Chapter 27
Jazmine Allen
I am happy.
My therapist’s office is no longer daunting. The walls are steady in place, nothing is trapping me or making me want to run for the hills.
It’s concerning.
The guilt is eating me away, I feel like the pin is going to drop and everything will break. Theo has been the best, messaging me all the time, telling me how excited he is for our date. I’ve never felt this way with a guy before so it is daunting, however, I want to go all in with Theo.
Tonight is Jayden’s first home game for the season. The stakes are even higher as they are playing Nevada. So, there are two rivalries in play: Lakewood versus Nevada and Jayden versus Willow. Although Theo doesn’t want to class this as our first date, I’d like to think it is.
“Jazmine, are you still with me?”
My attention snaps back to Dr Gray. “Sorry, I’m just thinking.” The smile on my face is contagious as my psychologist nods her head.
“This is one of the first times I’ve seen you smile when you’re thinking. That probably seems like a strange observation; however, I can normally tell when you start to overthink things.” Dr Gray pauses. “Is this about your friend, Theo, did you say his name was?”
“He’s my boyfriend, yeah.” In the past, the word boyfriend would sting when it left my tongue but now, I want to scream it from rooftops.
I want everyone to know Theodore Knight is mine .
“I’m proud of you Jazmine,”
My eyes water at her simple comment. These past few years have been so overwhelming and frustrating. As a psychology student, being unable to make progress—well progress I could see, made me feel as if it was impossible.
Yet here I am, smiling like a giddy school girl over her boyfriend and finally having different aspects of my life balanced.
“Thank you, Dr Gray. I’m still a little apprehensive but I think it’s in my nature to be unsure sometimes, ”
“As I’ve said before Jazmine, it is okay to not have everything figured out especially as you heal. You have come a long way since our first session,”
I smile. “Lately, I have tried to relinquish my desire to control everything all the time. My bad habits would slip through any crack and take over me. So, now whenever it happens, I journal everything that’s on my mind.”
Dr Gray smiles, liking the idea. She always tells me acknowledging my emotions is the best way to heal as it allows us to keep track of triggers and feelings that linger or return often.
“Theo has been helping me stay accountable. It’s nice to have someone who sees my worst side and still wants me,”
My first boyfriend wanted me to change, to fit into a mould that suited his needs. But that’s not who I am.
I’m Jazmine fucking Allen.
I am enough.
***
I have nothing to wear.
Everything I have tried on in the past ten minutes has either been too much or not enough. Plus, as someone who grew up around hockey, it is fucking freezing in the arena.
“Arghh!” I need advice. Where are Sofia and Athena when you need them? Unfortunately for me, Sundays are also Austin and Athena’s date night and Sofia is working late. Leaving me to my own devices, which isn’t good when you are an overthinker.
I pick my phone up, swearing as I read the time. Seven o’clock. Theo will be here any minute and I’m a fucking mess.
Breathe in, breathe out. My attempt to calm myself is futile when there is a knock at the door. Fuck. Why does he have to be so punctual? Every other guy I go on dates with doesn’t know what punctual means.
“I’m coming,” I pull the door toward me, revealing the sinful guy that is waiting for me. Theo is dressed in casual clothes—blue wash denim jeans, a grey t-shirt that highlights every muscle. I lick my lips at the sight. The best part about being with Theo: I can eye-fuck him whenever I want.
Theo spies my eye-fucking. He groans in response. God, I love that I can force that sound from him.
“Princess. Stop looking at me like that, otherwise we aren’t leaving your apartment.” Theo sounds breathless, despite his attempt to remain in control.
I know it’s the first date but I’d give anything to run my tongue over every inch of his body, especially his abs.
“Jazmine,”
The use of my name brings my attention back to him. “Theodore,”
“Why aren’t you dressed?” he asks as we walk into my living room.
I look down at my pyjama shorts and oversized t-shirt. My go to outfit for lounging around the house, specifically my bed .
“I’m having a crisis. I don’t know what to wear and Sofia or Athena aren’t here to help me,”
Theo laughs at my whining. “Princess, it’s just me. You could wear a trash bag and I'd still think you’re beautiful.”
I scoff. “Stop sweet talking me and help,”
I drag him to my messy room. Immediately, Theo picks an outfit—black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved red top. I stare at him in shock.
“If the football career doesn’t work out, you should go work for Sofia.”
Theo smiles, shaking his head. “Put it on, I’ll wait in the living room.”
Ever the gentleman he is, although I don’t have the strength to deny Theo if he watched me strip. I walk back into the living room, newly changed and ready to leave. Theo rakes his gaze down my figure.
