CHAPTER 13
ELLIE
I am responsible for being a good steward of the archaeological record, and should really be focusing on that and not an alien’s arms.
I am paying attention to the documents on Zarek’s DIRC. I swear, I am.
Except that I absolutely am not at all.
Every time he turns the little screen over to face me, his arm brushes against mine, and I know he can feel how erratic my heartbeat is.
I try to read the words on the screen, or twist the little hologram that emanates from somewhere within, and my eyes glaze over because all I can pay attention to is the heat from his body so fucking close to mine.
When he translates the documents in Terilian out loud, all his words run together like the sound of rushing water.
Maybe I had it backward all these years. Maybe it wasn’t that I can’t sleep with someone until I care about them as a person, but I can’t sleep with someone without starting to care about them as a person.
Or alien, in this case. Sapphiro. Whatever.
Zarek makes little jokes about his lack of file organization, and interprets handwritten notes from his ancestors as they observed the development of humankind, and I just think about how much I like the sound of his voice.
He digs for the answers I’m looking for, and I find myself asking about his favorite parts of humanity.
“Other than you?” he asks, so sincerely that it’s not even flirting. He genuinely likes me. Fuck. “Ironically enough, I enjoy the way humans can seem to communicate without language.”
He goes quiet for a moment, searching through some files before pulling up a hologram of what looks like a scene from a television show.
Two women who I vaguely recognize from some 90s sitcom look at each other over a man’s shoulder, raising their eyebrows and shaking their heads at each other.
There’s no sound, but I can hear the laugh track in my mind.
“Even people who don’t speak the same language can communicate with their bodies and faces.
I particularly like how so many cultures talk with their hands. ”
Zarek is so goddamn earnest.
“You’re telling me your favorite part of humanity is when we shut up?” I ask, the joke so dry I wonder if it’ll go over his head.
But when I peek up at him, the corner of his lip is twitching into a reluctant smile.
“You’re not the only one disinterested in human relationships,” he says, sounding almost sad, and my stomach twists into a knot. “I’m not even supposed to have contact with humans.”
It’s not that I don’t want something like a relationship with Zarek.
Actually, he’s the first person—or alien, I guess—in recent memory who has even made me want to consider it.
But…it’s not possible. Eventually he has to go home, and I have to go back to my research.
We can’t redefine the concept of long distance by making it work from different planets.
Before I can get too lost in my own sadness about it all, there’s a rap at the door.
My hands automatically move to shut the DIRC as my head snaps toward the sliding door, which hasn’t budged, thank god.
By the time I look back to Zarek to tell him to get his disguise back on, he’s already ahead of me, completely transformed back into Derek and leaning behind me to snag my sunglasses from their little pouch on the side of my bag.
“Yes?” I call, a little shocked to see how quickly Zarek has adapted to disguising himself at the drop of a hat.
It’s a little sad, honestly. I find myself wishing I could give him more space to be himself around me.
I already miss the shimmering rivers that are etched through his skin, and the way they catch the light slanting through the train car windows.
The way his slightly peaked ears are hidden under a mess of dark hair.
How I’m starting to learn to read the look in his pupil-less eyes.
“Puis-je entrer?” a high, feminine voice replies through the door. I slip the DIRC off the table and into my lap, just in case.
“Oui, un instant,” I reply, shuffling the DIRC over to Zarek and standing up to unlock the door.
When I open it, a tall, thin woman with her hair slicked back into a severe-looking bun stands in the hallway. In her hands is what looks like a server’s order pad, and she smiles congenially as she taps her pen against it.
“Merci.” She says, her eyes flickering to Zarek for a moment. “Nous arrêtons à Agen ce soir pour quelques heures. Vous êtes invités à débarquer et à explorer, ou nous pouvons apporter le d?ner dans votre cabine. Lequel préférez-vous?”
It takes my brain a moment to process all the French, even though the information is fairly simple, and she’s saying it like she’s repeated it a thousand times today.
I glance over my shoulder to where Zarek is clutching the DIRC under the table.
I wonder if most of the patrons plan on disembarking this evening?
If they are, maybe we’d have to worry less about Zarek keeping his cover. Maybe he could relax a little.
