63. Dani
I finish up in the bathroom, washing my hands thoroughly.
God, it’s so loud in here.
I didn’t know that Ben knew so many people. He probably didn’t even know half of the people here. This is what happens when you have a funeral reception. Even when you sit shiva, random people show up for absolutely no reason.
Unlocking the door, I make my way downstairs.
Frantically searching for Noah, I look in the living room. He’s not there. Next up is the kitchen. Shit, he’s not there either and he wasn’t upstairs.
Luckily, I run into Lizzie. “Lizbug, where’s your brother?”
“I don’t know,” she says.
“We came in together. You haven’t seen him in the house at all?”
“No. I don’t know where he is.”
Fuck.
“Where would he go if he needs to clear his head?”
Lizzie looks down at her feet, taking ages to answer my question. Patience doesn’t exist for me right now.
“Lizzie, where the hell would he go?”
She meets my gaze, an idea hitting her like a bolt of lightning. “Try Loggerhead. He used to go there a lot to think when his panic attacks got really bad when he was in high school.”
This is the safe place he wanted to keep a secret from me. Not anymore.
“Have you guys seen Noah? I couldn”t find him. I checked everywhere.” Laura asks, concern writing itself all over her face.
I place my hand on Laura’s shoulder. “I’m going to find him. Tell my mom where I’m going, okay?”
Laura nods as Lizzie follows me out the front door. “Be gentle with him.”
“Don’t worry. I got this!” My heart is beating so damn fast. Adrenaline is pumping.
I’m trying my best not to panic because there’s no time for that.
It takes me five minutes to get to my house. I’m so happy that we live right down the street from them. Unlocking the front door, I search for my car keys. They’re hanging on the key holder next to the door.
Once they’re in my hand, I rush to get in the car. My hand shakes as I unlock the door to the driver’s side.
Loggerhead Beach is a ten-minute drive from the house. Maybe less than that if I drive over the speed limit, but I’m not risking getting pulled over today. The gear shifts into drive and I’m off.
What the hell is he thinking, disappearing like that and scaring me to death? Is he okay? Is he alive? Oh God, he better be. I can’t lose him too. I just can’t. Why would he do this? Doesn’t he know I’m here for him and that he can talk to me about anything?
I arrive at Loggerhead, feeling my heart is about to fall out of my ass.
There”s a parking spot right next to the entrance.
My high heels are coming off. I’m walking in the sand barefoot. My feet keep sinking with every step I take.
Searching frantically around the beach, Noah’s nowhere to be found.
My chest is heaving so heavily that it feels like I could go into cardiac arrest right this very second.
Please be here.
Instead of going further east, I make my way west. It’s closer to the bridge that overlooks the ocean.
A guy with dirty blonde hair who’s dressed in a suit catches my attention.
When I get closer to him, he turns his head.
It’s Noah.
I wet my lips with my tongue, running over to him and placing my hands on my knees to catch my breath. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
He rolls his eyes, getting up off the sand to walk away from me, but I follow him.
We make it as far as to where I started my search for him.
“I thought you were dead. You scared the shit out of me. Will you please talk to me?”
He ignores me.
“Stop walking away from me!”
“You have no idea what I’m going through. Just leave me alone,” he says.
“You did not just say that to me!”
He keeps walking, but I keep up with his pace.
Standing in front of him, I get in the way of his path and stop him in his tracks. “In case you forgot, I lost my dad when I was in high school. He passed away in a car accident. I had to attend his funeral and sit shiva. So, don’t you dare tell me I don’t understand what you’re going through.”
I’m so angry I could punch him point-blank in the face. Maybe I should. But, I won’t.
I love his stupid face too much.