Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
HAWK
It was no secret that I’d done some horrible things in my life.
But there had to have been at least one really good thing I’d done to deserve this. To have the privilege of kissing the most beautiful woman I’d ever known.
When I’d arrived here at her place today to deliver her new furniture, I hadn’t really known what to expect beyond being confident that things would get awkward.
I was okay with that, though. Because I’d allowed Joyce’s words from a few days ago to penetrate. And given that I’d been feeling so miserable since that day at the cake shop, I decided to come here to see if I could at least get on friendly terms with Chloe.
Of course, I hadn’t exactly planned to wind up in her bedroom, my arm around her, my hand in her hair, and my mouth on hers. But I wasn’t complaining. There wasn’t anything I didn’t like about what was happening right now.
It was magical. Even better than being able to hold her in my arms like I’d done for those few seconds just five days ago.
Chloe was… She was exquisite. Utter perfection. Her lips were soft, her body the same.
And I was a complete mess of emotions. At the top of that list was desire. The overwhelming need for more of what she was already giving to me and what I had yet to receive.
Heat spread through me, my heart pounding wildly. I was caught between wanting to take every part of her as quickly as I could and needing to slow down to have the time to savor it all.
Deciding to test the waters to see where she stood and what I could handle, I slid my tongue along the seam of her lips. Chloe didn’t hesitate to part them, granting me full access to her sweet mouth.
I took it.
My tongue swept inside, and Chloe let out a moan that I was convinced sent all the blood in my body rushing to one spot.
We stayed like that, not an inch of space between our bodies, as my tongue tasted, teased, and lingered to explore every part of her mouth.
It still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure it ever would be.
For her part, Chloe made me think she might’ve felt similarly. Because even as she moaned and kissed, her hands roamed. They were in my hair, on my neck, over my shoulders, and down my chest. Like she needed contact with as many spots on my body as she could reach.
I didn’t mind, even if I was struggling. The war waging inside me was between needing to get all I could from her—not wanting to leave any part of her mouth unexplored—and wanting to allow myself to relish the feel of her hands on me.
Somewhere in the midst of that fight, my hands got in on the action, too. Chloe’s curves had beckoned me for more than a month, so it was no surprise my hands drifted, caressed, roamed, and squeezed.
She was magnificent. Everything about her was already amazing, but tasting her, being able to feel her gorgeous body… There was nothing better.
My hands had done a lot of work over the last two years, but not once had they ever felt this full.
This woman was exquisite. Every part of her. And recognizing we’d only just gotten started, I understood there was still so much left to explore.
The problem was that this already felt too overwhelming in the best way possible. My body was hot, my mouth eager, and my dick about ready to explode.
Finding its way to her hair, my hand offered a gentle tug backward. Our mouths separated, but I wasn’t quite ready to pull away just yet. My lips journeyed along her jaw and down the front of her delicate throat.
Then she moaned, a sound I felt against my mouth, and all I wanted to do was rip her clothes off her body.
This was going fast. Too fast. Between everything happening inside my head and all that was happening with my body, I had to stop before things got hotter than they already were. Before this went past the point either of us still had any sense to be able to think straight.
One hand still in her hair, the other firmly gripping her ass, I begrudgingly tore my mouth from her neck, pressed my forehead against hers with a groan, and listened to the sounds of our labored breathing.
“Chloe,” I whispered.
Her fingers twitched against my skin before she whispered back, “Hawk.”
Damn it.
There was no denying myself now. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t want this, want her, any longer.
Lifting my head from hers, I looked into her eyes and found those once-hazel irises now almost entirely green. They were beyond bright. I was so caught off guard by how stunning they were, I forgot I had anything I wanted to say.
“Oh no,” she murmured.
Hearing her concern, watching as her face twisted with worry, I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I feel like I should be asking you that question. I can tell you’ve got something on your mind. I just hope it’s not you attempting to come up with a way to let me down gently.”
My eyes narrowed on her. “Let you down gently?”
