Chapter 12
TWELVE
CHLOE
What a waste of an afternoon this was going to be.
When my doorbell rang, I wasn’t nearly as excited as I should’ve been, as I thought I would’ve been.
Today was the delivery date for my new furniture, but it wasn’t like I cared about getting any of it now.
When Joyce called me yesterday to confirm today’s delivery, I told her that she could just send the regular guys with my stuff. Stuff I thought would be nice but didn’t necessarily need. Stuff I bought simply to have more time with the guy I’d been crushing on.
God, what a fool I’d been.
My heart was utterly broken for what Hawk had been through.
Truly, it was. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he’d endured over the last twelve years.
Ten years of his life had been spent locked up in prison.
It was awful. And while he’d had two years of freedom now, it seemed he had himself locked up in a self-made prison.
There was no other way to describe it. Joyce had told me more than a month ago that Hawk was struggling, keeping to himself. I’d done what I could to bring him out of that by being myself and going after what I’d wanted.
I’d thought it was working. Evidently, I’d been wrong.
Because even if I believed he’d taken a tremendous step in sharing the truth about what he’d been through with me, Hawk hadn’t taken any steps to stay in my life or to allow me to remain in his.
I sighed and moved to the front door, ready to direct them to each room in my home as they brought in the furniture. But when I opened my door, I found Hawk standing on the other side. And the look in his eyes was devastating.
“Hawk,” I gasped. “What are you doing here?”
His brows knit together as he assessed me. “I’m here to deliver your new furniture.”
The mere sight of him had my knees weak.
That’s what made a bad situation even worse.
It’d been five days since he walked out of my shop and told me to forget I ever knew him.
I hadn’t come close to accomplishing that as it was, and now he was here, looking like that.
How could he expect me to do what he’d asked of me?
“I told Joyce she could just send the other guys to deliver everything,” I revealed.
I suspected he hadn’t intended for me to see him wince with how quickly he recovered, but I’d caught it. And it made no sense. Why would he act like I should’ve done anything differently?
Not being thrown completely off balance, Hawk replied, “Well, you’ve got me instead. Anthony’s meeting me here to help with some of the larger items. He should be here any minute.”
As though on cue, Anthony pulled up outside, drawing Hawk’s attention away from me. I couldn’t focus on what was happening outside. I was a ball of nerves from being this close to Hawk again.
Of course, I was in the midst of taking him in, trying to get a glimpse of those tattoos along the side of his throat when he focused his attention on me again. I stepped back, finding it difficult to breathe with that intense stare pointed in my direction.
“I’m going to meet him at the truck and start bringing everything in. Is that okay?”
Not trusting myself to speak, I pressed my lips together and nodded.
Hawk took off.
For the next thirty minutes or so, things were marginally easier for me.
I directed Hawk and Anthony around my place with each new piece of furniture they brought inside.
And since Anthony was a bit of a jokester, and didn’t seem to sense or know about the tension between Hawk and me, he made things just a touch easier.
But eventually, Hawk said, “I’ve got just one more nightstand outside for you. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.”
“Catch you later, Chloe,” Anthony boomed from outside. “I’m out of here.”
That meant it would be just Hawk and me again. “Bye.”
It wasn’t more than a minute that I waited for Hawk to return with the nightstand, but it felt like an eternity before he stepped back inside.
After I closed the door behind him, he confirmed, “Bedroom?”
My voice was a soft rasp as I answered, “Yes, please.”
I followed Hawk into the bedroom and stood a few feet away as he got the nightstand settled perfectly beside my brand-new bed. The same bed I’d been foolishly hoping weeks ago he’d want to help me break in when it arrived.
“Is that okay?” Hawk’s arm was extended, his hand indicating the nightstand.
I nodded, forcing a smile onto my face. “It’s great.”
“Good,” he said with a downward jerk of his chin. His eyes shifted to his feet for a moment before he returned his attention to me. The tension was so thick between us, I could’ve cut it with a knife. “Well, that’s everything.”
“It looks like it.” The silence stretched between us, and it got so awkward, I felt compelled to break the silence.