“Maybe we should stay in,”
My core throbs, flames coursing through my blood. We need to leave, otherwise Theo and I will be staying in my bed. Preferably naked and sweaty.
“Let’s go, I don’t trust either of us to stay here a minute longer.”
***
The arena is full as Theo and I find our seats. His hand is placed on my lower back, guiding me through the crowd of people .
Theo hasn’t stopped touching me since we arrived at the game and it feels amazing. I’ve never been one for physical touch, mainly because my past boyfriend—although it was in high school—never wanted to be affectionate in public. But with Theo, it’s as if he needs to touch me.
I smile, blood rushing to my cheeks. “Is physical touch your love language or are you a clingy boyfriend?”
Then it happens. Theodore Knight blushes. Fucking blushes. His gaze finds mine and I see his reluctant smile. “Boyfriend?”
My eyes widened. We haven’t talked about labels. I hope I haven’t read this situation wrong, have I? No. I’m not going to overthink.
A shy smile forms on my lips. “Is that okay?”
Theo’s smile became larger and brighter. “Yeah, Princess. That’s okay,”
“Now,” I begin. “What do you know about ice hockey?”
His face contorted leaving confusion written all over it. I point to different parts of the ice, explaining the different positions and rules of the game. Theo’s attention never wavers from me, nodding as he understands.
“So, what positions do Jay and Willow play?”
“Jay is a centre. He is the main playmaker for the team and starts the game with a face-off, where they try to get the puck. Willow floats between centre and winger. Wing is her best position as she has speed to her advantage,”
The lights shut off, leaving darkness to fall over the arena. The announcer read out the names of players as they skate onto the ice. The away team is first. Theo and I see Willow immediately, her red braid sticking out like a sore thumb.
The crowd goes into uproar when the Lakewood Hawks take their place on the ice. The darkness fades away as the players resume their positions. Jay and Willow oppose each other in the middle of the ice for the face-off. The tension between them is palpable even from the sidelines, it’s as if I’m in the middle of their arguments.
The whistle blows and the two centres jump into action.
The game is a battle all the way to the end, with both teams having periods on top. The last period begins with Nevada and Lakewood tied with two goals each. Minutes are dwindling down when Willow’s teammate cuts her off, causing her to hit the ice.
Hard.
I gasp, my hand covering my mouth. I stand up, trying to see onto the ice.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Theo says. “Look, she’s moving.”
“Thank fuck,” I breathe out a sigh of relief, when I spy Willow skating towards the bench. She puts up a thumbs up, signalling to me she is fine.
I look back to Jayden. His face is red, his fists tightening. I’ve never seen him like this. Jay looks like he is going to kill Willow’s teammate.
The anxious thoughts swirling in my mind are stopping me from fully comprehending what happened. But, at first glance, it seems Willow’s teammate—Woods if the name on the back of his jersey is any indication—has knocked her out of the way so he can receive the puck.
Fucking asshole.
The game ends with Lakewood winning by one goal. I pat Theo’s thigh to grab his attention. “I’m going to check on Willow then we can leave,”
“I’ll come with you.” He interlaces our hands, before pulling me up.
I guide us to the barrier where Willow is leaning against. “Are you okay?”
She sighs. “Yeah, I’m fine. The team doctor thinks I might have a slight concussion and hairline fracture in my right wrist.”
My eyes fill with worry. This is the only reason I hate ice hockey. It’s dangerous. But every injury my best friend or brother sustains makes me work harder to pursue a career in sports psychology.
Before I can say anything, Willow continues. “Don’t worry. I’m fine,” she looks over my shoulder and raises her eyebrows. “I see you finally got your head out of your arse,”
“Hey!” I say as Theo bursts into laughter.
“Go home Jaz. And take your hot boyfriend with you,”
I look back to Theo, licking my lips. “I might take that advice,”
The walk back to Theo's car drags on forever, while his eyes don't move from mine as we enter. A smirk climbs on my lips as Theo begins the car. I lick my lips and he groans. The sounds increase as I touch his thigh, moving my hand closer and closer —
“Princess, you’re killing me here,”
For once, it is my turn to smirk. “Good,”
“I did want to take you on a proper date,” Theo says, his face hardening as he tries to stay in control.
“Dates are overrated,” I say, moving my hand to untuck his shirt. “Besides, we were just on a date.”
Theo shakes his head, smiling. I can see his resolve disappear from his face.
“Are you coming to mine?”
Internally, I am jumping up and down. However, I force my body to stay calm. “I thought you’d never ask,”