9. Willow
Willow
My consciousness returns to me in pieces. The scent of furs, layered with something faintly metallic. Three sets of warm hands placed on my body. The taste of blood in my mouth. Hushed whispers, too quiet to make out words.
The air is heavy with magic, pressing against my skin and slipping deep into the marrow of my bones. It’s not the wild kind that makes me uncomfortable. Rather, this feels like the energy that comes directly from my mates. Healing magic.
The memories come flooding in, and something cold and sick settles at the pit of my stomach. Cin, going crazy and biting my neck. Cin, chasing me through the tunnels. Cin, trying his hardest to attack me…
Panic rushes through me, and my eyes spring open. I try to sit up, but a hand on my shoulder holds me to the bed.
“Shh. Just relax, beautiful. We are almost done.”
Dravik’s voice. I close my eyes and ease back, letting out a relieved breath. The healing magic continues to spread through my body, a slow stream of warmth that settles at the side of my neck—right where Cin bit me.
I wait for a while longer like that, until the pain ebbs away and all I’m left with is a dull ache. The hands move away, and I open my eyes, allowing them to help me sit up.
Rhune looks absolutely heartbroken, his wings drooping low and a whine building in the base of his chest. Nyx watches me with that same weight in his expression, his face completely absent of the smirk I’m so used to seeing.
Dravik seems the most composed of the three, but the fear shining behind his eyes gives him away.
“How do you feel?” Rhune asks, reaching out, running his hand delicately down the side of my neck. “You lost a lot of blood…”
I lower my eyes, noticing that my arm is streaked with black blood, dried and flaking at the edges. The neck of my suit is saturated with the dark fluid, and it sticks to my skin, tugging awkwardly with every slight movement I make.
“I’m okay. Just a little sore and in need of a bath.” I gaze between them, and none of them seem convinced. “Really. I feel fine.” Still, nothing. “Why do you all keep looking at me like that?”
Nyx sucks in a deep breath. “Willow… your heart stopped.”
That makes me freeze. “What?”
Rhune lets out a heart-shattering whine, his expression crumpling with the weight of his grief. “We thought you died. You did die. We didn’t… We thought you were gone.”
“Oh my God,” I say. “How… What happened? How come I’m alive?”
“We don’t know.” Nyx trembles. “Cin tore straight through your artery. We were trying to repair it when your heart stopped. You lost too much blood, and it just… gave out.”
“We didn’t know what to do. But then, a few minutes later, your body just… began healing on its own,” Dravik adds. “Then your heart started up.”
I reach up, feeling nothing but clean, tender skin. “I don’t understand.”
You’re welcome.
At the intrusion of the serafyn’s voice, I jump nearly a foot in the air, letting out a garbled scream.
“Willow!” All three of my mates lunge for me at once, and it takes several minutes of consoling to get them to give me some space to breathe.
Once everyone has calmed down, I turn my attention back to my roommate. Spoon? Is that you?
No. It’s Jake from State Farm.
I nearly pass out from shock. If I were any less freaked out, I may even have laughed.
How the hell do you know that reference? I ask.
Spoon sighs. You’d be surprised what I don’t know.
I shake my head slowly. Fair, I guess… anyway… What did you mean by ‘you’re welcome’?
Just what I said.
I take a deep breath in through my nose. I meant: What was I supposed to be thanking you for?
Saving your life. Duh.
You’re the one who saved me?
Not my first time inhabiting a human vessel. Your species requires a lot of maintenance.
Maintenance… like I’m a damn SUV in need of an oil change instead of a person who had their throat ripped out and lost a gallon of blood. I purse my lips, crossing my arms over my chest. Where the hell were you all the other times I was hurt or in danger, then?
Spoon laughs—actually laughs. I would never expend my energy on something non-life-threatening until we are fully assimilated. Your beloved males can handle your bumps and scrapes just fine.
You’re a dick.
A dick who just saved your sad little life.
I let out a deep groan, wishing I could punch Spoon in the face somehow. I’m done talking to you.
Goody. I was starting to worry you would never stop.
“Such an asshole,” I mutter under my breath. I hate you.
Love you too, Willow.
The way it throws my earlier words back at me has me seeing red. “I fucking hate you!”
“Willow?”
I turn my attention toward Rhune, guilt washing over me when I take in his heart-stricken expression. “Sorry, Rhune. I was yelling at Spoon.”
