Chapter 25
Nell knew she was grinning manically when Mattie’s face appeared on her computer screen.
Sure, she’d seen Mattie on screen earlier, but that’d been on nationwide TV.
This was Zoom, and for her eyes only. She’d been counting down all day and now, at eight thirty, Mattie time was finally here, and the sight of her made Nell as giddy as a kid in a sweet shop.
Not that her mother ever allowed her to go to sweet shops.
“Good evening,” she said, and then groaned at her formality.
Mattie blew her a kiss. “Hey, cupcake.”
Nell snorted, and some of her awkwardness melted away. “Cupcake?”
“Maybe that’s not quite right for you.” Mattie made a show of pondering. “Sweet peach? Snugglebutt?”
“Stop it.”
Mattie tilted her head to one side. “You’re looking gorgeous tonight. Did you wear that shirt just for me?”
“Of course.” It was the shirt. The one she’d never been much bothered about before but now loved, because it had brought her and Mattie back together. She took in Mattie’s blue plaid shirt with the top two buttons unfastened. “I like yours too. Feel free to undo the rest of the buttons.”
“Oh yeah?” Mattie toyed with the button closest to her breasts and then flicked it open.
Nell’s toes curled as she remembered what the exact same scenario had led to in London. “On second thought, you should stop. Virtual sex is one step too far to get my inhibited little self around quite yet.”
“Shame. Although ‘quite yet’ suggests you might at some point. I’m all up for that.” Mattie scrunched her nose adorably as she squinted at the screen. “Which room are you in? I don’t recognise it.”
“I’m at the table in the kitchen diner. You were only here briefly, so I’m not surprised.”
“Yeah, I was too busy berating you and being out of order.” Mattie ducked her head. “Not my finest moment.”
“It happened. We’ve wiped the slate clean. Please don’t apologise again.” Nell was relieved when Mattie acquiesced with a small nod. “Are you facing that stunning view from your living room?”
“Yes.” Mattie turned the screen, but all Nell could see was darkness with blurred lights from the sprawling buildings below.
Nell’s lips twitched. “I prefer the view of you.”
Mattie switched the camera back onto herself as she sat down again. “I know it’s only been two days since you were here, but it feels longer.”
“Sitting through hours of a parliamentary enquiry will do that to you, I imagine.”
Mattie squealed in obvious delight. “You’ve been watching me.”
Busted. “Yes, I’m a Worldwide News convert, even though you were only on today’s programme for a nanosecond.”
“Parliamentary inquiries rarely make for avid viewing. I’m only there because of the rumours around the health minister’s political future.” Mattie held her finger up. “No more work talk. If virtual sex is off the agenda, let’s plan when we can next do it again for real.”
Nell opened the calendar on her phone. “I can definitely make the weekend of the 1st and 2nd November. I just wish it wasn’t three weeks away.”
“I’ll be desperate for you by then.” Mattie fidgeted. “I wish you were here now.”
“Me too.” On screen, Nell saw Mattie’s face blossom with heat.
“For someone who went over a decade without sex, I seem to have gone rogue, because being with you is all I’m thinking about.
” In the middle of inane meetings. While clearing away old crops in the vegetable patch.
At the supermarket while staring at the fish counter.
She shook her head as an increasingly familiar ache grew between her thighs.
Mattie’s laugh was husky. “You’ve got that spaced-out look on your face I recognise. Are you sure virtual sex is off the cards?”
“I’ve got Google Maps open,” she said, trying to sound serious.
“Damn.” Mattie hammed up her disappointment.
They laughed at the same time, and the sound filled the room. How often did she laugh in her own home? Hardly ever. She forced herself back on topic. “Equidistant between mine and yours as the crow flies is Swindon.”
Mattie tapped on her keyboard as she did an internet search. “Swindon is best known for its train museum, a weird roundabout, and an out-of-town designer outlet, it says here.”
“You’re not selling the place to me.”
“Who said anything about leaving the hotel?” Mattie winked. “The first weekend of November will be hit and miss, weather-wise.”
“Are you a fair-weather walker?”
“I’ve walked in all weathers, but if I’m going to get wet while I’m with you, it will be in bed.” Mattie smirked. “You look adorably hot when you blush.”
“You’re incorrigible.” Nell shifted in her seat, hyper-aware of the seam of her jeans pressing against her. She studied Google Maps again. “There’s Bath.”
“To get wet in?” Mattie snorted. “We could have a bath in Bath.”
Nell shook her head in mock outrage. This was so much fun. “There are the Roman Baths and the abbey to visit if it’s raining, and there are good walking trails around the edge of the city if the weather’s kind.”
“I like the sound of that. What sort of place would you like to stay?” Mattie shuddered. “I’m not up for freezing my butt off in a tent.”
Briefly, she entertained the memory of running her hands over said gym-toned butt. “Guest house? Posh hotel? Spa?”
A shadow fell over Mattie’s face. “Delete the last option.”
Damn. Of course Mattie wouldn’t want to be pampered at a spa. That would involve being topless and exposing her scars. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”
Mattie dismissed her apology with a brush of her hand. “Hotel. Somewhere cosy rather than corporate. I stay in far too many of those.”
Nell shared her screen, and they chatted over different accommodation options.
