Chapter 25 #2
"I do not want to choke you, Sashen," Araxis said, and I could feel the subvocal purring beneath his skin.
He shifted his neck, almost rubbing himself against my palm.
"This is what it means to exert control.
I thought you understood, but I should have explained.
If you were abaya and I touched you in this way, I would feel your kelthil, if you allowed me to.
It is – erogenous, in a way. Not always.
It is, as you have said, a commanding and controlling hold, but a gentle one. "
I stroked my thumb against the column of his throat, the sensation of his subvocals against my palm almost electric. Tingling. I'd touched him so many times. How had I never felt this before? "But... I don't have a kelthil," I murmured.
"And yet… I could touch you in this way." Something about the shape of his eyes, the tone of his voice, made me think he was a little shy about it.
I shifted my hand so that I was tracing my fingers down his throat, letting my nails scratch the smooth planes of his skin so, so lightly.
"I do not wish to control you," said Araxis, still sounding reticent even as he arched his neck into my touch, his hips sliding hard against mine so that I was reminded, with a sharp ache of pleasure, that my cock was still hard; I choked back the little groan fighting to break free, but I could see from the glint in Araxis's stare that he'd heard it. "But perhaps… we might pretend?"
"Okay," I breathed, and then I found his hand in the dark and brought it back to my throat, which I bared to him.
His eyes were endless black above me, twin voids calling me ever deeper into the abyss, and his fingers flexed gently against the tender skin of my throat. "Then tell me how I can touch you."
"You can touch me any way," I said. "I like everything."
"Sashen." His thumb traced the line of my jaw as I stretched my neck beneath him, exposed.
"It causes you distress. That is not what I want.
You – like it when I rest my hand like this.
" He shifted, curving his palm around the back of my neck, and I shivered beneath him, because I did, and of course he'd noticed.
I nodded, barely. And it wasn't like it should be difficult to negotiate this – how many times had I done this for clients?
– except that I'd never had to do it for myself.
And how did I do it for myself when I was also trying to be what he needed?
I was sure I could find a line for us to walk.
I was good at that. I could pour myself into any shape, and I could like just about anything.
"If I hold the front of your throat, that is upsetting." His eyes were glittering and dark. His touch shifted, palm deliciously cool, his thumb nudging up beneath my chin as he palmed the side of my neck. "And this?"
My heart was throbbing unpleasantly in my chest as he stared down at me, and I couldn't bring myself to speak.
"Tell me," he said, gentle, and I wanted to be deferential for him. I wanted to obey if that was what he needed, so I leaned into the touch a little, feeling his fingers, the firm pressure of his thumb.
My tongue flicked out to my lower lip, my heart fluttering, the sensation just on the edge of too much. I made myself say it. "That's – okay. Just. But I want to be able to do this. I know you won't hurt me, Araxis, I know that –"
"Beloved," he said, voice low and rumbly in a way I could feel in the cavernous space beneath my ribs.
"What I want above all else is your pleasure and your well-being.
You will tell me if anything becomes too much.
You must. And, Sashen: we agreed, we would only engage in acts that we both enjoy. Is this something you want?"
"It is," I breathed, because it could be.
I'd liked all the sex we'd had so far, and this wasn't so different from when he'd tended to me like a sinnenthi in the shower or when I'd knelt before him in the meeting room and he'd taken what he wanted.
It was just – a little more. I could do a little more.
Stars, I'd done a lot more in my career.
So I licked my lips and said, "I like it when you're commanding. I like – giving you control."
"Hm." Araxis shifted my chin with his strong thumb so that he could drink in the long expanse of my throat. "And so you will give yourself to me now: you will place yourself in the palm of my hand, and I will honour you with the power I hold."
It was a line from the declaration I'd made to him, bloodied and ruined on the sands. I hadn't understood it then, but I understood it now.
"I am yours," I said, a soft exhale, and I was. Always and entirely.
When he moved against me again, he felt – confident, commanding.
Completely in control. He slipped his hand beneath the waistband of my briefs, spreading pre-come from the head of my cock down its length as he worked me over with what felt like a certainty borne of practice.
