Chapter 34
Jazmine Allen
T heo’s limbs are entangled with mine as we lay in his bed.
We’ve been in a self-imposed exile for a week because of Theo’s panic attack and breakdown. It’s been nice to have time to ourselves without outside pressures.
We did have to venture out to attend classes but other than that, Theo’s bed has been our secret hideaway.
Waking up every day in the arms of my boyfriend as the ultraviolet morning light shines through the blinds—it’s the definition of peace.
We talked, wanting to put everything on the table so we know what the other needs in the relationship. I don’t want a stupid miscommunication to ruin the chance to find love.
And falling in love with Theodore Knight isn’t the scary prospect I thought it once was.
Theo and I agreed he should see a therapist to finally deal with the trauma of losing his mum and at this point, his father too. Matthew Knight hasn’t contacted Theo yet and I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.
I’m also seeing Dr Gray again. Clearly, missing sessions isn’t helpful and avoiding my problems makes everything worse. Theo and I will keep each other accountable as well as provide another safe space to share our thoughts and feelings without judgement.
December is a busy month for Theo and I. Today though, nerves are knotted in my stomach. Theo’s arms are wrapped around my waist, his head resting on my chest. I fiddle with his hair, distracting myself from the potential outcomes the day could bring.
“We should be getting our marks back for the research project,” I say.
Theo’s voice breaks me from my thoughts. “I suppose that is a good enough reason to leave bed for the day,”
A smile tugs on my lips. “You’re an idiot,” I tease, pushing at his shoulder.
“Yeah, but I’m your idiot. You do realise you are stuck with me now,”
Being stuck with Theodore Knight forever? Yeah, that sounds perfect .
Reluctantly, I climb off Theo and pull him to his feet. “Come on, we don’t want to be late to class.”
Theo shakes his head. “You’re lucky I like you Princess,”
My smile never fades as we get ready for the day. Lucky is definitely how I feel.
***
Butterflies flutter in my stomach, thrashing against my rib cage. The only thing stopping me from biting my nails to the quick is Theo. He took hold of my hand when we entered the lecture theatre, never letting it go.
“Hey,” Theo says as he rubs my thigh. “It is going to be fine. Our project was great,”
I stare at my boyfriend, my face serious. “You literally have to say that. Not only as my research partner but as my boyfriend.” I sigh.
Theo places a kiss on my cheek. “Princess, stop worrying. Take some deep breaths,” I listen. My diaphragm contracts then expands. “That’s it. What was your affirmation today?”
I told Theo about different techniques my therapist taught me. I thought they would help him, but now he is using this information against me. I stayed at Theo’s apartment last night, so I had to use my phone to generate an affirmation. “Am I good enough? Yes, I am,”
“You have nothing to worry about, Jaz.”
I smile, Theo’s calm and gentle tone keeps me grounded. My head turns as Professor Hart takes his place at the bottom of the lecture theatre. This is it. Theo squeezes my hand, reassuring me.
In the past, I hated people seeing the anxious and imperfect side of me. I thought I was impossible to love, but Theo always knows the right touch or word to remove me from the edge.
“Students, this is our last lesson of the semester and I can see most of you are excited to receive your marks for the research project.” The TA collates all our papers before our professor reads out names.
Waiting games aren't my strong suit. My patience is eating away as my leg bounces.
“Jazmine Allen and Theodore Knight,” We climb from our lecture seats to the bottom of the theatre. The TA and Professor Hart shake me and Theo’s hands. “Congrats to both of you. Jazmine, would you mind seeing me after class? I want to talk to you about something,”
My eyes bulge, glancing over to Theo. “Nothing bad, I promise.” Hart says to alleviate my worried expression.
“Okay, no problem.”
Class drags on forever. Although I only have myself to blame as I watch the clock every three minutes.
What does Professor Hart want to discuss? It could be a range of things but what is spinning me out, is the face he only wants me. Not Theo and I. Nausea washes over me and I tilt my head back.
Theo’s touches bring me back to the present. His hand rests on my thigh, preventing me from bouncing it. “Princess, you need to breathe. ”
I count my breaths—another technique from my therapist. Theo being next to me is the reason I haven’t completely spiralled.