“Hawk, look, I’m really sorry about this.
I appreciate you delivering everything. I swear, I told Joyce you didn’t have to do it.
I had specifically requested you when I ordered all this stuff I didn’t need, but that was before everything went south between us. ”
“Why?”
My brows pinched. “Why what?
“Why did you order furniture that you didn’t need?”
I swallowed roughly. I’d already experienced peak humiliation with him.
It wasn’t as though I could say anything now that would embarrass me further.
I had nothing to lose at this point, so I admitted, “I found you insanely attractive and sweet and mysterious. I was doing anything I could think of to be in your space. This seemed like a great way to make that happen.”
Understanding dawned, and Hawk watched me with an assessing stare. It seemed like he had some thoughts or questions running through his mind, but he didn’t share whatever they were.
So, I continued. “Listen, this all happened before… Before you made it clear you weren’t interested in me.”
“I… We should talk, because that’s not what—”
“It’s fine, Hawk. You aren’t into me. It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it. I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Why not?” He appeared to be genuinely confused.
My eyes rounded in disbelief. “Because it’s humiliating. I’m so embarrassed about all that I did to chase after you. I bought furniture for my home that I didn’t need simply because I was way more into a guy than he was into me. I did it for a guy who doesn’t even know my name.”
Something shifted in his expression, and the muscle in his jaw feathered as he clenched it. Hawk remained silent for far too long, and I got fed up.
I let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Maybe you should go and let me get back to doing what you wanted me to do.”
“What? What did I want you to do?”
Arching a brow, I said, “You told me to forget I knew you. It would be nice if you’d leave so I can try to do that.”
“I said that because it’s what I expected,” he revealed.
I didn’t know what that meant, and I wasn’t sure I cared to get an explanation. “Okay, Hawk. Whatever you say.”
“I said that because it would’ve been easier if you were like everybody else.”
I got the distinct feeling he was trying to make me feel better, but it wasn’t working. Turning around, moving toward the bedroom door in hopes he’d get the hint to leave, I said, “Right. Well, I’m not, but it doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Chloe, listen to me,” he begged.
My feet ground to a halt. Chloe. Chloe. Hawk had just said my name. He knew it. This whole time, he knew my name. And this was the first he’d ever used it.
Lips parted, I twisted my neck to look back at him, my body still facing the exit. When my eyes met his, I couldn’t miss the anguish in his gaze.
“I know your name,” he declared. “I heard it that day I met you and haven’t ever forgotten it. Despite all my best efforts, there isn’t anything I don’t remember about you.”
Shocked and intrigued, I turned fully to face him. “I’m listening.”
“I lied.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I lied to you when I said I wasn’t interested, because I’ve been interested in you since the day you offered me that lemon cupcake,” he revealed.
Tucking my chin to my chest, I pressed my lips together and waited. I’d said enough during our last couple of encounters. Maybe it was time I let him take the lead.
“The problem is that regardless of my attraction to you, I never expected it to be reciprocated. I don’t know what to do with that. For the last two years, people have made it clear that I make them uncomfortable.”
“You don’t make me feel that way,” I assured him.
He nodded furiously. “I know. And that’s the problem. I’m accustomed to the opposite, and I don’t know how to handle your response to me, to the truth about me.”
“The truth?” I knew what he was referring to, but I wanted to hear him say it.
His hands found their way into his pockets the way I noticed they always did whenever he was uncomfortable. “I’m a felon, a murderer.”
“You’re not that, Hawk. That’s part of what happened in your life, and it’s awful and tragic and heartbreaking on all fronts. But it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.”
He bowed his head and took a few settling breaths. “I can’t control people’s reactions to me. Do you understand that?”
“I’d never expect that of you.”
“I know. I know you wouldn’t. But I’d want to make it so. Because your association with me in any way could be detrimental to your business, your friendships, and the relationship you have with your family,” he advised. “I couldn’t live with myself for disrupting any of that for you.”
How?
How was it possible that he could feel that way about protecting me and the life I’d built and still think so little of himself?
