17. AVERY
AVERY
Coffee. The smell fills my lungs mixing with the fresh Saturday morning air from the open window.
For the first time since I can remember, I feel good.
I’m not drowning in grief, overwhelmed by the loss of my father.
Even as his favorite song plays over the radio, I’m smiling while I hum along to a soft version of “Beyond the Sea.” Although I’m aware that the situation with Carl is far from over, I’m breathing, and it doesn’t hurt.
Knowing that Rowan has eyes on him has helped ease my worry and fear.
Sitting back in front of my laptop with my coffee, I read over the email my boss sent over. A part of me is wary of replying with my notice, especially when he’s giving me the okay to work from out of state.
Take your time.
I read over his close again and again. Iris is out in the orchard with Jo and the dogs, leaving the house in complete peace and quiet.
I should be concentrating on the water quality reports for a couple of the new exhibitions I headed along with the plans for the new touch tank.
Nothing calls to me, though; I want to be out there with them, enjoying what we have left of the summer sunshine.
Closing my laptop, I head outside. There’s a large tent set up by the edge of the lake. The top is all mesh, allowing me to see through it.
I’m checking it out when the nudge at my back makes me jump. Big dark eyes look up at me from behind a creamy mane. With a neigh, the longhaired pony nudges my belly, offering me a bright red, fully blossomed rose.
“Do you like him?” Iris asks excitedly, running to where I’m standing with a small pink rose pushed into her bun. “Isn’t he cute? He is, isn’t he? And he brought you the flower from Doc.”
I look beyond her to find Rhett standing by his Jag, parked behind Jo’s pickup, too perfectly hidden away because I had no idea he’d returned after leaving early this morning. Last night was the first time I’ve slept with another man beside me in eight years, and it was wonderful.
“The rose is for you, Mommy.” Iris takes it from the miniature horse and holds it up to me. “It’s red for love. Pretty, right?”
Taking it from her, I twirl it between my fingers, unable to conceal my happiness and the warmth that’s filling me.
“She’s beautiful,” Rhett murmurs beside me, tipping my chin up so that our gazes meet. “It’s not a date unless you bring a girl flowers, right, champ?”
“Right,” she squeals excitedly beside us, jumping up and down in my peripheral vision.
It’s probably the worst moment to get emotional and teary. I know it is, but the gesture is sweet and cheesy all at once. My lungs pinch with how full my chest feels.
“I needed this. Thank you.” He doesn’t realize how this small surprise has helped me compartmentalize all the issues going around my head. All this talk of time, and really everything that I’ve always wanted is right in front of me right here and now.
“I want to make you happy, sunshine, and I know that you need time, but I’m not giving up. Today, tomorrow, next week, month, or year, I’m still going to be here. Wanting and needing you.”
“The here and now is pretty damn great, Doc.”
I focus on the way his entire demeanour practically lights up. Everything about him is so striking. The sharp lines of his jaw that are softened by his pink lips and golden stubble taunt my fingertips. The depth of his stare makes me want to free-fall into him.
“It is, huh?”
We’re so close, and every cell of my being is yearning for his kiss as his eyes shine into mine. Bright, warm tropical waters that soothe over every broken inch of my soul, making me forget that my heart has ever been crushed.
“You know”—Iris taps his arm—“you can kiss my mommy. I saw you do it already.”
With a deep guffaw, Rhett plants a kiss on my forehead and each of my cheeks, whispering into my ear as she carries on squealing beside us, “I’ll keep it PG for now.”
“Good idea,” she replies, sending us all into a fit of laughter.
“What do you think?” Rhett sits beside me on the picnic blanket while Iris paddles in the shallow stream.
“It’s a stunning view.”
Without looking away from him, I lean closer. I want him to kiss me again. The feel of his tongue licking over mine is addictive, and I’m salivating at the mere memory of it.
The sound of my heart thrums in my ears as he smiles down on me, doubling up its pace when he meets me in the middle, his lips brushing mine with an audible hum that vibrates through me.
“Are you flirting with me?”
“Is it working?”
There’s no point in denying it, and besides, he’s always been honest with me, up-front and straightforward in his intentions. It’s what makes it so difficult to keep Rhett at a distance. There are no games or duplicitous designs.
“What do you think?”
“I think I’m out of practice and breaking a sweat.”
