Chapter 15 I Been That Girl - Tara #2
I was sure one of our inquisitive neighbors was watching the scene unfold from behind their designer windows. One of the many reasons Jason and I decided to purchase the land we’d built our dream home on was because it was on the quieter side of North Brooke Port.
The house sat in between and around residents who did nothing outside of golf, go to brunch, and do their best to keep up with the latest drama the residents of our small, gated community had going on.
They were the kind of neighbors who called the cops when they felt like something or someone was out of place.
Most times the concern was appreciated, but sometimes, it was unnecessary like the time they called the cops on my cousin because she drove less than a Mercedes caliber of car. When she asked them why they called, they looked from her to the purple Dodge Charger she had driven to my house in.
With my cousin being from the opposite side of town and the side of family Jason didn’t care for me to associate with, he had no problem asking her to leave when the cops arrived.
Jason preferred for us and our children to stick to functions and holidays held by his family.
At the beginning of our marriage, it was something I allowed, but when I noticed how out of place our children would be when we did go around my family, I put my foot down and expressed how I felt about neglecting my relatives.
Naturally, he resisted but because of my persistence, he gave in and allowed it.
“Tara, I know you wouldn’t do anything like that. Jason has always been too full of himself for his own good,” he stated, more than likely reflecting back to the days where Jason was fighting to be the star of our high school basketball team.
Jason had always failed in comparison to Zane. From sports to academics, Zane was always a step or a placement ahead. The only thing Jason had that Zane wanted was me, and had I known he wanted me, Jason more than likely would’ve never had me.
If I knew then what I know now.
“Come in so I can give you some ice,” I advised, pointing in the direction of the door. Once he could no longer see Jason’s car, he moved from his cemented place on the street and followed me into the house.
“Coach Simmons?” Jaedan questioned, walking out of the kitchen as we walked through the front door.
“Jaedan, how long have you been in here, and did you look outside?” I asked, silently hoping and praying he didn’t see the debacle which involved his father getting knocked on his foolish ass at the hands of his new basketball coach.
“I just came down to get a glass of water,” he answered, looking in between Zane and me.
I could almost see and hear the wheels in his little mind grinding in overtime to figure out the dynamics between the two people standing in front of him.
At two in the morning on a Sunday, there wasn’t a logical, work-related reason to place Zane at our house.
“Jae, go back to bed, and I'll see you in the morning.”
A look of hesitancy flashed in his eyes before he nodded his head and took heed to my advice. After saying goodbye to me first and then Zane second, he disappeared down the dark hallway.
A few seconds later, I could hear his heavy feet walking up the stairs, and moments after that I heard his room door close shut.
Resuming my mission, I led Zane into the kitchen where I grabbed a large Ziploc bag and filled it with ice. Reaching for the first aid kit I kept in one of my kitchen drawers, I retrieved the antiseptic wash and cotton balls.
“I can't clean your hand with you standing all of the way over there,” I teased, motioning for him to come to the sink where I was standing.
Taking slow yet long strides due to his height, he walked from the kitchen doorway over to me.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Has caring for other people always been natural for you?” he asked, giving me a question for a question instead of answering me.
“When I was younger, maybe six or seven, my mama was diagnosed with diabetes,” I stated, prepared to provide him with the reason why I was the way I was.
“When she received her diagnosis, her and my father were going through a separation. Instead of him staying back and helping out with me and my younger sister, he left her to figure it out,” I continued, instantly reminiscing back to one of the darkest times of my life.
The way I felt even as an adult, was something I never wanted my children to experience, which were side effects of coming from a broken home.
“Sometimes she wouldn’t take her medicine, and other times she would eat something she wasn’t supposed to, and in those times, I had to step in and take care of her. Caring for others has been easy for me ever since.”
“You were six years old taking care of your mother and your little sister? Tara, that takes a lot of strength, but at the age you were, you shouldn’t have had to endure the struggle.”
“Sometimes you have to adapt and move accordingly.”
“ Sometimes you shouldn’t have to,” he reasoned, closing the space in between us, placing a kiss on my lips. “Whatever you need going forward, I’m here. I couldn’t carry your load then, but I can damn sure carry it now. I want to be your strength like you’ve been mine.”
“You really love me, don’t you?” I asked unnecessarily because I knew how he felt about me from the way he stared at me and made me a priority regardless of what he was going through.
He made sure his love for me was affirmed by his actions and I cherished him for it.
“Yes, I do. One thing about me is I’ll never say anything for the sake of hearing myself talk,” he stated matter-of-factly. “I can say I love you without giving it a second thought because it’s honestly how I feel.”
“I love you too,” I declared.
Turning my attention back to his hand, I cleaned his bruised knuckles and wrapped it as best as I could.
“What are you going to tell Jaedan? I could tell he wanted to ask more questions about why I’m over here.”
“Should I tell him about us ?” I directed the question to Zane, but the question was also something I needed to ask myself.
“I’m not going anywhere, but I’m a patient man. I know you need to tell he and Raegan when you’re ready. I’ll be here whenever you decide to let them in on our relationship, but make no mistake, you’re mine and I’m yours.”
“I like the sound of that,” I conceded, not seeing a need to put up a fight. I knew that Zane was who I wanted to be with going forward, yet even though I knew he was my person, I didn’t know how Jaedan and Raegan would react to there being a new member or our family.
Giving consideration to how they reacted when Jason married Amber, I was admittedly afraid they would react the same way to Zane.
Before I caught Jason cheating, the kids loved Amber.
In fact, whenever I took them to see Jason at work, they looked forward to stopping by Amber’s office there.
The love they had for her changed in an instant when Jason introduced Amber as his fiancée a week from the day our divorce was final.
