Chapter 30
Theodore Knight
A nd we’re done. Thanks for coming in Logan,” Jazmine says to my teammate.
This is our last interview before we collate the data to write our thesis paper. I asked three of my teammates who have had injuries over the past three years if we could use them for the project and they were more than happy to help.
There are two days until the entire project is due which is crazy. I can’t believe how fast the semester has gone. It seems like Jaz and I were partnered up a week ago.
But with my busy schedule, I’m always doing something so it makes sense that I don’t notice when my days and nights blur into another.
Jazmine and I spend the rest of the day organising and analysing our data. It is time consuming but we both want to earn a high grade. Jaz is hoping to be on Cooper and Byrd’s radar after handing in the paper. We haven’t talked about the future in detail but from freshman year it’s her goal to work for them.
Unlike last time, Jazmine doesn’t try to take responsibility for the entire thesis paper. I wouldn’t entertain the idea before and I certainly won’t do it now that we are dating. Stress fuels her anxiety and perfectionism so I want to relieve any burdens I can.
We create a scaffold for each paragraph since we want to explore our topic thoroughly. As a psychology student, Jaz handles the mental health aspects as she has more background knowledge than I do. On the other hand, my understanding of the body and recovery as both an athlete and an exercise science student, provides an extra advantage.
Jazmine and I have papers spread across the dining room table, as this is the only space big enough.
The light dwindles outside, with moonlight casting dim rays through a window. This has been the longest day of my life.
Jaz sighs, her shoulders drop, allowing the excess tension to leave her body. “Thank god that’s done,”
“I agree, should we submit it now? ”
“I think so. The more I re-read it, the more I will worry and begin to change sections.”
I nod. “It looks really good, I’m happy with it,”
Jazmine takes a deep breath and her eyes flutter shut. “Done,”
A laugh escapes me. “You can open your eyes now,”
I walk behind her chair, wrapping my arms around her neck. “There’s nothing we can do now, let’s have dinner and go to bed. I’m exhausted,”
Jaz leans back, her head leaning against my shoulder. “Sounds like a plan,”
***
The morning light filters through my window after I forgot to close the blinds last night. Rookie mistake. Probably for the best as I have a lot on my to do list.
The bed is cold, Jazmine’s body is not lying next to me. I roll over, watching as she exits the bathroom door.
“Good morning, Princess.”
“Hey, I didn’t wake you up did I? I have work this morning,”
“That’s okay,”
Jaz collects her belongings, although it’s only her phone and wallet. She pecks me on the lips for leaving for Strong Beans.
The past couple weeks with Jazmine have been the best as we continue to explore the connection between us. Although because I've been so consumed by my girl, I have fallen behind with multiple due dates for assessments coming up.
I slip from the bed covers, changing into grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. Papers sit in piles on my wooden desk with my laptop in the centre. The chair groans beneath me as I tuck myself into the desk.
The hours drone on forever. My fingers cramp from writing notes for my kinesiology class, as my eyes flick between my laptop and the calendar on the wall.
The date slams into me, November 18th.
I didn’t even realise it was November and now there are eleven days until the fourth anniversary of my mum’s death.
Fuck.
Guilt swirls in my stomach before surging into my heart. Everything in my life has been perfect. I got the girl, the Lakewood Devils are on a winning streak and my academic records are shining.
Not to mention, I haven’t been home for eight months, so I haven’t visited her grave. Nausea builds in my stomach, nearly spilling into my throat. I'm an awful son.
The dread increases as I remember our last game of the regular season is on the weekend. I’ve been so caught up in every other aspect of my life, I forgot about my dad promising to come to my game.
My head falls back, hitting my chair. My stomach is beginning to knot, emotions surging throughout my body. Pain lingers in my mind as I think of my parents. I can’t believe I forgot it was November. That never happens .
All the pressures mix together, contributing to the bundle of nerves inside me. Every muscle in my body is strained, the tightness in my chest is like a noose around my neck.
My hands shake as I flip my phone over. I swear under my breath as I read the time. Football training is in half an hour and I’m going to be late. Quickly, I dress into active wear, fill up a water bottle and drive to the football fields.
I had an off week at training a couple weeks ago and with the anxiety that is plaguing every part of my body and mind, I don't think today will be any different. It's like I'm being tortured in hell by personalised demons.
Although I'm not as loud as Austin, I am an extroverted person. But after this morning, I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone. Warm-ups are fine, only making conversation when I need to.
The smile I plaster on my face for everyone to see is close to unravelling. That is the last thing I want or need. The training session drags on for what feels like hours. Some of my passes met the target, others were wayward and not even close.
Fuck me. We are playing in two days. I need to get my shit together.
Coach Morgan calls me over to him after practice ends. It’s the same conversation we had weeks ago. He asks if I’m okay and I lie straight to his face. I know for a fact Coach doesn’t believe me but I’m sure I can get it under control before Sunday.
That’s all I can hope for.