29. Jonathan
Jonathan
My breath shook as I waited for the door to unbolt. Each lock opened slower than the next as I stood there impatiently. Then, light and warmth finally poured out from the house and into the cold darkness where I stood. A calming voice spoke up. “Jonathan?”
I blinked through my cloudy vision to see my brother-in-law at the door. “Is my sister still awake?” I asked, voice cracking.
With her pregnancy, I knew she went to bed much earlier than usual now. After making sure to drop off dinner for Lina, I came straight here. I told her I had to talk to Julie. She didn’t press, but she knew something wasn’t right because of my furrowed brows and frown.
Andy’s face withered. “Yeah,” he quickly replied, stepping aside to let me in. “Yeah, she’s just showering right now. Is everything alright?”
“I—Yeah—” I managed to breathe.
His brows crumpled and the line of his mouth flattened. “Are you hungry? Julie and I just finished dinner, but we have leftovers—”
“No. I’m not hungry.” I took a seat at the edge of their deep sectional couch and sighed.
Andy took his seat there as well. Some basketball game I couldn’t focus on was playing on their television. “What’s wrong, Jonathan?” he asked in his older-brother voice, concerned and earnest. He turned off the game and silence filled the living room. “You don’t look or sound well.”
I heard a door creak open, and my sister stepped down the stairs in a large men’s shirt and a pair of sweats. She bundled herself up in a thick robe and a pair of fuzzy socks. She looked comfy. Her hair was still damp from her shower.
“Jonathan?” she blinked, quickly walking over. “What’s wrong? Why do you look like that? Did something happen?”
I became misty-eyed as I glanced between Andy and Julie—the older siblings I grew up with. My throat bobbed with heavy emotions as I asked, “Did you two know?”
“Know what?” asked Andy, brows still creased together.
I looked at Julie. “That Mom’s dating.”
Her lips parted as she sucked in a sharp breath. She blinked. “H-how did you find out?”
I frowned, feeling anger ignite in my chest. Once again, I wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t upset or frustrated. “You both knew?”
“Yes. Mom told us about her partner last month. She said she’d get around to breaking it to you. I’m guessing you two talked?” Andy answered for my sister.
I looked between them with wide eyes. “A month ago? You guys knew for a whole month and never thought to tell me?” I asked. “And, to answer your question, no. Mom didn’t talk to me. I found out because I saw her on the street holding a man’s hand.”
The two of them looked at me with various emotions on their faces: from surprise to regret. Julie’s eyes began to bud, with fat tears as her bottom lip trembled.
“Jonathan, I’m sorry. Mom insisted on telling you last because you’re the youngest and—”
“I’m not a child anymore, though. Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m frustrated. Yes, I feel some sense of abandonment,” I interrupted her. “But even though seeing her date someone who isn’t Dad makes me feel like I’ve lost her somehow, that doesn’t mean I should’ve been kept in the dark. That wasn’t fair.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I insisted on her including you in that conversation, but she wanted to wait,” she rasped, tears dripping down her cheeks. “I felt the same when she told me.
“When Dad died, Mom made sure to keep him alive through the memories she had of him. We were too young, and we didn’t have much time or memories with him. Now that she’s dating again, it feels like Dad’s died a second time . . . It feels like he’ll truly fade away this time.”
I hated seeing Julie—or my mom—cry. When they did, tears scorched the corners of my eyes in the same way.
They were the two pillars of strength I grew up with.
It was easy to mirror their tears when I saw their faces wet with emotions.
My sister approached me and pulled me into a warm hug.
Her growing child pressed against my chest.
“To be honest, I’m really happy for Mom.
It’s not like I didn’t have my own suspicions either.
I hardly see her at home anymore. But just because I’m not surprised, it doesn’t mean I’m not upset either.
I’m the last one to know,” I mumbled, feeling the flush of shame on my face.
“And I hate feeling this way, like I’m so fucking childish. ”
“Me too. I feel the same way as you as well,” cried Julie.
Andy also joined us, pulling us into a group hug. He didn’t say anything, but the warmth he wrapped around us felt like an assurance that everything would be fine.
“You know Dad will never be truly gone, right? He’ll always be here.” Julie broke away from our hug to tap over my chest. “He still lives in us, in our memories, and in our hearts.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Twenty-two years is a long time, and it’s about damn time Mom’s moved on and is happy.”
“Exactly.” Julie’s eyes welled up. “She’s dedicated her whole life to us and to the memory of Dad. It’s about time she’s found her happiness outside of him and us.”
