51. Dani
“Will you go put on a shirt, please?”
“Can’t handle me shirtless?” He raises his eyebrows three times in a row.
“I can handle you just fine. Thank you very much. I really don’t want to take you to the hospital for third-degree burns or some shit like that.” The hot butter he’s melting in a skillet splatters.
He looks up at the ceiling, eyes wandering around and breathing in and out. He brings his head back down, so his eyes line up with mine. “Fine. I”ll put on a shirt. Just because you asked.”
His eyelashes flutter like butterfly wings as he walks away.
I watch him walk out of the kitchen and smile like an idiot.
Walking over the air fryer oven, I plug it in to turn it on and stick a plain bagel on the rack.
Feeling big strong arms around my waist, I jump. “Why do you do that?” I turn around, punching him in the arm.
“You know, I don’t like it when you punch me.”
“Don’t scare me like that, and maybe I won’t punch you.” I move a small, glass bowl closer to him. “Will you just crack the eggs, please?”
He salutes me. “Yes, Chef Dani.”
I close my eyes, letting out a deep exhale.
Noah keeps his hands to himself as we prepare breakfast.
Our bagels are almost done toasting, the edges gradually turning golden brown.
He plants a wet kiss on my forehead. “They’re perfect.”
He grabs the tongs out of my hands and pulls out both halves, placing them on the small plastic plates that are sitting next to the oven.
I place one of my hands on my hip. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
He presses down on his lips after sticking out his tongue, but only a touch. “Want me to kiss you on the lips, Princess?”
“No, dumbass.” I roll my eyes, laughing. “Don’t forget the eggs are on the stove.”
“Oh, shit!” His voice raises as we both run over to the stove.
He’s scrambling the eggs with a small, plastic spatula.
They’re fine.
You think I wouldn’t be freaking out about eggs, but here we are.
As I zone out, I take the time to realize what happens today. We’re bringing Lizzie home.
My heart is bursting with so much joy.
I’m hoping everything goes smoothly for Noah’s sake. I can’t bear to watch him experience another panic attack. Last night freaked me the hell out and this is coming from someone who has anxiety.
It’s different when you’re the one experiencing anxiety versus watching someone else experience it.
Sometimes it feels like you’re walking down a dark alley and have no idea where it leads to. It threatens to take over everything.
I can only imagine what he must feel.
Noah splits the scrambled eggs, putting half on my plate and the other half on his. He spreads the scallion cream cheese he picked up from Kailani’s on his bagel before he hands the tub over to me.
“I wonder what my dad would say if he was here right now. You know because we’re getting along and the fact that we’re actually together.” Noah fully snaps me back to reality.
“He’d lose his shit,” I blurt out.
“Not exactly.”
I stare at him, cocking my head to the side.
“Dad always rooted for us to get together,” he says.
I slightly purse my lips until a small grin forms on my face. “I remember when we had our last family game night with my dad before he passed away. Ben pulled me aside when you weren’t paying attention. He told me you need someone like me in your life. Someone who challenges you, but secretly cares about you. I thought he was crazy at the time.”
“Then, he’d just blurt it out in front of the both of us all the time. You’d get so pissed off when he did that. Your cheeks would turn bright red.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, standing my ground.
“Yeah, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yeah, you?—”
I cut him off. “No, you’re not listening to me. Your dad never upset me. You have no idea how much I looked up to him. He became my father figure after Dad passed away. He freaked out when I got into SCU. I loved your dad more than you’ll ever understand.” I get all choked up. “So, in a way, I’ve lost two dads. Not just one. You will never understand what I’m going through.”
God, I can’t believe he’s not listening to me. He doesn’t understand how close I was with Ben because he never paid close enough attention.
“Please don’t follow me.” I walk away from the island and head for my bedroom.
“Dani.” He nervously chuckles. “I was just…” He tells me as he follows me out of the kitchen.
The tears are falling like leaves do when it’s autumn in states that experience seasons.
My feet are heavy.
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
Fuck, I had to open my big mouth about Noah’s anxiety. And I completely invalidated my own.
This shit sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
Ending up in front of my bedroom, I attempt to make it inside, and fail spectacularly, might I add.
I fall onto the floor and I see Noah rush over to me.
He sits down next to me and stretches his arm out, wrapping it around my shoulder. He moves his hand onto my back, rubbing gentle circular motions.
My lips are dry until my tears moisten them. My hands are violently shaking. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it could explode out of my chest any second now.
I’m panting like an animal who just went out to hunt for its prey.
I hate that he’s seeing me like this.
God, I hate myself more for exploding at him the way I did.
He didn’t deserve that.
My head nuzzles into the nape of his neck, his arms are fully enclosing around me. He’s warm and gooey like freshly baked cookies that just came out of the oven.
