Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
HAWK
“I need your help.”
Four words that I never imagined needing to say to my sister had spilled out of me. I never thought I’d ever have a reason to say them, certainly never wanted to.
Danica was just as convinced it’d never happen either, if the way she was looking at me now was any indication.
Regardless of what my thoughts and plans had been for years, despite whatever Danica believed, I had to do this.
Because it was important enough. Because there was only one person who could’ve made me do this without asking me for it.
Chloe Cunningham.
Something washed over me at the thought of her. Of our last encounter. I didn’t want to think about it. It had replayed in my mind from the minute I’d walked out of her place.
And all I felt was shame. Embarrassment. Humiliation.
Deciding to pursue her had been enough of a challenge. There were so many aspects of it that I struggled with, most of which had to do with how the relationship we had would impact the life she’d already built.
I wanted her to have time, to be sure. Though she’d given me no indication she felt that way, every day I worried that she’d wake up and realize the cost of being with me was far too high.
That something would happen to take away the one shot I’d been given at having something worthwhile and meaningful in my life after everything went wrong.
And when she didn’t do what I’d feared the most, when she didn’t walk away after learning about the challenges we’d face, I suspected she needed more time.
I had no choice but to give her that time. Because there was no way I could do it. No way I could take that step, be all in with her, and have her decide after the fact that she didn’t want to be with me.
As it was now, it’d be the most difficult thing to have to walk away from her permanently. To get in deeper, to have all that made up that sweet, sweet woman, and have it end would be crushing.
So, I prepared myself to help her work through whatever difficulty she faced over how my presence in her life would impact her.
But from the very first time she’d touched me, I knew there’d be other challenges. And what had happened two days ago proved I’d been right to be concerned.
God, Chloe.
She was such a hot little piece, and the way she moaned and squirmed on top of me left me with a very clear understanding of just how lucky I was. I should’ve stopped us sooner. But I wanted just a bit more of her, and it had gone too far.
Embarrassingly far.
In addition to the struggles that we faced from outside factors, what happened that day had been one of my biggest fears about taking that next step with her. The worst part about it was that I hadn’t even gotten her clothes off, hadn’t even been inside her, and I couldn’t control myself.
And if all of that hadn’t been bad enough, I strode out of there, allowing Chloe to believe it was all her fault.
I needed to make it up to her—in more ways than one—and do some serious groveling. That’s precisely why I was here at my sister’s place, asking her for help.
A horrified expression washed over Danica’s face. “Oh, God. What’s wrong?”
Needing to ease her panic, I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “It’s nothing bad. I just need your help with something.”
“Of course, I’ll help you. Whatever you need.”
Gus was squirming in her hold, likely the result of the distress Danica was feeling. So, I reached my arms out and took him from her. When he was tucked safely against my chest, I said, “I have some news to share with you first.”
“What is it?”
One half of my mouth quirked. “I met someone.”
Her brows shot up. “You met someone? Like, a female someone?”
“Yes.”
“Are you serious? Oh my gosh. Who is she?”
Danica was bouncing on her toes, clapping her hands in front of her. She was beyond excited, just as I knew she would be.
“I’d never joke with you about this. Her name is Chloe. She’s actually the woman who’s going to be making Gus’s first birthday cake.”
As soon as I got the words out, I stumbled backward. It was the only way for me to regain my footing without losing my hold on my nephew, since my sister opened her arms and flung herself at me. “This is the best day of my whole life, Hawk. I can’t believe it.”
I kept one arm wrapped around her and smiled. Obviously, I still had to fix things with Chloe, but I hoped making this effort today would allow that to happen.
When Danica finally loosened her hold and stepped back, she asked, “So, you met a girl. What is it you need my help with?”
Unwilling to put a damper on her mood—and not even remotely interested in sharing what had happened between Chloe and me—I didn’t reveal there was any tension between us. “I’d like to make a special dinner for her, but I’m not a great cook.”
My sister’s lips parted in disbelief. “Oh, you really like her, don’t you?”
I nodded. There was no point denying it.
“Does she… Does she know what happened?”
“I told her.”
“And?”
“She doesn’t look at me any differently. She thinks what I did, defending you, was admirable.”
A huge smile spread across Danica’s face. “I love her already.”
“Chloe’s pretty spectacular.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. So, did you have something in mind that you wanted to make, or are you looking for ideas?”
“A little of both. I want it to feel special to her, but whatever it is, there’s got to be potatoes included somehow.”
“Potatoes?”
I shrugged. “They’re her favorite.”
Danica tipped her head to the side, her features softening. “You already know her favorite food. I’m so, so happy, Hawk. I never thought this day would come.”
“That makes two of us.”
Shifting her attention to her son in my arms, my sister said, “Can you believe it, Gus? Uncle Hawk has a girlfriend. This is the most exciting news ever, isn’t it, baby?”
Gus yanked on my ear with both hands and let out a shriek. I figured that was his way of celebrating the news.
“Let’s go to the kitchen,” Danica demanded. “I’ve got the perfect idea.”
With my nephew in tow, I followed my sister into the kitchen. Then she told me everything I’d need to know to make the perfect dinner for the girl of my dreams.
As I walked up to the cake shop the next afternoon, a woman was walking out. I held the door for her, allowing her to pass, before I stepped inside.
Kara, who’d been standing at the register, had noticed me enter, but Chloe had not.
She had her back to me as she struggled endlessly with that broken drawer and shared her frustrations with Kara.
“Like I was saying, I don’t want you to be worried that we’re going to have to shut down the shop in the next week or anything.
