Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
“Book club” was created in high school because Claire’s parents were extremely strict.
Not just a little strict, she wasn’t allowed to do much that wasn’t academic related.
In the tenth grade, she convinced them we had started a book club for extra credit.
She went as far as to create a parent-friendly list of books we would be reading, checked them out of the library and studied for possible questions they might ask her. It was genius, really.
For three years, Claire, Megan, and I had a pretend book club, that met at least weekly, just so she could hang out with her friends like any other teenager. What we really did was watch trashy reality TV, eat junk food, and gossip about boys. It was one of the best parts of our week.
Book club went on hiatus when I left for university and Claire left the province. It was resurrected when she suddenly returned to Emerley six years ago, six months pregnant. Yeah, that happened.
Our wee book club made room for a tiny baby, my new bestie Beck, and occasionally Claire’s younger sister, Erin, when she is home from university. We do occasionally talk about the spicy books we all enjoy, but we just love the excuse to catch up with each other.
We usually meet here at the cabin because I’m the only one who lives alone.
Claire will host if Riot takes Ben for the night.
The frequency of our gathering depends on our schedules, but it’s important to each of us.
Especially in times of distress or crisis, like right now.
I know my girls will drop everything to come and I would do the same for them.
Recently, our meetings have become more frequent.
Beck finally left her asshole boyfriend and had to move back to Maggie’s.
Well, she lives in an Airstream on Maggie’s property.
Claire always has baby-daddy drama. Megan is silently navigating her relationship with her narcissistic husband Jeff and just needs support.
Let’s just pretend I didn’t say that. And sometimes, I just need my friends. Like tonight.
Claire arrives first looking like she ran all the way here. She didn’t, but it’s a legitimate possibility. I go in for an embrace and she puts up her hands to warn me off.
“I want nothing more than to hug you right now, but I have been teaching fitness classes all afternoon and I stink.” She smells her pits and scrunches her nose.
“I really stink. I didn’t take the time to shower and change.
I just grabbed Ben from the after-school program and took him directly to Riot’s.
He is super excited to have boy time.” Claire pulls her damp hair off the back of her neck and rolls her eyes.
She is lucky that Riot wants to help as much as he does with five-year-old Ben. Loving, patient, and dependable, he’s the polar opposite to his older brother, Ransom, who just happens to be Ben’s sperm donor. Yeah, I know, it’s messy.
“Do you want to grab a quick shower before everyone else gets here? There are towels in the cupboard and anything else you may need is under the sink.”
“I would love that. I have clean clothes with me.” She grabs her bag and heads into the bathroom. It makes me happy that everyone is so comfortable here. That I have created a home for myself and a safe place for all of them.
Megan and Beck arrive a short time later. Opening the door to greet them, I see they are both loaded down with bags and boxes from Maggie’s.
Smiling, I take a bag from Meg and move out of the way so they can enter.
“Did you clean her out? It looks like you bought out the entire bakery.”
“Maybe. I called ahead and told Aunt Maggie that we had a book club emergency, and she had all this waiting when I showed up. She’s a saint.” Beck adjusts the box in her hand as she slips off her boots.
For a woman who had back-to-back clients all day, her makeup is still flawless. Her sapphire blue eyes are lined dark, and lips are ruby red. Her black hair is tied up on top of her head and secured with a scarf that matches the colour of her lips.
“Isn’t that the truth?”
I open one of the boxes that Beck has placed on the counter and look at the beautifully decorated cupcakes. I’m not waiting so I grab one. I moan when the explosion of lemon cake and raspberry buttercream icing explodes on my taste buds.
“I brought you some wine.” Megan hands me a bottle and finds a place for another on the crowded countertop.
“I’m not certain if it will pair well with cupcakes and donuts, but I know you will make do.” She turns and wraps her arms around me in a warm hug.
“How are you doing? I’m sure Logan moving home is quite a shock. Beck gave me a brief version on the way here.”
“That’s the understatement of the century.” I give her a squeeze, then step back.
I quickly wipe the corner of my mouth and lick the tip of my finger to remove any trace of icing.
Beck begins taking pottery mugs from the open shelving to fill with wine. She knows what she’s doing. There will be no delicate sipping out of crystal wine glasses for me tonight.
Megan fills the kettle with water for tea for Claire and herself. Her husband doesn’t like her drinking even though they have a fully stocked wine fridge in their pantry. Yes, he is that kind of asshole.
It hasn’t been discussed but history tells me she will return to town with Claire and Beck will crash here with me.
“I honestly had no idea who he was,” Beck says as she fills her own mug to the brim.
“It was super weird after you left. LJ, I mean Logan, got all quiet. I’m awkward as fuck so it was either babble or shut up. I didn’t want to say anything I shouldn’t until I had a chance to talk to you.”
She takes a giant gulp of her wine before grabbing a box of donuts to take into the open concept family room.
Claire soon joins us after her shower, running a comb through her still wet long blonde hair.
The evening is becoming cool so we will need a fire. I’m glad I had the foresight to bring in a few armloads of wood last weekend. Strategically I lay the wood and start it as the girls arrange themselves on the sectional.
Cupcakes, donuts, and beverages fill the coffee table. Does this qualify as girls’ dinner? I think so.
The only way I’m going to be able to formulate my thoughts is to continue moving so I start to pace.
“Start from the beginning,” Meg prompts patiently as she sips her steaming hot tea.
“I don’t know much, just that he’s moved back and works at Inkfluence.”
I gesture wildly looking to Beck to fill in the blanks. I can tell she feels awful, but none of this is her fault.