“Nous resterons dans le train pour le d?ner. à quelle heure sera-t-il servi?”
I stumble over the last bit, but the attendant doesn’t seem to be bothered, which is refreshing for the French. She only nods, jotting something down in her notebook.
“Utiliser la tablette dans la table de chevet pour commander vos repas et sélectionnez une heure de livraison. Nous laisserons le plateau devant la porte.”
Even better. The less interaction with others we have to deal with today, the easier this will all be.
“Merci, bonne soirèe,” I thank her, watching her turn on her heel and begin to knock on the cabin across from us before I even close the door.
“You’re going to have to catch me up,” Zarek says, still in his human form, but with the DIRC back on the table and booting up.
“The train is stopping for dinner in Agen, but we’re going to stay here and eat on board. I’ll order for us,” I offer, finding the tablet the attendant mentioned right where she said it would be and turning it on.
“If you don’t mind then, I’d like to shower before dinner,” Zarek says, standing and stretching his arms over his head, where they brush the ceiling. His disguise flickers, an amusing little flash of blue where his hands drag against the painted ceiling.
“That’s fine, take your time,” I encourage, quickly selecting far too many options for our meal, knowing Zarek will eat it all and possibly more. At least our meals are included with the price of the train ticket. We should eat on board more often.
“Merci,” he says with a small smile, and grabs his bag of human clothes as he heads into the bathroom.
As soon as I hear the water turn on, I grab my phone off the table and flip to video call Jo. I don’t even check the time in Pennsylvania.
“My love!” she answers, the phone pressed so close to her face I can see up her nose. Big, yellow-blonde curls frame her fair and freckled face, reminding me of the cover of a book I read as a child. “How is your adventure going?”
“Never mind that,” I huff, jumping onto my bed and scooching up to rest against the headboard. I can already feel how brightly my cheeks are burning. “I need your help with something.”
“If it has to do with your alien boyfriend, then I’m all in.” She smiles, propping her phone against her kitchen counter and continuing whatever horrible experiment is happening in front of me. There is mold, for sure. I refuse to ask.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I nearly curse, still speaking under my breath, even though the shower is running loudly. What if sapphiro have extra good hearing? “But I did…maybe…”
Jo doesn’t need any more confirmation. She drops the petri dish monstrosity back onto the counter and picks up her phone so her face is pressed to it again.
“YOU. DID. NOT.” The words are somehow both screamed and whispered. I cringe away from the look on her face. “I’m so fucking proud of you and so. Fucking. Jealous.”
“Proud is one way to put it,” I grumble, yanking a pillow against my chest and clutching it tight. “What the hell was I thinking?”
“You were thinking that he’s hot and it’s fun,” Jo replies easily, like it’s the most obvious thing on the planet. “Oh my god, did you fuck him as a human or an alien? Please tell me it’s the second option.”
I glare at her through the screen, but my blush obviously gives me away.
“Please don’t make me go into details, I don’t even have an explanation for myself,” I whine, burying my chin against the pillow. Jo’s face softens on the other side of the world.
“Okay, tell me what you’re feeling,” she directs, giving me her full attention. Thank god Jo is more patient and unaffected than ninety percent of the human population, because otherwise I wouldn’t have a best (and only) friend.
“You know me,” I murmur, unable to keep my eyes on hers. “Sex means feelings. And I can’t have feelings for him. He’s…”
“Smart? Funny? Charming? Hot?” Jo offers. She’s teasing me a little, I can tell, but mostly trying to get me to say what’s on my mind. She’s uniquely good at that.
“From another planet,” I sigh, feeling my chest clench at the words bubbling up on my tongue. “I can’t have feelings for someone I just met, and I especially can’t have feelings for an alien who’s going to have to return to his own planet pretty soon.”
“Can’t the feelings just be mutual appreciation? Does it have to be forever feelings? Live in the moment, darlin’,” Jo says softly, so earnestly, that for a moment she ironically reminds me of Zarek.
Can I do that? Will my methodical brain and my over-committed heart work together for once to let me enjoy something, even if it’s temporary?
“What if I just spend the whole time thinking about the end?” I ask, finally looking at my best friend. She’s got a bittersweet smile on her face.