“That’s it everyone. Have a great break and I’ll see some of you in the next semester,”
Theo squeezes my hand for a final time. “I’ll wait for you outside, okay?”
A reluctant smile is plastered on my face as I nod. Walking down the lecture theatre has never been more nerve racking.
“Jazmine,”
“Professor Hart,”
“First off, I want to say how much I loved you and Theo’s thesis paper. I can see the effort both of you put in and it’s no wonder why my two best students got the highest mark,”
I beam. Holy shit. Professor Hart is extremely harsh on thesis papers because of his background in academics. “Thank you, Professor.”
“I also have a little surprise for you. I’ve had the pleasure of having you for at least one class since your freshman year and the improvement and growth you have shown is incredible. Don’t tell the others but I always saw a bit of myself in you, which is why you are one of my favourite students."
A woman rushes into the lecture theatre, looking apologetic at Professor Hart. She looks familiar but I can’t place her. “Sorry, James. I’m not late, am I?”
“No, you are right one time, Doctor. Jazmine, this is who I wanted to introduce you to.” The woman sticks out her hand, inviting me to shake. I take it immediately. “Jazmine Allen, meet Dr Kira Byrd,”
Wait. Byrd as in Cooper and Byrd. Holy shit. Stay calm, don’t overthink. I hear Professor Hart chuckle softly.
“Yes, Jazmine. What you are thinking is correct,”
“It is an honour to meet you Dr Byrd. I’ve read all of your papers, really anything Cooper and Byrd publish.”
She laughs. I’m assuming it’s my rambling or enthusiasm. “Thank you. I’m so glad I could meet you today. I want to ask what your plans are for senior year and post-graduation?”
My smile brightens. “Well, senior year I will finish here at Lakewood. As for afterwards I’m not too sure. My boyfriend will probably declare for the NFL draft and there are places all over America where I could work so I’m not too phased. But my dream is to work for Cooper and Byrd.”
“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Next summer I would love for you to do an internship under me. It will be tough but it will prepare you for a full-time position in the future.”
“Holy s-” I cover my mouth, berating myself for nearly swearing.
Both Dr Byrd and Professor Hart laugh. “So, what do you say?” She asks.
“Yes, yes.” I repeat, immediately.
Dr Byrd hands me her business card. “This has my contact details. At the end of the next semester, let me know what you’re up to and we will try to get you into one of our research facilities. ”
“Thank you, I will.” I turn to Professor Hart, “Thank you Professor. I owe you,” I joke.
“It was my pleasure, Jazmine. Will I see you in one of my classes next semester?”
“Yeah,”
Dr Byrd and I exit the lecture theatre. I see Theo waiting for me right outside the door. He pulls me into a hug straight away.
“How did it go?” Theo asks. He cocks his head when he sees Dr Byrd beside me. “Dr Byrd?”
She smiles, looking between us. “Theodore Knight, it’s nice to see you again. You and Jazmine had a great thesis paper. If you ever change your mind about football, you know where to find me. It was nice to meet you Jazmine,” With that, Dr Byrd leaves us alone.
“Okay, what is going on?” Theo asks, bursting with energy.
“Professor Hart introduced us. In the summer she wants me to intern under her and I might get a full-time position afterwards,” I say, unable to contain myself.
I'm jumping off the floor as Theo spins me around in circles, our laughs filling the corridors. Other students probably think we are crazy right now. Finally, once I am extremely dizzy, my feet are back against the ground.
“Princess, that is amazing. I’m so proud of you,”
My heart swells. How could I not fall in love with Theodore Knight?
“Thank you. Dr Byrd also asked me what I was doing after graduation and for once in my life, I had no clue. Usually, that would scare the shit out of me, but then I remembered I had you. I know we haven’t really talked about the draft or post-Lakewood, but I want you to know I am all in.”
I can see the emotion in Theo’s eyes before he hugs me, tighter than the last time. “Me too. I don’t know what the future will hold, all I know is I want you in it.”
“We should celebrate,” I say.
“Yeah, how about—” Theo’s phone interrupts. His face falls as he reads the message.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s my dad. He wants to talk,”