49. Dani
My eyes slowly open as I stretch my arm out to the space next to me. The empty space next to me.
Noah’s gone.
Was all that stuff he told me last night bullshit? Did he just use me so he could lose his virginity? No, that can’t be it.
I hope it’s not. If it is, he’s the same asshole I remember him being all those years ago.
I rub my eyes, turning my head towards the windows, I see sunlight sneaking into the room through the curtains.
Why did Noah leave me? Did I do something wrong that made him upset or angry with me?
When I’m with him, I don’t feel alone. It’s a strange feeling to have because I’m used to being on my own.
I don’t like this feeling of loneliness because it’s making me feel unwanted.
Here’s the thing about anxiety.
No matter how hard you try to have the mindset of not wanting something to happen, anxiety will always convince you that it will happen. It will screw with your mind so much that you start to believe it.
Blinking my eyes rapidly to take myself out of my thoughts, I find a folded piece of white paper sitting on my bedside table. “I don’t remember this being here,” I mumble to myself.
I stretch my arm, grabbing it with my hand and opening it.
Good morning, Sunshine.
I didn’t want to wake you because you looked so peaceful. I did want to leave you a note and tell you I’ll be back soon. I promise.
Noah
Rushing over to check my phone, there’s a text from Noah lighting up my screen. I press on the preview, so I can read the entire text.
NOAH
NOAH
I wanted to text you in case you didn’t read my note. You’re probably freaking out right now because you woke up and noticed I wasn’t there lying next to you
ME
i did read your note
you did scare the shit out of me
NOAH
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare the shit out of you. Please don’t hate me
ME
i don’t hate you
NOAH
Okay, good
I can’t stop thinking about last night
ME
oh, really?
NOAH
Uh-huh
ME
you’re very lucky
NOAH
Why’s that?
ME
i was about to take out the flashlight and have it by my side, so i can beat your ass with it when you come home
NOAH
God, you’re cute when you’re angry
ME
oh, shut up
NOAH
I’ll be home soon. Going to run a quick errand. Try not to miss me too much
ME
don’t worry about me, i’ll survive
My anger quickly subsides as my lips curve up into a smile.
I’m dreading telling Bella about what happened between Noah and me last night, but I’d much rather she hear it from me than someone else.
Sage isn’t going to give a shit. She really won’t because she’s not a fan of hearing about people’s love lives. Let alone their sex lives.
Shit, how am I going to tell Lizzie that I just had sex with her little brother? Oh, that conversation is going to be awkward as hell. I’m going to prolong that one as long as I can.
BELLA
ME
please don’t freak out and make a big deal of what i’m about to tell you
BELLA
Okay, but why would I freak out?
ME
pretend i’m sending you eggplant emojis
BELLA
Why the hell would you send me eggplants?
ME
you’re impossible
BELLA
It’s hard to guess what you’re talking about when you send me a bunch of eggplant emojis. Just spit it out!
ME
noah and i had sex last night
BELLA
WHAT? YOU’RE JOKING. NO FUCKING WAY. YOU AND NOAH. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You’re joking, right? You’re not serious
ME
oh, i’m serious
My phone lights up immediately with a FaceTime call from Bella.
I’m not in the mood for this shit right now, but I accept the call.
Her face pops up on the screen of my phone, skin glowing. Her caramel hair is carefully placed over her shoulders. There’s no makeup on her face.
She looks like she”s sitting on her bed at the Castillo-Ryder family house. The house she grew up in. The house I spent a lot of time in when I was younger.
She smirks at me. “You had sex with Noah? Please tell me you’re shitting me!”
“I’m not in the mood for this.”
“You’re the one who texted me, remember?”
“I told you to not freak out.”
“How can I not freak out about this? Do you know how many years I’ve been waiting for this to happen? Awe, my best friend is no longer a part of the virgin club.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
“Well…how was it?”
“Everything that led up to it was amazing. The sex itself was mind-blowing, considering it was my first time. It did feel weird at first. Before we lost our virginities to each other, we told each other how we really feel about each other. I found out he used smutty romance books for sex research. He called me his sunshine and I called him my moonlight. Bella, I’ve never felt this way about a guy before.”
She looks around, smiling up a storm.
I pull my face into my neck. “Why are you smiling like that? Please stop doing that.”
“You’re in love with him. Head over heels in love. The kind of love you read about in romance novels and watch in rom-coms. You. My. Friend. Are. In. Love.”
My face goes blank as my mouth gapes open. Bella Castillo-Ryder just made me speechless.
What are the odds?
I thought I was kidding myself when I kept saying I was in love with Noah, but I’m not kidding myself at all.
I’m in love with Noah Kaplan.
“Hold the phone. You said our virginities. He’s a?—”
I cut her off before she can finish her train of thought. “He was,” I tell Bella as a goofy smile appears on my face.
She changes the subject. “Are you going to tell him you love him?”
