as anxiety creeps up my spine. I release a breath through my teeth, trying again. “I understand what being anchored to the island for two hundred years cost you. I—I know the pain, the feeling of being trapped, the guilt.”
Niko’s humor fades, replaced by a familiar intensity.
His death swirls in the air around us, the soft light of the lantern lost in its depths.
I suddenly find it easier to watch the ribbons than to meet his gaze.
I loved Niko enough to send him away from his pain forever; how can I now ask the opposite?
“But I have to…well, I think the island…”
Niko cups my chin, drawing my eyes back to his. He is so beautiful, his expression earnest and open, as he says, “Whatever you need of me, Willa, I will give. Without question.”
I dig my teeth into my lip, wrapping his words around me like armor.
Willing myself to believe them—to believe not only in us, but in myself.
I’d told him he was worth more than what he tithed, but I’ve never believed the same of myself.
But I am worth sacrificing for. And as much as I would give him, I finally understand that I am worthy of the same.
“I want you to anchor the island.” My voice seems to echo in the air, the power of the words resounding over the water and bouncing back to us from the rock. “With me.”
Niko goes perfectly still. Even his ribbons stall in the air, and though I know I haven’t frozen time, it feels like I have—like one movement will shatter the moment into fragmented pieces. Pieces I may never get back.
His breathless words, soft and measured in the darkness, suggest he feels the same. “Anchor the island…” he repeats faintly. Despite the gravity of the circumstances, I nearly smile at the fact I’ve rendered him speechless. “…with you.”
Now the words spill from me like a dam fractured.
“You saw to my true heart in this very cave. Its dark needs and selfish wants, and I…I want you. You by my side for an eternity. Loving you has torn me apart and rebuilt me as something better. Something stronger. You have showed me that truly beautiful things are only beautiful because of the pain that wrought them. My magic…life, creation, possibility…none of it means anything without death.”
Niko’s lips are parted, like his last breath was stolen and he cannot inhale another. I know the magnitude of what I ask—binding himself to his pain for eternity. Binding himself to me. And though I am terrified of his answer, I push forward anyway. And it might be the bravest thing I’ve ever done.
“You have never been my equal, Corpsey. You’ve always been my counter. My perfect balance. And I think we found each other through time and worlds and dreams for a reason. I think the island—I think the universe—needs us both.”
Niko still doesn’t speak, and as he watches me with an indecipherable look, fear pulses through me. Sticky, viscous. The same sort of fear that would have mired me inside it only a few months ago. Fear of not being enough. Of failing those I love.
But now, I raise my chin. Queen of Dreams and Nightmares. Consort of Death and Peace.
Niko clears his throat, his death coming to life like he’s woken from a trance. My muscles tense in anticipation of his answer.
“You have craved power your entire life, Willa,” he begins slowly. “You have fought and scraped and clawed for what you have. Are you—are you saying you would…you would now cede that power to—” His voice cracks with emotion, and for a moment, he appears entirely overcome. “—to me?”
I dare to look at him, the tears shining in his eyes an echo of my own, and thank the star above for pulling me across worlds to him.
The King of Carrion, a man who understands me so fully, he understands my request is not a plea to be saved.
Niko sees it for what it truly is: an offering of the deepest faith. The most abiding love.
Because he’s right. I have spent my existence fighting to never give another power over me again. But just as I’m offering it to Niko, his acceptance is an offer in return. An equal sacrifice, as it would mean committing to his pain for the rest of eternity.
The price may be too high, and I’ve promised myself to let him go if he decides it is.
Niko’s answer lies in the way he threads his fingers through my hair to drag my mouth to his; in the reverent sound rolling from his tongue to mine.
Something electric shoots between us at our touch, a jolt of lightning beginning with the symbiotic beats of our hearts and exploding in a shower of sparks dancing over our skin.
We are the beginning and the end, creation and death. One is nothing without the other.
When Niko pulls back to lower himself to his knees, I think my heart will explode at the sight of him before me. The abiding dark of his eyes against pale skin. The beautiful tattoos crawling up his throat. The sharp angle of his cheekbones, and the luscious curve of his mouth.
The possession of death, the edge of destruction.
The relief of silence, the beauty of comfort.
My king embodies all of it. He cracked me open and lit up the shadowed recesses I’d been too scared to face.
He taught me to love my dark without shame, and to be vulnerable enough to allow the light free.
So, I get on my knees with him. In gratitude. In worship.
When his mouth meets mine, I feel all of it. The pain and messiness of what it took both of us to get here.
I slice my palm and he slices his, onyx blood mingling with scarlet as our fingers intertwine.
Together, we rise to our feet. My magic glows at the surface of my skin, the void of his death slithering over it. And it is the most beautiful sight—the rightness of the antithesis—that another tear runs down my cheek. For I see there is no shame in the darkness. It must exist to define the light.
We step to the edge of the water. And with the Carrion King’s hand in mine, together, we leap into the heart of Letum.