She soon learned that Mattie tended to favour comfort over style, whereas Nell stayed at hotels far less often and was excited to have the whole experience.
“Luxury Egyptian cotton linen, rainfall shower, bespoke toiletries, artisan snacks,” she read aloud.
“What the hell are artisan snacks?”
“Posh biscuits?” Nell flicked her gaze from the webpage back to Mattie. “Shall we find out?”
Mattie rolled her eyes. “Go on then.”
She booked a room with a king-sized bed. It would get plenty of use to justify the extra expense, she was sure. The conversation switched to a light-hearted discussion about their plans for the weekend. Mattie intended hitting the gym before going to Shona and Lisa’s place for lunch.
“Say hi to them from me,” said Nell. “Oh, and tell Lisa I’ve remembered the name of the silver jewellery designer we were talking about at dinner. I’ll text it to you.”
“Sure. What are you up to tomorrow? Or have you got to work?”
Nell stretched in her chair. “Whole weekend off, thankfully. Angie and I are planning a cross-country walk and lunch at a pub.”
“Enjoy.”
“We will.” Nell saw Mattie yawn, and she looked done for. Their call was drawing to a natural conclusion, but Nell was reluctant for it to end. “We should go, I guess.”
Mattie nodded. “It’s that or watch me nod off on the sofa. Mouth hanging open and snoring, probably.”
“You don’t snore. Much,” Nell said. “Talk tomorrow? Or leave it until next week?” She didn’t want to come across as too demanding or desperate and needy.
Mattie stretched. “Let’s play it by ear.” She blew a kiss and waved goodbye.
Nell stared at the screen long after Mattie had logged off the video call.
So that’d been another first. She hadn’t shared a virtual call with a lover before, and she’d felt a little out of her depth.
Who was she kidding? So much of her relationship with Mattie was out of her comfort zone: having sex, confiding in someone about her past, being with a woman.
She didn’t intend on making an announcement about that.
Her circle of friends was minimal, and as for colleagues at work, it was none of their business.
What about family though? Out of everyone, she’d like to share her newly established status with Caroline.
Could she trust Caroline to keep it to herself?
Probably. Her brothers and sisters-in-law never usually visited Bath.
There’d be awkward explaining to do if she bumped into them.
It’d lead to all sorts of family ruckus, and it wouldn’t be fair if Caroline got dragged into it because she hadn’t shared what Nell had told her.
Her mind went round in circles and didn’t land on a conclusion.
She still had three weeks to make up her mind.
But it was soon down to two weeks, and then one week, before the Bath trip, and she still hadn’t told Caroline.
She’d got as far as ringing her, but Caroline was distracted, fretting about redundancies at her husband’s place of work.
Then her teenage son had interrupted because he’d dropped his iPhone down the toilet, so Caroline had cut the call short to sort him out.
Nell hadn’t tried particularly hard to find the time to contact her again since.
“Two more sleeps to go,” Mattie said when Nell answered the video call.
Nell smiled as she propped the phone on the pillow next to her. It was the closest she got to sharing her bed with Mattie, at least for now. They were chatting much later than their usual habit of eight thirty, because Mattie got caught at work. “You’re in bed too.”
Mattie ruffled her hair, which was still damp from her shower. “Thanks for waiting up for me.”
Nell shrugged like it was nothing, but in truth, she’d been willing the extra hours away since getting home. Now the evenings were drawing in, there wasn’t enough daylight after work to go into the garden or have a stroll along the coast path. “I like talking to you.”
“I like it too.” Mattie smiled and proceeded to chat about her day until a shadow crossed her face. “Jon’s book is officially top of the bestsellers’ list. The damn thing’s everywhere.”
“It’s in the window of the bookstore here.” Nell hesitated before asking, “How are you feeling about it?”
“Delighted, as you can imagine.”
Nell waited for more, but Mattie turned her face away from the screen, and Nell couldn’t read her expression.
“About dinner on Saturday evening,” Mattie said when she finally looked up again.
So her feelings about the book were a no-go discussion for tonight. Nell recognised the desire to parcel up troublesome emotions and keep them out of sight. “Dinner?”
“One of my colleagues recommended the tasting menu at a Michelin-star restaurant in Bath,” said Mattie. “I made a reservation for us, but I can cancel if it’s not your thing,”
Nell smiled. “I seem to be making a habit of trying new things, so I’m game.”
They talked more about arrangements for the trip, knowing that this would be their last video call until then.
“Roll on Friday.” Mattie winked. “I can’t wait for our bath in Bath.”
When the called ended, Nell’s mind went into overthinking mode instead of letting her sleep.
Mattie was far more comfortable with sexual innuendo and making light of situations than exploring her feelings.
Clearly the book situation was affecting her, but either she couldn’t find the words to express herself or she didn’t want to.
Maybe Mattie was so far out of her depth that she didn’t even know how she felt?
Nell rolled over and struggled to get comfortable.
Then she wriggled as a bout of nerves took up residence in her body.
They were fuelled by anticipation, excitement, and a wariness that she couldn’t shake.
Perhaps she should keep a protective barrier around her heart, a safety net in case things went wrong.
Hopefully, it wouldn’t be needed. Seeds started out as the tiniest of things and grew into something magnificent, if they were carefully nurtured.
Who was to say the same thing couldn’t happen to them?