CHAPTER 13 #2
“Then choose to spend more time thinking about the now,” she encourages. “You love to learn things. And you know it’s not having the knowledge in your brain that does it for you. It’s the act of learning, of discovering something. It’s that feeling in your chest of newness. Let Zarek be like that.”
I don’t know what to say, how to tell her I can’t, or maybe ask her how, since that really does sound lovely. But the sound of the shower cuts off, and my eyes flicker to the bathroom door before returning to my phone.
“I’ve got to go, I love you very much,” I say, pressing my fingertips to my lips and blowing her a kiss. She used to do it to me all the time when we first met, and I found it insufferable. Until, like all things with Jo, it grew on me.
“Enjoy the journey, Ellie,” she whispers, pressing her fingers to her own lips. “It sounds like one of a lifetime.”
When the screen goes black, I stare at my muted reflection, trying to muster up all the bravery that Jo seems to carry so easily.
She really lives, in a way I’ve never seen in anyone until I met Zarek.
Maybe I should take inspiration from them both, and chase the thing I really want over what makes sense.
I’m doing so many things that are totally unlike me—blowing off my dissertation research, buying last minute tickets through the French countryside, believing in aliens—that maybe I can add this to my bucket list.
The bathroom door opens, and Zarek steps out of the steam, fully dressed but not disguised.
“Did you say something?” Zarek asks, water dripping out of his dark hair onto his shoulders, dampening his t-shirt. I catch myself staring at his chest as the fabric sticks to his body, already stupidly desperate to see what’s underneath again.
“Nothing,” I say, my voice catching in my throat before I can clear it. “Dinner should be here soon.”
“Oh good,” Zarek replies, his enthusiasm rather unconvincing as he suppresses a yawn. “We can keep researching.”
I can’t help the amused little smile that pulls at the corner of my mouth as Zarek sits heavily at the table, his blinks slower by the minute.
“You know, if you want to rest, you can,” I offer, fiddling with my phone in my hand. “I can read through some of the files on my own.”
“No, of course not,” he refuses, rolling his neck as he powers up the DIRC. “This is important, and I promised to help. That was our deal.”
I’m about to argue with him more, but it seems that won’t be necessary. Zarek places his elbow on the table and chin in his hand, holding up his head as his eyes drift closed. I wonder if the warmth of the water lulled him to sleep.
Soon enough, the DIRC is flashing to life in front of him, but Zarek’s eyes are steadfastly closed, and his breathing becomes slow and even.
I consider getting up and grabbing the DIRC, but I don’t want to disturb his rest. Plus, the French countryside is beautiful and calming. Maybe resting wouldn’t be such a bad idea…
I blink, my eyes fluttering open as they adjust to the lights and sounds of the train around me. Zarek is still at the table, his body now slumped over it and his head cradled against his arm.
It takes me a moment to understand what woke me up, until I realize someone is rapping at the door. Shaking off my sleep inertia, I scramble out of bed and pull the sliding cabin door open just a crack, so whoever is outside can’t see in.
“D?ner,” a brand new attendant offers, holding a tray in front of him. I thought they were going to leave the food outside, and it takes quite a bit of maneuvering to get the door open wide enough to pass the tray through, without giving the attendant a very surprising eyeful.
I’m trying to be as quiet as possible, but the clattering of porcelain and flatware is hard to control.
“Hey,” Zarek says, offering a sleepy smile that I return with a grimace. “Where are we?”
“Good morning, sunshine” I reply, setting the tray down on the table in front of him. Zarek squints at me, and I try not to find it adorable.
“Morning? The sun appears to be setting…it is west…”
“It’s just a phrase, Zarek,” I sigh, taking the empty seat at the table. “Rest assured, it’s still today. We’re actually just about an hour from Toulouse—The Pink City.”
“How long are we stopping here?” he asks, perking up a little as I start pulling tray covers off our dinner.
“Just for the night, why?” I ask, already dreading the answer. Zarek hasn’t gotten into nearly as much mischief as I would have expected the past few days. I’m due for a headache.
When I look up from our meal, Zarek’s wearing a new smile, one that tells me he has a plan I definitely will not like.
“I want to go out. To a club, or a bar, or something fun,” he says, sparkling eyes alight with something youthful. “We should have an adventure.”
I roll my bottom lip between my teeth and consider his words, which feel like a strange echo of Jo’s earlier sentiment. An adventure, a journey, something new and exciting and terrifying. Maybe this really is my chance to experience something otherworldly.
“Maybe,” I say, but I can tell Zarek knows it’s a yes. Without another word, he reaches over to his DIRC, at the edge of the table, and wakes it up, starting our hunt for answers again as we eat.
Together, we hunch over the screen and continue our search for what I’m looking for.
When it might be sitting right in front of me.