Chapter 15 #2
I wanted to ask him, but will you want someone else when we get to Xitera; I wanted to spill out the sudden tide of insecurity I could feel washing over me, blotting out that lovely confidence I'd had as we left the museum, late at night, all the edges of pain tapered out as we moved together with purpose.
A team. I'd been certain I offered something, certain we were close to fitting again.
And now, that feeling was slipping away and I didn't want it to.
So instead of telling him any of that, I did what I sometimes do when I don't want to say what's at the forefront of my mind but I don't know how not to say it.
I reached out, taking his face in my hands and tilting his chin upwards. I studied his perfect face for a moment, staring into the black of his eyes, tracing the line of his jaw, admiring the white skin of his throat as he leaned into the angle, baring it to me, pliant under my touch.
And then I kissed him.
Araxis made a soft, pleased sound against me as I leaned into him, holding his chin so that I could taste his sweet mouth, so that I could hold him and keep him and make him mine.
As if, by kissing him thoroughly, I could breathe out all of my secrets so that he'd have them but never have to look at them, and we could meet each other honestly, completely.
His hands shifted from my thighs, sliding around to the small of my back and tugging me closer.
My legs tucked around him, pulling him in, holding him tight, and I could feel the moment he decided to give in: how his body seemed to melt against mine, how he leaned into my touch, how his mouth went soft beneath mine.
"Is this – taking pity?" he asked between kisses, and I bit at his lower lip, my hands holding his perfect face, his body a firm weight against my hips.
My skin had flushed warm, humming under his touch, my lips sensitive to every hitch of breath, every rumble from his throat, the way he smothered a pleased moan as I moved against him.
"It's not pity," I murmured, shifting my mouth so that I could kiss the soft skin just beneath one ear, so that I could scrape my teeth down his neck as he shuddered against me. "It's possession."
The startled, heated sound that tore from him was like a lance of fire, straight through my mouth, my chest, my cock.
His fingers dug hard divots into me; his mouth was open against the skin of my neck, his breaths coming in heated gasps.
I licked at the skin of his neck, and realized, distantly, that he was trembling against me – there in the kitchen, with the forgotten tray of tea next to us.
I curled forward against him, nuzzling into the juncture of his neck and shoulder where he'd marked me before, mouthing the skin there, kissing and sucking – and when my teeth scraped his white skin, a ragged sound caught in his throat – my name, gasped.
"Sashen," he repeated, all heat and want and buzzing with an unfamiliar subvocal, electric beneath my lips, and –
The door to the kitchen slid open with a violent clatter and Araxis jerked away, so hard and sudden that I nearly fell from the counter. He stood, his back against a bank of cupboards, flushed so pink he was nearly red, his skin absolutely gleaming – luminous – although his eyes were wide, frantic.
"Araxis –" Vivith's familiar voice cut off, a precipitous drop into complete silence.
A moment later, a rapid set of footsteps sounded from the hall. "Sashen, I must tell you –"
I slid from the counter, turning to look and pretending that I hadn't just taken Araxis from looking perfectly composed to utterly debauched over the span of one heated kiss.
Vivith and Elethenn both stood, staring into the kitchen.
For the first time since I'd met them, Vivith had also gone a peculiar, sickly looking silver.
Their stare barely flicked to me, seemingly caught on Araxis, and they looked shocked.
Which didn't make a huge amount of sense: after all, they knew Araxis and I were involved.
Or that we had been. I didn't know why it would be such a surprise to find us making out.
Behind me, Araxis shifted. He cleared his throat, but seemed unable to speak.
So I did. "Welcome back, Vivith. I see you've met our Elethenn.
Did you need something?" I asked, taking in Vivith's tight posture, Elethenn's expression – stricken.
My own skin was flushed, and I could feel my pulse against the surface of my throat, in my lips, in the depths of my belly.
I shook it off a little, concern cutting through the heady haze of desire.