His mouth caught mine again and I gasped into the heat of him, which made his hand flex against my neck, just barely.
His long fingers were tight around my dick, tugging and twisting in the way he knew I liked as my hips tried to thrust up against him – pointless, because I was held, pinned, captured by the weight of his body.
All at once, Araxis used the strength of his legs to push himself to his knees.
I sucked in a breath, hating to lose the weight of him, but he quickly shifted in the dark, rolling me to my side, manoeuvring me with confident hands so that I was tipped forward against the bed, my cheek on his pillow, my hips canted up.
He slipped one hand back to my neck, holding me firm, and the other one slid my briefs down my thighs which, I realized distantly, were shaking.
I mean, it wasn't like I hadn't fucked someone like this before; I'd had lots of clients who wanted to do all sorts of things to me, and lots who liked to be commanding with me in bed.
But everything felt different with Araxis, like the person I was when I was with him was new to this.
And there, as he positioned my body beneath him, I felt – flayed, and it sat just on the right side of pleasure and discomfort, a place I was used to taking clients but that I rarely visited myself.
His hand settled back around my cock as I choked out a surprised sound of pleasure, his palm slick now from when he'd no doubt collected his own lubricant to make me wetter for him.
His hips pressed hard against my ass. The hand on the back of my neck was gentle, like he'd promised; he held me no more firmly than he would with a hand on my shoulder, a touch to my cheek, and yet my skin absolutely buzzed with the contact.
"You like this." He curved forward against me, teeth grazing the skin of my shoulder as his hand pumped up and down, working my cock while I writhed, desperate, against him. "Tell me. Tell me what I might do." It was a command, and I was eager to obey.
I could be obedient. I could be pliant. I could be his.
"Yes, I like this," I moaned, his teeth nipping at the caldathess. "You could – You know you could fuck me like this, if you got your cock out."
"And you want that?" His voice was like a drug, buzzing against my skin. I could feel the vibration from his chest against my back; my legs were shaking as he shifted me some more, rolling my hips so that he had a better angle. "You'd like to feel me inside of you."
"Yes," I hissed, desire pulsing in me like a second heartbeat. I'd wondered about how he would feel inside of me for months, since the first time I'd laid eyes on his pretty cock.
"Do you have what we need?" he asked, breath warm against the nape of my neck. As I nodded, he said, "Tell me where to find it. Tell me what I need." Still, he stroked my dick, his grip looser, gentler, now that he wasn't bringing me to the edge.
When I struggled to find the words, he licked a stripe up the side of my neck, his fingers pressing just a little into the skin of my throat where I'd told him he could touch me. "Tell me, Sashen."
He did feel commanding, holding me like that; good, I wanted him to.
"It's – uh, there's a zippered bag in the closet, where all my stuff is.
Just bring the lube. I can – I'll get myself ready.
" As he slid from bed and padded across the room, I rolled to my side and added, "And maybe you can get yourself off while I do that. "
"Hm, I think it would be an impossible task to watch you work yourself open without touching myself.
" When he reappeared, materializing from the dark like a ghost, he thrust the bottle of lubricant into my hand before dropping down to the bed behind me, reaching for the nape of my neck, a familiar touch.
And having him pressed against my back like this, my face and chest turned away from him while he hovered just behind me, reminded me in a pleasant rush of that morning on the Creche Thiel ship before the Tournament, when he'd woken me up to jerk me off.
The memory fizzed pleasantly through my nerves.
And while I couldn't see him while I was positioned like this, I could still feel him against me.
And I could give him a show, no matter what.
"Did you read about the pleasure ring?" I asked. I flicked a hand, thoughtless and instinctive, to my wristband, calling up the particular sub-menu.
"Yes." Araxis's voice was hoarse, his thumb stroking my neck as he watched me; I was sure he could feel me shiver as the ring flared to life deep in my body, the muscles of my abdomen twitching. "Is – Have you used it recently?"
I tapped the interface off, making a hummed affirmative sound. "Since you said you were interested, I've been cycling it on a couple times a day." I fought against the impulse to squirm as I felt the vibration smooth out and taper off, "Just in case."