She dipped her chin hesitantly. “This isn’t the part when you tell me that what we just did was a mistake, is it?”
For me, it wasn’t. Not at all. But I still wasn’t convinced that whatever came of what had just happened would be the best thing for Chloe.
“No, it’s not,” I assured her, my fingertips massaging her scalp.
She let out a deep sigh. “Oh, thank God.”
And that right there was precisely my problem. She was in deep, wanted this so badly.
That’s why I said, “I’m not upset about what just happened, Chloe. I enjoyed it. But I need us to slow things down a bit.”
“What?” Her eyes were wide with surprise.
The way she was looking at me, curious and concerned, made me want to pretend I couldn’t recall what was messing with my head. To tell her I was just joking around and return to what we’d been doing.
But I liked her enough to want to do this right. And to do that, she needed me to be honest. So, I explained, “This is a lot for me to process. As much as I enjoyed what we just had, I’m struggling.”
“Struggling?” she murmured, her eyes darting from side to side. “What are you struggling with? Is there something I can do to help you?”
Just like that. She had no idea what was bothering me, and she still didn’t hesitate to step up. This woman was the biggest ball of sunshine and positivity; I’d never met anyone like her.
“It’s taking me some time to come to grips with the fact that you like me at all, let alone like this,” I revealed.
Her lips parted slightly, and she lifted her hand to the side of my face. Stroking her thumb over my cheek, she countered, “There isn’t anything I don’t like about you. But I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. You shouldn’t.”
My arm tightened around her waist. Just holding her close felt like a reward. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong. I just need to take my time. If we’re going to do this, I’d like to move slow with you.”
Chloe’s features softened and warmed. “I really want us to do this because I can’t stop thinking about you. So, I don’t care how slow we need to go; I’m all in with you, Hawk.”
She felt like a gift I didn’t deserve.
And for that reason, I felt compelled to share just a bit more about what I was feeling.
“I didn’t expect this, Chloe. For the last two years, I’ve just been going through the motions, trying to rebuild my life.
I had no plans to get involved with anyone, and considering nobody was banging down the door to talk to me, it wasn’t as though I had to try hard to make that happen.
” I lifted my hand to the side of her face and brushed a lock of her hair back, tucking it behind her ear.
“I just want some time to enjoy the idea of this and do it the right way.”
The corners of her mouth tipped up in a smile that lit up her whole face. “I understand. And I’m okay with you wanting to take some time to get used to the idea of having someone in your life like this.”
I shook my head. “Not someone. You. Only you. If there’s one thing that I don’t need any reassurance or convincing about, it’s that. I would not be in this position now if it wasn’t you who was interested in taking this walk with me.”
Her grin grew. “Well, with lines like that, I can confirm you’re already doing a fantastic job at this.”
Returning the smile, I said, “I appreciate you saying that. You should know that going slow isn’t something I want to do just for me, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Even though we met more than a month ago, I feel like it’d be wrong for me not to give you the opportunity to know who I am.
You’re the one who’s going to be taking a huge risk here, and before we cross certain lines, I think it’s only fair we take some time to get to know each other better.
I’ve been hesitant to share much with you about me.
You’ve been a bit more open with me, and I appreciate it, but I know I’ve only scratched the surface of learning who you are. ”
Chloe chewed nervously on her bottom lip. My eyes dropped to it, and it was an effort not to kiss her. “Do you think you might learn more about me and decide you’re no longer interested?”
“I think that’s a stretch.”
Tension I hadn’t realized she’d been holding on to eased out of her frame with a long breath. “For what it’s worth, I feel the same about you. I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything I’m going to learn about you that sends me running in the opposite direction.”
God, I felt lucky. Luckier than I deserved.
“I still want you to have the time to get to know me better,” I said. “You’re entitled to at least that much.”
“That you want me to have that time tells me everything I need to know.”
One question had been swirling in my head for several weeks, but especially over the last several days. What had I done to deserve the privilege of knowing this woman?
I took a few seconds to search her face for answers, but I didn’t find anything except for unadulterated happiness and beauty.