“And start living her own life,” I added in a whisper. My sister and me looked at each other through misty eyes. “She’s not going anywhere. She’s still our mom and loves us the same.”
“Yeah,” Julie breathed. “I’m just . . . still grieving the life we once had—the life we started living after all our lives changed forever. That’s all. But I’ve already come to terms with it. You should too, Jonathan.”
“I know. I just need time to sort out my emotions first.”
We shared a sad smile. Her eyes were brimming with tears again. Her trembling lips parted, but no sound slipped out. She couldn’t say it.
“It’s just that I miss Dad. I’ll always wish he was still here with us,” I said.
She nodded, crying. “When you’re ready, you need to talk to Mom,” she croaked. “Let her know you know.”
“Yeah.” I nodded back. I looked between her and Andy. “Thanks for listening to me.”
Julie smiled, patting my head like I was suddenly a child again. I swatted her hand away as Andy laughed.
“If you need to talk some more, I’ll always be here,” she said. “I’ll always be your older sister.”
Andy, who was wearing a soft smile, placed a hand on my shoulder. He squeezed it. “You’ll always have me as your older brother, too.”
I scoffed. “I know that. You both don’t need to state the obvious like I’m some clueless kid.”
“You do know that you’ll forever be twelve to us, right?” Julie asked. Andy reached for her, and she slid easily into his arms. “Even with that hickey on your neck, you’ll always be a kid in our eyes.”
Blood rushed to my cheeks, warming them as I cleared my throat. Julie and Andy both smiled widely.
“We’re going to assume you’re getting along with our new neighbor after that bouquet of flowers you forced me to make?” Andy asked, snickering. Julie giggled with him.
“Maybe.” I narrowed my eyes at them. “Who’s the snitch? Anthony?”
“Shoua.” Julie shrugged, laughing. “We’d always thought you two dated in high school anyway, since you always talked about her. I assumed you two had a nasty breakup, and that was why you wouldn’t shut up about her.”
“I should’ve never gone over to help them.” I pulled my mouth into a feigned scowl. “Besides, I wasn’t that bad in high school.”
My sister and brother-in-law glanced at one another. Andy grinned, shaking his head. “Look, Jonathan, no one’s surprised, except for you.”
“You really thought no one knew you wanted to help Lina because you liked her?” asked Julie, raising an eyebrow at me.
“I didn’t agree because I liked her. It’s because she had no one to help her move,” I retorted defensively. “I merely offered to help as her manager.”
Julie and Andy just looked at each other again with their widening grins, not believing me. I sighed and shook my head. It wasn’t my place to tell them why I was so insistent on helping Lina when her safety was in jeopardy.
“You should be careful, Dr. Lo. If your team finds out you’re giving one of your pharmacists preferential treatment, it won’t look good for you,” said Andy.
I sighed. “I’m not giving her any kind of preferential treatment. If anything, they’re grateful we’re fighting less at work.”
“Why? Because you get to kiss her now?” my sister asked.
I flashed her a look of disbelief as she nodded her head slowly.
Andy started laughing, stifling the sound of it with a hand over his mouth.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to smoosh your faces together when we came by for Andy’s vitamins, and you two were bickering in front of us. ”
I scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You were jealous when Lina was talking to Andy.”
I felt a muscle in my jaw feather at the mention of my girlfriend giving the man she used to be in love with any form of attention. “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
My sister and her husband laughed. “Congratulations, Jonathan,” she said. “It all makes sense now. No wonder you were so obsessed with her in high school.”
My brows furrowed as I stood up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Julie smirked. “Are you trying to say that I’m wrong?”
Even if it was true, why should I admit the truth to my sister of all people? “Yes.”
“Come on, Jonathan. You’ve always been obsessed with her. You could never stop talking about her, even now.”
Andy only chuckled when I looked in his direction, and Julie just joined him again. I shook my head and rolled my eyes childishly.
“Anyway, thanks for the talk, Julie,” I said. “I need to head out.”
“Because your girl’s waiting for you?” she asked.
I glared at her as I walked toward the door. She giggled. “I’ll make sure to make her some cookies. Then, you can’t say I never bake you any.”
“Why do I have to go to Lina’s place to eat your damn cookies? Couldn’t you just give them directly to me instead of my girl—” I didn’t realize I fell into her trap until her eyes started sparkling. I refused to finish that sentence.
“Oh? So, you admit you’re dating Lina Lee?” Julie smirked as I huffed.