Chapter 31
Theodore Knight
T he play-offs are right around the corner and this game is the biggest test of the season.
We have been one of the best teams all season, giving us the chance to secure a home final, which would give us an advantage. The Lakewood Devils are the reigning champions, with the opportunity to win two years in a row. That hasn’t been achieved in ten years.
The atmosphere in the sheds is building, a mix of excitement and nervousness. We all have different pre-game routines, for example, I block everyone out.
Every other day, I love talking and engaging with people as I’m a social person. But hours before a football game, my headphones are on full blast.
I complete my stretches and visualise the game. I’m trying to push the past week into the back of my mind. November snuck up on me, quicker than it ever has.
There are nine days until the fourth anniversary of my mum’s death. The guilt eats me away, forcing knots to form in my stomach and bile to rise into my throat.
Who forgets when their mother dies?
“The-eo!” Zander sings my name, Fuller following behind him.
Fuck. I need to focus. I can worry about everything else later. Right now, I’m the captain of the Lakewood Devils and responsible for us winning this game.
I look up, meeting Zander’s eyes. “Did you need something?”
Zander narrows his eyes at me. “Your energy is down here—” he waves his hand across his waist, “—but it needs to be up here.” Zander reaches his hand above his head, with his six-foot four frame, he is nearly touching the roof of the change room.
I sigh, I’ve been spending most of my time with Jazmine. It’s a self-imposed exile I would say. She doesn’t know that but I don’t want Jaz to worry about me when she has so many things going on.
Training has been terrible and I’m lucky Coach Morgan is giving me the benefit of the doubt. Austin and Colton have tried to break down my walls. I do want to tell them everything but I don’t know how to force the words out .
“Sorry Zander, I’ll try my best. Look I will even change my music, think that will help?” I ask him.
“Yes, hype yourself up.”
I smile at him as he makes his way across the room, most likely to find his next victim. I stand up, shaking my body to get the blood pumping. Coach Morgan delivers his usual pep talk, yet I know everyone can feel the extra passion he is speaking with.
I gain control of my breathing as the team lines up to run onto the field. Our home crowd roars, bouncing from every corner of the stadium and finishing in my ears.
This. Is. Crazy.
Our winning streak over the past couple weeks has clearly influenced everyone on campus to come out in extreme numbers. I spin, taking in the atmosphere.
My gaze stops when my father comes into view. He is sitting on the sidelines, as close to the coaches and bench as anyone can. My skin flares and a knot in my stomach begins to form. I think I’m going to vomit.
Scratch that. I know I’m going to vomit.
My limbs shake as my eyes continue to search the crowd. Finally, I found her. Jazmine is sitting three rows behind my father with my jersey on. Usually, I’d feel immense satisfaction and want nothing more than her to wear only my name and number.
Yet, at this moment, I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean with no shore in sight. My vision blurs as I flick between my dad and Jazmine. The last woman I cared about that wore my jersey was my mum .
Everything is too much. The noise, the people and the memories. Fuck. The panic creeps into my head, my chest. Breathing is close to impossible as I try to suck in massive gulps of air.
Austin appears behind me, taping me on the back. “You good, Theo?”
My throat is dry and hoarse as I reply, “Yeah, I’ve got it under control.”
He looks as if he doesn’t believe me. And if I’m being honest, I don’t believe myself either.