When I give into his touch, my anxiety begins to evaporate into the thin air that surrounds us. The way his skin feels against mine is enough for me to catch my breath and make me realize I’m safe. It’s all because I’m with him.
His silence isn’t deafening.
It’s comforting.
I shut my eyes, finally gaining the ability to breathe again.
“Can you talk, Sunshine?” he asks me sweetly.
I open my eyes. “I-I think…so. Aren’t you going to a-ask me…what happened?”
“You get brain fog too? I thought it was just me. Do you know what just happened?” His tone is kind and patient as he pays close attention to my facial expressions and body language.
This is the face of a guy I’ve fallen deeply in love with.
“Brain fog? I didn’t know it had a name.” I struggle to get a chuckle out, but it eventually comes out.
He runs into the living room to grab the tissue box and hands it to me. “Dani, I’m sorry. I had no right to assume I knew everything about your relationship with my dad. I know we’ve already established this, but I was an asshole back then. I really was. I was living in my own perfect world where I didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. Fuck, I wish I was there for you when you lost your dad. I’m so angry at myself. For not being there for you. For not providing you with the comfort you’ve been providing me.”
Lifting my head out of Noah’s neck, my eyes meet his. “There has always been a part of me that wished you came to my rescue the day my dad passed away. That you were the one holding me and listening to sad music with me. If you were there to hold my hand and help me with my panic attacks.” I take a moment to collect myself. “We can always wonder about these things. We can be angry with ourselves. There are so many things we both wish that we did, but I’m just happy to be here with you. Right now.”
He looks down at me and plasters a cute smile on his face. “Let me be here for you now. You’re going to be stuck with me for a long ass time, Solomon.”
All of this got me thinking about something I’ve secretly known for a long time.
I smile down at the floor before meeting Noah’s gaze. “You know how people say home isn’t a place, it’s a person?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You’re my home. You may be my moonlight, but there’s no doubt in my mind that sunlight runs through your veins because of the way you radiate this gentle and loving warmth. There’s no other way to explain the way I feel when I’m with you, except that it feels like I’m coming home. To you.”
My words take him by surprise because he’s speechless.
He’s staring deep into my eyes, branding me and claiming me as his. My hand interlocks with his, our fingers fitting perfectly together.
Fate and destiny brought Noah back into my life. I can’t imagine the people we used to be anymore. There’s no price tag when it comes to what we have now.
“I should’ve told you this last night, but I was a chicken shit. Here it goes. Dani, I…”
Fuck, seriously?
His phone buzzes in his back pocket. The screen lights up with a text as he pulls it out to face him. “It’s my mom.”
He’s typing his heart out while I wait patiently to see what updates Laura has in store for us.
He places his phone onto the floor beside him when he’s done. “Mom says hi.”
“What did she say?”
“Dr. Miller called her to tell her we can take Lizzie home in a few hours. Talked about how she’s going to have intense physical therapy. A PT will be coming to the house until Liz is able to go to the hospital for PT herself. That’s about it.”
“That’s good news, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It’s great news. I mean if you look at it that way.”
“PT will help her regain her strength and get back to her old self. It’s awesome news.”
“You’re right.”
His eyes are distracting the hell out of me, so I resort to changing the subject and turning on the Danielle Solomon branded charm. “Hey, do you know what my favorite color is?”
He chuckles, his facial expression shows he’s surprised by the sudden subject change. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Whatever color your eyes are. Ocean blue. Teal. Turquoise. I don’t know.”
He wets his lips with his tongue, letting out this deep breath that almost takes my breath away. “You’re so fucking cute, you know that?”
My cheeks are warm again. What a surprise.
Leaning my elbows on my knees, I cover my flushed cheeks with my hands.
I don’t know why I even do this anymore. He knows he can make me blush just by looking at me. It’s a normal reaction I give when someone compliments me.
He puts his hands on mine, delicately pulling them away from my face and holding onto them for dear life.
My skin is tingling like pins and needles from his touch.
He’s sitting in front of me now, scooting me closer to him. “You never have to hide from me.”
“Sorry, it’s a reflex.”
“I’m going to stop your reflexes every chance I get.”
“Sure you are,” I say.
“Try me, I dare you.”
“Please tell me you’re joking. We’re not kids anymore, Kaplan.”
“The fire in your eyes says something entirely different, Solomon.”
“You really are an idiot.”
“And I’m a proud member of The Idiot Club along with Xander. Grayson is the leader because he’s the biggest dumbass out of the three of us.”
Looking to the side, I close my eyes and get a very bad case of the giggles.
I love the way this man makes me laugh. He’s the king of distractions in all of its forms. Curse or a blessing in disguise?
I’d have to say both.