Initially, I wanted to shield them from knowing the exact reason we were separating, but with Jason’s declaration, they were able to connect the dots enough.
Actually, Jaedan was the spokesperson out of the two of them and didn’t hesitate to ask if Amber was a part of the reason Jason and I were getting a divorce.
Although I didn’t give them a play by play, I did let them know that she had something to do with it.
Then, when Amber told them about her pregnancy a few months later, their hate for her grew even more.
The situation with Zane was different because we were both two single adults, but I still didn’t want to be the cause of Zane going from the great Coach Simmons Jaedan saw him as, to public enemy number two, going on his hit list right behind Amber.
Honestly, I would end things with Zane before I allowed the relationship to negatively affect my children. Yes, it would hurt, but they came first.
“I need to get out of here.”
“But you wanted to talk,” I countered because deep down inside, I wasn’t ready for him to go.
“No, I just wanted to see you. I needed to see my peace and light before I ended my night,” he coolly noted before placing a gentle, loving kiss on my lips, which left me wanting more from him, yet with the events of the night, I took the kiss in gratitude.
More than anything, I was grateful the antics of my ex-husband weren’t enough to deter him from me. In my heart I knew it would have been a travesty for us to end before we truly got off the ground.
Following him as he made his exit out of my house, I stood in the doorway until he made it to his car, got in, waved goodbye, and drove off.
With so much running across my mind, I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of Laurent Perrier Rose NV which Zane had purchased for me after our first date at King of Hearts.
Ignoring the typical aspect of having a glass of wine, I opted to open the bottle and go straight to my room. Decorum was out of the window, and I had every intention of drinking straight from the bottle until there wasn’t a drop left.
***
The Next Morning
Waking up, I decided to catch an earlier session on the shore with my yoga instructor, Breonna. There was something so serene about doing the yoga as the sun came up which put everything in perspective for me.
During the session, it was just Breonna, me, and a few other people who were dedicated enough to wake up that early and meet on the shore. In my opinion, the sleep sacrifice was well worth it.
When I made it back to the house, I woke Jaedan and Raegan and told them to get ready for the day while I retreated to my corner of the house to shower and do the same.
Once we were all dressed and clean, we hopped in my SUV, and I drove Raegan to my parents’ house because she had a standing nail appointment with her grandma she couldn’t miss.
The few years my parents were separated from each other plagued my mind every time I visited my childhood home, and although I forgave my dad, my mind couldn’t seem to forget how he walked away from us at a time where his presence was needed the most.
Even as an adult, I found myself still healing a small piece of my inner child.
After Raegan was dropped off, I headed in the direction of Grits to continue the second part of my Saturday ritual
“Aunt Eva and my godbrothers aren’t meeting us here?” Jaedan asked when I told the hostess I needed a table for two.
“No, she had something going on, so it's just the two of us. Is that okay with you? I asked, taking joy in the smile that spread across his face.
“Yes, ma’am,” he happily noted, nodding his head.
We made small talk before placing our orders for breakfast, and once the waitress was on her way to the kitchen, Jaedan looked at me with a knowing look.
Staring at him always left me speechless because he was the spitting image of his father physically, and thankfully, when it came down to his personality, he was the opposite.
To know my teenage son didn’t mind having a breakfast date with his mom was a victory on its own, but I knew he had something he wanted to get off his chest, so I was hesitant to bask in my victory like I wanted to.
“What’s on your mind, Jaedan?”
“I’m glad you asked,” he asked, animatedly shaking his head, making me laugh.
While I was doing my best to raise Jaedan and Raegan to know they could come to me about anything at any time, I also made it very clear there were levels of respect between us. I respected them as my children, and I expected them to respect me as their mother.
With them respecting me as their mother, I felt like they didn’t need to question me about my actions. I needed them to trust me enough as their mother to know I would never do anything to compromise their best interest.
“What’s going on with you and Coach Simmons, and what happened outside with you and Dad?
“Wait, you saw what happened outside with your dad? Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
“I didn’t say anything because I figured if Coach knocked Dad on his as— I mean butt… I figured if Coach knocked Dad on his butt like that, he must have deserved it.”
Panicked, I looked over at his calm demeanor, and I felt as if the roles should have been reversed; I should have been calm because I’d was in the middle of the storm involving my future and my past, and Jaedan should have been panicked seeing his father get whacked to the ground.
“Jaedan, tell me what all you witnessed last night,” I requested, listening to how he peeked out of the front window because he heard commotion when he was enroute to the kitchen, only to see Zane’s arms swinging midair and knocking Jason to the ground.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, son.”
“Did Dad deserve it? I’m sure he did,” he reasoned, shaking his head, pausing so the waitress could place his stuffed French toast in front of him.
“Coach Simmons is always level-headed in practice, so I can’t see him blowing up for no reason.
Plus, in case you haven’t noticed it, Dad has a tendency to be a jerk. ”
“You can’t say those types of things about your dad, Jae.”
“But it’s true, Mom. I know you want Raegan and me to act like nothing happened, but he hurt you. I hate him for that, and even before he cheated with Amber, he was never nice to you. He never treated you like you tell me to treat girls.”
Speechless.
If I was nothing else in the moment, I was speechless.
There I was thinking I was giving my kids the ideal upbringing, when the entire time I was living in a glass house.
“Jaedan… I—”
“You don’t have to apologize for him, Mom. I know you were doing what you thought was best, and if Coach Simmons was at our house because he likes you, that’s okay with me, as long as he treats you better than Dad did.”
“How did I get so lucky with you?” I asked, truly amazed at the young man before me.
“I ask myself the same thing,” he stated, making me burst into laughter.
Grabbing his hand to bless our food, I was sure to say a special thank you for the gift I was blessed to call my son.