“I had no idea who he was. Banks told me he hired a new artist last week. I was excited because the chair has been empty forever. When he arrived this morning, I met him and his adorable dog Morgan. He is so cute, guys. He has the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes.” She gushes then looks up quickly and backtracks.
“Morgan is cute and has beautiful eyes, not Logan. Well, he does too, but I was talking about the dog.” Looking at me she crinkles her nose. “Sorry, too soon?”
I roll my eyes dramatically. Leave it to Beck to try and bring some levity to the situation. Claire throws a pillow at her head and Beck catches it with a giggle. Megan just smiles and quietly moves her tea to the side table out of throw range.
“Objectively the dog is very handsome.” I sigh, rubbing my temples in an attempt to find relief from the pounding in my head.
“And Logan? How does he look these days? Balding? Beer belly? Devil horns?” Claire says with a raised eyebrow, taking another bite of her cream filled donut, catching a drip with her tongue.
“He looks... good? Different.” I nibble my lips as I continue to walk.
“I hate this for you, Hannah, I really, truly do, but that man is hot.”
I glare at Beck and pick up a fallen pillow and throw it at her. She laughs as she ducks her head.
“I think Banks has already added him to our website. There is probably a pic of him on there, let me check,” Beck says as she pulls her phone from her pocket and quickly brings up the site.
“Yep, here he is!” She passes the phone to Claire and Megan. They crowd together and look at the phone screen, then up to me, and back to the phone.
“Woah, this is not the boy I grew up with,” Claire states.
“Out of all of us, Logan was the cleanest cut. Almost nerdy. He definitely glowed up. And the tattoos are also very unexpected,” she says, fanning herself.
“Let me see.” I move closer and stretch out my hand to take the phone.
Logan James has grown into a man. It’s going to take me a minute to wrap my brain around that. Any time I thought of Logan over the past few years, I never aged him. He stayed forever 21 years old in my mind. This picture is definitely not 21-year-old Logan.
As I examine the details of the photo, I see him sitting, legs spread on the steps of the yellow house with his arm wrapped around Morgan.
I love that he has a dog. He always wanted one.
He’s wearing faded blue jeans, a black T and boots.
His brown hair is perfectly messy, like he has just run his fingers through it, and he has the best smile. Yep, I can confirm he’s hot.
I hand Beck back her phone and plop myself on top of a large discarded blue pillow on the floor with a sigh.
“Are you going to talk to him?” Claire asks.
Though she was acutely aware of what was going on here after Logan left, she didn’t experience the first few months of my heart ache like Beck and Megan did.
“I don’t want to talk to him. Honestly, I’d like to avoid him as much as possible.” The thought of talking to him makes my head hurt and stomach ache.
“You were best friends forever, don’t you want to know why he disappeared from your life after he went back to school?” Megan asks with compassion as she continues to sip her tea.
“That’s what hurts the most, though. He was my best friend long before we were anything else.
We had so much history together and he still ended it without warning.
Besides, what could he possibly say now?
Sorry I bailed on you ten years ago. It wasn’t you; it was me,” I say in a mocking deep voice.
“No thank you, the chance to talk passed a long time ago. He could have answered any of my phone calls or text messages.”
“It’s a small-town, Hannah. I’m not sure it will be that easy to avoid him.” Claire points out the obvious.
Beck is sitting quietly with her arms wrapped around her knees. Beck doesn’t do quiet well.
“Out with it. What are you thinking?” I say with a defeated sigh.
She takes a giant breath, pushing out her cheeks and dramatically lets it go with a huff.
“You’re not going to like it.” She pauses, gathering up some courage before saying, “I think you should talk to him.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I jump up to pace the room again.
I’m really surprised. Beck saw how badly Logan disappearing from my life affected me all those years ago.
“Hear me out, Hannah. You have both grown up. A lot of things change in a decade. I will always support you and your choice, but don’t you think you could use some more closure from that period of your life?
You will never know about the events surrounding your dad’s death. ” She pauses to check my reaction.
I nod for her to continue.
“I’m not saying you should forgive Logan or jump back into any kind of relationship with him, but at least you will have some answers.”
“First,” I hold up one finger, “he had years to explain and chose not to. It’s not like I was able to go anywhere. I’m exactly where he left me.”
Holding up a second finger I say, “I don’t owe him anything.”
“That’s right, girl. You don’t owe him a single thing.” Claire rallies, extending her hand for a fist bump. Megan just shakes her head.
Raising a third finger, I look to the ceiling as if the answers lie there.
“You’re right, I could benefit from some closure.
Logan dropped off the face of the earth at the worst possible time, and I deserve to know why.
I’m just not ready to hear it. His unexpected return to Emerley has thrown me off balance, and I need time to process it before deciding my next steps. ”
“You know that we have your back, right? We will support your decisions,” Megan asks, reaching over to gently squeeze my clenched hand.
“I have your back, but don’t think I’m not going to give him a hard time when I see him,” Beck mutters.
“Thank you. I don’t know how I would manage without you all,” I say, looking around the room.
We spend the rest of the evening catching up on each other’s lives.
Claire shares funny stories about five-year-old Ben.
Megan talks about her part-time job at the bookstore and her recent encounter with Brian Marshal.
I can’t stand him. You would think he would be less likely to involve himself in town gossip as he ages, but if anything, he has gotten worse.
Beck told us about the tattoo she completed on a cute tourist. He asked for her number, but she declined.
April was more than happy to flirt with him as he paid, though.
Beck is careful not to mention anything more about Logan.
Unfortunately, that man and everything we went through lingers at the front of my mind long after our friends leave and we head to bed.