“Spoon?”
“Oh, right. That’s what I call the voice in my head. Kinda cute, right?”
“I guess so…” He looks at Nyx and Dravik, clearly still shaken.
“I’m okay. I promise.” I lay a hand on his thigh. “As okay as I can be.”
He whines, reaching out to touch the freshly healed skin on my neck once more. “I hate that I was not there to protect you.”
“We all do,” Nyx adds, dejectedly.
I console them as best I can, and slowly, the tension in the room eases.
Despite everything that has happened, my mind keeps circling back to Cin. I keep thinking about the tenderness in his eyes the moment before he was lost to madness. I feel a sense of guilt, like what happened was somehow because of me—or rather, because of the serafyn inhabiting my body.
I need to see Cin. I need to make sure he’s okay. More than anything, though, I need him to know I don’t blame him for what happened. I blame the serafyn.
“So…” I start. “Where is Cin?”
Rhune runs a palm down my back soothingly. “We locked him away in a separate room. Dagny’s mates are guarding him. He can’t hurt you anymore, Willow.”
“Oh. Good.” I drop my eyes to my lap.
Before I can ask anything more, there is a knock on the door. Dagny comes in, wearing a tired smile and eyes filled with worry.
“Hi, Willow,” she says softly. “You gave us all quite a scare.”
“I’m sorry about that—”
She waves me away. “Please. I’m just happy you are alive and seem to be okay.” She steps to the edge of the bed and sits on the corner. “Would you three mind if I have a few minutes alone with Willow?”
Once we’re alone, she looks at me, her gaze intense. “How are you really feeling?” she asks, though her tone makes it clear that's not really why she's here.
“Sore. Tired.” I shrug one shoulder. “Alive, so I can't complain too much.”
She doesn't smile at that. “Cin is locked down the hall, refusing to speak to anyone. So before we figure out what we're doing with him, I need you to tell me what happened. What were you two talking about right before he lost it?”
I hesitate. I think back to what Cin told me in the healing pools—about the Welwigs, the serafyn, and the inevitable end of the world—and I’m not sure how much is safe to tell her. What if she blames me? What if her mates decide that killing me is the best course of action?
“We were talking about a lot of things,” I say, carefully.
“What kind of things?”
I swallow hard. “We were talking about the Welwigs, mostly.”
“What about them?”
“Just basic stuff. Things you all probably know, but I didn’t because I’m a human.”
Dagny's jaw tightens. "Fine. Then tell me this: did he say or do anything that would explain why he snapped and tried to kill you?"
“Um, no. With Cin, that kind of thing happens. He snaps.”
“Does he always call you a serafyn?”
I suck in a breath. She heard that? “Sometimes…”
Before Dagny can ask anything else, the door bangs open, and Rhune and Nyx stumble into the room. Rhune crosses the distance in three strides, dropping to his knees at the side of the bed. His hand finds the mark on the back of mine, and I feel the tug of the bond answer to his touch.
Nyx is right behind him, grabbing my other hand and pressing it tight to his chest. “I felt your discomfort through the bond and came running.”
"We both felt it." Rhune’s narrowed eyes flicker to Dagny, and I can tell he’s deciding whether he cares about being polite right now.
Nyx doesn't need time to decide. "Whatever this is, it's done for tonight." He turns to Dagny, his jaw set. "She needs rest, not an interrogation."
Dagny holds up both hands, then rises from the bed. “Fine. We’ll discuss later.” With a strained smile, she turns and heads from the room.
I should call her back. There's more I could tell her, and more that I should, but Rhune's thumb is already tracing slow circles over my knuckles, and there’s an ache building behind my eyes that makes me want to curl into a ball and sleep for days.
There’s one more thing I need to do before, though…
“Before we go down to the baths, I need to make a quick trip to the restroom.” I slowly ease toward the edge of the bed.
“I will accompany you!” Rhune jumps to his feet.
“Actually, um… I prefer going by myself this time. Just this once.”
Rhune whines, but slowly lowers himself back to the bed. “Okay… I will wait right here until you return.”
I let out a small laugh, kissing his cheek lightly. I turn to Nyx next, touching my lips lightly to his jaw, loving the shudder that runs through him.
"I'll be quick. I promise."
I leave the room, stepping into the hallway. Instead of heading toward the restroom, I take the passage toward the unused rooms where they are probably keeping Cin.