Things aren’t that bad yet. But they’re heading in that direction. ”
My body froze. Why would she have to shut down her cake shop? Had people already learned about me and made their opinions heard?
Kara shook her head at me before focusing on Chloe. “I’m not worried. Everything’s fine. Everything’s going to be fine. Now, I think you might want—”
“Everything is not fine, Kara,” Chloe declared. “If it had only been one incident, maybe I’d be inclined to agree with you. But there’s been multiple mishaps, and I fear I’m broken.”
Something twisted in my gut. Broken?
“You’re not broken. Now, if you’ll just—”
“Three! I’ve ruined THREE WHOLE CAKES! I under creamed the butter on the first, overworked the batter on the second, and completely forgot the leavening agent on the third.
This isn’t fine. Nothing is fine. It’s only by some miracle we have plenty of cakes in the freezer to keep us going for a bit.
” She let out a frustrated growl as she yanked roughly on the handle.
“And I hate this stupid freaking drawer!”
I’d never seen Chloe so frazzled before. As eager as I was to see a new side of her, I wasn’t quite sure this was the one I wanted to witness. She appeared to be hanging on by a thread, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her to reassure her.
Kara attempted to calm Chloe again. “I think you should—”
“I ruined it.”
The agony in Chloe’s voice had me unraveling.
“You didn’t ruin it. You haven’t even gotten the drawer open to get the piping bag and tip needed to start frosting this cake.”
“I’m not talking about that cake, Kara,” Chloe murmured. “None of this has been about any of the cakes. It’s me. I made the biggest mistake of my life with Hawk, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
An uncomfortable ache hit the center of my chest as I watched her head fall forward. Kara moved toward Chloe and reached out to remove Chloe’s hand from the drawer before opening it effortlessly on her own. “You should just talk to him. Apologize for whatever it is. I’m sure he’ll understand.”
Chloe lifted her chin and rasped, “I tried to do that as soon as I messed up. But it didn’t work. And he has every reason to be upset with me. I screwed up so badly, Kara. I just want to fix it. I miss him terribly.”
I couldn’t take it. The burn that hit my lungs was unbearable. I’d allowed three days to pass without reaching out to Chloe, because I’d been embarrassed, and she felt such remorse and regret. I had to stop her suffering.
“Sweetness,” I called softly.
Chloe spun around, her eyes wide and filled with tears as they landed on me. “Hawk?”
Kara reached into the drawer behind Chloe, grabbed whatever she needed, and said, “I’m going to take care of frosting this cake in the back. I prefer to work with the hum of the freezer in the background.”
Though Kara’s words penetrated—and I thoroughly appreciated her giving us some privacy—I couldn’t take my eyes off the beautiful woman in front of me. The stunning woman whose heart I’d clearly broken.
Once we were alone, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Chloe insisted with a shake of her head, her cheeks turning pink with shame. “You were right. I should’ve listened and stopped the first time you asked. I didn’t.”
“Chloe, it wasn’t your fault. I was there, too, and I was just as responsible.”
Surprise leaked onto her features, her perfect lips parting.
“I shouldn’t have allowed this much time to pass without talking to you about it,” I added. “I never should’ve walked out on you the way I did. I’m sorry, and I’d like to make it up to you.”
“You… What?”
“I’d like to have dinner with you tonight,” I told her.
“Dinner?”
My chin jerked down slightly. “Yes, sweetness.”
Her bottom lip trembled before she buried her face in her hands and broke down in tears.
Since hopping over the counter wasn’t an option, I allowed my feet to carry me as fast as they could around the display cases to her.
Then I wrapped my arms around Chloe, urging her face to my chest. Three days without her had been a cruel punishment in self-inflicted torture.
If it had felt that bad to me, I could only imagine what Chloe had endured.
It was clear she’d been beating herself up the entire time.
“Shhh.” I attempted to soothe her. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I screwed up,” she cried.
I kissed the top of Chloe’s head as I gave her a squeeze. “You didn’t. My pride got in the way, and I handled it poorly. I’m so sorry, Chloe.”
After a few minutes, she finally settled and looked up at me. “I missed you so much.”
Lifting my hand to the side of her face, I brushed away her tears with the pad of my thumb. “I promise never to take myself away from you like that again.”
Chloe sagged with relief and pressed her forehead against my chest as she inhaled deeply.
I massaged her scalp for a few beats. “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”
She didn’t move, just grasped my shirt tighter in her hands.
“Chloe, look at me.”
With what seemed the effort of a hundred men, she tipped her chin up to look at me. Questions, and something else, lingering in her eyes.
I gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I’d really like to have dinner with you tonight.”
Her voice was barely a whisper when she replied, “Okay.”
Until I got her answer, I hadn’t realized just how worried I’d been that she might not agree.
Never again.
Never would I handle something with her like this again.
It had been easy for me for years to shut down and pull away from people when I got upset.
But the uncertainty Chloe experienced toward me as a result was enough for me to know I had to change that line of thinking. I desperately wanted to hold on to her, and if I stood any chance of doing that, I couldn’t fall back on old habits.
My voice, soft and gentle, I said, “I’ll pick you up at your place at six.”
Chloe nodded her understanding.
Framing her face with my hands, I leaned forward and touched my lips to her forehead, allowing my lips to linger as I took in that feminine scent. The vanilla and floral fragrance that had become a craving for me.
When I pulled back, I stroked my thumbs over her cheeks and promised, “We’ll talk tonight, sweetness.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed roughly. “Okay, Hawk. Tonight, at six.”
“Six,” I repeated, hating that she hadn’t smiled once at me.
I’d have to rectify that tonight, too.