“Avery, Avery…Avery, think about it this way, I brought you here because I want to spend more time with you. I want to get to know you in every possible way because to me you are a strong, intelligent, and gorgeous woman.”
He kisses me softly and briefly, then pulls back, staring into my eyes.
There’s no other choice other than to believe every word he whispers, because it’s all there is in his gaze.
He looks at me with awe and want, and I feel it deep inside me.
A flame licking at my insides. I’ve never yearned for the physical touch of words as I do for Rhett’s.
It’s a nonsensical need that is completely out of my control.
“You’re an unexpected possibility I didn’t see coming, and every moment I spend with you, I want more. I’m always going to want more when it comes to you, sweetheart.”
“What if one day you don’t?” It’s the one thing that keeps plaguing me, even when all I want is to live in the moment with him.
“That’s never going to happen.” He presses a kiss to my head. “The only thing I ask is that you trust me, Avery.”
“I’m here because I do, Rhett. I trust you enough that I don’t want to go back to my life, or what’s left of it. I want to be here…with you.”
“I bought this land from Jo a couple of years back. After Duke died and when she started showing obvious symptoms, she had to close down the rehab part of the ranch. I used to keep it going, but having so many people around was too much, and she chose not to go on with it.”
“It’s a shame because she’s as hospitable as someone can be. Even when she’s having a bad day.”
“Yeah, she’s always been a character, and it was obvious it was killing her to sell off part of the land to pay off some of the debts that had been building up.”
“So, you bought it. Just like that?” It seems far too easy. I may be new to the picture, but I know for a fact that Jo loves to help others, but she struggles to let others help her in return.
“No,” he chuckles with a shake of his head. “Jo gave me hell because I bought it for the exact amount that Duke’s half of the practice was worth. She never wanted to take the money when he passed, and she’s too proud to let me help.”
“I’m amazed she didn’t kick your butt.”
“I told you I’m a great doctor and a fucking genius.” Rhett winks, and wrapping his arm around me, he pulls me into his side.
Being this close to him is the best thing I’ve ever felt. Being in his arms is the best place I’ve ever been.
“One of my patients’ parents is an architect, and I had them draw up some plans. I figured it was a great investment, and it would keep my offer from being charity. It never was—that money is hers, and so is this land.”
“Okay, Mr. Genius, so what are you going to do when…you know…Jo’s not going to last forever.” The sadness that darkens his eyes has me turning closer to him.
“I haven’t thought about it,” he states, but something about the way he breaks our eye contact tells me that it’s not true.
“Rhett.” I cup his face, drawing it back to me. “One day, you’ll have to think about it. I hope to God that you get to make peace with it before it happens too.”
Choked at my own words, I look away, finding Iris watching us from the edge of the water. When she smiles, my heart sighs. My precious girl.
“I don’t know if I can.” He clears his throat, and when I look back at him, he’s as enamored as I am with my baby girl.
I think if there is a possibility that someone could love her even a smidgen as much as I do, Rhett is the person to do it. That revelation makes me cling tighter to him, hoping that I can offer him some of the comfort and strength he’s offered me over the last two months.
“Maybe you’re right—making peace with death doesn’t seem like a possible thing to do until it happens. My dad was here one day and gone the next.”
“A STEMI, huh?”
“STEMI?”
“Callie said he suffered a heart attack. We call it a ST-elevation myocardial infarction. STEMI for short.”
“It sounds familiar.” Taking a deep breath, I burrow into him. Without hesitation, Rhett pulls me between his stretched legs. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. Uncle Mike, you know his partner? He found him the next morning.”
It was a fool’s decision to fall into this conversation, and even more foolish to suggest that there could be some kind of peace because talking to Rhett about my dad feels like it’s the first time I’m voicing it all.
Even though it’s breaking my heart, I can’t stop.
It feels safe to be vulnerable with him.
I’m certain that he won’t trivialize my pain or hold it against me.
“For as long as I can remember, he never went to the office on a Sunday. Sunday was the holy day. When I was little, we used to go to church, then we’d go visit my grandparents or we would go for Sunday lunch at this quaint little restaurant overlooking the river.”
“Hmm…” Rhett chuckles by my ear, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder while he wraps his arms tighter around me, holding me prisoner to him. “I can imagine you going to Sunday school in your pretty dresses and Princess Leia knots. A bit like Iris.”