Chapter 9
NINE
HAWK
It was time.
I couldn’t take it any longer.
I’d gone for nearly three weeks living with the knowledge that I’d hurt the gorgeous girl who spent her days baking cakes and making people happy.
I recognized I was no good for her and had made the right decision, but I needed her to understand. It was killing me to know that she believed I didn’t like her, that she was the reason why I’d said I wasn’t into her.
I understood I’d never have her the way I would’ve loved to, the way I would’ve jumped at the chance to, in another life.
But I couldn’t allow that to be the reason I didn’t give her the truth.
At least if I did that, then she’d be the one to walk away.
Then I could return to the miserable existence I had before I’d ever met her.
Once I told her the truth, I’d never have to worry about her trying to pursue me.
It was approaching the time when she closed for the day, so I told Joyce I had something to take care of and needed to leave.
Considering I wasn’t the kind of guy who’d ever had any reason to show up late or leave early, she didn’t think twice about urging me to go and do whatever I needed to do.
There’d been hopefulness in her gaze, and I wondered if she had suspicions about where I needed to be.
As I strolled down the block, I was torn between wanting to maintain a slow pace and racing to the cake shop.
On the one hand, I needed the time to build up the courage to do this.
There’d be no turning back, and if I ever saw her after this, I’d have to accept the look I knew would come with her having the truth.
On the other hand, it had been entirely too long since I’d seen her, and I was craving just a glimpse.
Ultimately, I decided on a pace somewhere between the two. I’d been lost in thought, considering how difficult it was going to be to tell her the truth, imagining the look of disgust that would wash over her expression once she knew, when I saw something that brought me to a grinding halt.
My hand flew to my roiling stomach as I witnessed something that nearly brought me to my knees.
It was her, outside the cake shop, with a man standing close. His hand was pressed to the glass window behind her, his arm shielding the view of her face from me. I didn’t need to see her face to know it was her, though. My eyes landed on her body; I’d recognize that gorgeous figure anywhere.
But seeing it now, noting the way his body was leaning into hers, I thought I might be sick.
Maybe I’d been thinking too much about all that had happened between us. I hadn’t been able to sleep, hadn’t wanted to eat since that awful conversation we’d had after having lunch together weeks ago.
Perhaps I’d put entirely too much stock into how much our last encounter hurt her. Evidently, she’d already moved on.
I stood motionless and watched. This was what I’d wanted for her. So, why was it like taking a knife through my heart to see it?
Just as I accepted my fate and was about to turn around to head in the opposite direction, it happened. She lifted those delicate hands of hers and forcefully shoved them at the man’s chest as she shouted, “Get off me. Leave me alone.”
As quick as a flash of lightning, rage fueled me.
The man removed his hand from the window behind her, brought it to her face, squeezed her cheeks, and leaned in closer. He caged her in, leaving no space between his body and hers.
My legs were already carrying me forward, gobbling up the distance between us, and as long as I lived, I’d never forget the terror I saw in her eyes.
Without thinking, I lifted my hand to the back of his neck and squeezed.
“I suggest you think twice about your next move.” My voice was a deep rumble of fury.
“It’d be wise of you to listen to what the lady said and leave her alone.
If you choose to do anything but that, it’s going to be me who makes you. ”
With the grip I had on him, he couldn’t turn his head to look in my direction, but he peeled his hands off her and lifted them in surrender. I yanked him backward off her before releasing him.
I wanted nothing more than to tend to her, make sure she was okay, but he was a threat, and he was still here.
So, I kept my focus solely on him and watched. It would happen. I knew it would. And then I could do what I came here to do.
He’d stumbled backward, regained his footing, and prepared himself to take a swing at me.
But then his eyes locked on mine. They narrowed briefly, realization dawned, and the hands that had been balled into fists, ready to take a swing, opened and went up in surrender again.
He seemed to understand this wasn’t a fight he’d win.
“You won’t get the chance to walk away next time,” I promised him.
A moment later, he was gone.
Only after I was assured there was no longer a threat, I slid my gaze to the left and met hers. One, two, three tension-filled beats of silence passed before she rasped, “Thank you.”
Two words.
Two barely audible words from her for the first time in weeks, but they were like Heaven. Until I heard her speak, I hadn’t realized how much I missed her voice, craved hearing it.
Ignoring all that I was feeling inside, I dipped my chin slowly. “Are you okay?”
She nodded frantically, her eyes still wide and worried. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”
I swept my hand out and gestured to the door of her shop. Without giving it a second thought, she turned and moved in that direction. Once we were both inside, with the door locked behind us, the tension returned.
For me, it had been partly about being in her presence again after so long and knowing what I needed to do, but mostly about the fear of what could’ve happened to her if I hadn’t decided to do this today.
For her, I could only assume it was a mix of having just been assaulted and seeing me in her space now.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You weren’t hurt, were you?”
“I’m okay, Hawk. Scared, maybe. But physically, I think I’m alright.”
All I wanted to do was eat up the distance separating us and wrap my arms around her to comfort her.
But after all I’d done to her already, I decided against it. It wouldn’t help either of us. I didn’t want to confuse her, and there was no question it would make doing what I needed to do even more difficult than it was already going to be.