“You said you’d never harm me,” I reminded him. “That you’d never, ever physically hurt me. Was that the truth?”
“Absolutely.”
“So, why don’t you show people that? Why don’t you prove to them that they’re wrong about you?”
His face twisted with disgust. “I’m not going to use you as some pawn in a useless game to get people I don’t even know to like me.”
“I think you’ve made it clear you wouldn’t do that, Hawk,” I said, sending a small, reassuring smile his way. “But you know, two birds, one stone.”
There was an overwhelming edge of hope in my tone. That maybe he’d get what I was hinting at—getting people to see him as anything but the monster he believed he was being one of those birds and us being the second.
Because I could do it.
Easily.
It wouldn’t take much more than his confirmation that he’d want to try to get me to forgive and forget all the instances of him pushing me away. This wasn’t a normal situation, and I believed he deserved some grace in navigating it.
When too much time without a response from him had passed, I asked, “Did you mean it? What you said earlier.”
“What did I say?”
“That there isn’t anything you don’t remember about me.”
He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “Where do I begin?”
“How about the beginning?”
A look of contentment washed over him, softness leaking onto his features.
“I remember taking one look at you, seeing those hazel eyes, and immediately having to look away. I remember hearing you shout my name through that store and licking your lips before offering me a cupcake. I remember your hair being as wild that day as I thought your personality was. I remember the way your jeans hugged your hips and how that green shirt made your eyes look brighter than they already are. I remember watching your cheeks turn pink after I apologized the next day for my behavior. I remember how you licked your lips a second time because you were nervous about giving me those Neapolitan cupcakes. And I remember the tremors that moved through my body when you touched my wrist for the first time.”
My throat was dry. My jaw was practically on the floor.
I couldn’t believe he’d just said all that.
I parted my lips and closed my mouth several times as I tried to come up with something to say in response.
All these weeks, when I thought I was trying so hard to make just an inch of progress, he’d been paying attention the entire time.
“Is… Is that all?” I finally asked, deciding humor might be my best option.
“No,” he deadpanned.
My eyes rounded. “There can’t be more.”
“Oh, there’s more, Chloe. There’s a whole lot more.”
My breaths came quicker, and hearing him say my name again with such promise in his voice sent a shiver along my spine. My body was already buzzing with need and desire for him. I wasn’t quite sure I could handle anything else.
But I was feeling greedy.
I wanted it. I wanted all of it.
So, I said, “What else is there?”
His eyes roamed over my face, his irises darkening.
“There’s the smell of you I can’t get out of my head.
It’s vanilla mixed with some kind of flower.
There’s the taste of your cupcakes I can’t get off my tongue.
And there’s the feel of your body pressed close to mine when you wrapped your arms around me and hugged me.
That moment was easily the single best moment of my whole life.
Smelling you, feeling your sweet body against mine, and stroking your soft hair for those few seconds is something I’m never going to forget.
You were the first person outside of family who made me feel like I matter, like I was worthy of something. Of someone.”
My heart pounded wildly, my blood rushing in my veins. “Hawk,” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
“That can’t be all.”
His brow furrowed. “That’s not enough?”
I shook my head. “Not for you.”
Tipping his head to the side, he said, “I don’t understand.”
With my stare locked on him, I took two purposeful breaths. “Ask me what I remember about the first day we met.”
“What do you remember?”
“I remember thinking you were the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I remember allowing my eyes to drift over your body and wanting to see each and every tattoo of yours up close. And most of all, I remember staring at your perfect mouth and wondering what it’d be like to have your lips on mine.”
Hawk’s breath caught, and every muscle in his body went rigid.
“Tell me I can do it, Hawk. Tell me I can kiss you.”
The muscle in his jaw twitched. “Fuck. Come here, Chloe.”
I didn’t waste a second. I flew forward, threw my arms over his shoulders, and brushed my lips against his. Hawk’s arm came around me and held me tight as his other hand drove into my hair before he groaned and allowed his lips to crash down onto mine.
With just one kiss, I knew.
This man was going to change my whole life.