62. Noah
Dani has no idea what’s going on in my head and I don”t want to subject her to any of it.
The darkness is slowly taking over my mind and body. It’s like my humanity is wilting away like a dying flower.
I feel the warmth radiating from her hand. Her arm is nestled around mine. Even after I snapped at her when we got here, she stayed.
I don’t fucking deserve her.
She deserves so much better than me.
Here’s where it gets complicated. I’m never letting her go. She’s stuck with me until we’re gray and old. I’m going to marry her. It makes me so fucking happy to say that even if it’s in my head.
She lifts her head out from my neck, looking up at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers. “Ready to go?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”
Dad’s casket is in full view and I can’t stop staring at it.
God, I hope he’s not in there. I hate funerals. So. Fucking. Much.
“Hey, Moonlight. Eyes on me,” Dani says.
My eyes land on her.
Her face is glistening from the sweat bordering the outline of her face.
All I want to do is rip that dress off her body. It’s maddening how much she consumes me. I want her. All. The. Time.
I really can’t get enough of her.
We’re at my dad’s funeral. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this?
Getting up off my chair, I help her up.
Her lips brush against mine, making my pulse go absolutely wild. Her breath feels hot on my skin. Cupping her face, I kiss her. Her hands grab my waist, so she can balance herself.
My lips let go of hers.
She gives me the sweetest smile that makes me smile in return. “Time to go get tortured,” she says.
We pull up down the street from the house and get out of the car.
She holds my hand, gripping on it like she doesn’t want to let go. And I don’t want her to.
Why the hell are there so many cars here?
My dad didn’t know this many people. At least, I don’t think he knew this many people.
Let’s just say he wasn’t the most popular guy. Although, he was the life of the party.
He made everybody around him laugh. Not just laugh, but laugh so hard you’d cry.
He had the biggest heart and cared so much about people. He’d do everything in his power to make sure Lizzie and I were loved and taken care of.
Dad was my best friend.
We’d watch basketball games together. Sometimes Grayson would get in on the fun. We’d all have the best time, screaming at the TV when our home team made a three-pointer or missed a shot. We’d eat burgers or hot dogs on game days.
It pains me that I can never talk to him about books, writing, and our love for basketball.
I can’t talk to him about Dani. God, I talked to him about her all the time.
He’s not going to see me walk across the stage and receive my bachelor’s degree, see me blossom as an author, and be at my wedding. My kids won’t have him as a grandfather.
A life without Dad is an emptier one, but Dani somehow fills that void for me.
I don’t know what I’d do without her. Dad would’ve loved her. I mean he did, but he would’ve loved her as my girlfriend.
There’s no doubt about that.
He’s proud of me and proud of who I’ve become.
I can feel it deep in my bones. I want to continue to make him proud. I want him to know I’ll never forget him and that he’ll always be a part of me.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back. I promise,” Dani says, kissing me on the cheek.
I watch her head upstairs to the bathroom.
Why are there so many people here?
I have no clue where my mom is. Or Lizzie. Or even Celia.
I’m losing my balance. The room is spinning. Leaning against the wall nearest to the living room, I place my hand over my heart. It’s beating faster than speeding bullets.
My hands are violently shaking and my mouth is dry. I can’t breathe. I need to get the fuck out of here. Somewhere far away, so I can clear my head.
Running out of the house, I unlock the car and shift the gear into drive.
I don’t know where I’m going.
I just know I need to get as far away from the house as possible.
I need air.