“Thank you again for stepping in out there.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets and shrugged. “It wasn’t in me to do nothing.”
Nodding her understanding, she asked, “Did you know that guy? He seemed to recognize you.”
That easy.
It would be that easy to put it out there.
And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that just about everybody knew who I was except for her.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t know him.”
She eyed me in a way that told me she wasn’t sure if she could believe that. “Oh. Okay.”
“Do you mind me asking what happened? I assume you don’t know that guy, either.”
“I don’t. He… Well, he was walking down the street as I walked out of here this afternoon.” She tucked a rogue lock of her hair behind her ear. “You know me. I’ll talk to anyone. Anyway, I smiled and waved at him. I guess he took that as an invitation to seek more.”
I felt sick for two reasons: the first being that Chloe couldn’t be who she was without some asshole thinking he could take advantage of her sweet disposition.
But more than that, I hated that I’d immediately jumped to the conclusion that she’d moved on so easily, so quickly.
I realized I shouldn’t have expected I meant that much to her or that she’d sit around pining for me.
I felt guilty for thinking she might have.
“I’m sorry he did that. I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”
“And I’m just glad you were there,” she murmured, her eyes darting all over the place. I hated that she was struggling to even look me in the eye.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
She barely glanced at me before dropping her gaze to her hands that were fidgeting in front of her body. Watching as she did that and shifted back and forth on her feet, I had to do something. Just having me standing here was taking its toll on her.
“Listen, the reason I was here is because I wanted to talk to you about what happened the last time we spoke, the day we had lunch together.”
Her hand surged up with a dismissive wave. “Really, Hawk, we don’t have to talk about it. I… It was humiliating enough.”
I took a step toward her, noted the way she stepped back from me, and immediately halted. That was brutal.
Swallowing my pride, I said, “I need you to understand something, to understand why I said what I did.”
She shook her head. “No. No, it’s okay. I understand. I misread things, and I was wrong. You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
“You’re great, Cunningham.”
Her body tensed, her eyes cutting to mine. The look she sent me indicated she didn’t believe me, but it was the sarcastic laugh that escaped that did me in. “I’m sure you don’t think I’m foolish enough to believe you feel that way.”
“I do. I swear that to you.”
Those beautiful pink lips parted, tears filling her normally bright eyes. “So, what is it, then? What don’t you like about me?”
“It’s not you. It’s…” I let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve a woman like you.”
She stared at me for a few beats, and I thought she might press me for an explanation about why I felt that way.
Instead, she rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Oh, please. Don’t do that.
Don’t insult my intelligence or try to play the martyr here so you can make yourself feel better. I don’t need that sacrifice from you.”
“That’s just it, Cunningham. You do. You just don’t know it.”
Shaking her head, disappointment and disbelief etched into every gorgeous feature, she said, “And I can pretty much guarantee you have no intention of telling me why that is, so maybe it’s best if you leave.”
This wasn’t going anything like I’d hoped. Granted, I hadn’t expected a good outcome from this, but the woman standing in front of me now wasn’t the woman she’d shown me over the course of the month I’d spent time with her before I ruined everything.
I couldn’t delay this any longer. She needed some understanding, because I couldn’t walk out of here with her believing there was something wrong with her. “You were right, you know?”
“About what?”
I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “That guy recognized me.”
“You said you didn’t know him.”
“I don’t. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know me.
” Her brows knit together, confusion taking hold.
I raked my fingers through my hair, wanting to do anything to delay telling her the truth.
Once I did, she’d never speak to me again.
“I swear, it’s like you’re the only person in this town who doesn’t seem to know who I am. ”
She lifted her hand to her abdomen, as though needing to settle the uneasiness she was feeling. “What does that mean?”
God, I couldn’t say it. I’d never needed to verbalize this to anyone else before now. I swallowed roughly. “Just trust me. Please. You don’t want to be involved with me. I won’t be good for you. For everything you are and all that you’ve built in your life.”
Disgust washed over her. “Don’t tell me what I want. You don’t know a damn thing about what’s good for me.”
I did when it came to this. “No? Not even when I’ve been a free man for only two years. You still think I don’t know what’s good for you when I tell you that?”
Her revulsion turned into something else. Curiosity, yes. But there was something else lingering there. Worry, perhaps?
“Don’t know what to say now, do you?” I asked.
“I don’t understand what that means, Hawk.”
The number of times I’d wanted to fall to my knees for this woman was already too many to count. But when she said my name and looked at me like that, I could never understand how I remained standing.
I gave myself a moment to soak that up. To allow that feeling I got when I heard her say my name to move through me one last time. Because what I said next was going to ensure I never heard it again.
“I was in prison for ten years, Cunningham.”
Those stunning hazel eyes rounded in disbelief as she breathed, “What?”
“I only got out two years ago.”
Everything changed in the room. The air was thick with tension, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Why were you ever there? What were you in for?”
A hollow pit opened in my gut, knowing she was going to kick me out the second I admitted it.
I took a deep breath, exhaled, and confessed, “Murder.”