Vivith didn't even look at me, stepping into the room, their black eyes pinned on Araxis, who was still unmoving behind me. "You – Araxis, you must not listen to the lies you're about to be told. You know that I have always been a loyal member of Creche Thiel –"
Elethenn still hovered in the doorway, shoulders tight, his mismatched eyes narrowed with what looked like pain.
He was shaking as he stood there, his hands trembling.
Any lingering lust evaporated at the sight of his misery, the flames entirely doused.
"If that is true," he said, voice quivering, distress a sharp note underneath, "then you need to know, Sashen. And if – If what I've seen –"
"What he's seen," hissed Vivith, whirling on Elethenn, nearly growling. "He was rejected from Creche Hanalthi, no? I am certain he is well-trained in sowing discord. How could we ever trust anything he has to say?"
Elethenn jerked back as if struck, his face matte white.
"Okay, okay," I said as I took in the two of them, baffled. "Alright, why don't we – We'll just talk it out. Everyone can have a chance to say what they need to say and –"
"Oh, I'm certain you would like that," sneered Vivith. "The longer you can prattle on, the easier it is for you to worm your way in and –"
"Enough." Araxis pushed off the back wall of cupboards, taking a long, hard inhale.
Vivith fell to silence, hands twisting hard in front of their dark robes – although their chin remained up, their posture proud, mouth a hard, flat line.
"Elethenn, what did you wish to say? You can come in, if you like.
" It was gentle, considering it could be a command, but Elethenn took a couple of careful steps into the room, hugging the outside wall.
His head was bowed; he folded his hands behind his back.
Elethenn stared at the floor, jaw working.
"I – Sashen, you know that I saw an unfamiliar abaya leaving your apartment building on the day of the break-in.
I think – I – No, I know it was your Vivith.
I recognize them, now that we have met." He looked up, his eyes wet with tears as he trembled, his stare darting between me and Araxis.
"If – Araxis, if you knew, if you lied to Sashen about this, I could not – I could not stay –"
I felt as if I'd been punched, right in the centre of my chest. "It's alright, Elethenn," I said distantly. "He didn't know." Because he couldn't have: he'd told Vivith to leave me alone. That must have been after –
Although.
"That's when we were at the art gallery," I said carefully, not bothering to look at Vivith, instead turning to stare at Araxis, who had gone pale, all the colour drained from his skin, his posture suddenly stiff.
"When we were both busy. But Vivith was with that shuttle manufacturer, Ai'lun Industries, and –"
Had Araxis been a part of this? Had he arranged to take me away so that Vivith could –
"The meeting was done via call," said Araxis distantly.
"I had to travel to Central later in the week to sign the papers.
Vivith," he wrenched his stare from mine, and suddenly the air was bright with fury.
"You were told to stay away. It was a command.
" The abayan word sounded like ash and fire as he said it.
And if I'd been uncertain, even then, whether Araxis had anything to do with the break-in, the way Vivith reacted made it clear.
"Your new antali is making up stories to ingratiate himself to you," Vivith said, flat.
"Or else he is so blind –" My fingers spasmed on the counter where they were resting, and Elethenn flinched, "that he does not know one face from another.
You told me to leave your Sashen alone, Araxis, and I did.
You know me. I do what is best for the creche. "
Araxis's chest hitched as he stared at his hatch-mate.
"I have a number of concerns with what you have just said, Vivith.
Elethenn is sinnenthi; you will refer to him as such.
You will not disparage his skills nor will you be so careless with your word choice in his presence or in mine.
" His jaw worked, his stare growing darker and sharper, like the edge of a vicious blade.
"You may do what you believe is best for the creche, true, but what you believe can differ from what your head of house directs you to do.
And I did not simply tell you to leave Sashen alone, Vivith: I told you to drop this, which includes breaking in to his private spaces. "
The subvocal that was tearing from Araxis's pale throat was nearly a growl, one that made my skin prickle with danger, but Vivith's chin remained tipped up. "So," Araxis continued in simmering, furious abayan, "you will tell me now, did you do this despite your directive?"