Eventually, I find what I’m looking for. Cyprien stands just outside the unassuming door, his hands braced on his hips as he whistles a happy tune.
Thank God, it’s Cyprien. I’m not sure I could have convinced Malice or one of the others to let me inside.
I pull my shoulders back, fix my face into a bright smile, and walk right up to him. “Hi, Cyprien!”
“Willow! Greetings!” A moment later, his smile dims slightly. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to visit Cin. Make sure he’s doing okay. I’m worried about him.”
Cyprien looks side to side nervously. “I’m not supposed to let anyone in.”
“I know, I know. But I really want to see him. Just imagine if someone tried to keep you away from Dagny.”
This seems to get through to him. “I never want to be away from Dagny.”
I nod solemnly. “Then you understand why I need to go in there and see Cin. I just want to talk to him for a few minutes and make sure he’s okay.”
I watch the war in Cyprien’s expressive yellow eyes. Finally, he nods. “Just for a few minutes.” He pulls the door open. “Call for me if you feel unsafe.”
“I will.”
As soon as I step into the room, I choke on the wild magic hanging heavy in the air. There’s an acrid, burnt edge to it, and it settles at the back of my throat and turns my stomach with every shallow breath.
The space is small and bare, with only a bed of furs sitting against the far wall. And in the center of that bed sits Cin. He’s facing the wall, his back turned to me, wings drooping tiredly to the floor.
“Cin.”
I’m not sure if he hears me, but a few seconds later, he shifts, turning to face me fully.
“Willow.” His slitted eyes brighten as he sits up straighter. “You’re alone.”
It's not a question, but I nod, stepping closer and crouching at his side. I notice someone has screwed his mask back in place, and it catches the light with each small movement he makes. For some reason, the sight of it makes me sad. I don’t like that he feels he has to hide behind that metal.
“Cin…” I reach out to touch him, but he reels back, his expression twisting into one of abject terror. “You shouldn't be here,” he says. “You shouldn’t be near me.”
“Yet here I am.”
From here, he could easily reach out and snap my neck, but I’m not afraid.
Despite everything, and all that I’ve seen, I could never be afraid of Cin.
Pushing forward, I lay my palm flat against his beating heart, never taking my eyes off his.
As soon as my skin makes contact with his, Cin breathes out, his eyes sliding closed as all the tension bleeds from his shoulders.
“I’m so glad you’re unharmed.” His voice is a low rasp. “You must understand that I would never—it wasn’t me who—that I didn’t want to hurt—” He shakes his head, blowing out a thick breath. “What I mean to say is that I am sorry I am the one who hurt you. That I keep hurting you.”
I reach up, touching my fingertips to the cool metal of his mask. “It wasn’t you, Cin. I know it wasn’t really you.”
“You can say that, but it does not erase the mark of my teeth.” His voice is a tortured whisper, his eyes staring mournfully at the healing pink skin on my neck. “You should leave me, Willow. I will only cause you pain.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do.” His eyes crease in a sorrow-filled smile. “You are so very precious to so many beings, Willow. I will not be selfish enough to take you from them. To put your life at risk to satisfy my need for you.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me, Cin. I know you never would. You could never.”
He breathes a laugh and closes his eyes for a moment, leaning into my touch. “That’s a nice thought…”
“You’re so sure you will?”
“There is evil inside me, little serafyn. It’s eating at me.
Rotting me from the inside out, and I can’t…
I don’t know how much longer I can fight it.
” He opens his eyes, and the intensity takes my breath away.
“So yes. I’m terrified one of these days I’ll slip, and I’ll…
” He swallows, his face contorting in pain. “I’ll kill you.”
“You won’t—”
“You don’t hear it.” His eyes flash with pain. “You don’t feel its claws digging in, forcing you to bend to its will.” His eyes widen, and he leans forward, gripping my shoulders in his massive clawed hands. “It’s so hungry, Willow… so very, very hungry…”
“It’s okay, Cin—”
“No! You don’t understand!” He reels back, clutching his head in his hands. “No one understands! No one understands! No one understands!”
“Please just try to relax, Cin.”
His head snaps up with a snarl, his eyes glossing over with a film of madness. “Leave me!” he orders, his voice deepening, growing more dangerous. “Get out! Now!”
I don’t need to be told twice. Stumbling to my feet, I race out of the room and back up the tunnels to the safety of my mates.
I have a sickening feeling I just made everything so, so much worse.