Chapter 26
Jazmine Allen
T heo is here.
After everything that happened—namely me yelling at him, he is still here.
I nod, walking over to the bar stool. Theo watches me the entire time. I look down at the meal: an omelette. A half sob, half laugh falls from my throat. My icy heart melts into a puddle and there is no stopping it.
Taking the fork, I stuff the food into me. I don’t remember eating this morning, although I can’t remember much after yelling at Theo on the football field.
My insecurities rise to the surface. I should apologise. I've been terrible to Theodore all because I couldn't understand or acknowledge my true feelings.
“I’m sorry,” I say between bites.
“Why are you sorry?” Theo says, confused.
“I just—” Theo stops me.
“No, it was my fault for not telling you about the move of my training sessions. We found out Sunday after the game and I was going to tell you but—” He looks away from me. “Then, everything that happened, happened. And it slipped my mind,”
“Are you okay?" he added quickly. "The last time I was with you during a panic attack it wasn’t that bad,”
My gaze falls, focusing on the last part of the omelette on my plate. “Yeah, this is my worst one since…” I pause to think. “Since freshman year. I’ve just been so stressed and when it seemed like you forgot about the project, I just—”
“Snapped,” Theo whispers, finishing off my sentence.
I nod. Theo moves so he is standing in front of me.
“Princess, look at me.” His tone is soft, but the demand is evident. I tilt my head up. “Seeing you like that was heartbreaking,” I try to look away from him, but Theo grabs my chin, holding it so I can’t escape his gaze. “Let me finish, okay?”
Theo swallows, the lump in his throat obvious. “Nothing happened at the party with Kierra. I want to be with you.” His confession causes me to forget how to breathe. “I’m always thinking of you even when I don’t want to, I promised myself I would never feel this way again after—” Theo shakes his head, not finishing his sentence.
“I only want you, Jazmine.” My vision blurs, tears descending my cheeks. Theo saying my first name is a rarity; he is serious.
“Don’t cry, Princess.” He swipes a tear away. “Tell me this is what you want too,” It comes out as a plea.
“Yeah, Theo. I want this too.” I say while trying to stop my tears.
I've been trying to approach my feelings for Theo with logical but that isn't how the heart works. Ever since I've first met Theo, I knew there was something pulling me towards him. Yet, the hurt I've been through has stopped me from even trying to see if a relationship wouldn't leave me battered and bruised.
Now, I know: Everything about Theodore Knight strikes me as golden with the desire to help others no matter the situation.
I flick my eyes to his mouth but this time I don’t hesitate to ask. “Kiss me, Theo.”
Theo drops his head lower, his breath dancing across my skin. I’m about to beg when he closes the gap. This kiss is consuming, every charged moment between us leading to this point. Theo's lips move against mine as our breath mingles.
Butterflies swarm in my stomach as Theo moves me closer, one hand resting against my neck, the other on my waist. Our bodies fit together perfectly, like we are the final piece to each other's puzzle.
Our noses graze as I deepen the kiss. I clasp my hands tighter around his neck. Theo groans, allowing me to slip my tongue into his mouth. The sensations are endless—with every brush of our lips, desperation crawls up my spine.
I am intoxicated by Theodore Knight and I never want it to end. He takes control from me, pushing me backwards into the kitchen bench. Theo moves his hand to my hair, fisting and tugging on it.
The possessive undertone of the kiss doesn't escape me. And fuck, I love it. Theo pulls away, a small whine leaving my throat.
A smile plastered on his face. “I want to take you on a date,” he said quickly.
I laugh. I just kissed him and Theo is still nervous. “Sure,” My eyes light up. “You have a bye this weekend, right?”
“Yeah, but how do you—”
“That’s not important. Do you want to come to Jayden and Willow’s ice hockey game with me?”
Theo smiles. “Yeah, Princess. I would love to, but don’t think I’m forgetting that other statement. Since when do you know my schedule?” He teases.
I feel my cheeks heat. So, I stalked him a little, it’s not a big deal. “I may have looked it up,” Theo’s smile becomes even brighter. “Purely for educational purposes,”
“Mmm,” he mumbles, leaning down and burying his face in my neck. “Whatever you say Princess. ”
I inhale Theo’s spicy cologne as I hold him tighter, pressing our bodies together. The warmth embrace melts the tension from my shoulders and scatters my thoughts.
Touching someone has never been my preferred way to receive comfort and affection. But with Theo, I want his hands grazing my skin during the day and night even in small meaningless moments.
Theo and I remain where we are, unmoving and at peace. For once, my brain is quiet and my desire to control everything has dissolved. Relief washes over me. It's unfamiliar but I welcome it.
“Are you okay, Princess?”
I pull back, looking into Theo’s soft gaze. My fingers are locked together behind his neck, while Theo runs the tips of his fingers along my waist. The circular pattern his fingers draw is another layer of comfort. I want to stay like this forever.
“Yeah, I’m—” I stop myself.
I’m not fine. If I am honest with myself, I haven’t been fine for a long time. But that four-letter word easily slips off my tongue, compared to the word vomit that would leave if I didn’t feel the need to lie.
Theo deserves the truth.
“No, I’m not fine.” I swallow and take a deep breath. “I’ve struggled with anxiety and insomnia since I was thirteen years old. Turns out having caffeine that young wasn’t a good idea,” the deprecating tone coats my words.
Theo wipes away a stray tear that falls down my face. “It’s okay. Take your time, ”
“I just wanted to be perfect,” my voice breaks, a sob escaping my throat. “Jayden and my parents didn’t even have to try. They are perfect but I had to try, try and try. Even if it meant losing myself along the way.”
Theo’s arms wrap around me again. I didn’t think it was possible to be closer to him but here we are. Theo presses chaste kisses into my neck, before pulling back. Intense fog of emotions cloud his blue eyes as they never stray from mine.
“No one is perfect, Jazmine. And I like you the way you are: strong, stubborn and passionate—it oozes from your fingertips and infects everyone you touch. It doesn’t matter if you see yourself as imperfect, I’ll be there to remind you who you really are.”
Fuck. My heart melts and there’s nothing I can do about it. Theodore Knight will be my favourite person. To some extent, he already is. My vision is blurry from his heartfelt proclamation, rivulets staining my cheeks.
“I think I should go back to my psychologist,” I manage to say through my sobbing.
Theo tilts his head, confusion written into his features. “Did you stop going?”
I look to the floor, unable to meet his worried eyes. “I cancelled some of my appointments earlier in the semester because I thought I had everything under control. Then I was so busy with assessments and studying I didn’t have time for an appointment and—”
Theo interrupts. “Take a deep breath, Princess.”
He tilts my chin up. Inhale. Exhale. I repeat the process, Theo nodding as I do it. “That’s it. Good girl, ”
My cheeks flame. Apparently, my need for validation has turned into a praise kink. Theo knows it too. He brushes his thumb over my cheek and my eyes flutter shut at his soft touch.
“You don’t have to justify anything, I won’t judge you. But you have to promise me something,”
“Anything,”
“You will take care of yourself by going back to your psychologist. And if there comes a day you don’t want to go, or you are overcome with anxious thoughts, it’s me you come to first.”
Theo swallows the lump in his throat. “I want to take care of you even on the days you think you don’t deserve or need it.”
I smile. Accepting Theo's help and care goes against my nature but I've never felt safer than when I'm in his arms.
“I promise,”