Aftershock

32. Alaric

ALARIC

“You beautiful, curious creature,” I say to the unconscious Lilith. My face twists as hurt consumes me. I’ve never experienced this type of agony. It’s tearing me apart. “Why didn’t you wait for me? Why didn’t you believe in me?”

Even as I ask these questions, there’s not a shred of disappointment or anger inside me. Only love.

I’m aware it doesn’t look that way.

To an outsider, drugging a woman, gagging her, then binding her to the bed with her limbs spread, reads as madness.

As abuse.

Except that isn’t the case.

When I brought her up to my apartment, I took care of her. I soaked her in a tub with me behind her. Brushed her hair. Dressed her in comfortable sweatpants and a gray sweater, the same color I’m wearing.

Then I made sure she wouldn’t feel an ounce of pain while I ran down to the nearest clothing store and bought the softest scarves they had. I was achingly careful not to cinch them too tightly around her wrists, ankles, and head when I returned home.

I’ve been kind and gentle. I’ve been proving to her, even in her sleep, that I’m not angry.

But just because I’m doing what’s right doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a motherfucker.

That ache has been lodged in my chest ever since I saw her stepping into my storage unit.

As I watched her walk around my space, questions like how she got the key or figured out the unit was mine didn’t matter.

Her silence was what got to me. She didn’t say a word. Not to Fraser, not an Oh my God, or What the hell?

Screaming, crying, gasping, I could’ve worked with that.

Instead, she was stunned into silence.

As if the whole thing was too horrifying, as if it sent her into a state of shock.

As if she couldn’t believe that I—the man she dreamed of spending the rest of her life with—had kidnapped someone.

She might’ve even started thinking that I was no better than her mother. That I’m not worthy of her.

She’s right. I’m not.

And yet I’m not letting her go.

That’s why I’m doing this, holding her here until she realizes that, murderer or not, she’s mine.

I know it’s the right thing to do.

I know.

Except, god-fucking-dammit.

Seeing her bound and gagged… It’s killing me.

I drag my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots. A cold, painful dread fills the pit of my stomach.

What if my good, sweet, pure-hearted Lilith had set Fraser free?

Then I would’ve spent the rest of my life behind bars.

Without her.

I wouldn’t have been able to force her to visit me like I once playfully threatened. I couldn’t have explained myself or insisted we belong to each other.

Our story would’ve ended before it even began.

Thank fuck for years of working trauma, or my panic would’ve paralyzed me instead of pushing me into action.

The moment I got a notification from my motion detector app, I told Dr. Yarrow I was coming down with something and that I’d be taking the week off. I didn’t wait for her response before bolting out of the hospital, grabbing a syringe from my apartment, and sneaking up behind Lilith.

And here we are.

Here we fucking are.

I swallow around the lump in my throat and sit on the edge of my bed beside her.

My limbs are heavy. The tearing sensation in my chest is constant, as if a rabid dog is clawing at me over and over and over again.

“Baby.” I brush my knuckles along the side of her face.

Her skin is warm to the touch. Her cheeks are pink.

Her expression is one of pure innocence.

She is innocent.

And I’m the demon from hell who’s going to corrupt her soul.

Whatever it takes to keep her, that’s what I’ll do.

“Little devil.”

My lungs constrict when I thread my fingers through her hair, when my thumb strokes her temple.

I’ve touched her like this before, but never with this sick need to make sure she can’t leave me. Never with the urge to sew my hand to her scalp so we’ll never be separated.

I realize how insane that sounds. It’s just…

Get it together, asshole.

That command from the doctor in me lands like a slap. It reminds me that, no matter how desperate I get, I have to protect Lilith by any means. Even from myself.

“Sweetheart.” I summon the last ounce of softness I have left and work it into my voice. “Time to wake up.”

Her eyes don’t flutter. Her breath remains even.

Fine, I’ll let her rest some more.

A profound sense of longing threatens to choke me anyway. I lean in and press another kiss to her forehead, then I caress her delicate jawline, tracing the little bump on her nose.

“We’ll be okay,” I whisper. “Everything will work out. You’ll see.”

With that, I tear myself from her and text Hope from Lilith’s phone. I let her know that Alaric must’ve caught something at the hospital. I explain that I—Lilith—am going to take care of him and that Hope should tell Delany I asked for a few days off.

I wait for Hope’s reply, reverently running my fingers over Lilith’s neck where I poked the needle in her. That innocuous touch has my cock jerking, but I ignore it.

I’ll never force her to have sex with me. Ever.

My hand rises to caress Lilith’s cheek when Hope’s text lights up the screen.

Hope: Oh, no! I’m so sorry! I hope he gets better soon.

Hope: Also, texting Delany right now.

Lilith: You’re the best :)

Hope: Anything for you. What else can I do? Want me to drop by with groceries tomorrow?

Lilith: We’re good, thanks. Alaric’s ordering in.

Hope: Okay then, go be with your man!! Tell him I sent get-well wishes. If you need me, I’ll be working on my business plan and the new recipe I messed up last night. Talk soon.

Lilith: Love you.

Hope: Me too.

I lock the phone, setting it down a little harder than I should on the nightstand. A bitter taste floods my mouth.

“A-aric?” Lilith mumbles through the gag, her voice a balm to my fucked-up soul.

I pull my hand away from her neck and turn to look at her.

My lungs flatten when I see the pain in her eyes. Fresh tears run down her temples. Her arms and legs tug against the binds.

She doesn’t want me, that much is obvious.

She will soon.

I’ll make sure of it.

“Hey.” Shifting on the bed, I settle myself between her thighs.

She shivers, staring at me, wide-eyed.