“I was, but I really thought he was going to tell me first. And he never did. I just don’t want to sound desperate.”
She put her hand on her forehead. “Dani, does it really matter who tells who first? What matters is that you love him. You. Love. Him. Sometimes you don’t need to hear the word ‘love’ out loud. You just need to feel it.”
Sometimes you don’t need to hear the word ‘love’ out loud. You just need to feel it.
“You’re right.”
“I’m always right.”
I laugh, closing my eyes.
The front door slams shut.
I go into full panic mode until I see Noah standing in the doorway. My eyes lift up to fully meet his gaze.
I hear Bella laughing through her breath. “Say hi to Noah for me.”
My mouth shifts to one side of my face. “You can say hi to him yourself.”
I flip the camera around, so Noah’s in the frame. He waves to the camera with a goofy smile slapped across his cute face. “Hi, Bella.”
“Hi, Noah.” Her eyebrows raise up and down, making a kissy face at me.
My eyes wander around the room to avoid the awkwardness that’s happening right now, but they keep landing back on Noah.
It’s hard not to look at him and it’s so much harder to look away.
For starters, he’s dripping in sweat. The front of his t-shirt is soaking wet, showing off his stupidly muscular torso. He’s in gym shorts with a backward baseball cap on his head.
I nod my head, flattening my lips. “If you two are done reacquainting yourselves, I’m going to hang up now.”
“Noah, Dani has something to tell you!” Bella shouts out of the speakers from my phone.
“Bye, you idiot.” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
“Bye!” She winks at me.
I hang up the FaceTime call, feeling relieved and anxious all at the same time.
“What is it you have to tell me?” He licks his lips in anticipation of my official love confession that’s not happening.
Not right now, at least.
“Bella was just being her usual annoying self. It’s nothing.”
Biting down on my tongue, my eyes roam all over his wet torso until my eyes bounce up to meet his.
He folds his arms in front of his broad chest. “Are you done yet, Sunshine?” He seductively raises his eyebrows a few times in a row.
My lips curve up to form a smirk. “Not just yet.”
“Come over here, get your fine ass out of bed, and fucking kiss me already.”
Ripping the covers off my body, I run into his arms.
Our lips crash into each other. His face is full of sweat, but I don’t care. My hands cup his flushed, sweaty cheeks. He picks me up by my ass, my arms wrapping around his neck.
I pull my lips away from his. “What was the errand you had to run?”
“I told you not to miss me too much.” He smiles into my mouth.
I huff. “That’s not funny. I was scared when I woke up and saw you were gone. I thought you used me, so you could lose your virginity.”
He backs his head away and has the most irritated look on his face. “If you thought that, then you don’t know me at all. I’m sorry I scared you. I just went for a run around the neighborhood. I go for morning runs sometimes because they help clear my mind. Then, I went to pick up something for breakfast.”
“Breakfast, you say.”
A smug look takes over his face. “Uh-huh.”
His palms secure a tighter grip on my ass which makes me roll my eyes and exhale sharply.
“Before we eat, I need to take a shower.” He puts me down feet-first on the ground. “Care to join me?”
Oh, hell yes.
Noah bites down on his bottom lip, waiting for me to respond.
I don’t even hesitate to answer his question. “Your sweat is all over me now, so I guess I have to take one.”
We’re walking into the bathroom, taking turns removing each other’s clothes.
Before we strip completely naked, he attempts to turn on the shower by twisting and turning the knob.
“You’re going to break it. Just turn the handle to the left.” My hand is on his, showing him the correct direction the handle should be turned. “That’s it. Just like that.”
“You’re talking dirty to me, already?”
I smile, feeling my cheeks turning red. “Oh, shut up.”
Sayonara boxers.
Goodbye to my underwear.
And hello to Noah’s bare ass.
He stretches out his arms with his hands laid flat out, gesturing to me to get into the shower. “Ladies first.”
I step into the shower and get attacked by the hot water streaming from the shower head.
He’s in the shower now, his hot breath seeping deep into my skin.
My backside faces him before I turn around. Licking my lips, I move closer to him. “Your move, Heart Eyes.”
He grabs my face, his tongue requesting entry to meet mine.
“You know we both actually need to shower,” I say in between kisses.
He moves under the shower head. Water drips down his face, running all the way down to his legs.
My eyes bounce back up, so I can meet his gaze.
“Stand in front of me with your back facing towards me.”
I turn and move in front of Noah, looking around the shower waiting for what’s going to happen next.
There’s a clicking sound of a shampoo bottle opening.
“What are you doing?” I ask, confusion fusing into my tone.
“You said we’re here to shower. So, that’s what I’m doing.”
The bottle is squeezing out shampoo.
Noah is lathering it in his hands under the hot water to suds it up. “Lean your head back for me, would you?”
His hands make contact with my head, massaging my hair and scalp.
Oh, but it feels so good. He’s being quite gentle with his fingertips.
“That…feels…nice.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh,” I say through a short breath.