“Relax.” My upper body cages her in as I slide my hands into her hair. I massage her scalp in an effort to make her comfortable. “I won’t hurt you. Don’t—no, don’t move, baby. The scarves are made of silk, but they might still burn if you fight too hard.”

Her gaze bounces between her wrists and my face. I hate how wounded she looks, how betrayal bleeds from her every pore.

“What is this?” Her speech is garbled, so it sounds like Wha is iss? “Alaric, what is this?”

“It’s okay.” The kiss I brush onto her cheek does the opposite of what I thought it would. Lilith’s entire body shudders as a sob tears through her, and fuck me, why can’t I fix this? “I’ve got you.”

“You d-drugged me.” The pain in her eyes shifts, slowly giving way to something else. To hope. “But…”

But. That one word sits wrong. I go still as she takes a steady breath, as she blinks away the tears. As she rearranges her expression into a calm one.

Lilith is smart as hell, and as such, she’s going to treat me like the enemy she thinks I am.

She’s going to manipulate me.

That’s why she pulls herself together. So she can put on a show and pretend that my being a murderer is perfectly fine with her.

She’ll tell me it’s cute. Hot, even.

She’ll do her best to convince me that she isn’t scared of me.

And I’ll fall for it. Because I love her. Because I’ll do anything for us to be us again.

It’ll be a mistake. A grave one.

So no, I can’t let her talk. Not yet.

Even when it rips me to pieces. And man, does it fucking ever.

I grind my teeth as I reach for the thin silk tie I cut into quarters earlier and left waiting on the bedside table.

“I’m so sorry, little devil.” I crumple it in my fist, staying gentle as I slide it past the gag and stuff it into her mouth. “So fucking sorry.”

The new wave of tears rolling from her eyes drives a million knives into my chest.

“You’ll have to stay quiet for a little while longer.” When this is all over, I’ll spend my entire life making it up to her. “While you get used to this other side of me.”

“I uv oo,” she mumbles.

I’ve been around enough gagged people to understand what she means.

I love you.

I can’t tell if she’s lying or not. Don’t know if this is an attempt to manipulate me.

Whatever it is, I feel the words down to my marrow. Except instead of breaking me, they strengthen my decision to leave her bound until I resolve this.

She’s mine, and I own every part of her. I take care of all of them.

“I love you too,” I say. “And I’m not mad, not in the slightest.”

My fingers memorize the shape of her scalp. Her cheeks. They wipe the tears as they streak down her temples.

“You have to understand.” A kiss to her nose. “What you’re going through turns your mind against us. It urges you to go to the authorities and report what you saw.”

“No.” Her head shakes, her eyebrows flying up. “No.”

“I’m not mad about that either.” My voice is deceptively calm, considering how torn I am. “Thing is, I can’t let you do that. If I’m locked up, I might never see you again. I can’t and won’t let that happen. I refuse to live without you.”

“Mmm.” The binds strain as she pulls on them. Spit soaks her gags, both of them. “Mmm.”

“You’re right, that’s not true. I don’t refuse to live without you.” I give her my most sincere gaze. “I can’t. I won’t survive it.”

She cries quietly, never taking her eyes off mine. My brave fucking girl.

“Listen, everything will be okay.” A plan forms in my head as I speak, a way to make things right between us again.

“You’ll rest first, and I’ll explain everything later.

After that, I’ll give you a few days to let it sink in.

You won’t talk during that time. Won’t have a chance to run.

Then, if you still want to leave me, I’ll… ”

She growls. Sobs. Goes through a whole range of emotions that are so uniquely hers.

Doing the right thing has never hurt this badly. Ever.

“I’ll have to work harder to convince you that staying is the right thing.

I’ll make you fall for me again.” The taste of her tears as I lick them off her temples hardens my resolve.

Every drop is proof she’s still here, still within my reach.

“If it means binding you to a bed in a small town where no one knows us, holding on to you like that for the rest of our lives, so be it.”

That last part finally does it. Lilith stops fighting and mumbling.

As if giving up, her body sags into the mattress, her sobs growing louder, her chest hitching.

She’s going through a panic attack.

Fuck.

“No, no, no, baby. It’s not like that. Even the worst-case scenario will be okay.” Sliding to her side, I pull the covers over us and drape an arm around her. “I’ll never hurt you. I swear. This is me, holding on to the one thing I love. The one person who truly matters. It’ll be fine.”

I press a thumb to the pulse point at her neck. It’s racing. Fucking wild.

I get it.

She needs more reassurance. I’ll always be there to give it to her.

“You’re such a good, perfect girl, you know that?

” My palm cradles her neck, my lips moving against her cheek.

“I’ve been obsessed with you since the first time I saw you in the cafeteria.

You weren’t just beautiful. You had this aura.

This pull. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, even when I had no business wanting someone as pure and sweet as you. I fell, and I fell hard.”

The longer I speak, the more her breathing slows. Her shudders subside.

My stomach is as hollow as it was when my motion detector alerted me to movement in my storage unit.

“Good girl. That’s it. Breathe. You’re safe with me.

” I kiss her cheek. Her temple. Along her jawline.

“This isn’t a punishment for going into my storage unit, if that’s what you’re worried about.

You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all on me.

I should’ve been more discreet. Shouldn’t have let you stumble into this mess without a warning. It’s my fault. Fucking mine.”

Her breathing evens out as I murmur anything that might take the pain away.

I keep kissing her, keep telling her I’m sorry.

Even after she falls asleep.

Even after dawn washes the room in shades of blue, then pink.

Only when the sun is high in the sky do my eyes finally fall shut.

And even then, I dream of Lilith.